My in laws are mad I don't want a party for my son: Advice?

I need advice on if i am doing the right thing or not…my son is about to turn 1 and i am not planning a birthday party for him…1. they are expsinve and 2…he is immunocompromised and with covid and now monkey pox i dotn want a bunch of people over to risk it…my husbands entire family is livid and they keep begging me to do it or let them do it but i have told them multiple times about not wanting to have one and the reasons and they say its unfair to him not to have one and they should be able to celebrate him too…i never said they couldnt see him on his birthday i just dont want extneded family over when all they do is go out and travel…my husband is deployed so he cant really take care of this and now idk what to do…

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/my-in-laws-are-mad-i-dont-want-a-party-for-my-son-advice/20997

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trust your gut…i completely understand where you’re coming from ESPECIALLY since he’s immune compromised. & as far as them saying it’s “not fair” to him he literally won’t remember…

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You are not wrong. Do wants best for your baby. His health is more important. Maybe instead of a in person party y’all could all jump in a zoom call and sing happy birthday and blow out the candles and maybe they can give what everyone presents before hand and then during the zoom call y’all can all watch him open the presents that way.
people are so ready for life to be back to normal that they are forgetting covid is still happening and now there’s monkey pox and flu season and strep throat, etc.

They need to respect your wishes, your reasons are valid and they just need to take a back seat on this one, no party is worth putting your baby’s life at risk

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Your child’s safety comes first!

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Let them have a party FFS. You only LIVE once, why spend your life shielding away from COVID etc, your child only turns 1 once, imagine if everyone stopped celebrating now because they’re scared of catching something, what a sad world it would be.

I would have a party, doesn’t have to be big one, a little tea party, just something for your little one.

Jesus Christ, just sounds like you don’t wanna be around your partner’s family! Making up excuses as to why they can’t either. Smh.

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The first birthday party is not for the child. They don’t understand what is going on. They get overwhelmed with the attention. You’re not depriving him of anything by not having 1. With him being immunocompromised it’s even more understanding that you don’t want a party. Maybe you can compromise. Do a virtual party where they can watch him eat cake, open gifts etc. Or maybe a drive-by party.

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Your concerns are absolutely right and and your in laws should respect them.
You can do something very little at your place and just invite few people, ask them to wear face mask.
But is that still not good enough for you , just ignore them.
He is not going to remember anyway.
And you can celebrate his second birthday if his health improves.

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Don’t do it if it’s going to put your child’s health in jeopardy… Sounds like they are very inconsiderate.

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it’s not their choice.

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Your child Your rules " tell them to all go jump :disguised_face:

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Your child your choice end of story. :heart::heart: you know what’s best for him

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Have the party! He’s only turning 1 once. Do it outside if you’re that worried.

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Don’t have a party. Too many people don’t care about the health and safety of others. You are doing the right thing. Thank you for being a proper loving and caring mother.

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All you said was not a big party you never said they couldn’t see your son so I don’t know why they r freaking out of you. Plus it’s not like he’s going to remember

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Not their child not their choice.
They never had these plegues when their children were little so they never had to make these decisions about if they want to risk their children or not.
His not going to remember his first birthday anyway they’re always for the parents.
If they want to buy him something let them but they aren’t entitled to demand anything from you. You carried him for 9 months you birthed him your decision is the only one that matters whilst dad is away.

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On top of what everyone else has already said… they litterally won’t remember it. We did a big one for my son. It was overly expensive and I don’t think he cared at all lol by the end he was so tired and fussy. With my daughter we just did a cake with us at hope. Enjoyed it as much if not more than my son. They seem selfish because it seems more for them than for the kid

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Let them throw a party. Just don’t show up. Vidio call for them to sing. lol… if they want it so bad

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They sound incredibly manipulative. Telling you it’s “unfair” to him. He’s 1! Lol! He’s not even going to remember it. No THEY want you to have a party. It’s not even about your son. They’re making it about them. He’s your child. If you don’t feel like having a party is right for him then that’s YOUR choice.

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and he’s going to know about it? your child your rules you only have his best interest at heart I’m sure they’ll get over it xx

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He’s going on one he doesn’t care, stick to your guns you’re the mom your job is to protect him if they can understand immunocompromised tough.

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Your child your choice!

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I would very sternly remind them that he is immunocompromised. Then I would remind them that a lot of places are going red zone with Covid again. Tell them that whether it’s his birthday or not, you don’t want to take a chance on exposing him to anything. Remind them that monkey pox is also an issue these days. It’s not worth the risk for a party he won’t remember. Tell them if they want to stop by individually-not all crowd into a room at once, ok. Or even a drive by celebration would work. But that’s it.

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Don’t listen to these people who say you should have the party anyway…They are virus deniers and anti-vaxxers. A lot of them ended up dead because they thought it was a hoax. It’s your baby. Protect him and do whatever you want to. They have ZERO RIGHTS to him.

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My daughter turned one right as Covid hit and everything was shutting down. We done a Birthday parade and the fire department, police department and family drove by. It was amazing. For the ones who want to leave a gift there was a small table for them to drop it off at. They got to see her and she had fun, thats all that matters. Do what’s best for you!

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Your child your choice

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Birthdays for 1 year olds are a new thing. Since families got smaller, there’s a lot more attention on far fewer children. Bottom line: they’re completely unnecessary and we’re considered ridiculous a generation ago.

Your son is immune compromised. Keeping him safe is the most important thing. They should understand and agree with that.

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Tell them you’ll see how things are when your husband is home, then let him deal with them… As surely they’d understand wanting to wait for him to celebrate. Then he can set down the rules with his family re how it will be done.

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It is your kid, do what you want. Birthday parties are useless now a days in my opinion. I would not do it. Take him and do something special. They have 0 say. Don’t let them make you feel guilty. They raised their kid(s) the way they wanted to. You do what you want.

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Some people are over the top for no reason. Guess what 1 year olds like…the cake. They could care less who is there or what is going on. A first birthday party is for the parents. To celebrate getting through the first year & keeping baby alive. Tell them to kick rocks!

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You’re the mother. Plain and simple! You’re child has an immune disorder, as grand parents and family. They should respect your authority on it.

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I would say tough cookies I told my mil the same my kid my money my plans my house.

I did the same thing this year for my daughter who’s turning 3 I’m out of work right now and we can’t afford to get sick. So I said a few of the kiddos aka nieces can come over and play for the day and we will order pizza and hang and his parents are offended and being dramatic over it. I let them and laughed.

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Stick to your guns. He is one-not 10. They need to grow up

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Ultimately this is your choice regardless of who likes it or not! He is just turning one so he has no idea what he’s missing out on!!
However you could always do a
Birthday parade! Stay on your door step as they drive by. They can decorate their cars ,maintain safe distances to your son while they go by and then leave gifts in a designated area.
For a one year old with health issues this is a super cute way to celebrate without an actual party, and it can also a fair compromise.

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No means no
No is a complete sentence
You don’t owe those people shit
You owe your child everything
No one in their right fucking mind would throw a party under these circumstances

They sound selfish. It’s clear as day they dont give a fuck if your child lives or dies as long as they have their photo op.

Do whatever the hell you want to do, especially when it comes to family…I learned that a long time ago, but not soon enough…do a drive by gift drop off, that’s what we did for my granddaughters first 2 years ago.

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Ur child ur choice and it’s messed up people are making u feel stressed because of it. Stick to ur guns

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Have them over for lunch and cake and call it a party.

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Your child, your rules. At 1 year old, he won’t remember it anyway.

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Compromise?
Do an in person party with grandparents/aunt’s/uncle’s ONLY. The people you’d allow to come visit anyways.
Do it outdoors, like in your backyard.
Then for the rest of the family do a video or drive by party.

First birthdays tend to be more for the family than the child. While they obviously can be expensive they don’t have be.

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My daughter is about to turn one and I don’t plan on having a party. She’s ONE. She won’t remember it or even know what’s going on. No one comes over regularly to see her so why is it my job to have a party for them to see her…it’s not. In your case, especially immunology promised, I wouldn’t do it either. It’s your say because it’s your baby. They need to respect your decision. You never said they couldn’t see him. It sounds more like they want the party for them. You’re doing the right thing…you’re his momma. :purple_heart:

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I personally think you are being anal retentive. But it’s your kid and you get to call the shots.

Have the party! He’s only turning 1 once!

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Omgosh God bless your baby. Keep him away from people you’re doing right, his little body is gonna need time to heal and build back immunity, and monkey pox I can’t imagine, they should look at the issue at hand a baby in recovery and they need to respect your wishes and his health and safety. You’re mamma you make the rules, set the boundaries.

You have every right to do what you want to protect your child

And everyone needs to respect that
Your child comes first

You do what you want… He is 1. The party show off thing would be more for them than your child. It’s sounds like a

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Do a drive thru birthday party for him! They decorate their cars drive by say “hello” and give him a present. That way he’s not in close contact with a bunch of people.

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First off, if he’s on deployment, put your foot down. Bc his family will think they can get away with anything if he isn’t around. Two. That it your child and you do what’s best for him. Fuck them if they get mad. Either they’ll get over it or they won’t. But you shouldn’t have to do something you’re uncomfortable with to please them.

It’s your decision not anyone else’s.I think you are making the right decision especially since the baby has health issues.

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Your choice! Not theirs!

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You could do a virtual party. They could send the child stuff off of a Amazon wishlist or something and watch y’all opening the gifts and him eating his smash cake via Facebook live or something.

Stick to what you say, no

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stay strong your in laws will get over it

I think you reasons are good reasons not that you have to give a reason since it’s YOUR son. My grandson’s first birthday was the year Covid hit. He didn’t have a party as I’m sure plenty of kids didn’t and they’re all fine. You do what’s best for your child’s health and safety. Hopefully they will get over the decision you have to make for your child

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I’d let them put on the party, out of doors, but bring hand sanitizer and wipes for those who want to pick up baby.

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Your chd your choice BUT I wod just tell them if THEY want to throw or “fund” a party for the 1 year old (WHO WILL NEVER REMEMBER IT ANYWAY) they can do close family and that’s it …make it to where they need to provide negative covid tests in past 24 hours prior to party in order to come and its putside only . As far as monkey pox pretty sure he will be okay on that one. (have you read much on it?)

If the dads gone I guess he’s a risk coming home too.
And if your child’s ever going to go to school, you need to expose germs.

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No. That’s a whole answer.
If they’re AH about it, just say that his pediatrician has advised you not to expose him to many people because he’s immunocompromised. If they still want to push you after that, just don’t talk to them. You are his mother. You don’t owe them anything. Your job is to protect your baby. Sounds like you’re doing great.

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Drive by birthday party’s are fun and super easy. You set a time and they can all drive by him in their cars and drop him off a gift. I went to a few during Covid and best idea ever! You don’t have to deal with the mess! Just get some cupcakes and hand them out to people that drive by. They can decorate their cars and they can snap a picture of him dressed up in his birthday outfit. No one has to get out of the car and you have no mess to clean up

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They only have their 1st birthday once. Why would you take that from your child. When he gets older he will see his friends pictures of their 1st birthday and wonder why his parents didn’t care enough to throw him one.

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You said no. If it was me, I’d just lock my doors & carry on.

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If that baby has covid and monkey pox you are doing right. If that baby is not sick and your not doing because its expensive then your not right. That baby is only going to be 1 but one time. Come on now. What do you do for yourself. EX. do you smoke, do you drink, do you drink sodas, ETC… take taht money you spend on this and have a small party for your on him bein gone he will be happy to have a dollar store toy… He is not going to know if its a cheap toy or a expensive toy. How do you think he will feel when he sees other kids having a party and he has never had one.

Just limit the amount of people,whom will be his ameditate family.excuse my spelling .

Tell them no. Hes one. There will be more birthdays. Let them know they can see him (however you’re comfortable) provided they follow your rules. Tell them if they cant follow your rules to keep your child safe then they dont need to see him

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Hold your ground. Those are very valid reasons not to have a party. You could invite a few people over and have cake, give him a party hat and baloon and he will have a blast.

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I never celebrate my kids 1st birthday, and the 2nd is small. I usually start throwing parties anywhere between 3-4 years old when they can have more fun. If you say no, it’s no, they can get over it.

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Kelsey Biggs she clearly cares because he is immunocompromised…

No is no. They’re more than welcomed to send him gifts :woman_shrugging:t2:

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My aunt didn’t give her 2 you gest a party until they were 5 and 6 and they had their forst party ever, combined and were able to help plan it theme and all and such. They loved it and never questioned it much before that when she brought them to my kids parties and others and such

Can you go to your parents home for the day? If they come to your house, refuse to let them in.

In 2021 I celebrated my daughter’s first bday. We had it outside. Not that we worried about covid cause we aren’t. But 1 is a special birthday. I would hate to see u live in fear. Covid is basically over. Monkey pox has been around for like 65 yrs and humans have never been able to catch it. Children are least likely to get covid. My 1 yr old was around 7 of us who had it at the same time and she never got it. My husband kissed me everyday cause he wanted to get it and didn’t get it. My 70 yr old mom got it and had mild symptoms and none of us got the yucky jabs. We have celebrated every holiday and birthday. I refuse to have my children adapt to this scenario and live in fear over something they are ok from. All of them have had covid. Mild to no symptoms. It’s been like 3 yrs, time to enjoy life again.

You do what you need to do to keep your child safe and healthy.

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No is no. Mine never really had birthday parties and they don’t care. We made it a family day instead. Favorite food and cake of choice. Simple and didn’t have a huge mess to clean.

Regardless of what they want you are the parent stick to your guns on this because if you don’t they will keep going against you on everything

He’s turning one? Ridiculous! Invite the grandparents over for cake and kool-ade, save a party for when Daddy gets home. Baby won’t know the difference.

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YOU DO YOU! YOU know whats best for your child.

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Just let them and explain the close family only and limit the amount of people. They only turn 1 once

I understand we’re they are coming from he is turning one it’s that special 1st birthday.But if you feel like it’s not safe then don’t.If anything get a small cake it’s called a smash cake do it over facetime or something like that.Good luck

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