I’m stressing so much all because my almost husband (getting married in 2 days!) spent $600 out of our account and now we literally don’t have enough in there to pay for the rest of the wedding expenses. I didn’t pay 2 bills that were due at the beginning of the week because I wanted to try making sure we have enough for the wedding and we don’t. So not only am I stressed about the wedding stuff in general but I’m even more stressed because the money we did have is now gone and I don’t know how to get enough money in such a short about of time. He booked an air bnb for him and some buddies for in October for some sort of tournament they are all going to and this was two weeks ago almost and nobody has paid him back for their portions yet even knowing that this is wedding week and we already are spending a ton. I’m so furious and am about to reach out to these “friends” myself because my fiancé doesn’t seem too worried about getting paid back. But he also leaves expenses to me and just looks in the account once in a while which is what happened this time. He looked in there, seen a 4 digit number and just assumed we had the $600. We don’t….idk what to do but I’m freaking out so much all week about this
Sign of things to come! This is your first RED FLAG!!
Run while u can girlfriend! Unless u want to struggle forever. Leave while u can.
Hold off on getting married. If you didn’t have pennies to spare It isn’t the right time. Should be a happy time not full of stress. Just postpone and need to have a sit down discussion about money, priorities and communication. Good luck to you.
Get ready for your future…he and his buddies before everything.
I couldn’t marry someone like this. You may love him but your future is destined to struggle with this man. You’re not even married yet and look what he’s doing.
That’s why I have had a separate account for 40 years
Red flag girlfriend. If you even have to question…and if you are questioning now, may be best to step away and put things in perspective before the big day. Be brutally honest with yourself, the rest of your life depends on it. Good luck to you.
Am i the only one who thinks theyre both at fault here?
You go calmly tell him he has 24hrs to hustle and put that money back.
Once that’s done… you need to have a serious chat about communication and finances if you’re going to go through with this marriage given those are two of the biggest reasons people get divorced.
I’m so glad I got married in my livingroom and didn’t have to deal with this stress.
Sounds like a preview of things to come. Good luck with that.
Could be sign of future troubles. Hold off wedding get this straightened out first!
Well… be prepared for that for the rest of your life together
Sounds like it’s only the beginning
When someone shows you exactly who they are, you sometimes should run! Now you know his level of honesty, integrity, commitment, faithfulness and his method of care toward you. You always have choices.
Wow!!! All the negative comments…… but they are not wrong.
Reach out to these friends and tell them your predicament.
This is The universe beating you with a sign
He spent the money but it sounds like he assumed he would be getting it back from his friends. His communication with them about the importance of paying it back probably was not good. He’s not stressing it bc it’s his fault. You and him need to come together and talk to his friends and get the money back. Also, need to have a discussion for further expenses regardless of wether the money is in the account or not. He needs to realize why this is a big deal and back you up and find a way to fix it. Hopefully you’ll get cash gifts at the wedding which will help but not until after.
If you choose to move forward with the marriage, you should consider separate bank accounts.
he’s showing you exactly who he is and what you can expect from him. it’s up to you what you want to do with that information.
Consider this a blessing, you deserve better… take care of yourself and eliminate the stressors in your life
I would reach out to people who owe
This is why my husband and I had our own bank accounts.
Now that he is deceased sadly, and I have a new partner, we still have separate accounts.
Eventually we probably will have a joint for all home expenses but still have our own.
Sorry you’re going through this, but if you want the relationship to work it sounds like you need separate accounts going forward for these type of situations.
Can the wedding continue without payment?
He contacts the friends in your presence and explains he needs it now or you do it for him:face_with_monocle:
Get this kind of thing under control or your marriage will fail!.
Welcome to the rest of your life!
This is a sign. I’d not go through with it
Came to comment the same as everyone else. Priorities and boundaries in your next relationship
If it is in Oct he can unbook and get deposit back.
Reverse/dispute the charge. Then I’d call off the wedding to save time and money. He’s showing you what is most important to him and it isn’t you .
This is why I never spent hardly anything on a wedding
Get used to it. If he just spends and plans without talking to you about it….congratulations you’re his new mom!!! And it will only get worse
Get the money back from the friends that owe him or cancel the reservation and get the money back that way.
My mind is blown about a lot of these.
What parts of the wedding haven’t been paid yet, TWO DAYS before the big day? Why did you leave the wedding expenses in your regular bank account and not savings or pull it out? Why did he do that without speaking with you first? Why did you strap yourself so short for a wedding that some of your bills aren’t being paid?
It’s quite obvious that ya’ll have some things to work on. Planning, financing, conversating, etc. If you guys plan to spend the rest of your lives together, you guys need to mature and grow together. If you guys aren’t even a team right now, the marriage isn’t going to work well.
My first husband and I tried joint account for brief period of time and realized it was too difficult to maintain. Too easy to forget to mention to the other about a small purchase. Let alone a frivolous 600$ guy trip. Shows where his priorities are
Wow. A lot of people just ready to throw in the towel without getting the whole story… while I get what you’re saying, tournaments are usually planned in advance. So this sounds like something that was already planned. He definitely should have talked to you about it before hand.
Is he aware that you feel like this? Have you sat down with him and explained to him what you’ve been thinking? That you’re extra stressed (like most people) with your upcoming nuptials?? Is he usually irresponsible? Is this something that happens often? Does he disregard your thoughts and feelings? Does he treat you well or no? Marriage takes WORK.
Definitely tell them they need to repay their portion because it was money meant for final wedding expenses or cancel air b and b maybe?
Cancel the booking and get a refund if that is possible. Has your partner actually asked for the money back and did he give a time frame? That amount of money should be discussed especially if it isn’t spent on you both… how is he not stressed too, do you discuss finances with him?
Obviously there is no communication.
You may want to re think getting married! He obviously has bigger concerns than your wedding! Also, getting married doesn’t have to be lavish and expensive. If you don’t have it and aren’t paying bills then you should get your priorities in order first.
This is why we got married in the courthouse and had a yard party after as there’s no way I would sacrifice our bills being paid to make sure we had money for our wedding.
I don’t think you two should get married
And that is what you will look forward to in the rest of your marriage, him putting others before you and not communicating with you . Put your accounts in your name only and call off the wedding. He is not mature enough to take on the responsibilities of marriage. Sorry, but the truth!
Being honest this is a HUGE red flag.
I would really take into account if this is what you’re willing to put up with long term… this is not a one time oppsie.
From experience of things like this. This is NOT going to be the last time things like this will happen. I wouldn’t get married, and say we’ll this isn’t happening now. It hurts and I hate it because I know it’s something to look forward to but I went through something similar. And it wasn’t just a 1 time oopsi. It was a consistent of what he wanted to spend money on while I pay for things. So just really evaluate everything. Also reaching out to the friends will cause drama and just upset you even more . I wouldn’t bother.
I went a head and married a man like this, now I’m trying to dig myself out of the hole. He’s showing you who is is, believe him.
You both need to grow up!!! He shouldn’t have taken it without talking to you but you should have had the bills payed before spending it on a wedding.
Wow. It’s a little late for this advice, but if you can’t even pay your regular bills, that means you went overboard with the wedding and should have considered a smaller and cheaper one before booking. He should have communicated with you about his spending also!! One doesn’t just blow $600 bucks because one feels like it. You both have a lot of growing up to do and learn how to communicate and budget before spending. I hope somebody can lend you the money, but then you still owe THEM and you have to pay the unpaid bills… good luck!
Frankly I’d call off the wedding. Tell him & guests that since he spent money meant for the wedding it can’t continue. If you stay with him seperate finances. Not his/hers. But so much of each pay check goes in the household bills account, so much for food etc. Then you each get an allowance to spend, save, do what you want with.
I would rethink this relationship though. It sounds like he’s not looking for a partner. He’s with you for money, s3x whatever else he gets from you without giving anything to the relationship.
Why would u not pay two bills to begin with???and he takes money and books air bnb for him and his buddies (u both sound perfect for each other
Haven’t said I do yet… run girl
His priorities are obviously with his friends and not you. I would feel extremely betrayed. Only question is did he propose of his own will or is it somthing you hinted to or made an ultimatum?
If you are planning on going ahead with this marriage, call the friends and have a come to Jesus meeting with your groom and get him to agree taking some financial planning courses for you both after the wedding. I say for you both, because you need to be way more aggressive at communicating the need for ALL large expenses to be discussed prior to purchase.
Have him call his buddies in front of you demanding the money back or you will cancel the wedding.
Need to stop.now. gonna get worse
Don’t marry him
If he is making stupid mistakes like this before the wedding
Cancel the wedding. This guy is trouble and it will only get worse after you get married.
Hes telling you what his priorities are. Move out
The fact that he did this and didnt discuss this first with you is a red flag. His real friends also knowing he was getting married should have paid there fees up front also. I’m also getting the vibe this isn’t the first time he done this . Girl huge red flads already
Don’t get married. Red flag
Don’t marry this man…this is a big red sign that something as important as finances you are not on the same page…much worry in your future
Sad, but true, most divorces happen because of money issues. He has just slapped you in the face with the reality of his priorities, communication skills, and level of respect for you. Sorry. Get refunded for what you can, take your portion of the joint account and count yourself lucky that you learned this lesson before you walked down the aisle. When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
The writing is on the wall for what you can look forward to, from this point on.
You can’t change him. Get out while you can.
There is a whole other issue here.
First, if you’re putting off paying bills to have a wedding, maybe you shouldn’t be having a wedding at this point in time.
Second, and the bigger issue, is your “husband” spent a large amount of money without even consulting you. That’s a sign of things to come, and those things won’t be good!
You’re both full of red flags.
If you are already putting off paying bills to pay for things that aren’t a necessity can you really be trusted with y’all’s joint finances? That’s irresponsible. Especially considering money is the number one source of strife in marriages.
And why is he booking trips and spending money without a full discussion with you first. I handle our money and if I say we can’t do it that’s all my husband wants to know. If he still wants to do it he figures out where the extra money is going to come from. We funny decide things without discussions.
Maybe y’all should actually have a real conversation before you get married. This isn’t off to a very good start.
Everyone saying he’s showing red flags but everyone ignoring the fact that you didn’t pay two bills. You guys sound perfect for each other. Two peas in a pod when it comes to being responsible.
This is a preview of the marriage. It’s not too late to back out.
So you rather not pay bills so you can have a wedding
Im more concered that your not paying overdue bills to have money for a wedding.
I’m not going to jump on the “he doesn’t want to get married” bandwagon. Did he say anything to you before he booked? Maybe there was a deal on it and he needed to book right then. Maybe he figured that this close to the wedding, things should be paid for. By 2 weeks out, there shouldn’t be all that much left.
That said… you’re doing too much if you have to hold off on a bill to make sure you can afford whatever it is you’re spending money on. Not just wedding, but trips, dining out, whatever it is… save up, figure out a budget, and don’t go broke trying to do the thing.
ETA: if he didn’t mention to you that he wanted to spend the money, you do need to have a serious talk. If your bank account is joint, neither of you should be spending large amounts of money without discussion first. Even if it’s getting paid back. There’s a reason you shouldn’t loan money to your friends.
I’d be telling him to cancel the airbnb unless his friends give him the money back today. Then they can rebook once everyone wants to pay up.
Sweetheart you need to learn to pay attention to the when you see them. Y’all haven’t even made it down the aisle yet and stuff like this is already happening. You’re actually getting a sneak peek into what your future will be like. Wedding expenses aside, it was DISRESPECTFUL of him to spend that amount of money without consulting you. Do you have the information for the air bnb? If so, I would see if there’s still time to get the money back. I mean that’s how I would handle it. You might want to think LONG AND HARD before you say I do. Some women be so focused on the wedding details that they don’t realize what type of marriage they’re getting themselves into.
This is not for you to figure out!! He needs to figure out how to replenish 600 asap!
Just remember, a big elaborate expensive wedding isn’t what your wedding day is about and you don’t need to go all out to show it either. It’s about committing your life to one another through thick and thin , rich or poor, etc and sharing those memories with close friends and family. Communication is a big factor to make a marriage work as well as supporting each others hobbies/dreams atleast within reason. Talk to your son to be husband about getting the money back, don’t go straight to his friends. And if you can’t then figure out something that you can cut last minute from the wedding or diy to save a few bucks and have your husband help you. Or call it off and go to the court house to get married or just wait till you both are more financially stable and then either throw a big reception and wedding or vow renewal down the road. But the big thing is talk to each other and figure it out together!!
My husband and I discuss all spending of $100 or more and if we don’t both agree it don’t happen. Finances in merraige need to be openly discussed and decisions need to be made jointly
600 without discussion is absurd
There are priorities in this life, bills are first it’s clear that he doesn’t care about the wedding expenses if you don’t have enough money for the wedding why have one at this point canceling the wedding it’s too late providers May not return even half I wouldn’t get married
Don’t marry him red flag
Id be pissed. So so pissed! Neither ny husband or i am controlling when it comes to money, BUT if its like $50 or more and something not ‘needed’ we give the other a heads up, if the other one has a issue with it than we talk it over and we decide if its something that should wait or not. No matter how much we have. One thing i am very proud of our relationship is that we never ever fight over money. We are open n honest and respect each other. Nothing is his or mine, only ours. Im sry ur fiance did that. It was completely disrespectful of him
How quickly I’d be taking me for a massage and not to the alter…girl you really still trying to marry that man?
Why would you not pay your bills for a wedding first and foremost, and second he did not care that there wasn’t enough for a wedding because it isn’t a priority to him.
None of these comments are helpful.
Listen, you need to talk to him like an adult (without freaking out) and let him know that Taking care of finances is a huge mental load especially when it comes to a wedding. Have him reiterate to his friends that funds are super tight (understandably) because of the upcoming wedding and it’s imperative that you get paid back asap.
Also, I’m hoping you’ll get money gifts at your wedding to pay back what’s needed (bills and final totals) so try not to stress.
Going forward, I’d suggest you have the money talk more often and keep him in the loop. Don’t do it all yourself. Maybe use a calender to write out when bills are due, how much, incoming and outgoing stuff so that you’re not the only one taking it on. I’d also recommend having a savings account to stick some money into that you can only withdrawal jointly for emergencies. It takes practice to become financially responsible as a team.
Good luck and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.
You need to run,you are marrying a very irresponsible Man and will be a hard life.
Well, then the real question is …does he even want to get married
Because if he did then he would of never touched those funds
When we want extra we take on extra work and rest later
Sounds like he doesn’t want to get married
Cancel the wedding…this is a huge huge red flag
Neither one of you made a good choice. 2 bills were involved…
Sounds like you have much larger issues than 600.00 being spent. Lack of communication to start with. And if money was that tight that you couldn’t pay 2 bills that were due to be able to pay for your wedding…you have over spent on the wedding.
You cancel the air bnb and tell him too bad so sad. Should’ve used his brain more.
I’m sorry to say bills and living expenses come first. You definitely shouldn’t be getting married If you can’t pay these. You need to get your priorities right I’m afraid.
Better start communicating before the wedding!
Personally, if op’s fiance is this way with money intended for the wedding and spent it on himself and friends I’d cancel everything including the relationship. This episode is only the first of the rest of their marriage. I suggest she run away from the whole thing. It won’t get any better. It will be a lot cheaper to lose deposits than a divorce after a few years (if it lasts that long) of him wasting money on himself and buddies.
My friend called off the wedding for October. When He found out she was spending money on Amazon buying junk when she was to help with the cost of the wedding, also taking the money out of account he was depositing money for the wedding .
He knows you have to pay for the wedding, correct? Why would he do that? Not cool at all to put you in this situation. 2 days!? There is a big piece missing in your story. What did he spend the money on that was more important than yalls wedding!? His guy trip? That’s insane. I don’t know how you could even be happy right now to say I do. Messed up! I am sorry this is even happening to you right now.
Why would you plan a wedding, not pay two bills that were due and expect to have enough money for your special event? You and your guy are already in trouble and not even married!!! You better rethink this, get some marriage counseling if not your domed!!!
Wow…I’m not sure what to say but I wish you the best hun
If you won’t pay your bills because of something you WANT, not NEED, you should be more mature before getting married.
He spent that much without saying anything to you, and you skipped paying bills for your wedding?