"So I found out my husband's family has been talking about me behind my back because when we get together, I do not make his plate at dinner time…His mom even apparently went as far a saying he should divorce me because I am not doing my "job as a wife". I am typically getting my kiddos plates and feel as if he is grown and can make his own. I barely have time to eat myself at these get-togethers because of our twin toddlers. I literally have the house clean, laundry done, kids taken care of all week while he is at work but I am a "bad wife" because I don't make his plate? Am I alone? I really feel like cutting them off at this point."
RELATED QUESTION: Is It Inappropriate For A Child To Snuggle On The Couch With Dad?
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
"How does said husband feel? Does he back you up in these said conversations? Sounds like MIL needs ties cut-off. But if husband feels the same way as the mother, than maybe he needs to move back in with her, & you need to move on."
"I can’t imagine this even being a thing and I’m pretty old fashioned ! It’s food…..he can get it himself, and let momma know that too!!"
"It's traditional in many cultures to do this and is something I practice as well. I do it because I want to. It just shows love and respect for your partner. I fix my husband's plate and he doesn't eat until we are both sitting down together so if that means his food is cold by the time we eat together he says so be it. Old world families definitely get outraged if you don't do this but it doesn't have to be your job if you don't want it and it's certainly not grounds for divorce."
"When we are at my family’s house, I make all of our plates. When we are at his, he usually makes all of our plates. Because we are more comfortable with our own families. At home, we take turns. If his family ever said something about me like that, he would defend me in a heartbeat and I would do the same with mine. I would cut the family off until they can grow up. I am too exhausted with my own life to be under watch with someone who doesn’t life my life."
"As an adult he should make his own plate, That way he gets what he wants and if you have twins you can each make a plate, one for yourself and one for your child. Be true to who you are and don't let anyone change the good person you choose to be."
"They must be Latino, I wouldn't worry too much, it's just their beliefs. You're fine, it could also just be sarcastic joking, they probably don't really expect him to divorce you."
"Just let it pass. You are the one that her little baby boy married. She she will talk behind your back. When you have little ones. They come firsthand. Just try to stay calm. Don't cut them off. It may make bad things between your hubby and You. I am sure his Mother is just blowing off jealousy. Try to make small of it. You know you are a good Mother and wife."
"She's from a different time frame! He can get his own food, especially since your probably making your twins plates! You are doing your job! if she said that I would of told her off and that her son is not doing his job and making you or your children's plate, and than his mommy can do it! Honestly I probably not show up for a while."
"I wouldn't be able to deal with people like that. Cut them out of thats how they always are! My husband & I most likely tag time getting the kids plates then we get our own but if he's busy with something while I'm making our kids plates I'll make his too etc."
"That’s an old school thing for sure that most back then just expected from a wife, your husband needs to speak up on your behalf and let her and anyone else know he won’t tolerate you being talked about…period."
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