My husband will get up with the kids some days so I can “sleep”. But here’s the thing- he NEVER actually wakes up for them. I hear them on the monitors next to his face. I wake him up to tell them they’re up and can he please get them. I spend 20 mins usually telling him to get up please until I’m yelling and mad and wide awake so I can’t go back to sleep anyways and it’s all for nothing. I’m so sick of it. Is this weaponized incompetence? Is he doing this on purpose? because after 3 yrs and 2 kids it feels like a mind game. Yeah, here get some extra sleep I’m the good guy for offering…but never actually get it because you have to wake me up which wakes you up so you end up not getting the offer. I just want what’s promised to me for once. I don’t sleep I’m horrible at it and exhausted 24/7 because of it. I don’t want to take pills for it but melatonin and unisom don’t keep me asleep anymore. He knows this and that’s why he offers but it never follows through because of this situation.
If he usually offers this the night before, here is what you do…. Have the kids sleep in your bed with him. You go sleep in the kids room with the door shut and locked.
You taise them he works and feeds and houses you all. If that’s the case then you are asking for too much. Think is that devision of labor fair or are you you being a queen and asking an unfair amount of special treatment?
He sounds lazy. I’ve had an ex like that… you can either put uo with it snd try and change it or move on…
Spend that night at a motel or with a friend. Before you leave, turn up the volume on the monitor.
Depends…does he work? Are you a SAHM? How old are the kids…all that could make a difference
Sounds like my ex husband. I would beg him to do the same or to just take care of the kids while I went to the store or visit my mother. In a couple hours he couldn’t remember to feed kids or be bothered to change the dirty diapers. So I would return to find he played video games or slept the whole time. His kids that we had with fertility assistance. Honestly. I think a lot of guys/people say they want to be a parent but don’t actually put in the effort. Especially when it can fall back on another parent/person. It’s just how they are and no amount of words they say or you say can make them want to step up. They have to choose to.
Unfortunately all the yelling and anger in the world isn’t gonna help.
What you can do is the easiest yet the hardest thing… nothing.
If he promised to get up with the kids and he isn’t just wait. Don’t wake up to make him wake up. Just lay there and wait him out. Eventually he will wake up.
A lot of guys don’t learn how to sleep lightly like a mom bc they have you for back up to hear the kids. Meanwhile we get conditioned to hear a pin drop and we wonder why we are so exhausted.
My husband was an otherwise good man but I could not stand him when we were raising babies together bc it felt like he didn’t hear them on purpose.
So I said ya know what, he needs to feel this parenting just as much as I do. No more safety net.
We as women tend to parent our husbands parenting and wonder why we are extra tired and burnt out.
Leave him to suffer . Act like you can’t hear it and keep snoring bc that is exactly what he does when it’s your turn to get up.
And when your kids get older, teach them the night before to come in the room and get daddy when it’s his turn. Have them jump on him and everything if needed.
Even if you don’t fall back asleep that doesn’t mean you have to leave the bed. Imagine how lovely it would be to just do nothing while your kids are tended to. If you got a TV in your room you could catch up on a show while kids get breakfast and who knows maybe you’ll drift off again. If not it’s nice to not have to take care of others first thing in the morning once in awhile.
I hope you and your man can get through this and work it out. I also wish you courage and strength to fight for what you need as a mama.
Is he just a hard sleeper? I wouldn’t wake up if a tornado came through my house 
How old are your kids? My partner is partially deaf and deep sleeper so he doesn’t hear the kids. Once I’m awake, i can’t go back to sleep anyways. But on days that I can, I will take an afternoon nap. I close the door and the blinds and warn everbody to not bother mommy. There are times that i cant fall asleep but I still use that time to reste before the evening chaos start.
Sounds a bit like it is here. My husband has really bad sleep habits and a lot of times he can’t sleep at night so he ends up falling asleep a little bit before everyone wakes up, leaving me to the kids until late afternoon. Then he gets bent when I can’t keep my eyes open past the kids bed time. Pretty sure it’s a secondary/ default parent dynamic.
Leave and get some good sleep. He can get up with them. But why would he when he knows he can’t just not and you’ll end up doing it. Seriously without getting some decent sleep your mental health is at risk. Kiddos need a healthy mom too!
Set the alarm clock everyday and stick right next to his ear…
Try a set schedule we have a newborn, a ten yr old and a two yr old and both of us work, I get all the kids to bed around 8pm ALWAYS!! Then i lay down down and sleep until around 130-200am while my husband stays up in case the baby wakes up. Around 130-200 he will finally lay down to sleep and he sleeps until about 6am-630am while I get up if the baby wakes.
Get a prescription for trazadone (spelling?) and lay there quietly staying calm ignoring the monitor until he gets up.
Stop breeding with this man. He sounds real lazy and inconsiderate.
Then leave for a few days he will have no choice but to get up if you ain’t there