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"We have been together for 21 years. He has a habit of talking to everyone about our issues before talking to me. He went to his mom this last time we had an argument, and she told him to move back home and leave me with nothing. She lives in a different province. He also has issues with controlling the debit/credit cards. No, I don't work at the moment, but even when I did, he was the same way. I don't have a debit card for the one bank account we have. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am on edge, worrying that he is going to leave again. Any advice would be appreciated."
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Well if he leaves not only are you entitled to half of everything you are also entitled to support. I would suggest counseling but I am sure his mother would say no. I most definitely would speak to his mother and ask her if her mother in-law stuck her nose in her marriage. I called out my mother in-law and told her that I didn’t need her 2 cents."
"If your name is on the account, just go get a debit card, he won’t even know."
"Go to work! Be your own provider, and let him leave. When he leaves, enjoy the reduction in your work load. Life is too short to be miserable."
"For 21 years?? The ship has been sailed within the first 5 years of your marriage.
If he can’t listen and respect you and your marriage privacy within the first 5 years. He will not change and he sounds like a mommas boy. Divorce and leave. It’s okay to start over"
"Divorce since she told him to leave and he can’t talk to you. My husband and I don’t have the same bank account."
"After 21 years and he’s still running home to mommy you don’t have much worth in his eyes. Go back to work and put him on mommy’s couch"
"Realistically you don’t have a leg to stand on and you have put yourself in a position to depend on him. Shitty place to be. So if it were me I’d be getting my self a job first and foremost and opening my own bank account. Keep the peace until you are able to provide for yourself. Then divorce his ass first and take half of everything as you are entitled to. Tell him to go live with his mama while the divorce is settled if that’s what they both want. Fuck that dude and his mama"
"Every time you go food shopping get cash back. Put into q saving account start stacking and looking for work"
"All I see are red flags. Someone who would air your dirty laundry to the public rather than sit and communicate with you is someone who will never learn to grow up. His mother obviously doesn’t respect you or your privacy especially if her first piece of advice is “move back in with me.” He has some controlling issues he needs to work on and not to mention after 21 years of marriage you’re still dealing with this? Girl get yourself a job and leave. It’s hard but someone who can’t respect you and treat you as an equal after all those years is not someone you want in your life. I hope you find the strength to do what’s right for yourself."
"Maybe get some counseling, then drain the account and divorce him."
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