I’m not sure how to handle this. I lost my 4th baby at 25 weeks (Juniper Rayne) my in laws still haven’t said anything to me about it. I’m not sure if they’re still mad cause I moved back to MN from GA where they live. I moved cause their son was being unfaithful and almost broke up his family. He was talking to a girl at work I just had a baby and I was changing her and I decided to look at his phone. He had been acting really weird for a month before baby came and I found a pic of his co worker in a towel on her bed like really. He forgot to delete it it was in the trash bin it makes me wonder what else happened. Point is I was leaving I was done this was his second time doing this and I just had a baby my family lives in MN his in GA. Well he decided to pick his family like me and the kids blocked her found a new job in MN to prove to me he wants us to work. I’m not sure if he told his parents the truth about what happened cause they haven’t spoken to me but want to talk to the kids when they call (I let them) I just can’t believe they can’t say anything to me about losing their grandchild. What should I do.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My in laws haven't checked in on me since I lost my baby: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
They don’t have to speak on it and you’re not entitled to know how they feel. Let them grieve their own way and you grieve yours.
Many people don’t know what to say when it comes to grief so they stay silent. If you want to talk to them about Juniper then just communicate it and see if they want to talk about their grief with you.
Man don’t worry about it. Maybe they just don’t want to add salt to an open wound. It’s not their responsibility to comfort you.
They may not know what to say
Nothing. You walk away from that. They weren’t there in your time of need. What a beautiful name you picked for your child.
Maybe you should post In Stillborn & Infant loss awareness group for this kind of question… There Is a lot of amazing women In there they could help you with any questions or concerns you have…Sorry for your loss
Get some counseling for yourself. They most likely were told a story that’s why they say nothing
No advice on what to do about the grandparents. However you should relsly reconsider your relationship. This more than likely isn’t the last time he is going to do this, especially since he’s done it twice before. You deserve so much better
I would let it ride. They’re upset you moved out of State with the grandkids and their son followed you. They don’t like not having the family close to them anymore. They probably wouldn’t believe he was doing anything wrong if they were told, so don’t bother with it. Maybe with time they’ll come around.
Lots of people do not talk about babies that are lost before they are born. I definitely don’t and most people don’t even know about the one that I lost including my parents. The fact that you moved away kind of tells them that you don’t want anything to do with them.￼
Honestly to me it just sounds like they are trying to respect your wishes.
honestly i wouldnt care if you were leaving anyway cause of his cheating. plus thats not always an easy subject to talk about for certian generations its even a bit taboo. im sorry for your loss
Sorry for your loss ⚘
Some people don’t know what to say so they say nothing. Maybe they are waiting for you to bring up the topic.
Maybe they don’t want to upset YOU and not sure what to say.
What are they suppose to say? You’re not entitled to attention or anything when you miscarry… its sad but you’re not entitled to anything from anyone else…
You can’t force someone to ask you how you feel bout your loss
Move on with your life. Worry about yourself and your kids.
You need to clear the air and get this off your chest!
His parents don’t need to know the truth nor will they care he’s their baby boy and perfect. (How most seem to be )
The grandparents don’t need to say anything, and for their Gen miscarriages weren’t talked about.
Also the hard part is just because you had a miscarriage doesn’t mean others will take it as seriously as you or have it hurt them so. I’ve had two.
I mean, you left the husband and unfortunately lost their grand baby… They don’t have to check on your well being. Maybe they don’t know what to say or maybe they don’t care. Either way, I’d let it go and move on.
So a few questions…a little confused. Does he Live with you now?
Have you asked him if he told his family why you guys were moving to MN?
I probably would ha e spoken with them before leaving to say goodbye, make sure they know what’s going on, etc. Obviously you didn’t do that…but I would probably still send them a letter or call and let them know what was going on before you moved. You can also include that you lost the baby and feel sad that they haven’t acknowledged you losing the baby.
I’m sorry this has all happened to you. Have you processed the loss of your baby fully yet? It’s okay to see a counselor if you are having trouble - which is nnormal. I’m very sorry.
It’s a sensitive thing…I wouldn’t say anything to my daughter unless she wants to talk about it.
Sorry for your loss. As far as The in law thing, just move on. Some ppl don’t feel comfortable talking about hurtful subjects because it’s like ripping the scab off a wound. In addition they probably don’t really know what to say. I don’t think anyone really does when it comes to losing a baby. Try your best to remain positive and look towards the future.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I know your heart must be hurting so much and your arms aching for your sweet baby. Sometimes people just don’t know what to say - or if they should say something for fear of opening a wound or saying the wrong thing. Maybe you could call them just to say you’re checking in and that would initiate a conversation.
Sorry for your loss but focus on you and the kids that’s all that matters
Sorry for your loss. Were you close before this happened? Maybe they are feeling a great deal of loss and don’t know how to approach you.
I didn’t read the whole story because it starting getting anno****, but i know there should be no grudges in tragedies. Whoever did not comfort your misery, do not include them on your celebrations. Move on stop whining and cut them off.
Maybe they just don’t want to bring up something painful for you I’m sorry for your loss
Cut all ties with them
Nit picky me wants to remind them at every opportunity,
Distance yourself from toxic situations/people
Just ignore it and focus on healing and your life.
Concentrate on you health & recovery! Don’t worry abt them and what they aren’t doing…, move on with your life because they will always side with him
Just bc u moved & he went with u won’t stop him from cheating! I’m sure there’s more than 2! Sorry for your loss!
First, I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s hard and you need to focus on grieving that for right now.
Second, it’s possible he didn’t tell them the truth of why you moved. They may be having a hard time with their son moving so far away.
Third, even if they are just aholes that speaks volumes on their character not yours. Some people are just odd like that.
And lastly, proceed with caution as far as your man goes. If he has proven unfaithful twice already, there is a high possibility he will do it again. He may have.learned his lesson, he may not have. But just in case, I’d see a Dr about check ups for STDs.
Sorry for your loss
Honey don’t worry about them ! With some parents it’s never their child fault it’s always someone else’s fault ! If they aren’t worried about you honey stopping giving them the time of caring why ! You worry about yourself an your children ! Sorry for your loss
Their opinion is likely based on an incomplete story he told them. You have 2 choices. Say nothing or correct their wrong info. They may always feel poorly toward you no matter what.
Don’t worry about it. Mine had a running car and didn’t even come to see us after the funeral
You should throw the whole family out.
Sounds to me like they aren’t aware of the real reason for the move. In their eyes, you most likely took their son and grandchildren away from them.
You could confront them and flat out ask what their issue is, clear the air, or you could let it go and live in peace.
As far as your husband though, him moving across the country and blocking a girl in GA isn’t gonna stop him from meeting someone else in MN. He’s already showed you TWICE what his family means to him.
Not a damn thing ! SCREW THEM. Be happy and at peace. Live your life.
Forget the in laws. Are your parents checking on you? Find your own support people.
honestly, it’s a touchy subject. They likely don’t know the whole situation, and may hold some resentment that you all moved. I wouldn’t know what to say if it was my grandchild. It’s a personal loss, while yes their grandchild, they may not want to upset you. Maybe send a text and say hello. It’s an olive branch, and could be just what is needed.
Just so everybody knows I didn’t miscarried I had a C-section and I almost died myself but she was born breathing and she died 10 hours later in my arms and we had her cremated
Don’t worry about how they feel! You did the right thing. And your life is yours to live.
Why do you want to be reminded of your loss? I hate when the subject comes up (I’ve lost 5)
What are you expecting from them?
Sorry about the loss.
I don’t bring up loss of a baby to someone because I have been there and it’s hard. Everyone copes diffently and no matter how many times they may ask how you are and you say fine, if you’ve been there you know it’s hard. So they possibly just may not to know how to ask. You can always ask them if they know what happened with you and their son, instead of worrying about if they are grieving the loss of a grandchild, its a little different for everyone.
This happened to me when I was 36 weeks my in-laws was horrible I had nothing to thank them for I had another 2 children after and they didn’t bother with them neither my kids cried more when the dog died than when the old bat died sorry ment their nan sorry for your loss
Maybe they feel like they are being punished for their sons actions. Maybe they think why could they work it out in another state there and not here . Or maybe they think once a cheater always a cheater no matter where you move . I would ask them the next time they call.
Maybe they assume you want space? I’m the type after a death I need some space and time for a little bit. My family knows I’m type don’t approach me, I’ll approach you when I am ready to talk about it. But that don’t excuse the fact they can check on you without bringing it up. Just a call seeing if you need anything sent to you etc.
Nothing just get on with your life. Choose you children and forgive them , for you, not them!! You will get further without excess negative baggage. Love , God first, you second…everything else is third.
Maybe they don’t know how to approach you. We’ve only heard your story, not their side. When we tell our side, we always make ourselves look good and innocent. How approachable are you, to them? Next time they call to talk to get children, how about you talking to them first, just normal conversations, see what happens
I lost my son at 39 weeks and I prayed no one would habe to feel the way I did. Keep your head up
My sincerest condolences on the loss of your sweet babe. Honestly, I’d focus on you, and make that your priority. Perhaps they are still grieving as well, and don’t want to talk about it. And that is ok! Hurtful for you, yes, I understand that. Or perhaps, they are trying to deal with everything that transpired as well, the loss of their grandchild, you moving ect. Perhaps you should reach out to them instead of stewing about them not reaching out to you.
I wouldn’t bring it up unless you did. Because what am I supposed to say. I know it hurts and it breaks your heart will me bringing it up hurt or help you idk so I avoid it
I’m sorry for your loss and the traumatic situation . But unfortunately your expecting a reaction from people and upset because they didn’t fulfill the expectations. You can’t control their reactions. Who knows what the son has told them. Just focus on you and the babies.
So what exactly are they suppose to say?
In all honesty, there is nothing you can do about them not talking /acknowledging your loss. They may not want to bring up the painful subject to you and hurt you more. They may be unable to talk about it themselves due to their own sadness. Although it hurts you that they haven’t checked on you, there isn’t much that can be done. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings. Please try not to put too much thought into them not checking in with you, you will make yourself crazy.
I’m so sorry that happened. I would seriously look into a therapist bc that’s a very heavy load that you don’t have to carry alone.
Sometimes people just don’t know what to say, which isn’t an excuse but everyone grieves a little different sometimes
i wouldn’t expect anything of them in this situation. even if there was a good solid relationship, your relationship with their son is over so why would they be checking on you? most times, people will choose their own family in cases of divorce
So sorry for your loss.
They could be mad or they could be a “don’t mention it it might make her feel worse about it” when I’ve miscarried I told my husband to tell people not to mention it since it brings it back up all over again.
It’s a hard call. They are probably waiting on you to open the door for this conversation. No need to bring up your husband’s infidelity. That’s between you two. Not you, him and his mom and dad. Your adults you don’t need mom and dad’s approval or to choose sides. The loss of your baby is all that is required to share. The rest is private
Not everybody knows what to say.
And, you don’t know what he told them.
Then, women post all the time abt how they don’t want ppl asking how they are or checking on them like they’re broken.
I’m so sorry for your loss, I can’t even imagine what that must be like for you. Try to keep in mind that they lost a grandchild, too. They are also mourning. I don’t know exactly what your relationship was like, but it’s possible that they just can’t find the words. Maybe they want to say something but they just don’t know what to say.
Nothing. Don’t chase ppl. It’s never worth it.
It may be that they are heartbroken by the distance. Can you put yourself in their shoes? They don’t know why the move occurred and so they might think the move was due to you wanting to get away from them.
I would start right away sending or texting or emailing photos of the children. If you can text them, send photos every other week. Re-establish that connection. Let them know you all miss them and want to include them in what is going on with the kids.
Send little art projects from the kids to keep that connection going.
Invite them, a month or two ahead of time, to come visit for one of your children’s birthday. Send photos with the invitation. Let them know it will be out of doors.
They may not respond but you will have done what you can.
I haven’t seen my out of state grandkids because travel is not advised due to a genetic condition I have. Be sensible to their needs. You might offer to travel there for a visit around holidays, if that is a possibility.
Good luck to you.
I am sorry for your loss. His parents are most likely afraid of upsetting you,not knowing what to say.also respecting your family’s privacy.they are grieving a grandbaby too. Maybe they are letting you take the lead on the conversation.
You have a choice of doing nothing regarding the in-laws or talking to them about how you feel. Depends on what you can take away from it. Also, you have way more patience than I could ever have regarding your husband.
Focus on healing yourself — and being whole for you and your kids.
I’m so sorry you’re going through so much.
Sounds like you’re better off without them in your life, so I wouldn’t do a thing.
He likely didn’t tell them why you moved , they rarely tell them why a major life change happened when they’re the reason.
I’m glad he FINALLY chose his family though, after the fact. Typical.
I wouldn’t worry about it. I know you were 25 weeks along but some people do not understand the pain that comes with that. They think because the baby wasn’t here yet, it doesn’t hurt. I lost a baby at 9 weeks and I doubt anyone, probably not even my husband, realizes how hard it was on me emotionally. It broke my heart and I only knew about the baby an hour. All that to say, I doubt they are being cruel intentionally. They may not know what to say or they may not realize how much this loss is bothering you.
Say something, or let it go. I’m sorry for your loss.
We really don’t know how they are thinking so cannot say why they are not contacting you. Obviously they are annoyed you all moved to another State and they probably don’t know the reason why as your Husband may not have told them. They must find it difficult to reconcile the situation of their Son moving away with you and now you sadly losing your baby. Maybe the loss is too much for them at the moment. Just leave the lines of communication open and hope they will eventually contact you. So sorry for your loss x
Devils advocate…maybe they dont know what to say or how to approach conversation without the fear of hurting your feelings
Praying for you and your loss.
He never told them. Likely told them you made him move. So they’re bitter with you.
So many times people say nothing because they don’t want to start a painful conversation. If you want to talk with them about it, you gotta be the one to bring it up. I’m so sorry for your loss (words don’t ever seem to be enough)
You tell them the truth why y’all moved. Stop covering for him cause he’ll never tell the truth about it. And you tell them how it hurts that they haven’t said anything about you losing your baby.
So many people are losing babies. It’s scary. I am so sorry for your loss. I would tell them everything and then find a way to move on somehow.
So sorry. I would suggest joining support groups. As an angel mommy myself literally after about a month no body checks in on you, nobody at least not with me. I wouldn’t worry about them. I would focus on youband your healing and I lost 2 babies. One june 11 2018 at 36w 6d and another Dec 12 2021 at 21w 4d. It’s hard and know there is no end to grieving because you love and miss your child you wanted and planned for. Also they may not say anything because a lot of times it’s such a touchy subject or maybe they don’t even know. Personally you can’t control others. Please focus on you and your healing.
I think you may be wanting them to reach out first. If you really feel the need to talk to them call yourself.
That way you will get your answer.
Otherwise stop thinking hard about it and move on…You are with your family now and they can help comfort you in this sad time.
I’m sorry you are going through all this craziness
God works in mysterious ways.
You will look back one day and think…Damn that’s why!!!
God bless you
Let that cheating man gooooo…
Sounds like a super toxics family super glad you moved next to family some family believed the women is always in the wrong even if the guys out cheating even beating on the women he’s with someone it’s always the women’s fault do not let their opinions run your life choices you made a very wise choice moving closer to family good for you hopefully you find a lot of support to get you out of that unhealthy situation
Maybe they don’t know what to say, afraid of saying the wrong thing, many people do not know how to respond to loss, unless they mention it would let it go
1). Y the hell would you go through his phone 2). You are not entitled to anybody else’s feelings except your own 3). Why in the hell would you stay with somebody who has cheated on you multiple times already but if that’s the type you like then to each their own I suppose everybody grieves their own way so focus on your grief process not anybody else’s your not entitled to special treatment or To anybody else’s feelings just because you lost a baby and honestly they probably are mad and resent you for taking away their son and grandkids to different state
Not care about your in-laws. They are not in your household so why care if they care? I get that your probably feeling a flood of emotional things, but honestly who cares if they ever acknowledge you in life again? If you and your husband work or there will be time to air things out. Right now, heal yourself and your family.
You lost your baby it is his parents job to contact you
He never told them. Most likely lied because cheating and lying go together. Or they dont give a fuck, cus any decent person would have extened their condolences. He also will cheat again, just in a new state.
Get over it. They’re not obligated to check in with you. Should’ve left their son back home with them too. Now he’s just gonna get some MN meat instead
Honestly just try to let it go. They obviously aren’t invested in you so don’t invest in them. It’s good you let them talk to the kids. You’re doing it right!
Move on. Im sure the entire Situation makes them uncomfortable.
Some people don’t wanna ask people about that bc they don’t know how sensitive it may be for the person. And some people don’t know the grievance period to talk to people about this.
- They may not know what to say… if you want there sympathy say something. 2. Just because you moved states doesn’t mean your husband’s is now faithful
Its odd that so many of us have lost babies during pregnancy yet we all still feel weird bringing it up or talking about it with others. They probably just dont know what to say and they dont want to upset you.
And? I find it weird that you expect them to say something. And I find it weird that your putting so much energy into this.
I lost my baby at 36 weeks. Who talked too me and who didn’t talk to me was the furthest thing from my mind.
Are you sure they know?
I wouldn’t worry about the in laws.
Maybe they don’t know…
What you should do ? You should do absolutely NOTHING they do not own you anything and their life doesn’t revolve around you , so get over yourself
They may no know what to say and honestly may not be able to process it either. Grief is different for everyone! I’m sorry you lost your baby. They may not even know unless you told them. Their son may be lying to them to about many things
Selfish in a way if ur not with him or things r weird with him technically they owe u nothing