I need some advice on how to kindly tell my fiancé’s mom to back off while still being respectful Last night my fiancé’s aunt stayed the night with my fiancé’s mom and us, me and his aunt were talking about our trip to Arkansas next month to surprise my fiancé’s cousin, well his aunt started joking around and was like well you aren’t coming with us. I said, well if I don’t go, my kid doesn’t go. Well, his aunt was like, oh, I mean obviously. My daughter doesn’t even let me take my granddaughter, and she’s three years old. Well, his mom was like no it’s okay we will just drug you and take Hazel grace with us. By the time you wake up, we will be in Arkansas already. I said yea and I WILL call the cops on you and press charges. She goes oh, I will just tell them that her dad gave me permission. I said Blake (my fiancé) would NEVER give you permission AFTER I said no. And she just laughed and goes yea that’s what you think; he’s my son. This completely pissed me off bc I took it as her basically saying that she would take my daughter whenever she wanted, and I couldn’t do shit about it bc HER son would just give her permission. First off, not no, but hell no, would he go against me on something like that. Well, today, we went to a little flea market type thing and a Festival of Lights they were having in town. We went to breakfast, and I had to make my girls bottle while trying to fight with her for her to calm down. Neither one of them asked me for help (mom &aunt). Then when we went to leave, they walked out without even waiting for me to put my girl in her car seat or anything. I had to carry her car seat AND her diaper bag bc his mom decided that I didn’t need help. Well, after that, his aunt got her granddaughter, so I understand that she has to take care of her, but his mom completely ignored Hazel Grace and me to be with his aunt and her granddaughter. She held her pretty much all damn day long but hardly said two words to Her own granddaughter, and I know this is going to seem stupid, but it really upset me!
Ew, I’d be distancing myself from that mess. I’d slap ANYONE who threatened to kidnap my child. Jokingly or not.
Personally I think you mil was teasing about taking your daughter and was said in jest. My family sometimes says things that are out there just to tease. Don’t be too sensitive
Dont engage in power struggles. You are mom and what you say goes. Sounds petty and childish to suggest drugging someone and taking their kid. Rise above and walk away.
A situation that escalated rapidly, then carried over to another day.
Learning to respond instead of reacting would’ve been helpful.
Life’s too short.
Girl. Learn to take a joke. If you wouldn’t have kept going on and on she wouldn’t have either.
If you need help, open your mouth and ask for it.
As far as the drugging situation…your husband needs to address it with his mother, but as a family
That doesn’t sound stupid. I’d be spending much less time with her in the future and I’d have your fiance talk to his mom and tell her what’s up because what she said was horrible and wrong.
If it’s not dad or you no one else is allowed to take your child without your permission damn !! And they way they acted ? I would of kicked them to the curve along time ago !!!
Move out. Go to a shelter if you must. They don’t respect you or your boundaries. Why don’t you have your own place? Your bf should have stood up for you.
It’s your kid why would she have to help carry her out… lol but i wouldn’t be around someone threatening to drug me MIL or not. Y’all sound crazy.
It was a joke! Like she’s really gonna drug you and steal your child!!?? Lighten up!
Stop hanging out with them. Make sure you and your fiance are on the same page. And you are a tough mom, you can carry a diaper bag and a carseat, we all do it. Wait until you have 3!
Sounds like you all started out playing and you got upset by it. Now grandma has backed off ( which is something I would have done) and now you’re complaining about that. Chill out.
You are fighting imaginary battles. If you know your man would stand up to her… let it go… unless you really have reason to believe that she would commit a few felonies just to take your daughter on a trip- you are being ridiculous. And if you do believe that- why the hell are you living with her?
Ok… so I get them joking … but I think they took the ish way too far by how they presented it. I’d be pissed tf off too. In my opinion you should talk to your fiance about your feelings towards it , and take a break from them for a bit …
It may or may not have been a joke, none the less she shouldn’t have said it. It shows she has no respect for her as the mother of her grandchild. Your fiance needs to have a talk with his mother. I have never had to ask for help when my kids were babies, everyone always grabbed their carseat and them while I carried the diaper bag. I’m small so carrying even a newborn in a carseat is hard for me. You shouldn’t have to ask for help but if no one helps and you need it, don’t hesitate to ask.
Yeah no. Just her going so far to explain HOW she would take my kid? Lmfao it’ll be a while before shes allowed to see my kid without a sincere apology. And only supervised. Shes mental that one.
Id tell her that even though shes his mum and that she will always have a special place in his heart, the family he made with you will always be priority.
She was joking I am sure and you took it way too personal. To me you acted like you are the only person that matters in that little girls life and that daddy didn’t even have a say in his own child. You acted like a snob IMO and then expected them to help you and cater to you by waiting for you… after you treated them like shit basically think about that for a moment. A mother who disregards daddy and his family and won’t even let them take the child without mommy hovering over expects help holding a diaper bag and expects them to love on and hold the child all day.
Depends on if she’s actually crazy enough to do it. You know this lady, we don’t. My mother in law used to say “you better give my grandbaby some booby or I’ll just have to hold you down and whip it out myself.” Obviously she was joking, but telling someone who doesn’t know her it could be misconstrued to her being crazy.
Just ignore her. Hopefully those aren’t real names of your family members though.
Sounds like you got a little sensitive and she started pushing your buttons for shits and giggles… and it worked apparently lol.
So what is the question?
I believe it was a joke and like you said your husband wouldn’t go against you.
My child isn’t allowed out of state with out me because of emergency reasons if I wouldn’t get there quick enough.
As far as the help thing its common sense to ask for it if you need it but since the day my daughter was born I was able to carrier her her carseat and diaper plus some bymyself.
If your mIL is being petty let her be it by herself
I’d be the bitch saying well he picked me. Try me with my kids!
Wow yeah that’s not a joke and it sure as hell isn’t funny. She’s telling you, you don’t matter… Listen and stop hanging around her. I’d suddenly be busy anytime in the future after this. Make sure your fiance is with you on this.
First of all she’s not your mil second she was probably joking
I think they were joking.
Wow Im sorry BUT I wouldnt trust her!
Sounds like a joke and you got butt hurt.
Why do you hang out with them? If you find them toxic, there is no reason to get into these mind wars.
Ok, so you do realize it’s a hypothetical scenario? Granted it’s a very strange one.
Sounds like they were having a joke with you precious. Lighten up princess
Seriously you sound like my sister in law
I would NEVER TRUST THEM.
This is crazy. Of course she was joking.
But then…I see all these comments with everyone agreeing with the OP.
She probably didnt help you do shit today bc of how you reacted to a joke last night.
Sounds like you both ended up taking the joke too far. At the same time, it felt like the mom and aunt were kind of asking for it by singling you out and teasing that you werent invited to begin with. Then escalating to teasing about taking your kid… Then the ultimate battle- the power struggle, where mom said her son would take her side and you said he wouldnt.
It all got out of hand quickly. You dont like being left out, teased, or jest about someone over ruling your decisions about your child.
And she doesnt like that she has no control over her son or grandchild and that she is outranked by you when it comes to them.
It could do damage to the relationship if you dont try to mend it. Try to empathize with her as a mother and let her know you understand that its got to be hard to raise a human and then have someone else come along and be such a big part of their lives. But let her know that jokes about taking your child are not funny, and your mama bear will cone out everytime and ask if she can try to understand that as a mother.
Joke or not, not ok imo
I get told that all the time. I kno it’s not true and they’d turn right around and give her back lol. It’s all in fun.
I’m sorry but who would just joke about drugging you and then taking off with your daughter? I’d be very cautious around her if I were you.
I’m sorry but LMFAO. It definitely sounded like the joke just went too far, and you really complained that you had to carry the carseat & babybag on your own lmao… What do you do when your out alone? I’m a mom of 4 I carry 100 things at once and probably would grab one more if my kid asked me to:woman_shrugging:
Sounds lovely a light hearted joke turned into a power slinging match… you all need to chill a bit
Sounds like she’s a bitch! Sorry
So you’re pissed you had to carry a car seat and a diaper bag? Wow, must feel good to be entitled.
Y’all took the joke too far. Meaning you lol. Should of laughed and let it go. Don’t make trouble where there is. I’d let my mom take my kid I don’t typically even be friends with people I don’t trust. Family included
She has discovered how to get a rise out of you. Now that she can do it, she’ll never quit. The next time she starts, just smile and remind her to comb her hair if your child ever comes up missing. So she’ll look gold in the mugshots when you have her arrested for kidnapping, felony assault, and Mann Act violation. If she ever tries, go straight to the law with her legal name, birth date, driver’s license number, and all the identity info, including a recent pic.
That’s the day mother in law could catch a ass whoopin and a kidnapping charge. Don’t EVER leave your kid with her.
I don’t get why so many of y’all said she should laugh or just move on from the “joke”. What the hell is so funny about threatening to drug someone and kidnap their kid?
Y’all wouldn’t be laughing if she said someone drugged and raped her now would you? No. So stop.
The one thing I need to laugh about is you saying I had to carry her car seat AND her baby bag. I mean seriously? Lol I was a single mother. Held both and opened the door and did it all lol stop.
On the other thing. Make sure she knows that she would get arrested. Fuck that.
PETTY learn to take a joke.
Joke back and say how cute shes gonna look in handcuffs for child kidnapping
I’m sorry but I’m reading what you wrote I took on there side they where joking… but I have a sense of humor… Maybe the relize you got your feelings hurt and didn’t want to cause more stress so just kept ed there distance. This is going to be your mil. If you don’t like her sense of humor I would rethink marring into the family. If husband is close to his family it will end the relationship in the end. Just like your babies mama that is his mama.
Joke or not they don’t like her. I hope she always keeps the fact that they tolerate her in mind.
I don’t know them, but it sounds like they were just teasing you in good fun. People always tease cute little itty bitties that they are just going to take them home with them. Lol I think maybe you just took it wrong. Of course I don’t know if you have a good relationship or not, but that is what it sounds like to me.
She’s clearly psycho and even if she was kidding, she egged you on to get you upset. She’s toxic. Set stern boundries now. Make sure you and your child’s father are on the same page about whom has say about your kids.
There’s always some truth to “jokes” your mother inlaw sounds passive aggressive as f***. I wouldn’t even entertain her B.S, a simple “no means no, let’s get that’s straight” and leave it there. She sounds like someone you won’t want to give too much time to be around. Focus on your little family, let your fiancé know his mother is trifling and that if she ever disrespects your boundaries, there will be consequences. That’s how you deal with a rude mother inlaw like that!
Aww u had to carry ur own shit:woman_shrugging: and btw u started the freaking joking and couldn’t handle it when it was thrown back at u
Grow up. You sound like a great big glass of DRAMA. Must be real fun to be around you.
Whether she was joking or not. It obviously hurt your feelings. It hurt you enough to write something on here about it. You both need to chill out. You need to have a one on one chat with her. You were ganged up on, by Future mil and this Aunt. Not cool. Tell her all joking aside, your feelings were hurt. You felt that she ignored you the rest of the day. Didn’t give you time to put your child in her carseat, make a bottle or whatever…
Btw, NO is an answer. You don’t have to follow it up with a reason why.
Even if she was joking, that’s not something to joke about. You should never joke about drugging a mother and kidnapping her kids. That’s fucked
She sounds like an instigator.
Yes sounds like you took her too seriously. As long as you know your fiancé always has your back ( as he should ) I think you are over reacting and the not helping was probably an oversight .My son is a huge mammas boy but I would never expect him to chose me over his wife ,I however go out of my way to not put him in that position
She’s toxic. Doesn’t respect you or boundaries. I’m sorry you have to deal with that.
Wow, some people lack reading comprehension. Your soon to be mother in law threatened to drug you amd kidnap your child. Given your reaction I would say you don’t have a relationship where she can say that jokingly, which makes it seem aggressive ESPECIALLY when she then follows up with she can do it and you cant do shit because her son will lie for her!
I think you and your fiance need to have a serious discussion and see a therapist about setting up healthy boundaries with her.
If you didnt see that as a joke then why be around her after that? If you feel someone threatened you, whether in a joking manner or not then stay away from them!
I’d have been upset too even if they were so called joking
In my opinion, whether what the fiancés mom said was meant as a joke or not she went too far. Part of it depends on the relationship you have with your future MIL. If you were close with her and she said that and you knew she was joking, maybe you could laugh about it. It doesn’t seem like that sort of situation. It definitely sounds like she is trying to be controlling/start a power struggle with you. she was trying to upset you, and I don’t think you are wrong for being angry. Also, yeah you could carry your own stuff, but it would still have been nice if your MIL would have waited for you/ offered to help/spent time with her granddaughter. Seems like this is about more than just this incident, and that there’s a strained relationship there in general. I’d sit down with her and tell her how you feel, tell her that her comments upset you, draw some boundaries.
Teasing or not, it’s not ok for them to even talk about kidnapping your child. Have your fiance talk to her. If she has issues with you then I’d rethink the relationship
She’s a bully, and she’s a trouble maker. She’s trying to make you feel uncomfortable there’s no other reason for someone to say that. I wouldn’t hangout because honestly it doesn’t sound like she’s very caring and probably isn’t a fan of you for some reason (might not be anything you did).
Honestly it sounds like she has no respect for you and the way you choose to take care of your daughter. And her not wanting to hold or spend time with her was her way of getting back at you. Don’t let her treat you like that! You’re her mom, not you’re MIL. And if she dont like it, she knows where the door is.
How dare they expect you to carry your own child AND your own diaper bag?!
I’d throw hands but that’s just me
Oh boy. A trouble maker and a wet blanket.
If I were Blake, I’d drug you both and take Hazel to Arkansas for a well earned vacation from your nonsense.
Sounds like you need to get away from you and your daughter and cut her out of your life
Just an FYI I love your daughters name!! Reminds of the fault in our Stars!! But yeah I would not be ok with that at all!! It could’ve been a joke but I wouldn’t see it that way!! I would definitely tell your fiance and probably would limit my time around her!
It’s only the beginning! Wouldn’t marry into that!!
Shes just tring to piss you off. Do better than her. Show her she isnt shit
Your fiance’s mother is not your MIL
Run Run / 95 percent of mil suck I never once put up with any shit from the get go they will walk on you like old shoes I kid you not this is when you really find out how much you partner truly loves you
If you KNOW your fiance wouldn’t let his mother take your child without permission, THEN LET IT GO. She’s trying to get under your skin a bit it sounds like, hard to tell because you seem overly sensitive about anything to do with her. Don’t treat her like she’s not to be an involved grandparent and then boohoo for help when she doesn’t want to jump in and help you after such a comment. Maybe you should have stopped, and ASKED for someone to help you carry the car seat. Not a huge deal.
Shes sounds like a cunt lol
Lock down the granny visits tell she realizes her place and respects yours
You’re being annoying. It was a joke but clearly there’s some underlining issues so be an adult and stop the passive aggressive shit.
.You need to have a very serious talk with your fiance because this could turn into false CPS accusations up the wazoo if Grandma is in any way serious. If your fiance is not willing to listen to your concerns, then I would take that as him saying that he would give his mother permission as she claimed he would and leave the relationship.
My Ex-MIL threatened to take my child and as a result of her son not keeping his word to me, I have been dealing with false CPS reports in 2 counties with a minimum of 9 false accusations and 3 years of custody disputes.
Trust your gut mamma bear. I didn’t and have been dealing with major repercussions that may last a lifetime.
I have custody now and CPS has not bothered me for 3 of the 9 false reports. Keep doing what is right and CPS will be on your side. They do not want to take your kid if reports are made. Make sure you have a job, vehicle, and get into counseling if you aren’t already in it. That will protect you greatly.
Idk where your at, but here in Arkansas, it’s a mother’s state and if yall aren’t married, he has NO LEGAL RIGHTS AT ALL. Including giving any family members permission to leave the state.
Well that blown quickly. You need to sit down and talk it out with everyone and a mediator
Joking or not I would give her a piece of my mind.
I could give legal advice but my head hurts from trying to get the point of the run on story…however trying to dissect it…you don’t want her to take her on a trip without you, her threat of drugging you was tasteless, your fiancé needs to man up, and you’re mad she didn’t help you. So… help or no or just pissed?
It sounds like… You need to either put your foot down or have him talk to his mom. And since she’s ignoring her granddaughter, I wouldn’t want her around my child period.
Sounds like your husband needs to have a talk with his momma.
I would be be mad if my daughters dad or my boyfriends mom said something like that to me, like joking or not i dont think its okay to say.
Sounds like she’s trying to make it her way or the highway. In which case I would explicitly have your fiance tell her that he agrees and that its not only not okay but to treat you like drugging you is an acceptable thing to say stops now. That statement alone expresses why allowing your child to be alone with her ever is not an option. She’s immature.
Learn to take a joke or learn to speak up when you have a problem. Simple as that.
This page really has the wrong title !
I’m sorry you are going through this.
It sounds like a joke and you are just pissed that she said it.
Happy Thanksgiving, that is all I have to say to you
Tell her ye its gonna be funny watching u go away in handcuffs for child kidnapping
I feel like it was supposed to come off as a joke and you blew it up
And you are NOT the only one who makes decisions for that child. Her father does too
Yes i have thoughts on the situation. Explain to her that it will happen over your dead body