My husband lied about watching adult videos: Advice?

I’ve been with my husband for six years, married for 2. 2 kids together. Both work full-time. My issue is, at the beginning of our relationship, we both talked about boundaries. We talked openly about porn use, and he stated he doesn’t watch, ever. I believed him until he left his browser open and found he watches frequently. I’m not against porn completely, but I’m definitely against being lied to. He told me he wouldn’t watch it. But he continues to do so. We’re in therapy, and he said he isn’t addicted and will stop, again, a lie. He many times will watch porn instead of having sex with me. I don’t look any different than when we first got together. I feel like this is cheating on me and that he doesn’t respect me. I’m at my wit’s end and feeling so depressed and not good enough. When is enough? Is divorce or separation logical for this?


Yes. It’s logical. However, my husband watched porn before we got together. When we got married we both made bad choices. I never opened up about my issue with porn. He constantly watched it and when I found it he always lied to me. Said he would stop and then watched it again. It made our relationship more difficult. If your husband understands why you don’t want him to, he respects you, loves you, he won’t do it again. Mine stopped watching it 100% and we are now in our 9th year of marriage.

It’s all on your comfort level. My husband and I watch porn together. It can spice a sex life up.


So maybe just has start watching it. My husband doesn’t watch it. It wouldn’t bother me if he did. Some watch it for new ideas. It’s definitely not cheating though.

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Honestly, id rather him be watching porn then going out and phyiscally getting it from someone else like my man did


it’s whatever you feel comfortable with. if you aren’t comfortable with him watching it, he shouldn’t be.


I think that’s a decision you have to make. If you guys intentionally set boundaries and he broke those boundaries, then that’s a problem.

Wishing you the best of luck


I’d much rather have him watch porn than go out and find it elsewhere🤷‍♀️


It’s porn, he’s not risking your health cheating. Sometimes you don’t want to have sex, but want gratification. I know I have my moments.


Divorce for porn? The courts will laugh in your face. Stop being insecure. Put out more. Sounds like he’s missing something and has to find relief elsewhere. Be happy he’s watching porn and not getting another woman.


LMMFAO why did he feel he needed to lie to you about watching porn? My sister divorced her husband because she caught him watching porn. That is the epitome of stupidity!!!


I don’t really think you need to bend your boundaries for any other human being. If it’s something you’re against, you don’t have to tolerate it especially when he knew before you got married. I think you should feel secure in your relationship, and if you don’t and counseling isn’t going to change anything, it’s ok to walk away.

I will say that I don’t believe porn addiction changes who a person is, and you can still love someone who struggles with addiction if they are willing to seek help especially if it’s effecting your sex life.


I know how you feel. People say it’s just porn, but if he is choosing porn over you that is a problem. I wouldn’t say divorce, but def need to work on things in therapy. I know if my man did this it would make me feel less than and steal my confidence away. ((Hugs))


This is such a hateful group sometimes I wonder why I’m here. Such disgusting comments from women I really don’t want to claim for my ‘tribe’.


Sometime I rather my husband watch porn the have sex with me not that the sex isn’t great I’m just feel at this point in my ife I rather sleep I have 5 kids and don’t get to take care of myself


If he’s choosing porn over sex with his wife, he has a problem, even though he is saying that he’s not addicted.


I wouldn’t go to the extreme of divorce because he watched porn. But that’s just me.

The lying would be me walking right out the door


You are an idiotttt honestly he needs to find another Karen


My husband and I went through something similar, except my husband was addicted. He now watches with me. Before it was a bad addiction and also, it wasn’t just any porn it was always anal porn which turned me off completely. I told him and he said it was a fascination developed whole growing up. I was assuming that’s what he only liked. He reassured me that wasn’t what he only liked.


Ummm are yall serious??? A lie is a lie. And hell no its not ok to choose to watch porn than have sex with the wife he chose to marry. Continue to work it out if you feel you need to. Porn can be an addiction and you DON’T have to put up with it if you don’t want to


Once a liar always a liar


Lady are you a nagger? Because if you annoy him like you annoyed me reading this i wouldn’t give it up either. There is a way to talk to ppl without talking at them and your tone may be off and why he won’t tell you the truth.
If his porn watching is the only reason why u want to leave then maybe you aren’t ready for the relationship and looking for any way out


To me, the porn isn’t the problem, the lying is. Maybe he’s embarrassed?


I think the main problem is he is constantly lying to her about it. I know for me, trust is a big thing. And if he can to your face and not feel bad, that’s the issue.
Sorry I’ve got no advice to offer. The choice is yours and yours alone xx


Cheating is anything you wouldn’t do in front of your partner. It’s disrespectful as fuck and he knows it, he wouldn’t be too happy about you jerking off all the time instead of having sex with him. :thought_balloon: He doesn’t owe you sex, but he does owe you mutual respect. Sadly there’s nothing you can do to fix it, only he has the power to do so and it doesn’t sound like he’s willing to be better. Enough is enough. I’d leave (& have left for the same reason so I can speak from personal experience) but if you don’t want to/ can’t leave, then find a solution that makes you happy in the same ways he’s making himself happy.

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The comments here are gross. You placed boundaries and he has trampled them. It doesn’t matter what your view of porn is. This isn’t healthy behavior. I can’t tell you what’s best for your marriage, but there’s lots of info out there. Search for betrayal trauma, check out podcasts like “the betrayed, the addicted, the expert”. I’m so sorry that you’re getting attacked over this.

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Mine has a really bad addiction and it’s lead me to a lot of depression and stress. He does it behind my back , he lies to me about it but also says he can’t stop it cos it’s been a habit of his for 15 years. i’m not against it i jst dnt like him doing stuff nd hiding it behind my back. Yet when we are in the middle of have s*x and i say to put some porn on to spice it up a bit he gets uncomfortable and says he doesn’t know what to look up taking ages to find something so i end up pushing him off. But when it’s just him he has a whole lot of stuff in history that he clicks on straight away. so even watching it with them doesn’t help either. i feel like i’m being cheated on or having leftovers frm these pornstars

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This one !!! I feel this on a personal level !! I just made a thread about it