What would you do if your MIL only wanted to take your son ( her bio grand kid) but didn’t want to take/spend time with your daughter (step grand kid) she says she loves them both but my daughter sees the favoritism. She hurts becuse grandma never lets her over. MIL says she can’t handle her inside. That she’s too rowdy. But she wouldn’t let her over during summer when it was warm outside either. I feel for my daughter and I don’t know how to handle this. I told my MIL that my daughter sees taht she only wants my son and it upsets her and MIL just said she doesn’t know what to do. She also admitted previously that her family had always favored boys over girls.
Gma knows full well what she’s doing, could try daughter goes next ,if she comes back early, son doesn’t go .Or just stop visits,make sure hubby is on board or else you’ll have a different fight on your hands
My Mil takes my two daughters for a week each summer. She never takes my son because he is too busy. She tried but after one night returned him. She loves him but cannot handle him. I appreciate her honesty. We go places together and she comes to visit so she can still see my son.
I would say it’s both or neither. I call my family out if I feel like they are doing favoritism.
I’d say both or neither…that way both included and feel good or both stay home. Simple. Package deal. Period.
I’ve gone through a similar situation. Stand your ground. She either treats them both the same or she doesn’t see either of them. That isn’t fair. Especially if she claims to “love” them both so much… my mother in law has a LOT of grand kids. As soon as we put it into prospective for her and how the kids see it, she started trying to be better. If your mother in law cant try with both kids, I would end all contact.
Well it happens not much you can do. You have voiced your feelings on the matter. So take that time and build a great bond just you and your daughter love is love
Take turns or don’t let her take any
Don’t letson go over that’s what I did love both or none didn’t take long turn things around
I had family like that when my kids were younger (both biological there grandkids). I got to the point i told them that if they don’t wanna spend time with my one then the other doesn’t get to go, your not gonna play favorites!
My mom only takes my oldest and not my youngest they are both hers but what the heck?! It’s frustrating- I like the both or neither approach
Take both or take None. Whether the family tie is there or not, you don’t show siblings unfairness. Their bond is more important than any bond they’ll have with anyone else, don’t let someone ruin that.
We don’t do that. Both or none.
You take one you take all!
I get what everybody is saying taking both or neither but she might get treated bad over there too, if she does goes. Definitely talk with your mother in law or have your spouse talk to her. Making one feel left out isn’t right.
If it keeps on take the time to take your daughter out and spend it with making her feel special.
So ignorant… I’ve had similar situation, don’t let him go, THAT MIL is no good for any child. Bad behavior shouldn’t be rewarded, esp when it adults. Nuff said. Keep the kids together, they’ll remember that!! Make their time with you more fun, do what YOU CAN control. Good luck
You can’t take one, not the other.
For me is ok she might not be comfortable either. If she noticed that he didn’t want to wouldn’t take her.￼
If she has any negative feelings toward her for any reason I wouldn’t let her take her bc she would probably mistreat her out of resentment for you
My mother in law did the same thing and after I notices I told her she take them both or not at all. She changed real fast
Cat Hanson …what did you do?
She takes them both, or she takes neither… No discussion. If she can’t handle them together, then she’s welcome to visit with them in your home any time she wants.
You can’t have one and not the other, it’s just not fair
Take turns going to Grandmas, or Grandma comes to your house to visit.
Well talk to the dad an make it know it’s both or none
been dealing with it for 8+ years.
I would suggest you say, well
got to spend
time with you last time, then to be fair, it’s (daughter’s) turn
I would say it’s both or neither but I don’t even know if she should be around her. She could be mean to her.
Then she doesn’t get EITHER of them. It’s THAT simple!!!
Don’t let her take either of them then.
If the girl is to “rowdy” being thats why she won’t take her can grandma cone have sleepover at your house that way she can spend time with both
I have 3 and they either take all 3 or none. Unless of course someone doesn’t want to go then that’s different. That goes for both my parents and in laws.
Then she wouldn’t be spending any time
With my kids it’s all or nothing…I don’t allow people to do special treatment for any of them. I don’t care what relationship they think they have with my kids. They can either treat them all the same or they can get tf out of our lives.
I wouldn’t force her because she might treat her differently if she goes with your son people can be mean
I would tell her if she can’t take both then she takes neither one. If she doesn’t like it oh well
Personally I wouldn’t let one go without the other. Tell her she’s welcome to come watch them at your place or visit when you’re home to help too. The fact is it’s not right
As a step child who was most definitely treated differently… please don’t force it. It will only be worse.
I wouldn’t let her take my son. I mean is your daughter actually that rowdy. How old are these kids. My sisters mother in law’s family was like that too. They were biologically hers. It was all about the boy. In fact I even had to go pick my niece up 2 1/2 hours away because they told her she had to leave and they weren’t taking her home. It’s sad it really is.
I understand this so much. My mil never bought my daughter Christmas presents. I brought them for her .so sad
This is so sad I was always afraid of this so much so I didn’t have another child
Sorry but son can’t go then
It’s not a nice thing to be doing
Not sure how old your kids are but I would suggest to her that she try taking each one separately to spend time with.
I told my mother it’s all or none, not playing that game
I have health problems as a grand mother ,I can’t handle the younger ones 4 and under. And I can’t handle all the older ones at once
We had this problem with my MIL. My husband confronted her, the boys were young, she said I didn’t think they would want to go with her. The next time she took one of each. I had 2 boys, 4&7 ,so did the man I married. From then on every weekend she would take two, one bio and one step. Boys loved it.
I wouldn’t let her have either if she wasn’t willing to take both.
I know that this hurts your heart. I get it. Maybe she just doesn’t know what to do and can’t come right out and say that she feels helpless. Honestly, if she can’t handle your daughter, maybe it’s best that she doesn’t do it. I know that seems unfair. I’ve been where you are. All the other grandchildren are accepted, but yours aren’t. I get it and it sucks. Maybe have a talk with your mother-in-law? Maybe ask your husband to talk to her. But in the end, I wouldn’t want my child to be around someone who either doesn’t want to or can’t handle it.
I would tell her equal treatment or lose access to both period.
I would not allow either of my children over there. She can treat them equally or can’t see them at all
If she can’t go,NEITHER can he.
Stop her having him. She either takes both or none
Stop letting her take your son… if she can’t take both then she can’t take your son. Simple as that.
She wouldn’t take any then
Nope ! Don’t let her take one only! Both or not at all!
I don’t think you should punish the grandmother by keeping her grandson from her, her son is the one who married you and accepted your daughter as his but she don’t have too. And keeping her from her grandson would hurt him also. No one should ever use a child to punish someone else that’s just messed up
Either they both go or no one goes.
I had that problem with my ex and youngest daughter. he would never buy anything for he or take her with her sisters. His new wife gave him he-- for that all the time but he never changed
Then don’t let her take your son either. I think it’s totally disrespectful. She should never do that.
i’m sorry but favoriting boys over girls is kind of weird to me, and if you can’t accept your step grandkid/kid/whatever they may be, then you don’t get to accept any of them. byeeee!!!
Have her visit the kids at ur house so they both have time with GMA and ur there to supervise.if GMA continues to only favor ur son then cut off visits.I was a step child and my step grandparents were amazing with me.
Sometimes people have a hard time with step-family. I think people push to hard and make others feel they have to say they have no problem when in actuality, it’s hard for them. It’s okay to feel however you feel. She doesn’t have to love your daughter the same. It sucks, but that’s life. You also have every right to put your foot down and say if you don’t take both you don’t take either. However, I rather my kid with me then someone who’s shown those actions. Unfortunately the world isn’t fair. The grandmother is also entitled to how she feels.
Maybe they can take turns if she can’t handle them together.
So say it’s both or none of them at all. Period.
Not sure what I would do.
If it wasn’t the grandmother, and it was the dad - would you stop letting him take his biological kid if he didn’t want to take a child that’s not biologically his?
I’m not defending her behavior because she’s definitely a person for what she’s doing but not letting her take your son deprives him of knowing that side of the family.
Maybe you could plan special mother/daughter activities while he’s gone.
The favoring boys over girls is weird unfortunately alot of grandparents seem to favor kids. It’s heartbreaking. I’d have a conversation with my other half especially being it’s your MIL. Personally though, if your daughter has negative feelings about it, her mental and emotional health is more important than the feelings of the grandparent in my eyes. I don’t know the ages of the kids so that’s a bit tough (not that it really matters) but depending on I’d be honest and explain to them. I’d also be concerned that it will start having a negative effect on the siblings as well… do what you feel is best for your children and family regardless of your MILs feelings
K!ck MIL out of everyone’s lives
My MIL does this except her granddaughter is her biological granddaughter. I told her a long as time ago that if she wants one and never takes the other, she gets to see neither of them. Here we are 10 years later and it’s still no contact.
Take them both or take none. Bottom line.
Should be treated the same shame on her!
As someone that has NO Dogs in that Fight, I’m gonna be the Devils Advocate here and say this, Forcing someone to Take on YOUR child whom has clearly Expressed to You the child is Too Much for them to handle (apparently tried) By Denying them the child they Can handle Dosent say Favoritism is being played, Actually it says the opposite, It says that if you’re NOT gonna take MY child you can’t handle then I will LIMIT the relationship you will have with the child you CAN. Maybe the more PRODUCTIVE thing to do is ASK yourself What Behaviors Can be Corrected so She’s NOT Hard to Handle. Sounds to Me like Grandma has tried, and is being very NICE about her Refusing to keep your daughter. Denying Grandma the younger child bc she can’t Handle the oldest child Dosent benefit EITHER Child.
The petty in me says spoil grandpa or uncles with majority the gifts from kids and more expensive Christmas gifts but hers are simple hand nade/free or cheap… if she puts up a fuss…
You’re the one who said your family favors boys over girls so I’m only sticking to what you claim is tradition to keep it fair.
Honestly I wouldn’t let either go with her. I don’t want anyone who is going to do that to a child, around my children.
Yeah… I made that a point of you don’t have equal treatment then don’t bother.
I see a lot of moms say both or neither…you can’t make someone have feelings for another person’s child. It should by all means be natural. Otherwise the kids will know. My sons BM has a teenager from another relationship he’s a nice kid I’ve met him a few times. But I don’t take him or send gifts (he doesn’t live with the BM) he has other grandparents which he has a great bond with. This is hard because of so many blended family factors…maybe grandma feels like your daughter has other grandparents to idk. Personally I wouldn’t leave a child out that wanted to come. But you can’t force love or feelings. But outright expecting all family members to just embrace it or not seeing “their” grands is extortion
That’s horrible - that woman has no soul - shame on her - you never show favoritism between children. I have a step granddaughter & I would NEVER consider leaving her out.
It’s either both kids or none in my opinion.
I see this often, each time it makes my blood boil!!
My EX in laws were like this too. I refused to let my son be a pawn in that favor game. I do t want either one of them to learn that that behavior is ok at all… When I divorced they used that as the ‘reason’. she wasn’t really their ‘blood’ they SAID THAT OUT LOUD to her and me … now there is a court case and either one of the kids don’t have to be around that abusive behavior any longer.
I would talk to my husband about it.
I would stop all visits with the son. Make sure he’s Busy everytime she wants him. This is uncalled for.
Y’all are freaking wild lmao
Stop all visits with Grandma until grandma treats all equal it’s either both or none at all
I can’t imagine being that mean spirited to a little girl or boy. I loved my GDs to death. I gave them Tea Parties every summer when they were little. I also invited the girls in the neighborhood that the played with. I baked and made treats for the occasion and taught them tea etiquitte and they wore their princess dresses. It was memorable. Now they are teenagers and I’m giving the 2 seniors a luncheon around graduation. One DIL asked why a luncheon? I said it is the grown up version of a tea party. The girls are excited about it and will choose the menu. I made a sign saying welcome to the Luncheon. I will also make something for favors to all of the guests. My husband thinks it is too much work, but I do some cooking the day before. I had a luncheon when I graduated went to luncheons and loved them.
The problem with “both or none” is that daughter will likely not be treated like brother and if you’re not there, she can do it.
First thing you need to do is sit down and get on the same page with your husband. He needs to have your back (as well as your daughter’s). HE needs to tell his mother that you are not going to tolerate the favoritism. She needs to understand how she is hurting an innocent little girl. Maybe try a group outing with MIL, daughter and either you or your husband. Try and get a bond to start.
If MIL isn’t willing to try, then I would cut off individual visits with your son and MIL. I’m not suggesting that you cut her off completely, but limit it to family visits.
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. I’ve been so blessed with a MIL who treats her “inherited” grandkids the same as her bio grandkids
If she can’t take both then she takes neither of them. Or maybe say since you can’t handle your daughter then you will go with them to help out so they can only go when you can also.
Don’t let her have son anymore. You have to put your foot down or it won’t stop. I go through the same thing, my bonus son gets favored over my bio son. Drives me absolutely up the freaking walls, but the only way it will stop is if you put your foot down! Tell her she doesn’t get access to son unless she takes the daughter as well! Poor baby doesn’t deserve to be treated like that, and I’m not sure how old your kids are but that little girl will grow up to resent her brother because of it even though it’s not brothers fault.
Dont let her see any of them.
If she can’t do for both, then she shouldn’t do for either. Step or not, as an adult she should know what she’s doing is wrong. I lucked out, my (step)dad never treated my sister and I any different than his bio kids, not did he treat my son any different than his bio granddaughter
then she wouldnt be taking none n ur spouse should support tht aint no way id allow tht
Is it hard for her to take care of your daughter? Maybe she just can’t keep up with her and doesn’t want anything to happen to her? Maybe go with your daughter over there
Might not be right but I would not let the boy go either
I wouldn’t let my son go either.
Absolutely not. When my hubby came into my life I had a daughter from another relationship. From the MOMENT my MIL met her, she has treated her the exact same as my son (younger and bio grandson). With that being said, my daughters bio gramma (ex MIL) invites my son AND my daughter over. We are all going over there to carve pumpkins. Surround yourself with better people 🏻
My son would not be going over there
Next time she asks for your son I would say “You can take them both or you can take neither- I will no longer tolerate you hurting her feelings by leaving her out”
Tell her straight up, she either spends time with both, or none at all. But I would also be worried about her excluding your daughter if she did have them both over
That’s easy- she takes neither. I wouldn’t let her take both because I’d be afraid of how she would be towards your daughter, so neither. I feel so sorry for your daughter. That’s not right and that grown woman is hurting a child.
Don’t let her take either of them.
What does your husband say??
Stop letting her take your Son ,tell her take them both or none can go
I would never want to send my child where they’re not wanted…I would be so uncomfortable with that. And to play devils advocate what if your daughter is a bit too much for her to handle and she’s being honest? I’m not saying that’s absolutely the case, but just something to keep in mind.