I am in a real dilemma and I really could use some smart minds to help me. I have been married almost 11 years. Second marriage, no kids with him but I do have two teenage daughters. My daughters will be soon leaving the house and I will be alone. And I hate being alone. For short periods of time I am good. But, my husband right now is an over the road truck driver and rarely comes home. I have to do everything around the home-to include working two jobs because the trucking industry is tanking. It’s been this way for the last four years. But it has become increasingly worse. In 2021 he spent 6 months out on the road-we spent 4th of July together and then the next time I saw him was Christmas. I don’t have any girl friends because it has always been hard for me to make friends-especially in this small town. I finally broke last night and sent him a text about how I was feeling. Point blank if he doesn’t make a change, then I can’t continue. I am certainly not advocating for him to come off of the road altogether. But there needs to be balance. I need a partner. Someone who can help me and wants to be with me. Does anyone have any suggestions?
I hate to break it to you but he has another family. There’s zero reason to be gone that long. The reason he has no money is because he’s supporting his second family. The trucking industry has never been so in demand
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband is always gone for work and I don't want to be alone - Mamas Uncut
I couldnt do it. Im sorry but thats not a marriage. I would rethink your situation and make yourself happy.
Did you marry him knowing what he did for a living and yet now want him to change?
My husband is a truck driver and used to be over the road but went to work for SAIA and the post is three times as much and insurance is phenomenal. He’s home everyday now and old dominian is the same.
If you want a successful man you have to accept having a busy man. It took me a while to figure this out with my husband. Sure it sucks when he’s not home but think of the sacrifices he’s making to provide for his family
Why don’t u go on road with him…
I went on the road with my husband, when my daughter’s left for college. I now have my cdl and drive as well. We make a very good living.
It sounds like the best thing for your marriage and life together would be for him to be home more and find a different job.
Why not rent out your daughter s rooms
Foster kids… Im looking into that as my daughter gets older.
You need to figure this out it’s a you problem and not a him problem you’re literally telling him quit your job or I’m gone? Grow up and figure it out go out and find some friends
Go on the road with him, find a hobby. See if he’ll consider changing to a different driving job, many options there. Good luck, look at it as a new adventure instead of a new struggle
My husbands a truck driver and makes good money. He’s gotten more job offers doing this than anything else. He’s regional so is gone 3-4 nights a week but there definitely seems to be tons of jobs making good money that are home daily or weekly
Why not, when the kids go, you join HIM on the road???
Why not go on the road with him?
He should accommodate his job to your lives, not accommodate your lives for his job
My husband used to do cross country . They pay has always been spotty. However if he has a good relationship with any of his dispatchers they usually have an “in” on non cross country jobs. My husband now works for Ryder at a drug store facility and makes $25 an hour 12 hour shifts so lots of over time. His last 2 jobs were bevause of awesome dispatchers
So either he quits or you leave ? I’d just leave anyway, save him the Hassle.
Why can so many people not read? She literally said she has TWO jobs.
So not only is he gone all the time, but she is working two jobs to keep their lives running. It’s not like she’s just hanging out at home. He literally is not even supporting them doing this.
This sounds like a you problem not a working man providing for his family problem. Get a hobby. Get friends. Talk to him.
My son is a trucker and makes great money… not sure what company yoir husband works for but being gone 6 months at a time I think he needs to find a better company . Doesn’t sound rite to me ik a lot of truckers who make great money and are home on the weekends.
Go back to work…there’s always something out there to do for you or someone, after my boys finished school even tho I hadmostly been stay at home mom, I went to work doing assisted living forMRRD. adults fairly high function ing…
Maybe he can be gone for shorter periods? I would try to find a hobby that you can continue after your kids are out of the house. See if you could go with him.
Why doesn’t he come home for 6 months?? Are you sure he’s off trucking? Ask to go with him… if he says no, I feel like he’s got another family somewhere and he’s home living life with them.
I don’t blame you hun. You have every right to feel the way you do. Don’t let the negative Nancy’s ( that can’t even read) make you feel bad for wanting more out of your relationship. You did the right thing by letting him know how you feel. The next step is to figure this out together and find a solution.
Go with him.
You can make a career out of it yourself.
If you have to work two jobs and he is only home 2x a year. You’re already single. Something don’t add up. I’d be fed up also. He is probably living a dbl life
I was married to a commercial crab fisherman for 33 years. He’d be gone up in Alaska for 3 to 7 months at a time. I just found things to do to pass the time and when he came home it was nice. There came a day when he didn’t do it anymore. These days, be thankful your husband HAS a good job. Count your blessings, try to get involved in something that will take your mind off yourself. I’m not trying to be rude. I’ve been there. There’s so many situations that are SO much worse. Another thing. Learn to love being alone. My husband died young at 51 and now I’m alone.
There is a huge need for truck drivers right now and the pay is good, I would suggest he look for a local job where he is home ever night instead, or at least every weekend, there are a ton of them out there. Unless he doesn’t want to be and then that’s another issue entirely.
I mean you have a couple options:
- he won’t quit his job and you either have to divorce or you learn to live with ir.
- he quits his job and has to find a new one.
I’m sure he doesn’t really appreciate being gone for that long but if he does then that’s a sign you need a divorce anyways.
Get your truck driving license and go on the road with him. Sell the house and become partners
Definitely get a dog. I have 2 and they are amazing companions.
Think u answered ur own question sweetie💡
Talk to him about working the same schedule as you , you guys need your time together .
Trucking is a tough job it is kinda addicting I know it’s hard to explain but when I was driving I knew a lot of guys that it was like a drug to them … good luck
Can u go meet him when he’s gonna be close or ride with him for a couple days here and there
Maybe look into different jobs for both of you… If he is going to quit his job to be home more with you, then you working 2 jobs isn’t going to help the situation when he is home. Look at different jobs for both of you so you are both working less. Or since your girls are moving out soon, why not join him and rent out your place while you guys are away. If he is only home 2x a year then obviously that job is not a family job, it’s for single people. Talk to him about a solution for your marriage, but if you cannot find one, then go your seperate ways as your basically already single with him not being home very often.
Why is he the only one who has to make a change. Demanding change doesnt sound like there is room for compromise on your end
Sounds like he needs to look into a different company if his pay is low enough you have to have two jobs. I’d also consider going on the road with him. That’s my plan when our kids are all grown. But is there any part of you that thinks he doesn’t want to come home or be home more? There may be more to this then just he isn’t making enough.
Over the road trucking is not tanking…my friends husband makes over $100,000 a year over the road.
Where are you located my spouse is also a trucker
Can he get a local job? Construction?
If your kids are old enough to be home by themselves, go on the road with him. I’m not saying every trip, but if you took one or two short trips with him each month, you would have more time with him. Then when your girls leave home, downsize and go on the road with him. You’d be together and get to travel the country.
As suggested multiple times, I would definitely encourage him to find another company to work for. There are many out there paying very well, where he can be home frequently. At least every weekend. I know someone making 100k driving truck. The money is there, where he can be home more often. I hope you get it all worked out.
Go with him sometimes to relieve the pressure of being alone, not every time but sometimes.
Does he have another secret family somewhere? He’s gone ALL the time and doesn’t even make enough to support yall, forcing you to work TWO jobs anyways?!
And some of these comments are ridiculous. Asking him to find another company to work for so he is not gone six months at a time is not unreasonable whatsoever.
It sounds to me like he is choosing to be gone, and another family would make sense sadly. My granddad was a train conductor and that’s exactly what he did
Have you ever traveled with him? I remember when I was little my dad was over the road and sometimes my mom and I would go with him and stay at a hotel, so they could spend time together and I would live in the pool lmao
You have described needing a pet.
Get a dog! Join a gym or get hobbies to stay busy.
What company is he gone for 6 months ?
That’s ridiculous! Something doesn’t sound right with this picture. He could speak up and ask for a different truck route or better schedule that would allow him to be more available to you. I don’t blame you for being miserable! And you still have to work 2 jobs on top of it??! No way! If I were you I’d move on.
Mine is a truck driver as well.We have talked and he won’t do otr.We compromised.However,I think you answered your own question
Truckers can and DO work doing local driving. He never has to be gone that far or that long. This is him choosing to stay gone.
My husband is a trucker and the industry isn’t tanking. He makes good money and is home every weekend and sometimes throughout the week. Maybe the company is tanking but the industry isn’t. Maybe he needs a different company.
Go for walks in a park
Get a hobby you enjoy
Write letters to prisoners or Nursing Home residents who have no family
Visit the Library and look through magazines
Is it possible to travel with him…?
Trucking isn’t tanking though. If he’s gone that much over the road driving, he should be making BANK. Where does all of the money go? Either he needs to find a new company stat, or something else is going on. If there’s nothing else going on, Try going on the road with him
That doesn’t sound right
Home 2x a year and not making 6 figures… sounds like he has another family…
Join a hobby club, go to church, get a pet, I know it’s hard, my ex was military and my husband now works construction building all over the country. I’m ok alone, I used my time working, and working on my home. I am a reader too so that fills in the time. I also used this time to have my friends and family visit. We’d do home parties, play cards eat and sip drinks. I had a dog that was good company and my husband and I talked a lot on the phone. Phones are amazing things. Visual chats, and good morning wishes as well as good nights.
Do truckers really leave for 5 months at a time now?? I’ve had relatives drive a truck, and the longest they were gone is a week.
For better or worse…
Maybe just maybe get a job?
Hmmm do you guys hv joint accounts? What company has them travel 6 months out of year? He also needsto take your feelings into consideration, Definitely talk to him, let him know how you feel, what you need, what think could help etc. You shouldn’t be working 2 jobs he should be making enough to pay bills at home too
Sounds like a second family out there
Does he own his own truck? If so quite your jobs find somthing you can do online or somthing sale the house buy a camper or somthing for off road days and travel with him! That’s what my step grandmother did for a long time they basically lived in the truck together traveling the US and she loved it!
My husband is otr trucker we are owner/operator now but still with his previous company and he is home every weekend making plenty of money on just 1 income and we have 4 kids so thats just wild to me
I would encourage you to seek therapy to learn why you don’t like to be alone. Sounds like their might be some trauma to process. Loving yourself and your own company is empowering.
When the kids are out of the house go with him. As a matter of fact, get your CDL and then split the driving. Twice the income.
The trucking industry will NEVER TANK
Literally all businesses across the country depend on it
Life is to short to be unhappy. You must do what will make you happy even if that means a divorce. None of us can tell you because you already feel it and live it. We get one life and sometimes people grow apart and that’s ok. Just make you happy and be honest about it but only you know what you need. I couldn’t live your life yet I have been married 20 yrs and loneliness can happen even when we are living a normal life . Nothing worse then being married and feeling alone.
Go on the road with him.
Chelsie Nickole Hicks
Truckers make good money. My son used to be a Truck driver. The most Truckers are on the road is 2 to 3 weeks. If you got to work like that and he’s never home than I would question him seriously. Probably has someone else and supporting her. I couldn’t live like that.
If you’re about to be an empty nester sell the house and go on the road together
If my husband was gone for 6 months at a time you best believe I would NOT have to work 1 job nevermind 2… The math ain’t mathing
Do what you thinks rite…times are hard!
trucking industry isnt that bad lukqe ur saying, my husband is one and im able to be a sahm and we got three kids 6 4 and 1. its usally like 2-3weeks out and then a week home
he got a cdl he can do ither things other then otr.
Maybe local driving so he’s still home every night or every other night. There is always compromise.
Soooo initially I thought why not go with him. But then I read that you’ve only seen him twice?! He’s not providing really. I am sorry but I’m willing to bet he’s living a double life! I’m going to say if thing don’t change file for a divorce.
Wow…six months at a time…and then u spend one day together and then he’s gone another six months…wow…
Something is rotten somewhere . Truckers don’t stay on the road that long without coming home.he has a girlfriend somewhere, just my thoughts
I’m sorry that I don’t have any suggestions, but I also don’t like to be home alone, especially at night. I definitely couldn’t handle what you’re going through. I hope everything works out for you.
Maybe you need open up to poly ? Or go out on the road with him. Can he find something local?? Or better. I bet he can of he looks.
Gov said bills are going to pay themselves next month so you won’t feel alone.
Has he thought of getting with a company that is local and can be home more often?
Go on the road with him
Go truckin with him.
This is really odd if he is an OTR driver and making so little that you have to work 2 Jobs!?!? Something weird is going on. OTR should be making a lot more.
Learn to like yourself
If you knew this from the beginning SINCE most truck drivers are gone from home LONG periods of time you KNEW what you got yourself into and now it’s an issue:thinking: I wouldn’t have bothered in the 1st place to pursue a relationship much less a marriage…and your working 2 jobs??? Your a SINGLE marriage woman
You don’t like yourself. Change that… self love is the key. Your husband is gaslighting you. Trucking is not tanking and I bet $ to donuts - he’s got another family. Next time he’s home… AirTag his truck. Educate yourself… where is he in reality compared to where he says he is?
My granddad was a train conductor and literally had another family in the other town his track ran to.
My dad found out in his THIRTIES that he has two half siblings because their mom called looking for him because one of their kids was terminally sick.
Can you maybe go with him on the road? Sorry if somebody else already commented this I wasn’t going to scroll through all the comments.
Something about this doesn’t sound right. You mean to tell me your husband is gone SIX months at a time? I know several truck drivers. Some are local and some are long haul. Even the long haul drivers aren’t gone that long. Uh, you might want to do some investigation hun. I don’t want to upset you but your husband might have another life with someone else. I mean think about it. He’s away for MONTHS at a time yet his funds are low to the point that you are working 2 jobs. It’s time to do some investigating.
Go with him for a week, ask a family member to watch the kids. Fly out to where he is once in awhile.
We own our trucking company the industry isnt bad at all my husband is home every other night something seems way wrong Iam a sahm of 4 kids and he brings in plenty of money
Maybe he’s living a double life . Seeing your man 2 times a year is ridiculous. That is no way to live .
My man is also a truck driver- hes got a home every night job. Doesn’t make as much as over the road- but since we have a toddler it works for us. Plus our rent and etc isn’t high either. (Not even 700$)
But a dog really helps for OTR.
I’d go ahead and get the pup now before the kids leave the house so that you can get the pup trained beforehand.
We have a pup and one of the reasons we got him was for if my man ever did decide to do OTR- I wasn’t alone and had a “protector dog” and it just made me feel more safe at night.
I’m not sure why you have to have 2 jobs when he’s a driver unless yall are living out of your means tbh. Or unless yall are paying off alot of debt.
My man is home every night and makes less than what he did OTR. And we’re able to have a new car (with high payments) and we still have quite a bit of money left over. But regardless- my answer is to get a pet.
Weather it be a ferret, dog, cat, rats, bird etc etc
My husband is a trucker and he never stays gone that long. And doesn’t have a problem getting loads. The industry isn’t as bad as people are making it out to be. Maybe he needs to get a regional route or find a local school to teach at. He could also try a local company, many of them have shorter routes that can be done in a day. I think your husband is choosing to stay gone for whatever reason.