Hey there! I am a mom to an 11 boy and a 13-year-old girl. They love each other so much, but they simply don’t ever stop arguing, fighting, and simply always being rude to each other… my boy suffered from anxiety issues ever since 1st grade, slowly grew out of it… but this quarantine made the anxiety worse. My girl knows and understands, but it is simply too much for her most of the time. I want to help! I tell them what to do, what not to do, what to say, and not to say to help give them a bit of peace… but nothing helps. I’m running out of time and options. I was an only child; I never had this issue! Please advise.
Good luck. My girls are 16 and 14 and fight and be rude to each other all the time no matter what i tell them 🤦
I have 5. 4 boys 1 girl and they are always arguing over the the most silly things sometimes, as annoying as it can be it’s a normal part of having siblings.
Maybe some family counseling?
My brother and sister are like this usually they just need some time apart to start missing eachothe again a weekend at the cousin’s helps alot take your time to hang with each one separately and then yall do something together fun loud and active it’ll make the minds start feeling differently when they are around each other
Play a game with them. See who can go the longest without saying anything to each other. Play it out as long as you can but don’t let them know what you’re doing.
My sister and i were this way and we still are even though we are 22 and 25 years old now. My boyfriend and his siblings do the same. Its just a sibling thing but you could try grounded them when they dont want to listen to you, it somewhat helped with us
I tell mine to shut it lol
I have 3 kids with varying degrees of anxiety (different reasons for each kid) I’ve always told my kids they are not allowed to pick on or bully each other. They can kid around and tease a little. They are not allowed to push each other to the point of tears. They are not allowed to use each others’ anxiety against them. And good old fashioned…if one of you gets in trouble, everyone gets in trouble. Y’all lose your privileges of phone and computer use, no friends over, go nowhere.
It’s what works in our home
Continue to have dialogue with them it’s a lot but I had the same problem with my girls and it has improved. Also I think when one went to their grandmothers house and the other stayed home, they cried for one another after a while. It did make them appreciate each other’s presence after that.
It’s just what siblings do . I grew up as the baby of 3 and I have 3 . And trust that being locked up is most of the problem.
Honestly it’s what siblings do! My oldest boy is 13 today an my youngest boy is 11 an they fight an argue all day everyday. I can speak to them till I am blue in the face. Until they learn to come to an agreement with one another they will continue to argue an fight about everything.
My daughter is 9 and my son is 10. They are best friends but they get after eachother bad at times. Its normal. They will grow out of it. Im second to youngest out of 8 kids. We all did this growing up even though we were all best friends. Its a sibling thing.
It doesn’t have to be just what they do, I have 5 kids and they are not allowed to be rude to each other they aren’t allowed to fight. They try to and I squash it. I make them treat each other with respect and courtesy, the trick is you have to get pissed. I look at it like this I don’t care if they are siblings. That’s my kid they are talking to. If it was an outsider treating ur kid like that would you tolerate it. That’s how I handle it. I tell the one being rude, “ you can not talk to my son/daughter like that I won’t have it. I would never let anyone talk to you like that and I damn sure ain’t gonna let anyone talk to him/her like that. They understand that and it works I asked my teenage son if he would go to someone else’s house and treat their kids like that, he said no. I said because their parents would flip out on him. I said well I’m their parent and I’m flipping out. It’s disrespectful to me when anyone treats my kid bad and that’s includes them I don’t allow it and my kids don’t fight they talk to each other and they talk to me and we resolve the issues
I have a 15 yo girl and a 10,11,and 12 year old boy and it never stop. Argue constantly and fight to kill
My children fight/argue/bicker all day long. Generally, once they start, I make them have some ‘independent time’ where they each chose a separate activity, and do it away from each other. Once they have calmed down, I try and set up an activity they can do together. I know they atent as monks as yours, but maybe worth a shot? Hope you get some peace. X
Coming from the only girl and youngest its what siblings do. Me and my brothers fought constantly. We grew out of it, well some of it we still argue, but at the end of the day we still love each other and will be there for each other. Over time it will calm down a little. Just gotta wait it out.
Siblings fight I have all girls and they all fight
Let them work it out…one or both can walk away. The only thing i would do is make sure they both know when one walks away…the other leaves them alone. It takes 2 to argue.
I split mine up most of the time because I hate listening to it.
This is why they have separate rooms. Lol
But I do Have to say now at 11 and 12 they get along better than they used to.
Ever heard of the get along shirt. Get a very very large shirt and ever time they get in a fight stick him in that same shirt and make them sit there for 15 minutes.
Hell my dad used to threaten to give us boxing gloves and toss us in the yard. Lol
Send them to their rooms.problem solved
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Siblings argue and fight all the time. It’s very normal. And this quarantine did not help. I’m 29 and my brothers are 31 and 22. Me and my younger brother argue at times but I’ll still kill for him and we don’t hold grudges. It’s just a sibling thing. Try getting a board game like the game of Life or monopoly. Me and my brothers loved playing board games growing up it was a lot of fun. Make snacks and play as a family.
Siblings me and my little sis fought alot and now my 2 boys fight all the time I usally have to separate them in separate rooms till they cool down they are 10 and almost 4 the 4 year old knows how to push his older brothers buttons and get him screaming it’s a mess
Love seeing others go through this also. My son is 12 and daughter is 7 and lord help us all when we are all in the car together. Most of the time we let them fight it out but occasionally we intervene not that it really help when they are back at it a couple hours later lol. I try to remind myself though sometimes it is hard that one day I’m gonna want the fighting and noise back in my house when the are gone to college and have families of their own.
I have a horde of children with various challenges and I end up with fights. These are things that have helped me. Make time for each individually. Even if it’s just walks because the world sucks some time just for them to discuss whatever. Make sure they both have their own safe. An area that is just their even if it’s just a shelf that they can put their special things no one else is allowed to touch. Then there is meditation. You can find guided meditation on just about anything on YouTube. Some of mine even like the ones for sleep.
I’m the “Golden Rule” mom Every time my kids start fighting, I remind them to treat each other the way they want to be treated. Would you want anyone to speak to you that way? No? Then you don’t speak to anyone that way. Would you want your sister to hog the (toy, game, remote, whatever) for such a long time and not give you a turn with it? No? Then you don’t hog it and deny her a turn.
Usually works pretty well. Then it’s tears and hugs and apologies and they’re best friends again.
Its kids. They fight. They argue. No hitting. I stopped it quick by telling them if there is hitting, then I get to hit them all. Happened 1 time and they learned I was serious.
At that age my brother and I fought constantly. Hated each other. We’re 2 years apart as well (he’s older). Most times we just did our own thing and tried to stay away from each other. But when we were 13 and 15 we found a common interest and it turned into many common interests and suddenly we’re best friends. I remember my mom telling me “some day your father and I will be gone and you two will only have each other”. Right now they might just be at an age that there’s not much you can do but protect and correct. But you might be able to help them find common interests to bond over.
My sister and I are 8 years apart, big age difference and we were always fighting and now we are really close, I think this is something siblings do.
Unfortunately that’s just how siblings are, I’m second oldest of 6 and I fought with all but the 2 youngest because there is such a big age difference. I have 3 girls 9, 5, and 3 and they also fight all the time. They love each other dearly but the 9 year old gets annoyed with the little ones because she is at a different stage and the other two fight because they share a room and argue over what to do, etc.
My brother and I are 4 years apart. We still fight. We really do have somewhat clashing personalities. We love and support one another and no matter what, you best believe that if someone did something to one of us the other would put that person down. Personally I feel with older sisters they just have a struggle with feeling maternal and just being a sister and they don’t know how to differentiate between the two. At least I’ve figured it was that way for me, and he just always thought I was bossy. I remember as young as 6 my mother telling me that she was the mom and not me.
Rule when mine were little…If you fight…you clean. If I hear you continue to fight while you clean…you clean outside. They might not stop…but your house and yard look nice.
It’s a phase and remember we are all living in unprecedented times where we are all living with more stress than is normal. Sit down as a family and talk about how you can all help each other to cope better. Maybe a family games session, film night etc where phones etc are banned. Good old fashioned communication
When my kids would fight, I did one of two things. Make them hold hands and tell each other they love them. Or make them go outside and argue for an hour. I didnt want to hear them. Lol. I listened in one time, and they were arguing over what to argue over. Lol. It was so funny. They didnt argue or fight inside anymore. If they did, they would have to take it outside. Good luck
My brother and I are 4 years apart. We loved eachother very much as children but we fought like crazy, as well. Sometimes just playing separately might help . I always went to bed in his room at night because I felt safe, no matter how much we fought. We are both grown up now and we still argue, but we always say I love you at the end of our conversations and would do anything for the other. Keep your head up.
I separate my girls, they are 18 months apart, 9 and 11 right now. Still they always get back to the other and complain they miss each other when they are apart for too long:sweat_smile: I didn’t really fight with my brothers when I was younger cause Im a loner and preferred to be alone
keep your boy with you at all times and protect him from your daughter. not trying to be funny but that’s how my mom raised me and my little sister whenever we fight and argue she take my little sister under her wing and I’d be the odd kid out after a while is going to get to the oldest daughter and she’s going to start being nicer to her little brother.
My 9 and 13 year olds fight like that too. Continuously. They may have 1 good day where they aren’t at each other’s throats. When it gets to be too much I separate them they each go in their rooms and take a break from each other. I tell them when they are ready to apologize to each other and talk things out they can come out. Sometimes its 10 minutes other times it’s a whole day of them not talking to each other. It’s hard to be cooped up like this. When they had school they had a break from each other now they don’t. I want to note that I don’t punish and the sending them to their own rooms is to give everyone a minute to calm down, take a breath and have some space. I only punish them if the fighting becomes physical. I try to allow them to work it out and try to step in before the fights turn physical. Good luck mom it’s frustrating. I’m right there with you.
Teach them to fight fair. Monitor the outcomes. Make sure the lessons they are teaching one another do not scale in one direction. Compromises and agree to disagree is part of sibling understanding of the outside world. You get to argue with someone who lives with you and loves you but will tell you straight up what is right or wrong in their eyes. Teaching one another to see from the other person’s perspective.
The hug shirt i swear it works. Find a big enough shirt to put them in &say they will stay there until they get along it worked for mine
Same here but my son is 14 and my daughter is 11. Constant bickering when they are together. I call them an old married couple. When they are separated, they are fine. They both have their own rooms and own friends so that keeps the bickering down. I think it is just a normal phase of life. They will grow our of it (sort of). Patience is key.
I would try letting them figure it out between themselves. It kind of sounds like there is some micromanaging going on which I personally don’t think helps. My siblings and I solved disputes between us for the most part and it helped us learn a lot about conflict resolution.
Stop getting involved, as long as they aren’t killing each other you’re good… my brother and I used to have knock down, drag out fights fighting is just what they do, you bowing out helps them learn to resolve it on their own
My brother and I are 36 and 32 and we still fight and argue everytime we see each other haha I love him to death but he pisses me off faster than anyone. It’s a sibling thing. Not sure there is a whole lot that can be done to stop it…
I’ve started telling my bs and stepson to stop being quarrelsome, they asked what it meant and I explained it’s nonsense fighting. It’s a habit and it becomes a bigger personality flaw if it continues. I make them say ten good things about each other if I catch them arguing over nonsense.
Yes true it is normal for sibling squabbles but this situation we all are in is not normal…
I love the humor in the comments. A sense of humor great for you to cope. I loved Bebe Vega comment and idea because it is funny and teaches to have a sence of humor…
Now what I have done in my home is make sure each one has thier own personal space. Do they have their own bedrooms? I agree that you need to do something for the child that suffers anxieties. That changes the ideals that sibling rivalry is normal… Pay more attention to their actions to be ready to defuse a squabble before it can agitate the one that suffers the anxiety because you can’t take this lightly or treat as normal…
My boys are also always at each other with this lockdown. So I organised headphones for everyone so that we can have our “alone” time. Doesn’t ALWAYS help but sometimes it does.
My sister’s and I hated each when were young like we got physical but now we are best friends. I think it’s kinda normal. You can try to teach them stuff to help when they get into it. Like walk away and breath ,maybe have them write stuff down so they can share their feelings easier.
My oldest is 10, he and my 6yo both have some anxiety, older boy has adhd also. We have a new set up where each boy gets an hour of alone time, uninterrupted by parents also. They can go outside, stay on, play games, read, art, whatever within reason. They pick the hour, so once they get overwhelmed they’re set free to be alone and unwind. My oldest took his at 11am today, my 6yo hasn’t used his yet but so far, it helps them separate and deescalate
My boys are 7 and 4 they fight daily been told by other people who have siblings its normal and they will eventually grow out of it. I’m a only child as well, so this is new to me.
I wonder what would happen if you separated them all day, for week. One eats at this time, the other at another time, etc. This would be complicated and hard on you, but after a week, they might miss each other!
My brother and I are 4 years apart. We fought like crazy when we were young. He even broke his hand on the back of my head
By the time I reached high school we’d still fight but he came to me for everything; questions and things changing. I’m 32 and he’s 28 now, and we’re great. We see each other when we can and always say “I love you”. He calls me for advice about his kids since mine are older and I’ve gone through that age already. Things will get better, I think every sibling fights. They’ll figure it out.
When my two boys started this… pretty much the same age… I got them into puzzles and did them with them. Every time they would argue… I simply said that they best stick together because they are going to be best friends one day… cuz they’re family. I believe it’s just a stage they go through. My boys are all grown now and are fine. Puzzles take a lot of time and helped my boys bond.
My mama raised 8 of us. 6 boys 2 girls…you can imagine the fights:joy:i raised 2 boys 21 months apart in age…it was a fight daily…they are 19 and almost 18 and still bicker but when it comes down to trouble they ALWAYS have each other’s backs in all situations. That’s what matters. I know the bickering gets old but it’s what siblings tend to do. Try giving them a day away from each other. For the boys anxiety try talking to the Dr about cbd oil for kids. It truly helps anxiety. Good luck though you’re gonna need it…the teenage years are awesome:unamused:. Buy lots of wine and lock yourself in the bathroom for a hour or so just don’t drink all your supply up at once. I’ll be praying for you. Ya gotta laugh about it at some point or you’ll go insane.
One thing I did was, kept them completely apart for an entire day. They missed each other at the end of the day!
I have no advice. My brother is 4 years older than me and we fought from day 1.
Now a days we text each other on birthdays / holidays and thats it /:
Its normal, if i spent too much time with my brothers now, I think we’d still get into it:rofl: i have 4 boys, its constant, the latest in my house is my 5 year old has a carry on if my 14 year old goes near him or looks at him, so naturally my 14 year old pokes him or sits next to him just to torment him. Siblings
It’s a kid thing. Mine fuss and argue all the time, but thay have each other’s backs above everything else. A lot like me and my sister did. Quarantine is just making it worse. Everyone is just over it, frustrated, isolated. They will be ok. Just threaten to lock them in a room together until they love each other and can get along.
My girls still fight off and on but they truly love each other and are there for each other if they ever need each other. They are 17 and 14. When the fighting gets to bad I simply hand out chores
I have an older brother and we hit our teen years it was hell. We fought all the time. It is just siblings and age
Teens. and the basic
Male /female relationship
They will mist lijely griw out of it
As they mature and grow
We did my siblings and I
Best friends miw
When it got really bad here they had to take turns being in the general public area of the house. Child A gets the first hour and has to go to their room for an hour while Child B gets the second hour and then they go to their room. Back and forth and back and forth. So they were totally separated non stop all day long. Soon they get over that crap and they learn to bite their tongue to avoid fighting so they don’t have to be stuck in their room half the day.
My dad always told my older sister and I to fight nice and if he heard us, the sibling would be the least of our worries. We hashed it out together on our own and now 10 years later were best friends
Mine are 5 & 9 and they argue all the time. I was a only child so I never had to deal with this. Biggest issue is the 5 year old wants to do everything the 9 year old does & that annoys the 9 year old
My older were fighting quite a bit through this covid stay at home order. Since it’s starting to lift I let them go out on bike rides almost daily they have been doing better since being able to get out a bit.
I just go tell my kids to fight somewhere i cant hear it and if someone hurts the other i also dont want to hear because i already told them one to many times not to do it, and they dont want to listen…they eventually get it…(age 10, 9 and 7)
When I hear arguments start I just exit the vicinity quickly. Siblings are gonna fight over nonsense until the end of time. They learn to work it out.
They’re being normal siblings of that age. With all this covid crap, maybe mobile or online counseling so they understand they’re not alone and it’s okay to worry just not over worry.
Welcome to motherhood of multiple children! It is completely normal!
My girls did that to. We found out the resolved thing easier when we just left them alone to work it out and refused to referee. Without us to run to the quickly learned to work through stuff faster. We are still there when really needed but we try to stay out of their squabbles as much as possible.
My mom would hand us 2 liter soda bottles and tell us to hit each other. When we would refuse she would tell us to stop fighting then. It would help some. She also sent us out to run around the tree in our front yard to burn some excess energy.
It depends on the cause of the fighting. Are they trying to get your attention or get you to take sides? Are they bored and consciously and or unconsciously teying to get you to redirect them with a parent-proctored activity? Are they fighting over resources? Is one tired or hungry? Is one a bully or manipulating the other? Once you have some idea of what generates most of the fights, you can come up with strategies to prevent them. Help them come up with fair and reasonable family rules. Separate them and have them spend time coming up with better options and do it as a play. The key is to break it up, separate them, and make sure they spend some time thinking about a solution themselves. It takes practice to know how to solve problems or entertain yourself with behaviors other than fighting. Kids aren’t born knowing this. They learn by thinking and practicing.
I’m 57 yrs old. When I fought with my brother my mom would threaten to knock us into next year if we don’t quit fighting… kinda wish she was here to actually knock me into next year with my kids, I made them realize how their words hurt and to find something good about the other…
So sit your child down one at a time & have them write what is good about their siblings… you need to be stern! Your child needs to understand that the hitting and arguing hurts feelings. Yes they probably would fight again. Grab that sheet of paper and start reading what they wrote! If they get mad & tried to deny that, remind them that mama doesn’t like liars!
Thats a hard time for both of them. Puberty makes kids bitchy. Make sure you give them separate safe spaces to avoid the other when they’ve had enough of each other, but enforce it strictly. Don’t invade the other’s safe space without permission or grounding/loss of privileges or however you punish them.
Eventually they will get over it.
My two boys at 16 and 13 fight a lot. One minute they love each other after the next minute they hated each other. Its a sibling thing.
Me amd my brother used to legit fist fight we were so bad. We did protect eachother tho. It unfortunately ddnt get better until I went In the army and was away. Now we r close than ever.
Lol. I’m the oldest of 3. And I’ll be 40 this year and we still fight. If someone figures it out let me know
I have 3 daughters and am a middle child myself the fighting is normal especially with everything going on it makes it harder try finding things they both like that they can do together (board games, movies, ride bike) things that will help keep them distracted and if you notice one starting to get agitated than do a cooling off where they go to separate parts of the house and do something on their own
I used to assign mine different rooms to clean and chores to do until they were too tired to fight
My boys constantly fight as well. They are 7 years apart and the oldest is autistic. All they do is fight. Gets so old
Kids fight but yes there is something which you can do which will help your son with his anxiety and your daughter will also benefit from it…Nada yoga by sadhguru ,it only take 5 minute and you can also practice with your kids and enjoy the benefits: YouTube
Also there is sadhguru app you can download it for other useful and powerful yoga practices…the yoga I am suggesting is very simple but the befits are incredible
Siblings fight, they still love each other. My sister and I still on occasion argue. They may just need space from each other. Or a different space other then home.
My girls are 16 and 14 they love each other to death and are really close but they fight like cats and dogs sometimes. I’ve found giving them seperate alone time helps but as my eldest tells me siblings are gonna fight it doesnt mean they love each other any less just they sometimes need to fight and work it out and sometimes they just need space from one another. Mabie find two small spots somewhere in the house one for each where they can be left alone. My eldest goes in the living room to a spot we have set up with blankets and stuffys where she can be near us and see the tv and my youngest goes to the office where her writing and art stuff is located and have some space and engage in their favorite relaxing activities
4 kids my oldest is a girl shes 21 now and my oldest son is 18 those 2 used to argue constantly in my case I really think they were fighting for my attention. I made time for each of them separate. They still had their little arguments but it was a lot less. My 2 younger boys get along so much better and separate on their own when they get on eachothers nerves and have sleep overs in eachothers room almost every night. Find something that works for your kids sometimes they need time alone
My girls are 5 and 9 they fight constantly also. That’s just siblings being siblings. They’re around each other constantly and know exactly what buttons to push. Some days they are bestfriends others they are enemies. I figure when they’re grown and out of the house they will be bestfriends. Until then one day at a time. Lol
Ha! If you figure this out, someone let me know. My 9 and 12 yos are constantly after each other.
Separate them, put them in their room until behavior changes. I used to sit at my bedroom door, and my brother sat at his, before long , we we’re laughing and having fun. Then allowed freedom again until next time. Boy those good old days.lol
Sounds like my home. I’ve resolved to making sure my kids get exercise and release their energy.
When I get on my nerves I make them do sit-ups etc
My kids can be best friends… Or they can be really mean to each other. This Quarentine on them has been rough. The ones that fight constantly are 10, 8, and 4.
Very Normal, first things first try a good long walk…See if that burns off some of the energy that’s causing the anxiety in…
And the next thing probably would be unpopular chores…they can always clean their room they can always do the dishes instead of fighting they can always mop the floors vacuum do the laundry instead of fighting so when they start fighting- give them something else to do now after that make sure there’s a reward involved now the reason I say that is because you want them to see the results of the good behavior and stop seeing the results of the bad behavior
We have kids the same ages… whenever they can’t get along or are rude to one another, We separate them. Send them to different areas of the house and/ or their rooms. I know it’s not the ideal way but it seems to help so they cool off and in about ten minutes they’re back hanging out together again. Sometimes they just need space to calm down before things escalate.
I had two girls they were five years apart. They would argue and bicker all the time it would drive me insane. I tried not to get involved unless there was any hitting or we’ve got two out of control. I think it’s best to let them work it out themselves unless there’s any physical violence involves or even the verbal abuse becomes too much other than that I think the children need to work it out among themselves. It also helps them learn to get along in the world because that is our job as parents to help our children learn to get along on their own in the world. Yes we need to teach them right from wrong and how to interact with people and then we have to let them practice it. If you’re always coming to their rescue they never learn how to deal with things on their own.
lol I had 3 that were the same age for a month every year All Boys and they would fight Thats just what they do they get passed it
My brother in law came up with the ideal of having the two stand face to face (noses need to be touching)& keep their hands behind their backs … until they aren’t mad & ready to give sincere apologies… I thought it was crazy … it doesn’t take long …they are apologetic & ready to be kind … his boys were 8 10 & 10 (twins)I saw how well it worked used it on my girls some seems to work well for my girls also
They will outgrow this. I promise! I would tell both kids to go to their rooms no matter who started fight. Do not Engage.
Well me and my sister was like that growing up and we have a strong bond thru are adulthood
I just remind mine when they argue & bicker that the universe chose to give them to each other. They’re supposed to be against the world, not each other. Remember being a teenager is HARD.
Same… my daughter is 10 will be 11 in December… we just celebrate my stepsons 13th birthday they both fight nonstop but I ignore the fighting you have to let them defend themselves or they will expect you handle it all the time… I had to learn to stop doing that and it was extremely hard for me they stop coming to me they handle themselves.
When they start fighting try to redirect their attention. Idk say something like hey you guys wanna help me make cookies or do a craft with them. Take them for a walk. Go to pet center or animal shelter and just look at all the animals. Have them ask a neighbor if they need help with anything. Play board games or lawn games or card games. Have an incentive if they win the game play 2 or 3 times so they can each have a chance to win. Get them paint by number kits. There are also a ton of different types if crafts they can get at a craft store. Plant a garden together. Just gotta keep them occupied. Tell them if they behave well then they can get a sundae or ice cream cone. Let them help you shop at the store ask them what they want to eat and let them get the ingredients. Good luck