I don’t think we are getting all the information. Is your best friend male or female? Has he always been concerned or just since you got married? Have you done something in the 6 years that he has recently learned that caused a change in behavior, if it is a change? Have you lied about meeting your best friend to avoid conflict? The first instinct is to tell you to leave, but we really don’t have the important information to give you the best counsel.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/my-husband-is-making-me-choose-between-him-and-my-best-friend-what-should-i-do/12855
How is the relationship with ur friend? Is it toxic do u guys get in trouble together or is he just being a giant douche
Run. He’s already bringing out a controlling side of him
Anyone that makes you choose is the one you should not choose.
hmm seems like a controlling thing to me! i’d chose the friend
His Insecurities are “waving” at you! Put your foot down NOW!
Run. Hes trying to isolate you. Beginning of emotional abuse.
Depends. Not enough backstory. Is said friend toxic? Is there actual reasoning behind him wanting you to cut ties?
Don’t make a scarf outta all his red flags.
There is a lot of info missing here…what choice did he make you choose him over your best friend on? There is no way anyone here can give a confident answer without knowing this. The answers you are going to get are going to be so conflicting and may be the wrong answer because we don’t know the details. Ultimately though, you are the only one who can make the decision on what you will do.
Please may I have a crumb of context
My husband tried this, I simply said you don’t want to make me choose, settle your shit amongst yourselves. They’ve been good for years now.
I need some of his reasoning.
Control! Please leave.
Is there any reason? We need more info
On what level is this? The reasons behind this might matter but on its face, no it’s too controlling.
But why? Why is he asking you to?
Everyone is jumping to red flags but we don’t even know a glimpse into his side. For all we know her friend could be an addict who has robbed their house 3 times.
Who’s your best friend a man or a woman if it’s a man he’s in the right if it’s a woman he’s not
Major red flag. Without knowing all the details, anyone trying to control who you’re friends with is a toxic person.
All these people saying run are jumping the gun. We need more information. Is the best friend doing something he doesn’t like? Is the best friend disrespecting him? Is the best friend trying to get with him? Is the best friend disrespecting your relationship? If so, then he has a right to speak up about the friend. You need to get to the bottom of WHY. Before you choose.
I had a best friend of over a decade, his girlfriend gave him the same choice & he choose her. Talk about a heart break. Your husband sounds like a dick with insecurities.
Divorce him, take his house, car, money and give him every other weekend with kids
Isn’t that standard procedure
Run… that’s a sign of a narcissist…
Choose yourself and get rid of both !!
Who can give a suggestion without any information?
That’ll be the day I get divorced.
My question is why now that you been married a month he wants you to choose what happened between them since you two got married
It depends if the friend is toxic or not & how she’s affecting yalls relationship. If he has a good reason for this then you gotta figure out what’s more important to you.
I like that people are saying ‘ what’s the reason ‘ point blank y’all have been together 6 years he knew about your best friend obviously and waited a month after you got married to give you an ultimatum? Nah girl he’s got cold feet and looking for an out. Unless you cheated on the dude with your best friend there is no reason for him to ask such a thing
Not enough information to give any useful advice
As soon as someone tries to make you cut people from your life, cut that person off. Hes removing someone who cares about you, whod be there for you if they’re not…don’t trust it
Run. He’s trying to isolate you from your friends. Next it will be your family. Then comes the abuse
What’s your best friend doing? If he’s disrespecting the relationship, he gotta go.
Tell that man to hit the road. Kick rocks
Your friend was there prior to him so your friend will be there after him. There is NO CHOOSING! That is narcissism and control at its finest. Go have the marriage null and void because you’re heading down a VERY DANGEROUS path. I know I’ve been living it for “17” years
What’s next? Your family? Red flag
Depends on why tbh, but in most cases I’d say to tell the husband to fuck off.
I need to know y first? What happened that he would give an ultimatum after 6 yrs?
You were your friends friend first not your husband! Tell him grow up and stop being childish! We all need to keep our friendship no matter what or who
What are his reasons? Sounds like his mask fell off and he is showing who he really is a controlling male. Run 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️
I’d choose my friend over someone that making me Choose,
Not him removing one of your support systems! That’s just sad.
Is your friend male or female
There is definitely way more to the story before any of us can comment an opinion with logic.
The biggest question here is “why”. Do you change when you are with her? Is she a bad influence? If yes, then change the behavior and he will accept her in your life more. If the answer is no, then that’s unfair and unacceptable and it wouldn’t even be a choice. How stable is your marriage? Is your friend a voice of reason when HE is doing something unacceptable? If so, chuck him. If not, refer to what I said above.
I honestly would see why husband wants the friend out of your lives. If it is practically good advice I would go with what husband says. If not than sit and explain to your husband that they are not practical.
Why does the dude want your friend gone? Jealous or something? …
Sounds like the beginning of a long and abusive marriage where you end up isolated and totally controlled. Finances. Friends. Everything. Nope.
He will destroy you.
Nobody should make anyone choose between your friends nor family period unless you have done something you shouldn’t have done
I feel like there is more to this than what’s being said.
Why though? Missing information.
Why?? That’s a big question…I can’t form an answer unless I know why
What are you not saying? There’s more to this story!
Guess your bf is the person you promised forever to in your vows
Depends on the reason like is he trying to look out for you or being controlling
This is a huge red flag, next it will be your family. Get out while you can!
Wow how controlling, what has happened for him to even say that?
Sounds controlling to me I would get out now but I wouldnt choose tell him why
Without knowing why, can’t give advice. Is she toxic? Bad influence? Do you act differently around her and do stuff you shouldn’t be? Or is he just controlling?
Stick with your friends
More information please
My first thought is, if your best friend isn’t your mate, you married wrong person to start with… Scrap that and try again…
If he loved you he wouldn’t make you choose. Your best friend will be there for you when he’s not.
What’s the reasoning? If he has a valid reason that your not sharing then so be it but if it’s a control factor then consider who your better of giving time and energy too. Seems like there’s more to this.
Wow. Next it’ll be your family I bet. That’s not a good look.
Oh honey, my best friend picks me everytime her husband tries to pull this shit. He’s an idiot, call his bluff.
Not to scare you but when I got married he instantly changed (sounds like your husband since he just now wants your friend gone after years). The end result (about 2 months later) for me was filling for divorce and him killing my best friend of 22 years in my house. I only mention this because of what sounds like a change after the papers were signed
I personally feel like since you’ve taken vows with him that he is always your choice. I feel like some information is missing. If you want full advice than you need to tell us why he is making you pick
Choose the one who is NOT making you choose…
But what’s his reasonings for it? Without knowing if shes actually affecting your marriage or not, it’s hard to give advice.
He’s trying to isolate you. Run and go get the marriage annulled.
What’s the backstory???
Well why does he want you to drop your best friend? I had a best friend recently that has had out of this world inappropriate behaviors that my husband wouldn’t be comfortable with me being influenced by and although he never directly told me to choose. I gradually distanced myself. My husband is whom I build a life with. Not her.
Depends y? U can’t just leave that part out and ask people for advice with out all the details but if it because he just don’t like her for some unknown reason or he’s not tell g u why he feels that way then that dangerous and u need to ditch him asap or if it’s because this friend is toxic to ur life or too needy and he sees that then he’s just looking out for u and ditch the friend because u don’t need that in ur life anyway
What is the reasoning?
He’s an ass. I’m not sure why you have to choose. You should be able to have both in your life and he should want that for you. I’d be concerned about what he’s going w make you give up next. That’s the beginning of abuse.
Depends why he is asking that
He is going to try to control you! Kick him to the curb.
Without a back story I can give you advice in separate scenarios…
1: Your friend is toxic: If your friend is toxic and drags you into trouble, I would understand a bit more. But ultimately, he should not make you choose.
2: He is just making you choose just because: Choose your friend. Always. He should NEVER make you choose
3: Friend is male and he’s jealous: Not all male/ female relationships are the same . If there is a past, Husband may have insecurities… If no past, Husband is still jealous. He should never ever make you choose!!
A good husband would never make you choose between… Ever, so that 100% is the issue at hand, despite a backstory.
There has to be more to the story, why is he making you choose?
Choose your friend…huge red flag right there
I feel like… no offense to anyone that answered already… We can’t tell you the answer. if she is a toxic person, your husband has a right to want to protect you. This post on the outside looking in just looks like he’s controlling. But I was consistently tell my sister to get away from her husband… and I’m not controlling her. I’m looking out for her because I love her.
A man should never make you choose anyone….
She was your friend before he was in the picture. Why after getting married would he make you choose?
This is a sticky situation. My ex-husband put me in that situation more then once. I chose him at one point and I have chosen my bestfriend… this went on for FIVE YEARS. My ex-husband and I separated in April. Turns out my ex-husband was a narcissistic POS. I will never choose another person over my bestfriend ever again.
There is a lot more you are not telling, I need all the facts to give an opinion.
Best friend could be a he as well…still need a back story.
I need to know more to the story as to why he wants you to choose is friend toxic always getting y’all into trouble is friend a male and husband don’t like it if so choose husband obviously there usually some reason of for no reason at all tho that he wants you to choose choose the friend honestly because that would just set off huge toxic vibes from the husband but I really need to know more to give advice
I kinda think it should of been mentioned before he married you BUT if she’s bar hopping/one night stand floozy I could understand why he would want you to cut her off
What is his reason? Generally him isolating you, is a HUGE red flag. BUT is there a valid reason behind him not wanting the best friend around?
That is a HUGE red flag
My fiancé did this to me and I ended up ending the relationship
Then he and the “best friend” he told me I had to ditch ended up dating for like 5 years and had a kid together
Stay woke sister!
Is the best friend a male?
If there is no reason then it’s Abit controlling and is not right by any means. But if there’s a reason and it’s bad then I’d think long and hard. But he shouldn’t be isolating you from anyone x
Friend would go. My hubby is my ride or die
Is your friend toxic?? If so, get rid of your friend.
If your friend isn’t toxic and your husband is doing it just because. I’d divorce him.
I think in your heart you know the answer to that question. No one should ever make you choose. If you give in to him and choose him. Then you will be a very lonely person because he will make you isolate yourself from everyone. Is your friend a male. Just asking.