My husband told me to "enjoy my alone time" when I was leaving for a funeral...advice?

I was getting ready to head out and my husband was home and staying with the kids…on the way out he made a comment of “enjoy your alone time and break from the kids…”…I was going to my grandpas funeral…this is such a vacation right? IDK what to even say at this point…


Maybe he wasn’t meaning it like that but it was mean. I would take it like he didn’t wanna be with the kids .
My husband used to say things w out thinking . It could be an honest mistake .
Just tell him how you feel .

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I would have enjoyed the wake :smile::smile:

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I got a few words I would’ve given him but that’s just me​:laughing::tipping_hand_woman:

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I would come back with ‘enjoy the little time to connect and enjoy being with your children, we should do this more often’


I would of just said have a good time with YOUR children.

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Maybe he didn’t mean it in a rude way. He might have meant, “Take your time to mourn.” Sometimes things come out wrong. So give him the benefit of the doubt first. But feel free to double check if you need too.

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My husband told me I had me time last week, I had a dentist appointment!!

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Hopefully he did not mean it like it came out. If he did I think I would have responded “Yes, thank you–I’m sure the funeral will be a wonderful time.”


Leave him with his kids more often

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“Enjoy lonesome parenthood”
“I will like you do”
“Enjoy their cries”

I thought he meant that you would have some quiet time to reflect on your loss. I think he was trying to be supportive.


I would have been upset, for one funerals aren’t ‘me’ time and second I’d have been upset he wasn’t going with me. However I cannot judge either as I do not know the circumstances as to why he wasn’t going and also sometimes people don’t know what to say or how to say things when people have lost someone. It’s an uncomfortable topic/situation for some people and often times people say things in a way that comes across way different than it was meant to or they just aren’t thinking before they talk. I would simply talk to him and communicate how it bothered you. Not in an angry way but just letting him know the way it was worded seemed insensitive or unnecessary. I’m sorry that he chose that phrase at such an emotionally difficult time for you and I hope you guys can talk it out without it becoming a big thing.


Maybe he meant he would rather be going and you staying home with the kids.

The. Way. Men. Think or. Don’t. Think

Ahhh men.
Say- yes and thanks for babysitting for me


I’d “just let it go”. At a time like that there really is nothing good to say. He is trying…

I hEAR THIS TOO!! I’m almost never without a kid. Ever. The few times they are all busy and I have an hour or so to myself he’s always saying " enjoy your alone time" or my favorite " have fun with your boy toy" . I’ve never once ever gave him the idea of me cheating. Never have. He has though. Just ignore his ass. Or get rid of him.

Did you pick out his plot while out?


Bridging the Gap Community Group
Raising a Grown Man

I would have said, I will

You’re reading too much into his comment. Let it go.

I could think of a few choice words .


Idk my husband watched our kids, but if my husband said something like that he knew he was in trouble. Especially for a funeral, that’s not “alone” time. That’s a sad emotional time. You need support. Some people don’t get it.

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Don’t know your relationship but I don’t understand why he and the kids didn’t go…. I mean I definitely wouldn’t let my partner go alone…
Even if I had to get a babysitter for the day I would find a well qualified babysitter pay them their deserved wages and go with my partner. I feel these are the times we need to show up for one another as a partner.


Honestly, If it were me, I would go to the funeral and then go have some me time (if you were in the frame of mind to do so) even go sit at a coffee shop and read and have a coffee. But then tonight I would bring it up and just say “hey, I don’t know if you meant it this way but when you said xyz it really upset me…” and have a discussion. Perhaps he didn’t intend it in a passive aggressive way or he didn’t realize how it would sound. But talk to him about it or you’ll drive yourself crazy stewing over it and thinking the worst :heart:


Say absolutely nothing and go have dinner and drinks alone afterwards


He should have more respect for u than that. Stay at funeral after bit for as long as u want. And he would become my x husband if he spoke to me like that. Hope all went ok big hug for u


If he did it out of spite then that’s a line.

I would have told him off with a few choice swear words

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I’m sure he didn’t intend it the way you took it. The circumstances have left you highly sensitive I’m sure, but take the time alone to feel your feelings and process what’s going on. :pray:t3:


That is such a man thing to say. They don’t think before they speak.


I don’t think he meant it in a bad way love guys don’t really know how to use there words properly lol but I am very sorry for your loss :pensive:


Then I do just that. There brains aren’t working correctly :confused:

I don’t think he had Ill intentions. His meaning just came out the wrong way.


With that said… I would of said thank you. I’ll be back later than you were expecting.


The bar for men is so low it’s a tavern in hades


I’d be like “Thanks I will, have fun dealing with your kids all day because I won’t be back any time soon. And if the house is a mess when I get back you’re cleaning it all or it stays that way. :relieved:

Yes my man tried that with me (not for funerals but for other reasons like appointments) I’ll just chill in starbucks parking lot taking my time after the appointment if he’s snotty about it. :joy: He learned to just shut his mouth.


I would have had to reply back no I’m off to be the dad for the day n doing what I want and u play mom

Tell him you can go to his next lol what a little boy


How insensitive. I am so sorry . That’s just so sad

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I think it’s too hard to judge when we don’t know tone and attitude behind how he said it to determine if it was meaningful or not. It could have been meant in a sense of spend time with your family but wrong delivery. Or in a sense of spite like thanks for leaving me with the kids while you go out.

Tell him not to tempt u…u may prefer to enjoy your alone time permanently


Kids are big toll mentally on both parents honestly. Yes I do see wrong in his comment but I hear a tired parent from both sides. Maybe, he would have rather of went with you and had a sitter for the kids.


I’d stay away a couple more days for a proper rest from the children and him


I never understand posts like these? I don’t understand why people come to social media right away with their problems instead of being a literal grown adult and have this conversation with your partner. Have you not spoken to him like an adult? You’re going to get a bunch of women in these comments who are going to say he’s trying to manipulate you, he’s gaslighting you, leave and blah blah blah all awful advice and we all know it’s true. We as women need to do better in giving advice instead of immediately jumping to leave him and using words we don’t know the literal definition to. I’ve only seen a few comments on here who offered great advice which was speak to him and tell him how it made you feel. Speak to him in person don’t come to social media over this.


Men have a tendency to say things before they think.


I’d tell him that every morning he left for work, to see how he likes it…


Maybe I’m a bitter Betty, but I’d be planning my way out if that BS. Reason #59628 why I plan to stay single. I’d rather single mom it than deal with an adult sized toddler.


Maybe he knew how hard it is to take care of the kids. And I don’t see anything wrong with what he said. You’re thinking too much of it. If I were you, I’ll say. Yes I will and you enjoy your time with them. Nothing to post about. It’s just a comment. People need to grow thick skin to take anything.


Get u some real alone time after the funeral. SPA DAY!!

I would’ve said will do. I’ll find your replacement while I’m out :woman_shrugging:


That’s not ok. That’s cold, selfish and can even be manipulative. No excuse for that

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“Yeah I’m gonna enjoy going to see my dead loved one. Thanks” make him feel like an a$$hole

I’d tell him it hurt your feelings for sure. That was harsh

Wow. I can think of a number of things I’d have to say. This isn’t a poor choice of words… he said what he believes. So many people are happy to act like men are totally stupid creatures who live life with their foot in their mouth because they don’t know any better. He’s not brain dead…he knows a funeral is not a lady’s cocktail hour with friends or a spa date.

Don’t know the poster…I don’t know her husband…they are strangers… but all I know I read his text in my boyfriend of 16 years voice…so, …I’m just gon be quiet…:thinking::tulip::thinking::roll_eyes::woozy_face:

I would start telling him to enjoy his alone time and break from his family every time he left the house. I’m a petty person sometimes


My ex used to see showering or sleeping as my alone time, work was me time and cleaning the house? My thing. His new partner has just had a baby and he brought himself a new harley. Poor girl. Don’t be treated as an after thought or manipulated into believing that service is your only reason for being.


He said that because him and the kids weren’t going or the fact that he had to stay with the kids and didn’t like it.


Don’t say anything. He sounds like a child. Don’t reward bad behavior by engaging.


Maybe he was trying to lighten the mood and make you laugh?


I’d just say thank you and make a pit stop or two on the way home

Lmao!!! Say ok I sure plan on it!

I’d be like well obviously you didn’t mean the funeral so thank you for telling me I can go out after for a couple hours and de stress! See you when I see you!


You should have stayed gone all day lol

He has no idea, and that is scary. I’d be shocked if my husband ever said that when attending a funeral. Which he wouldn’t.

Thanx see ya in 4 days…

That is manipulation to make you feel bad for leaving him with the kids. Just ignore the comment there is no use in fighting about it and if you want to talk about it remember it’s harder for him to start and argument when you use I feel statements instead of accusatory statements


Leave! Any man that tries manipulating you into feeling bad like this is vile!

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Then after the funeral, I would turn it into alone time with dinner and a shopping spree, and remember he told you to!!


It sounds like your hubby is thinking of you
Even though it’s a sad occasion
And my sincere condolences to you and your family

Your hubby probably feels some time alone to grieve with your family
And have a break from every day life
Without the kids demanding this , that and the other

what an insensitive a** thing to say!
does he also believe doing anything with the kids is "babysitting " ? sounds like the type.

seems he’d atleast say something like, it’s going to be OK, I’m sorry for your loss and I hope you try to take it easy … ugh

Men are just wired different they rarely think before they speak… its like, how they have one rib less than women, they were shorted on 1 or 2 brain cells also, causing them to lack a bit of common sense😆 I have 4 brothers a dad a step dad and my first born was a boy (a man now) so they seriously don’t have a clue🧐 I’m so sorry for your loss hopefully that husband of yours will grow up someday💗

Tiffany Stewart I’m very certain I’m autistic and I can agree with this. This is definitely something I would say in my very awkward way of being nice. This is also a great example of why I have social anxiety, I barely talk because I’m afraid of saying something insulting unintentionally…like one time, I was hanging out with this guy and he didn’t have an arm but I don’t care, whatever. But then he tried opening a lunchbag and you know what my dumb ass said? “Do you need a hand with that?” Like wtf, I’ve never even said that phrase before in my life until that very day. I’ll never forget that

Wild to me this lady is saying her spouse was not only unsupportive but acted like the death of a family member was some sort of break for her. Instead of “he’s a grown man who needs to learn to use his words” I’m hearing “did you try to decipher for another capable adult their meaning behind his cheap jab”.


I would say"Oh, I think I will and you just take a moment and reflect on what you just said. Enjoy the chaos" and then I’d walk out. That was totally insensitive and heartless. When my mother died, my boss expected me to be at work the next day after she died. She popped off “when my parents died, I went back to work the next day.” I said " at least I have a heart." My mother had just died unexpectedly and I had to rush around to find out what to do next. At the hospital, they basically told me I had an hour to find someone to go get her. I was completely numb and in shock.

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A break is a break, take some extra time after the funeral for yourself. And enjoy the alone time.

Your away from the kids even for a funeral, you a still not having to bring them with you so you can focus better on what’s going on.


For that I would stay out extra long and when I was back I would be telling him to pack his bags! What a :face_with_symbols_over_mouth::face_with_symbols_over_mouth::face_with_symbols_over_mouth::face_with_symbols_over_mouth:

Maybe he’s doing something that he’s guilty of


Sounds like a narcissist.

Does he normally make shots like that ? Cause my partner makes cracks at me when I go out here and there but he doesn’t actually mean it cause he’d rather stay home with kids then run errands with me.

Circumstances considered though, that was mean and uncalled for. I would have taken my sweet time after that.

Also I’m sorry for your loss, mine died Christmas Day 2000. Real shitty to loose such important pieces of our lives

He needs to baby sit more often is all I’m saying

Wtf! I bet he calls it “babysitting” too right?! Your husband needs to grow up!

Say what you got to say to him x tell him how it made you feel and but 1st find out how he meant it x

Insensitive no matter what. Hugs to you

Why wouldnt your husband and Kids go to the funeral?

And it’s not a “man thing” not all men are clueless id*ots🤦‍♀️


A man can not put his foot in a shut mouth…my husband use to say that

Extremely disturbing comment

he’d become an “ex husband” faster than he spewed that filth from his face hole! :flushed:


Yea, go n don’t worry, its his turn to care for the kids, n take uour time with your family

Ask him if he wants to be next in line?

Thats manipulation for you. He was hoping you wouldn’t go so he didn’t have to stay home and have responsibilities. His pap didn’t die yours did. Xo


Honey that’s a narcissist move.


This isn’t any type of marriage I want to be a part of! First off, why isn’t your husband going to a family member’s funeral with you!? He really let u go alone and then was upset he had the kids!? Know your worth and then act accordingly. This wouldn’t fly with me!

Just wondering why he didn’t accompany you?
Did he want to go and maybe was feeling left out ?


Hoping he didn’t mean it that way. Ask him. If he did, let him know that it was uncalled for and really rude. Sorry he has to spend time with his kids while you bury a loved one.

Just don’t go home after the funeral stay out until bed time and treat yourself

Omg I would be pissed. What a shitty thing to say :face_with_symbols_over_mouth:

Anyone making excuses for him just stop. There’s no way he didn’t mean that in a hateful manner. For some reason, I guess he was sore about having to stay home with the kids? But it’s your grandpa‘s funeral! That was a very cold-hearted thing to say. Sounds to me like you’re married to a narcissistic man-baby.