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"I recently went to an in laws wedding which was very nice. It was very pretty. I loved the way it turned out. There were some things that went on during the wedding that I just kind of endured because I didn’t want to “ruin” the brides day or make anything about myself. But, my husband couldn’t even sit next to me & our two children during the ceremony. He had to sit with his mother arm in arm. After the ceremony pictures were being done. The grooms side went first & took a million & a half pictures with family & extended family. When it came time for the brides side, I was just standing back & watching with the kids which was fine. But my mother in law took my 2 month old son & almost refused to give him back. Like, I was literally reaching for him & she wouldn’t let go. (I was talked into naming him after a pregnancy she lost & using the name of what they wanted for a son. Many people have thought that she sees my baby as HER baby now that we’ve used the name) but during the brides pictures my husband went to stand with them to take brides side pictures & someone had to point out that his wife & kids weren’t in the picture & should join. The photographer listed off peoples names that were pre planned to be in photos & me & my children weren’t included so of course I just stood back & watched. But the mother in law insisted. I could tell the bride was hesitant so I tried to say “No, it’s okay. We weren’t on the list.” But the mother in law was persistent. I felt bad for being in the picture when we weren’t planned on it. Following that, during the reception I mainly stood with my children because I wasn’t sure where I was supposed to be sitting. I ended up sitting with my husbands cousins family while my husband once again had to sit with his mother. We were being dismissed table by table to the food. When it came time for my table, my baby was being fussy because he needed to breastfeed. I couldn’t find the cover at home & had to leave without it. So of course I very discreetly began to feed my baby. Someone else at my table offered to make my plate while in line since I was holding my eating baby & holding my toddlers hand. My husband came out of nowhere & told me he didn’t want me upset but the bride & groom wanted me to breastfeed him in the bathroom. I was immediately shocked & didn’t know what to do so I told him I didn’t know what to do in order to feed him because we weren’t supposed to be getting up while tables were being dismissed. I was rushed with my kids to the groomsmens room they used to get ready to feed the baby. I was almost in tears at this point. Almost everyone but myself & my kids were drinking alcohol. While in the room the mother in law bursted in & started hounding me about having my husband get our baby back from who whom she was passing around. Knowing that is something I did not want so he wouldn’t possibly get sick. She immediately came at me because I allowed someone to hold him who had asked. I stayed in that room for a while & honestly didn’t want to come out. I spend almost the rest of the reception without my husband. There was even an anniversary dance where all the married couples danced together & couples were “eliminated” to see who was together the longest. My husband didn’t dance with me which made me so upset I was once again holding back tears. He came to me & said he had requested our song then just walked away & left me alone. The people I was sitting with eventually left so it was just me & my kids alone. I had looked so sad that one of the DJ’s came up to me & said “I don’t know if anyone told you but you look very lovely tonight & your children are adorable.” My husband dropped us off early because I had unexpectedly started my period before the wedding & had to stop at a gas station to buy a cardboard tampon. That had gotten painful for having to leave it in too long. I hesitated on leaving because my husband was supposed to stay & help clean up & I didn’t want anyone mad at us for leaving early. My husbands phone was going off once he got home & as he was about to leave to go back to help, he got a phone call & found out he missed his sister being sent off in the car. He was upset so I apologized feeling that it was my fault. My toddler ended up vomiting 4 times that night. The first time on herself, the floor, & me. She was so upset because she got it on her dress & said, “Oh no, my dress!” I reassured her that she wasn’t in trouble & mommy would clean everything up & take care of her. I feel bad for being upset & having my feelings hurt, mainly by my husband. Feel free to offer advice, opinions, & input. Thank you."
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"You handled this a lot better than I would have so give yourself credit for that he would have had my dinner plate to the head if he was mine. I don’t know him but it seems to me that he doesn’t validate your feelings. It hurt to read this and I can’t imagine feeling this way. Speak to him and see how he would feel in this situation and make sure he knows how wrong he is"
"Find a therapist. You will realize your worth. Also give up the idea that you don’t want to break up the family. Your children are better off with a happy healthy mom. Not growing up thinking this is the treatment wives should get. Get stronger with the therapist make a plan and leave him. If there is any domestic violence find a shelter and leave soon. You can do it and find the person who will love you and your children. When you decide to leave go to the courthouse in your area and file for temporary full physical custody of your children. You will leave that day with legal paperwork , so dad can’t just take the kids, and a court day for a custody hearing. Talk to God. Prayers."
"The childfree/childless movement Def started this mistreatment of women in public places. Jesus. Your husband couldn’t be bothered because he was ready to have fun. If I was you, I would have never showed up. And I would have used that chance to pack my stuff and move. His family don’t like you. He don’t like you. I know how this feels. It don’t get better. Please protect your peace."
"Opinion? Your husband is a dick and so is his family. You need to go see a counselor and figure out how to get away from him. Your life is going to be nothing but miserable because this is all it’s going to ever be. I’m sorry that this sounds harsh… But he is selfish and self absorbed and so is his family."
"I feel this to my core. Bless you and your little ones. I would not have handled that with such grace. You were at a family function and you had zero support. Please address some boundaries with your “husband”, he’s supposed to protect and care for you, and if you continue this marriage avoid these situations at all cost. Make some YOU time. Make him be responsible for his children and go get a coffee or something."
"I’m sorry but you really need to give yourself more credit and it sounds like your husband is not such a great husband you did everything to please his family and you should not be saying sorry he should be saying sorry to you and your kids. My husband would never leave me alone at a family event especially with 2 kids"
"You handled that situation like a champ. However I think it’s time to reevaluate your marriage. It seems to me that your husband never once thought of you or your children that night."
"He definitely should’ve included you more. It’s his job to make sure you don’t feel left out or out of place with HIS family."
"I am so sorry this has happened to you, he should should of been there for you stuck up for you. You and your children are his family he made he shouldnt treat you like that. He doesnt deserve you."
"You and your children should be your husbands first priority at all times. Once married y’all are his first family. He should be upset with his sister and mother on how they treated you and the children. None of this is okay. I lived like you for a long time. The hurt does not go away but my husband now realizes we should be his priority."
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