Yesterday i found out that my husband is still smoking…he supposedly quit a year ago and told me he wasn’t doing it anymore and i was so proud of him…wel i drove by his work place to bring him some lunch and there he was outside smoking a ciggarette…i am sooo upset that i ended up leaving the house and am staying with my mom…i am pregnant and dont like cigg smoke…
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/my-husband-lied-to-me-about-smoking-ciggarettes-advice/20416
Oh goodness it’s only cigs lol
It’s a cigarette get over it
Good lord. Get over yourself
It’s a cigarette… it’s not like he is smoking around you or in the house he is a grown man he don’t need your permission… you are not his mother … grow up !
I hope this is a joke!!! Getting ready to bring a child into that!??
We are all humans. Just because we get married it doesn’t mean you get to control your partner and their every move. He wants to smoke he will smoke. He already has a mother. He doesn’t need another one.
How did you not still smell it on him or taste it when you kiss him?
Welp looks like you’re gonna raise a baby alone
So you’re his mom now too?
I think it’s more of how he lied to her than the cigarettes for those of you being so hateful
Don’t jump down her throat immediately, yes it may only be cigarettes but it was a lie, albeit a small one. Honestly I’ve done this before, and he probably did quit at first, but you do not understand how hard quitting tobacco is. He could have picked it up again and is afraid to tell you
It’s hard to quit. Might have been a one time thing since he said he quit.
Grow up and let him be a man, mother.
Hmmmm I kinda see this from both angles…… you got with him knowing he smoked and expected him to quit. Guessing he respects you enough to not do it at home. He does it at work, where it can be stressful and you’re still mad?! Wow. I can see why he hides it from you… he wasn’t smoking in front of you. No where near you. And you left to stay at moms bc you don’t like the smell??? the only thing I would be pissed about is him lying about it. But I can see why he does
People are pethetic ,
Its fact he LIED , grow up ppl …shes aloud to be upset what eles is he hidding
Shoudent pretend for 1y u need trust in relationship not lie
I just gave up smoking 3 days smoke free and if I ever took it up again and my fiance told me I couldn’t then he would be told to go. If you don’t like smoke then he can always go outside to smoke
Umm first and foremost he’s grown, second are you being serious right now? Like, serious, serious? Cause I feel like if you’re serious, you have a slight problem. Even if he lied, he’s smoking a cigarette not meth.
I know I’ve been off and on that wagon a few hundred times…relapse is part of ANY addiction rehab process…be supportive instead of petty and punitive
Lmfao grow up. He’s an adult and can do it if he pleases.
He was wrong on several things too. Thinking of you.
He’s probably stressed out because of the baby and smoking it happens. Cut him some slack
Holy over reaction. Maybe he slipped up, it’s hard to stop an addiction. But you don’t like a smell, so you leave your husband?..Pregnancy brain must have you all kinds of messed up. That’s honestly one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard.
I understand being mad about the lie, but thats when you have a conversation with your partner and sort it out. Not take to social media and leave, that’s actually horrible of you.
Good grief woman… there are much worse things to leave over!!
Get over it much worse things he could be doing. You do realise there are people dying from starvation… Your problemo not his you don’t own him
It is not easy at all to quit. This is probably why he’s hid it from you. Clearly you haven’t smelled cigarettes on him so…
I get being mad but you gotta pick your freaking battles if you up and left over it no wonder he lied hes prolly afraid of your reaction, which is not cool on your part
Dumb to lie, yes…but I also feel like you’re going overboard.
So he’s a grown man and as long as he’s not doing it around you it shouldn’t be an issue. If that’s the worst thing he’s doing you should feel fortunate. Good grief if you keep that stuff up you’re going to be raising that baby by yourself. You get in a relationship with someone because you love them and you want to be there better half not control every aspect of their life so they have to hide everything from you. I’m telling you right now if you’re going to keep riding him about things he’s going to keep hiding things. you guys are going to fall flat on your faces and it’ll all be your fault for trying to be in control.
If that is all you got to get mad about grow up you are being silly .I smoke cig. only if someone doesn’t like it then stay away
Bruuuuh there’s worst shit in this world & you worried about a damn cigarette
If he lied, probs cause you controlling asf
All this time and you havnt smelled it? Dumb reason to leave, it could be worse
You gonna run to mommy every time there’s conflict?
Get real lady are you his wife or his mother shame on you
He’s probably been smoking this whole time, and u didn’t even notice until u saw him do it… so if he just goes back to hiding it who cares, u don’t have to see or smell it… But if u left him over that then ur marriage obviously has bigger issues than cigarettes*
Nicotine is a hard mistress to say goodbye to, I know I smoked off and on since 16yrs old. 4trs ago I switched to vaping ad I couldn’t give up the nicotine. He shouldn’t have lied but I don’t think it’s worth leaving over?? Just my opinion. Best of luck
Oh honey…. He’s prolly smoking cause his nerves are shot
I get you’re upset because he lied. And I understand the smell is gross.
But, he’s grown. Let the man smoke his cigarettes, and be thankful it’s not crack.
He shouldn’t have to lie, but if he is grown he should be able to do as he wants, same as you. If he wants to smoke why deny him that?..
Your not his mama… he hid it from you because of the way you react. Hence your entire post. Let him smoke. It’s not bothering you as long as it’s outside. Learn to pick your battles
So your telling me he’s been smoking but you haven’t been able to smell it ? I call bullshit lol. He hasn’t been smoking a whole year. You would have smelled it. Also, Your not his mother he’s a grown man. This is childish.
I mean he did respect not doing it around you away from home I think you need to take a deep breath and rethink your approach hope it all works out I think the lie hurts more than the action here!?!
He’s just smoking a damn cigarette, not smoking Meth or anything like that. Jeez!
Are u his mother and u think you are perfect
Don’t judge you don’t know what’s going thru his mind . If you love him you would not take any drastic measures …. He isn’t cheating on you …
If that his only vice and doesn’t do it around you ……then stop complaining. You obviously didn’t know he was smoking since you haven’t smelled it so I would let this one go. He could be out doing much worse.
Could be worse atleast it wasn’t another women …Hes prob stressed…
Of all the things🤦♀️
Maybe he didn’t want to quit, and tried to for her and couldn’t. He didn’t want to be a disappointment, so he does it at work only.
You can be pregnant and not like cigarette smoke but you didn’t know till you drove to his job and saw him.
There is having people grow and then making them change. The first leads to the tales of romance and the latter leads to broken homes
He shouldn’t have lied to you. But he’s grown, he can smoke if he wants to. Atleast he was doing it away from you.
Get over it. Its his body his.choice.
Atleast he’s not cheating
For me the lie is the problem not the smoking, smoking is super hard to quit and you guys should have a reasonable conversation about it, personally I wouldn’t be that upset about it but if you directly asked him and he said he quit recently I’d be upset. If he told you like a month ago that he quit and he just started back up without telling you that’s kinda different too, it’s omitting the truth which isn’t cool but it’s different then a blatant lie.
Anyway personally I’d cut him some slack and have a conversation, it isn’t all about you so to speak and the end of your post makes you sound a bit entitled
First: it’s unhealthy for him, you AND the baby.
Second: he LIED
I wish that was my only problem lol dang. Ppl really splitting up and moving out over cigarettes?
If you have not known for a year , he is obviously trying really hard and not smoking much at all, as the smell stays on you for ages . It’s the hardest thing to give up by far. If this is the worse thing he is going, maybe he is better off
What lol you left him cuz he’s smoking??? Wtf!! Did I just read… poor guy no wonder why he’s smoking…
Just like any addiction, they aren’t going to be able to quit unless they WANT to quit. They can’t quit for anyone else. It doesn’t work like that. If you didn’t like cigarette smoke, why did you get with a smoker?
Smoking is hard to quit knock off your shit and let him be him
Grow tf up! If that’s the worst thing he does your lucky. You left because you don’t like cigarette smoke? Ever think about what he likes? Such a petty, immature reason to leave. It’s not always about YOU, he is a part of this relationship too! SMH
Lying is wrongggg but he’s a grown man, it’s his body. Hope you talked to him to see how long he’s been hiding before up and leaving him. He’s prob chain smoking now that you’re gone.
He isn’t doing it around you get over it. And grow up before this baby come.
Was he a smoker when you met him?
You left and reason I because you don’t like cigarettes smoke but you just caught him by going to his work you don’t know how long he’s been lying then how come you haven’t smelt it he could been smoking this whole time what a lame reason
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Well you haven’t noticed the smell for a year so what’s the problem. He shouldn’t have to lie, but based off your reaction I see why he did. Yikes😬
You didn’t even know he was smoking so you being pregnant and not liking the smell has nothing to do with it. You’re just trying to control him. If he wants to ruin his body smoking then that’s his right
Unfortunately I’ve learned the hard way you can’t make him quit it has to choose too, my Husband was almost 6 months without (still vaping) but better then the nasty smell of cigarettes. Then one day he picked it up again. Hopefully one day he’ll quit but I’m not going to make him stop, I can just say don’t do it in the house. I get your upset but I think your overreacting alittle and hormones are high.
So lying for a yr isn’t cool. I’m assuming he also has been accepting back pats which he didn’t deserve. Which would also piss me off.
But leaving the house seems a bit much over a grown ass working man smoking cigs.
Seems like y’all need to work on communication
Some people literally only smoke at work. No even on the way to or from. That’s probably what it is.
He’s a grown adult , and for all you know he may have been stressed and started again ! Don’t be controlling you’ll only push him away
Oh Good Grief! Can’t imagine why he’d need a cigarette is this a joke?
What else is he lying about?
So what did you do with his lunch though?
Not to be the devils advocate here but maybe the stressors of becoming a father caused him to go back to an old and “easy” coping mechanism. He kept it away from you let’s say because he knew you’d be disappointed and maybe had intended to quit again or fully but maybe a good conversation together would help. I know cigarettes aren’t ideal— but he’s being considerate and not smoking around you. I am a smoker so I just have to say it’s difficult to quit and easy to run back to when shit hits the fan
Geeez… stay with mom!!
But I also agree he shouldn’t have lied to you, he should have been honest. Just tell him that if the lie is the only thing that upset you.
How could you not have smelled and tasted it for a year?
You don’t dislike it that much if you didn’t notice
if it was me, I would confront him and ask why he lied to you about him not smoking anymore. Honestly a year and you thought he wasn’t smoking? how did he hide that for that long? he better start talking and oh honey he can go elsewhere, you’re pregnant and should live comfortably in your own home. Tell him he can come back after really quitting and take smoke cessation classes .
Lying is wrong, but by your reaction I can see why he was afraid to be honest with you. I smoke my husband doesn’t and he would never leave the house because of that. You need to have patience and be understanding about it. It’s not helpful what you did it makes it worse.
Omg really. My husband quit and then he ended starting back up. And I’ve had 2 pregnancies where the father of them smoked .
How could you not notice the smell
My mom would quit smoking only to start back up again. I bet he did quit. And when he started back up or reduced to maybe 1 at work and obviously he’s been hiding it from you because of your reaction. Yes communication is important and we shouldn’t hide things from our partners but honestly smoke is hard to hide on clothes so he probably isn’t doing it a lot. Talk to him without being mad. And if it’s too hard for him at least make a rule no smoking in the house and wash hands and change shirt before handling baby would he good. My brother and sister in law both smoke but are strict no smoking in the house and changing shirt and washing hands after smoking with babies. And if you didn’t want someone who smoked you shouldn’t have gotten with someone that already smoked. It was the 1 rule I had after I divorced my ex that I would never again be with a smoker.
he shouldn’t have lied, but if he had flat out told you that he didn’t want to or wasn’t going to quit, how would you have reacted to that? in my opinion, I think that the way you reacted to finding out he has still been smoking is a bit over the top. you have pretty much temporarily moved out of your house over it. You said you don’t like cigarette smoke, but it sounds like he hasn’t been smoking around you… also if you didn’t have a clue he was still smoking that means that you also couldn’t smell the smoke on him. I think you’re overreacting and treating him a bit unfairly
￼Lying isn’t cool. At all. But you are being over the top.
I had to make sure that I wasn’t the only one who laughed at this ! Girl, it’s your pregnancy hormones !
… your reaction is probably the reason they felt they had to lie in the first place. It’s HIS body, you would have never known had you not seen it.
My husband and I quit in 2016. I would leave him if he started smoking again. 1. I don’t want to watch him die. 2. I cannot, absolutely cannot stand the smell. & 3. I dont want to kiss someone and feel like I just licked an ashtray.
Only you can decide where and what your boundaries are. So figure out those boundaries and stand my them!!!
He’s not doing it around you so what’s your problem? You couldn’t smell it before anyway so it odviosly doesn’t bother you that bad. IMO your being dramatic.
No one can make someone quit. It has to be their decision. At least he respects you enough to not do it around you.
I’d lie too if I knew the reaction would be like this
He shouldn’t have lied but smoking is so difficult to quit. Like one of the hardest things I ever did and I did it cold turkey. Have a talk with him and get him in the patch or the gum and be patient. It’s a horrible nasty habit but do I even still miss a nice cigarette with my coffee in the mornings. Gross but so satisfying
Pick your battles… no its not okay that he lied…
Cigarette* You don’t like the smoke but haven’t been able to tell in a year that he still was?
I mean, lying isn’t cool but he’s a grown adult. You don’t like cig smoke and he’s done a good job keeping it away from you since you never knew. My father apparently smoked my entire childhood but I only ever saw his pack once when I was in high school lol I think the pregnancy hormones may be effecting your emotions a little because leaving to your mom’s seems a bit extreme.
I dont blame you ,it’s not about the cigarette it’s about the lie
Try dating someone who meets your standards. Addicts don’t change because you want them to.
This happened to my mom. She blew up and so my dad didn’t have to hide it anymore. Now he’s got severe copd. She wishes she’d have never mentioned it because at least when he hid it, he didn’t smoke as much. Keep in mind this is truly an addiction. Yes he’s not being honest, but quitting is really tough. If it were me, I’d act like I didn’t know and occasionally just mention how happy I am he quit smoking so it’s safer for the baby etc. that might encourage him to try to quit again
Okay, so given the situation I understand why you’re upset and you have the right to be upset but I do believe you over reacted a bit. It could be that he only smokes at work and if that is the case I believe he should have disclosed this to you beforehand and informed you that “hey, I love you but it’s hard to quit so can I just smoke at work and not bring it home.” The lie itself can be forgiven if you let yourself forgive him but he needs actually give a real apology, not for smoking but for lying. He is an adult and can make decisions on his own but in addition he should also be able to do this while being honest with you. There are by far alot more serious issues, though this lying is serious still but it could be worse. Which means something this small can be resolved. Issues down the line in marriages tend to get worse if the small situations are not fixed as they appear. It can lead to more serious lies. Good luck ! If you’re okay with him doing it at work just make sure he showers once he is home from work if he smells like it.