Looking for advice. My husband and I are at our breaking point. He has 1 child, we had 1 together, and then had oops twins. He tells me I ruined his life, he dislikes me, he never wanted kids with me, shouldn’t have married me, etc. Then he’ll eventually apologize and tell me he didn’t mean it, he was just upset. It’s happened so many times I know he means it, then just feels guilty. I’m so broken, I’ve lost all sense of who I am as a person. I feel like a robot everyday just going through the motions that I know I have to complete. What do I do…? Do I keep fighting for us or give up?
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It wouldn’t be giving up if you walked away. You deserve better and that would be you putting your foot down. He has resentment toward you even if unjustified and will always put you down if you’re with him. Kiddos don’t need to learn that as an example for future relationships either and deserve a happy mom
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You cannot keep someone who doesn’t want to be kept. He’s said it many times, he means it. Let him go. You two might be better at coparenting than at marriage. No fighting, no bitterness. Just raise your kids tg and other than that go your separate ways.
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When someone shows you who they are… PAY ATTENTION. You know in your heart that him saying these things repeatedly is not just a ‘mistake’ and something he says when upset. I don’t think you should waste your energy fighting for someone who would firstly say those things in the first place, but say them more than once. If you’re too much for him, tell him to go find less. You deserve better.
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Honestly in my opinion, he has it more than once, it becomes the truth. I couldn’t handle someone who keeps saying it over and over mad or not. It’s not something someone should ever say. If it was me I would leave. He doesn’t deserve someone like you, you have a baby that needs you. No one should be put down like you’re. That baby will grow up knowing that dad can say whatever he wants and the child will think it’s ok to treat women like that. You two deserve way better than that
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Move on tell him it’s not good for the kids and if he doesn’t want them or you then to leave you or your kids don’t need that. If he is so sorry tell him that he needs to talk to someone about his behavior and to get the help he needs. It’s not you. It’s literally him.
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A person will treat you like this if you let them and it gets worse as time goes by. You kids are learning that you can treat someone like dirt and get away with it. Know your worth and sent him on his way. Take money out into your account because your going to need it. Divorce with child support payments as soon as possible.
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He means if he keeps saying it. He just is saying sorry for not keeping his mouth shut. Playing devils advocate here because I’ve been the iffy-not so happy person and not the best to my husband when I’m upset (no excuse, and I would never speak of him as a father.) he’s an amazing father. But here’s the deal, if you want this to work out and get through this, he needs counseling to help him through his trauma. Depression after having small children is hard and exhausting. Stay at home moms do everything 24/7 with no break so I know I’ve snapped at my husband, the name calling and saying things like that is borderline abusive, if not abusive. Men don’t get all the time that us women lose our identity completely when we have kids. It’s hard as h@ll and maybe he’s having a hard time too and feeling resentful. It’s hard to say, does he work a lot? Do you work? Etc.
Tell him sorry doesn’t mean anything until he changes his ways.
He can sorry 100 times but it’s not true until it stops
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You deserve the best life DarLiN
Life is to short
Don’t waste anymore time with this dude who doesn’t deserve you
Best of Life to you
I’m gonna take a different approach on this one than most, since I literally live this version of life. So no nasty comments please. I have 2 kids from a previous marriage and have a baby with my boyfriend. He has these moments as well. Finally figured out that he suffers from depression as well as low testosterone. He means the things he says in the moment but doesn’t actually MEAN them. He says them when he is in a dark place and that dark place causes thoughts he doesn’t normally have and it’s usually when he is severely stressed and tired and causes the depression to creep in before he can try to get a handle on it. It took us a long time to figure out what was happening. On top of that his testosterone (which causes the same symptoms as depression) made everything worse. And even though we are aware now it still happens. But at least now we both understand why what’s happening, happens. Depression in men can be VERY different than in women. In men it most often comes out as anger and aggravation and avoidance and borderline narcissism and overall unhappiness. It sounds like maybe that’s a talk that should be had because maybe he doesn’t actually mean it, maybe it’s his brain waging war on him and you. I felt broken for a long time thinking it was me. Caused me to have depression and anxiety. The ups and downs wore me down. I would look at all possibilities before giving up, but also don’t allow yourself to be his punching bag. You can give him grace and understanding while also standing your ground. We found a vitamin that a lot of people use for depression that has worked wonders and has actually been found to work as good as SSRIs without the side effects as well as having major health benefits. We got his testosterone evened out too. And since then, it’s months between episodes instead of days. My point is, there are so many things that could be causing this version of him or these episodes. But he has to be willing to work with you to find out what the cause is.
You deserve better. Give him one more chance if that’s what you want and when he says it again say you know you’re right maybe you should leave and we should just get divorced.
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Doesn’t sound like there’s anything worth fighting for….
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He’s showing you over and over. I’d slap em with divorce papers the next time it was said.
When someone shows you who they really are, believe them. You should get your ducks in a row and leave. He either needs therapy or really feels that way but either way, he’s telling you those things to intentionally hurt you.
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I would say a trial separation first. Sometimes people need to remove themselves from a toxic situation so they can see what the are missing or learn that what’s not expectable. Separating will give you the clarity you need to decide if you want to continue being belittled and worth little to him. Married people should never joke about divorce or those kinds of things ever. Those are words that can never be taken back and causes a life time of hurt. If he in fact doesn’t mean it, this will give him time to realize that his actions are extremely hurtful and that you will no longer Stand for the emotional abuse. At then end of the day, you have to decide what you will tolerate and what you will not. You should NOT feel terrible or have doubts that your husband actually loves you or not.
He said that freely without any thought, he meant it. I say save your insanity and move on with your kids. It would be hard for love to be there for me to him if he said it one time. O.k the kids are here and they had no choice of that decision, so why let them suffer from a relationship going bad. Mom you can find love again after you get out of this situation, let him go where he needs to go because the love is gone.
You both need counseling if there’s to be any hope of saving this marriage.
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They’re going to kill me buuuuut. I think men go through a post partum too 
don’t accept anything you wouldn’t do to anyone yourself yet love you spouse unconditionally. Someone that doesn’t care doesn’t apologize. I’m not saying accept it but if your looking for answers here then your obviously still looking for hope. Pray. Counsel . Space .
I would personally give up, apology or not he said it not just once so he obviously ment it which is not something someone should say to anyone anyways. If your unhappy leave. You only live once and deserve to live life happy. 
A lot easier said then done. But.
Leave him 
because what he says out of anger he actually means and that is a no from me
It’s abusive. Give him what he wants and leave. You’ll be so much happier without someone constantly telling you they don’t want you.
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My man does this to me and I honestly put my foot down. I’ve told him how insecure it’s made me by the words he’s used and that I don’t feel like he wants to be there. When he does get into those moods, I don’t even fight it anymore. I’ll look him dead in the eyes and say if that’s how you truly feel, there’s the door, if it’s not shut the f*ck up. Usually stops the argument and we go silent for a day or two.
Move on with your kids you will be much happier. No negative around you anymore dragging you down…you will have so much joy with positive thoughts 
I would say open the communication lines without getting upset or fighting. Soon as a fight is starting to happen shut down the conversation. Relationships are 100%. Each person should give 50% to make 100%. Some days one person may not be able to give their full 50% and the other person has to pick up the slack. In life it is easy just to fall into the motion of things. Try switching up your routine. Do something for yourself. Work out or read a book when you have some down time. Communication and balance is everything in a relationship. If he is that unhappy he should figure out some joy in his life again. This is a phase in life with the kids. It’s not a forever phase and it will pass.
That’s abuse. Plain and simple.
You should leave.
Normally I suggest counseling but thats flat out wrong.
You said you know he means it, then you know you should say goodbye to his sorry a**!
I am so sorry he treats you that way and speaks to you that way. It’s never okay. Show him that by packing his bags and showing him the exit.
You look at yourself the way your kids look at you, and you give yourself the advice you would give them in this scenario.
Don’t let the door hit ya on the way out. That sounds more like resentment than anger.
Send him away for a week n see how he acts then it’s a whole different ballgame when you have time apart.
Don’t let no man treat you like that. You can easily do it alone just the same
He may feel neglected, kids take up so much of our energy. Try counseling before toy leave.
Give up, he doesn’t care.
Leave and move on. Someone else will WANT you. It will be fine. There is happy out there waiting on ya
Get.Out.Of.THERE. Toxic AF
Leave!! You and those kids deserve better
Honey it’s time to let go
Take the kids and go
Yeah it’s scary and going to be rough
Just leave separate and see if it’s better or worse
If u got family and support system
Do it
Who knows he might find out he really does want the family life with you
But he also has to realize that you find out it’s just better without him
Trust your gut and your head first and your heart second
Good luck the choice is on you,you can only decide how much is enough
Foul me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, fool me three times and you’re avoiding reality. He wants out. You need to get out, it’s not giving up, it’s moving on because you’ve run your course. You and your kids and your relationship with him will be better off.
Your should have given up like yesterday
Check out, because he has.
Run and find your happiness lifes too short. Become the person you see in your heart , find true love and live peacefully. You’re children deserve that to. So does this jerk you’re unfortunately married to… but that’s not your problem. Put him put of his misery and end it.
Pack his shit and put it out…change locks…BE DONE
You ruined his life by HIM getting you pregnant?! Get rid, he’s ruining your life.
He sounds Bipolar… Has he seen a therapist?
Kick him to the curb and find someone who treats you better! He’s mentally and emotionally abusing you.
Sounds like a useless dick… bye 
It’s going to be really hard to split up & start over. But it’s going to be even harder to stay. I lived like that for years. & it took me a few years to start over again. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
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This is domestic abuse. He may not be physically harming you but he IS beating you down nonetheless. The pattern is there. He beats you down (by saying the worst things possible) and then apologizes and says he doesn’t mean it. Whether he means it or not is almost irrelevant because the words have you feeling “broken”.
I really don’t love coming on these forums and saying “leave” but when there’s abuse involved, RUN!
- YOU deserve to be loved, happy and secure. You are not getting that with your husband. It’s not likely to get better but it will probably get worse.
- YOUR KIDS deserve to be raised by a mom who is whole. The more he beats you down, the more of yourself you will lose
- Your kids are going to grow up this is what marriage looks like. I know that you don’t want them to repeat this cycle of abuse.
Start planning your escape. Find a good lawyer and start the process. And get yourself into some kind of counseling. You may be “broken” now but you can be “
Divorce papers with child custody outlined and move on for you and your children’s mental health. You can and will survive, I DID!!!
live apart & see a therapist, But it really doesn’t sound like things are going to change. And the rest is up to you, not us
Therapy for all. No one should treat the mother of their children like that.
Maybe actually sit down and talk with him … And or get counseling… why ask Facebook ?
Give up girl just throw in the towel
Run and don’t look back,
What a horrible man telling you all those nasty things.
You deserve better 
Throw out the whole man and get 9ne that wants to.be there