Mamas, my husband is draining us financially. He spends hundreds of dollars each month on video games. We both work. I’ve expressed how much it’s hurting us financially but he doesn’t care. I want to leave him but literally can’t save up the money to get out. I’ve had to take out loans to pay our bills which was stupid but it was either that or have my car repossessed. I’m struggling. Any advice on resources to help me leave this marriage or any advice on how you’d handle this situation
Praise God for his healing with him every time you think of him. Only energy that can help.
Open your own bank have your money put in your own
Immediately contact a lawyer. None of us know where you are nor your finances and legal obligations. A lawyer will help you work through it all and help you legally separate yourself from him. You have to protect yourself financially and he’s either u willing or unable to do that.
Put all the bills in his name only and save your money for when you leave
divorce lawyer immediately
Set up your banking payments so that ALL bills come out the day after you both get paid. Also withdraw cash that day to cover groceries/fuel.
Cut up the credit cards
Consult with a divorce attorney before you do anything. Know your options
Get your own acc that he has no access to
Make another account and put money in it.
Get a seperate account when he gets paid he needs to send you half the money for bills and food for the month then the rest is his to do what he wants that way you know everything is covered
Separate your banking now, maybe hide the game system until he talks to you.
See an attorney. Get a legal separation so your bills are separated. But stop asking Facebook people for advice. A divorce is a legal issue. Get legal advice from an attorney.
Be devious, put money into your account only. Pay bills with your name only.
Most banks have financial counselors. Talk to them about what you can do. Talk to a women’s center and/or a lawyer about what constitutes financial abuse and any steps you can take to protect yourself and your own credit rating.
Maybe you can get him to sign some paperwork while he’s distracted and playing games to agree to taking money out of his paycheck before it’s issued for expenses. Sometimes all you need is a routing number and his permission. Are you able to pay taxes?
Is your name on the lease or mortgage? See if you can get it off so the obligation is all his. Get his name off the title to your car if it’s not solely in your name.
Sounds like an addiction. How do his friends and family feel about his behavior? Would they want to stage an intervention with you? Is constant gaming affecting his sleep and his job or is he able to moderate his playing time and it’s just a spending problem? If an intervention could help, do this with a professional facilitator and talk to people from 12-step programs about having a sponsor for him (is there a Gamers Anonymous? Finance’s Anonymous?), and have the name of an addictions counselor with openings ready for him. Maybe this is the time to get him to sign paperwork for automatically deducting bills from his paycheck or garnishing wages for household expenses.
I’m guessing not, but can you arrange for automatic deductions that go directly to the companies for bills and to a password-protected account to which he has no access for other recurring expenses? If he doesn’t have the money in his paycheck will he still spend it? Can you cut up his credit cards and alert the bank not to send new ones? They probably won’t unfortunately.
I’m so sorry. Talk to a lawyer about separation and divorce as I doubt this will get better on its own. Do what you can to get better paying jobs so you can get out. See what he legal ramifications are of kicking him out (take off work, pack up his stuff, change the locks) or your leaving to stay with family or friends.
If you have a joint account, pull out the maximum amount of money the minute his paycheck hits.
First thing I would do is find somewhere to live and leave u would have the money to save then cause he won’t be spending it. Secondly I would make sure my name was off all the bills in the house my husband is living. Or u could just pack his stuff when he goes to work change locks and put it in garden then message him and say your stuff is in the find somewhere to live I am done
Open a new account that only you can access. Get your money deposited into that account, pay all YOUR bills, and make it so he has to clean up his own messes now. Keep all of your important documents locked up so he doesn’t have access to those as well, and never stash money in the house because he’ll find. Get a safety deposit box at your bank and keep the stashed money there until you have enough to get your own place and a new number
Take out money every week when you go to the Petrol Station to fill up. It will literally look like you just spent money on Petrol. Leave that money with a trusted Family Member. As soon as you have saved enough to move out, move out and leave him. Make sure to close any entry into your accounts. What he is doing is also considered Financial Abuse so I would also speak to a Lawyer.
Open a new account. Have your money switched to that account. Take you and any children you have to a women’s shelter and tell them he’s financially abusing you and you have no where to go and need help.
Y’all with these gaming kidsbands! Cause it ain’t no husband ma’am.
Cut him off of ur money for sure. Make ur own account for ur money that he does not have access to.
Open a separate account to have your paychecks deposited and start saving
Put some money towards bills but SAVE as much as you can
Get another bank account. Set up direct deposit from your job to your new account.
Call (old) bank or go to your local branch and tell them to block all purchases from Microsoft/Playstation/ whatever
If they won’t/can’t then use the 1-800 number to report the cards stolen. Shut them all off.
Set up bills with card to new account. Transfer all funds to new account.
Tell him he needs to sit with you and take a serious, critical look at the budget and be willing to accept what it realistically is, or be prepared for a divorce because you cannot live this way.
If he tries to go for option 2, fine. All money going into the new account from your job, you only use for YOUR bills. Your car, your phone, that’s it.
Water, electric, internet gets shut off? That’s on him. Save every single penny outside of your car and phone, contact shelters, and get out. Pack your things, find a storage facility that will run maybe $75-$100 a month. Store everything of yours, and get out.
Get his check direct deposited into an account with only your name on it. Advise him he agrees to this or he moves out, his choice.
Definitely get your own account
Have your checks deposited into a separate account
Is the video game thing an addiction…like gambling or any other addiction for that matter. Give him a choice - counseling or separation. It’s your decision whether you want to try to save the marriage. Good luck!
Make an exit plan! Go open your own bank account and save every penny that you can. Then, when you have the money to go, you go!
I would start by getting your own account and switch the direct deposit for your checks immediately.
Who’s name do the bills come in??
Are you both on the mortgage/lease??
Start with a legal separation to separate the finances so he digs his own hole not yours. Then you can save in a separate account.
If they turn off the electricity, he can’t play any games. Maybe he will wake up. Tell him you will continue to manage the bills as usual but he has to do the power. He won’t like when there is not enough money in the account to do that.
The sooner you get out from this spender the better off you will be the longer you stay it will only get worse. Stay strong were all pulling for you .
Take all the money out of joint accounts and into your name only!!
Make the bills that are in his name come out of his account automatically. Switch anything thwts in your name into his and make him pay it. If he doesn’t that’s on him.
A man who plays video games would be an absolute dealbreaker for me.
Get your own bank account. Each payday he gives you his share of the bills/groceries/etc.
Slowly. Pay off your debt starting with the smallest bill first. Slowly put money aside you can start with a simple 10 bucks each check. Any money unused between paychecks after bills and necessities are paid don’t touch it. It will be a slow process but you know what you’re working towards. Trust me it will feel great in the end to have a fresh start in all aspects. Also don’t forget to put money aside for the divorce.
I can’t provide much help without the following info:
- Are you guys renters or home owners?
- Are the Utilities in both of your names?
- Do you have joint bank accounts/credit cards?
The only thing I can really offer advice for is the credit cards and bank accounts. Take your name off of ALL joint accounts, utilities, etc. If you guys are renters, I would see if your landlord will allow you to remove your name off of the lease. If you guys are homeowners removing your name isn’t an option. Check and see if there’s free legal counsel in your area. Good luck
I feel for you. He is an addict and this is financial abuse. You need to get out now! This will not get better and will drag you down and make you ill.
Close the credit cards if there are any. Close current checking -or remove your name- open one just for you.
Do everything so you’re financially separate and won’t take any more bad hits to your credit.
You are going to have to make some hard decisions here.
You cannot let him drag you down financially. The way I see it is you have 3 choices.
- take total financial control and give him a spending allowance.
- separate all of your finances so he doesn’t wreck your credit and bankrupt you
- leave him with his debt and walk away. Find a friend or family member to take you in until you can get back on your feet
Don’t give him access to your money. Get a separate account and pay the bills you have to and save the rest.
Move your paycheck to your own bank account at a different bank. Sit down with him and the bills and break it down in a spreadsheet. We each need to contribute X amount to the household account.
I agree with everyone who said to take cash out while at the gas station and grocery store. It looks like it’s part of the trip and it’s easy to hide. Also talk to a lawyer cause the loans you took out aren’t just yours to pay, even if they’re only in your name. Print out bank statements if you need to, to show the financial abuse to help you out. You’ve got a hard road and it’ll take a while but you can totally do this. I did and I’ve never once regretted it
Oh yes I would be reaching out to his friends for their portion immediately. Also why is your fiancé letting you stress this alone? I would also be furious! I would demand he help you get the money back!
Start separating your bank account from his , try to pay any bill online or by the phone as soon as he gets pay .
Transfer the necessary money to your account to cover the bills .
And just goooooooo !!!
Get your own bank account momma. My partner isn’t bad with money or anything but we have separate accounts and a joint one we pay into for bills etc. I will NEVER let any man finicially be in control of me, never ever ever.
Firstly, separate your finances from his. Secondly, set up auto payments to come out of the joint or pay all bills from joint as soon as the money goes in. Third, start looking for somewhere to stay. If you want to get out now, do step one, make sure the car is in your name, and go to a shelter. They’ll help you get on your feet.
First talk to an attorney.
Call dhs and ask for emergency housing info
Counseling for him and you to address his issues and you need to get real about leaving. Addiction no matter what it is effects everyone in lots of ridiculous ways and he’s not going to be able to stop until he sees the consequences of his issues.
open an account of your own, a hidden account. where are you standing in your loans? have you made enough payments to possibly talk to your bank about what going on and perhaps taking out another loan that could help with some of your debt and start up a nest egg?
if you have somewhere to go, or the grounds to boot hubs, I’d really consider that.
he’s used to the security you give so he’s over buying games rather than focusing on what’s important for your household. letting him deal with bills on his own and separating with him seems to make sense
Do you have a friend or any family that could help you out, even a place to stay. Till you get back on your feet ?
Sell his gaming system! And all his games.
Open a separate account transfer money in. And put money in that account for him to use. Do not put his name on the new account
Cancel his bank card as lost the day before you get paid. Drain account. Open new account in your name only setup your deposits in it. Get your name off of everything! That’ll at least give you one payday that you can take all the money, and have your name cleared on the accounts. Cancel any credit cards that his name is on that he’s using. Possibly find a local women’s shelter and group for advice. This could very well be viewed as financial abuse, as he is also squandering your money with no regard. Ask family if you can stay with them briefly. That will give you time to get back up. And FILE IMMEDIATELY to proceed with divorce. Do not delay. The more debt he racks up, the more he can stick you with!
Get your own bank account
Have your money from your job deposited in another account for yourself. I understand being married is a partnership, but if hes hurting you financialy then keep your own money.
#1 set up your own bank account and put your pay into that. #2 Yes, cut up the credit cards and Call to close the accounts. Just eliminating the cards is NOT enough. I’d also consider living separately. If he does not work…he will have no money. Even the Bible says those who WILL NOT work shall not eat. Notice it says will not… those who CAN not we need to provide for. I have no tolerance for leeches of any type. This will not be easy but your present situation does not sound like pie and ice cream either
You married a child.
Set up a separate bank acct now. Then call your brother, Dad, uncle, Grandpa to help you MOVE OUT when he is at work.
Stay with family until its all settled legally. Forget your credit- its gone. File immediately for legal separation so any bills or debt accrued after he is served are not yours. Dont be a fool and start a divorce- you need legal separation in order to stop any more debt from being yours!! Then you can breathe, and start divorce once you are more settled.
I bet he’ll pay the internet and electricity bills real quick when they’re cut off and he doesn’t have access to his video games
Take all of the $ out of the acct. And start your own acct.
Smack him in the head.and tell him to fucking get a grip and grow up lol
Keep your money separate and make sure u aren’t living outside what u can afford. Meaning make sure your salary can cover the bills. I know that sounds crappy but u won’t get help from him. I know from experience. I have a good paying full time job and my kids dad doesn’t work consistently. He’s been building a deck for a guy for the last few weeks, but gets paid daily and spends it all usually that night. I pay all the bills. It sucks but I can do it. We live in a crappy apartment and there are times when I only have 40 til payday and our kids are eating ramen and bologna sandwiches. But we survive. Like the beginning of this month I went from $1375 to $45 in 3 days. All my bills are due between the 1st and the 4th of the month.
He doesn’t have access to my bank account and I rarely buy anything for him and if he wants me to take his clothes to the laundry mat too I make him give me money.
Also everything is in my name. I got the apartment, I set up utilities and Internet. All he has in his name is his phone bill which hasn’t been paid in months