So my husband is AWFUL when it comes to spending money. Instead of buying himself a case of drinks for work he will go to the gas station nearly every morning and spend at least 10 dollars on drinks for the day. He’s gotten credit cards to help build his credit and they are all filled up and he just got them almost two months ago!! On his days off we will OCCASIONALLY buy fast food, but I’ve started budgeting and making sure we cut down a lot of things we don’t need. Now him and I are both getting bigger than we’d like and planned to start working out in our basement because we got a treadmill and weight bench. I’ve started to and he hasn’t yet, which I don’t mind at all because it’s his body and as long as he’s healthy. But he claims he doesn’t eat all day while at work but when he comes home and I have dinner sitting in the microwave for him or ask him if he wants me to make him something he declines it for a few hours until he’s hungry, and he’s gained more weight (again, I don’t care about that, it’s more about this next part). So yesterday while he was taking a shower I was going through our bills again, making sure things are paid, checking bank and credit accounts and I checked his newest credit card he got that he said he wouldn’t use unless it was out last resort for a necessity (for example we got diapers with it when he hadn’t gotten paid yet). As I’m going through the credit account I see LOADS of DoorDash charges… and it’s not just like 10 bucks it’s like 30-50 bucks… I was immediately infuriated because he has constantly said he doesn’t ever eat at work (I’ll send him with lunches decently often) and it’s a blatant lie. But yet when I bring up the fact that we need to cut back spending in certain areas such as eating out in his days off and his 10 dollars worth of daily drinks for work he quickly spits out that I like eating fast food, which I have cut out unless it’s ALL of us going out. I checked again today, and he doordashed 50 bucks worth of Dairy Queen!! Like wtf. Idk what to do…
My ex-husband did this anytime I didn’t pack his lunch for him. I eventually had to take complete control of our finances and give him an allowance and also became much more vigilant on packing lunches in advance.
Y’all need to have a heart to heart about this. My husband is terrible with money too. I had to take complete financial control about 7 years ago. I give him cash. He likes cash daily instead of weekly and I just buy his cases of water. A lot of men are not financially responsible.
Sounds like you care, He doesn’t
get your name off his credit cards if they’re on them.
Well oe things for sure he will get diabetes for sure. At age of 32 or close ir after enjoy while he can…
Start a savings plan separate from him. You need to start thinking for the future
I spend money on food all the time. I am a social worker and always on the road. Hubs is a truck driver. But we have to eat. And we aren’t fans of left overs
A conversation together about money, budgeting, etc. You give hubby x amount of dollars a week or 2 weeks and that’s for his drinks and door dash. If he runs out before he gets his “allowance” that’s on him. He can bring food and water from home after that.
Give him all the bills and the stress to go along with it ,I bet he will straighten up really quick
He’s addicted to garbage food, to the point he’s lying!!! Cancel those cards girl!! He can’t be trusted to control it…
Maybe he likes the cashier?
Sit down and have a conversation about cards needing to stay home in a lock box unless agreed upon their use. Credit is an advance and he needs to understand that better. As for not eating when he gets home it takes me two or more hrs to want to eat when I get home because I’m not interested in food when I walk in the door. And are you guys meal planning together for supper so that both of you are getting your preferences. As for the eating fast food that’s not healthy and he needs to set a limit of once a week.
Fix the relationship he has with food
Go see a financial counselor together make plan and hold each other accountable
Give him all the bills and tell him his got money to buy food he can pay all the bills. He will wake up quick smart!
He may be trying to keep up with the guys at work…who may or may not have families to feed. Yes he does have bad spending. Yes you have a right to be mad. But pack him lunches his coworkers would be jealous of… with care… and sweet notes…make HIS Lunch look cooler than door dash.
If the cards are in his name, the only thing you can do is stop paying on them yourself. If they are in both names, call and cancel them.
Cutting them up won’t do anything because he likely has the number saved in his phone or whatever food app he’s using.
He’s a big boy … don’t baby him but give him options to get on top of his spending or he needs to cancel the cards … he needs to take responsibility. Just taking cards of him is treating him like a child and no wife wants that in a husband.
It doesn’t get any better Sorry, but this will be your life now. For ever and ever, ‘til death or divorce.
Two things here…
He may be stress eating rather than just bad habits so I’d take the time to check in with him about how he’s doing rather than jumping straight on him about the spending.
And two, once you’ve figured out the why, ask if he’d like to set some financial goals for you two and also just for him and ask if you can cut the cards up because they’ll hinder what you’re trying to do together.
IF coming at it calmly doesn’t work, then I think it would be fair to tell him that over spending impacts you both and you’re not happy with the situation to be an ongoing thing and unfair to put such stressors on both of you when you’re willing to do things like help him make lunches and that the card goes! Or you keep control of that card for emergencies only.
Do you work? If you’re working and you’re staying with him after finding out about the affair, I would start putting my money in a separate account from his . If he’s the one who applied for and got those credit cards he can be responsible for them . However the law says you would be responsible for them as well, but between you and him, I would separate my money from his .
He is not a child but this is clearly financially irresponsible & borderline abusive. I would suggest immediately separating finances & seeking couples counseling; because there is also a massive breach in trust that is happening & some blatant dishonesty. Splurging on ice cream & fast food when you can’t afford to purchase necessary supplies for your child is a showcase that his priorities are wildly out of perspective & you can lecture him all you want but he really needs to hear it from an outside source before he is going to listen.
I would look at his DoorDash and see if the orders are just for him.
Good idea call card company and cancel
My ex husband did this. I took the cards and informed him that if he wants to act like a child then I will treat him like one. It worked for a few years. After our divorce he went back to blowing money on fast food etc again.
My ex husband did this. I would offer to buy a case of drinks, he would refuse. I would make food in bulk so he has plenty and he would still purchase food. We talked about it, he would put his card “away”, nothing worked. I didn’t have access to his credit card unless I grabbed a monthly statement out of the mailbox. Let’s just say, this led to financial abuse and eventually finding out about an affair. Even if that’s not what’s happening in your case, it is irresponsible. Definitive boundaries need to be set and followed through with, sounds like your next step.
And…how many people is hr buying for? $50 on Dairy Queen!!!
$50 for Dairy Queen is not just for him!
Cut up the cards or tell him until he gets a second job or finds a way to pay them off, the payments aren’t coming out of the household bill money
^ this comment is unnecessary. My husband door dashed bdubs for himself and it was over $50. So that’s not true. Also, I would just show your husband your budgeting routine and communicate the importance of it. Let him know how you feel, and work together to be better. The drinks he’s buying, buy them for him in bulk at Sam’s or wherever, and stock up at the house to limit the frequent trips. Maybe you can budget in a weekly amount for him to splurge on drinks or whatever.
Prayers for your family AMENE
He’s acting like a child. So treat him as such. No more credit cards for him lol good lord
I went through the same thing! They honestly don’t see it as a problem 5 dollars here 20 dollars there. I put up my hands and said here, you deal with the bills. Let me know how it goes. After 3 months he said we are in debt. Really??? Then he understood. You will never get by with just “nagging” as they say because he won’t understand until he sees for himself.
I’d ditch his ass. Bankruptcy isn’t fun but thays where yall are headed if he don’t get his shot together. He’s taking you down with him and that’s not ok. Have to look out for yourself if he won’t!
It’s his money, he’s out working for it, so he can spend it how he wants. This is why couples shouldn’t share money. One does all the work and earning and the other who doesn’t work nags. If you had your own money to save you’d be less worried about his.
He’s In the oilfield I bet
Unfortunately, he sounds very immature. Until he realizes the importance of a budget and family needs….
Wow. I feel I wrote this. Mine has at one point had to leave all cards at home in the safe because it’s so bad. It still is but he makes more so it’s balancing sadly. Lying isn’t okay. I found out years ago by logging into our accounts too thinking I was paying all these cards down to find out they are all almost maxed. Because the damn gas station. Take your name off all the cards and let him fall. That’s what I had to do for a few years. Finally we became debt free but even now he’s back in his ways and just dropped almost $30 a day at the gas station going multiple times a day. $30 isn’t much but it is daily added up.
Maybe he don’t like your food I’d take initiative and buy cases of drinks he likes.
Call the credit card company and cancel the cards.
I really doubt he’s spending $50 on just himself
Hhhmmmm I see both sides to this. I am one of those people who like to stop every morning. It’s just part of my “get going” routine. Sure, if I didn’t, I could save money. It sounds like yall talked a little about setting these goals. Was he on board or are you just trying to force the issue all of a sudden? A lot of women on here are giving awful advice. A marriage is two people, not just one. It isn’t about just what you want to do with the families money.
Take his cards? Treat him like a child? Etc etc
This is a grown a** man we are talking about. He can spend his check how he wants to…
Pack him a lunch and take his cards. Or leave him
He probably just has a really bad spending habit. Impulse buying is a form of addiction and maybe some help with it. I dunno your situation but I used to be the same way. Money would burn a hole straight into my pocket. I bought myself some envelopes, put money into them and I give them to someone I trust who I know won’t spend the money and won’t let me give in to my impulses.
Some people have said taking his cards, but most phones and businesses have “tap to pay” and if the card is saved to his phone, he doesn’t need the card to spend money.
I would be more upset about him eating junk & refusing to eat the meals you prepare.
My husband does this & it INFURIATES me. It’s really a food addiction though.
He will doordash junk late at night when everyone is asleep…. Frequently…. AFTER he’s already eaten the dinner I make
I mean even if you “cut” the cards they’re probably saved to his apple wallet if has an iPhone or all of his food accounts on his phone so that won’t do much good!
BUT my husband isn’t this bad at all but we did put his card in the safe same with mine and just focus on laying our cc down bc we were also really bad at DoorDash etc bc it is sooo convenient even tho we have a house full of food.
My advice is sit down and talk with him, ask to see the DoorDash bc 50$ on one person is steep. I can get us all meals and blizzards for thag at least where I live. So maybe he’s paying for others food too? But if he’s doing this he shouldn’t be mad even if you wanted fast food bc I mean he does it
My husband takes a case of water in his truck to work or any other drinks to last him the week then everyday he’ll grab leftovers and snacks out of the pantry and go on his way. Occasionally he does eat out but it’s like 5$ here and there not no 50$
Who pay for his credit cards ?
I feel like all the people saying cut the card amd things don’t have enough information. Is he packing a lunch daily? I know you said you do pack for him sometimes but is he expected to not eat on the other days? I am a big believer that people lie to us or hide things from us because of how we have reacted in the past. Perhaps he is telling you that he isn’t eating at work because he doesn’t want to face the way you react? NOT that it’s okay for him to do that, because it’s not. I just try to remain conscious of my reactions to situations to help identify a solution to problems. There is clearly a communication barrier.
Sounds like he’s treating someone else to lunch every day. $50 at Dairy Queen.!? Probably has a work wife/girlfriend. ￼ Pop up at lunch tomorrow and see!
Sorry I’m not sorry but if he’s out working while your at home. He should be able to spend his hard earned money on lunch daily. If he isn’t eating dinner at home maybe it’s because he doesn’t like what’s being prepared.
Sounds like he is buying stuff for his coworkers or for someone else I know DoorDash is expensive but $50? That’s more than one meal. I would honestly ask him about his coworkers and see if they are getting him to buy food for them and such, I saw this happen coworker of mine at my last job she was always buying for everybody else and they took advantage of her but that is ridiculous with the credit cards and that will ruin his credit quickly because obviously as you know you have to pay the bill on them or it will go to his credit and maxing them out so quickly we’ll also hurt his credit and yours if they are also in your name
Lord I got to stop reading these things… no matter the question, half y’all’s answer is cheating.
Take the credit cards qway…does he buy soft drink or alcohol…10$ a day for drinks is a lot…hes going to get u in big finqncial trouble…think id be giving an ultimatium. Hope ur name isnt on the the cards
I’m not trying to defend him… but could he potentially be a binge eater??. I used to buy so much food and hide it from my hub because I was embarrassed of how much I needed to eat to fill a void that never filled.
Sounds like hes buying someone else food as well, its not 30-$50 to door dash one persons food. Ne and my husband can order door dash for me him and our 4 kids for $80! (We don’t do this often as we eat at hime mostly, only in the case of we cant make it out to pickup)
Sounds like he’s not only hiding charges from you… but also like he’s buying someone else food too. I think you have a bigger problem than just spending money and eating. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s “someone else.”
I had my friend in same situation. Her hubby was door dashing his side girl and kids food. And always treating people in office to show off. Amazing what guys will do. I’m not sure how I would handle this being I’ve never been married
When i first got with man, he was the same way. I had to put a stop to it as soon as we got together. It’s one thing to be financially stupid when you’ve never been taught, but another whole issue of you just refuse to learn.
Cut up his cards n have him pay em off
I hate to say this but been there. Fast food is addictive. It’s so easy to get. What we don’t consider is a ten dollar order is actually twenty with the delivery charge. We paid double. Then the money interest charge. You need to show him this. I’m now a widow but it did wake my husband up
I’m Not even going to say anything… even though I don’t know you, THIS, is me and situation… I could rant, but I won’t… just read Comments…
He’s being childish and putting himself before his family’s needs.
At this point, you have a real decision to make.
My ex husband did this. Loans, credit cards, accounts with companies he would buy random stuff through. He even had loans that he would take out in my name. I ended up in debt with horrible credit after our divorce. Put a stop to it now before it’s so far gone you can’t dig yourself out.
Look at his doordash account and you can see past orders. You can see if he’s buying food for another too. But I’d take the cards and lock them up
Get a joint bank account which you both pay into each month only what is required to pay you’re bills. Cut up any cards and pay by direct debit so he can’t use the money in that account. Then make sure he has no access to the rest of your money. Also if your name is on the credit cards then get them removed that way any debt is his alone
Honestly if that’s all you have to worry about with him
Think yourself lucky
I’ve known tradies and truck drivers who spend that a day
I’ve even known women who spend
$20 a day on coffee alone
Don’t sweat the small stuff
As for left overs
Portion them out into servings and freeze them
That way you can pull it out and microwave it for the nights
You don’t feel like cooking
Let him have that credit card
When the monthly bill comes in
Hand it to him and simply pass it over to him and say this is your bill
And you can pay it
This is ridiculous. It sounds like he’s buying food for people. You sure he’s not seeing someone else?
I often spend that much a week, and often take lunch but end up buying restaurant food because it tastes better. It’s a bad habit, so ignore these comments about cheating and side women, actually have a talk with him about budgeting and brining home all receipts, but that means you as well. Anything both of yall spend, bring home a record of and at night match it to the budget.
Is this his money or do you work and this is your money too? If this is your money too you have every right to be enraged. If he is the only one working & then it is his money. Still stupid but you have no say if you didn’t earn it. STILL either way this is a huge issue and you won’t get ahead.
Well maybe tell him that some charges are on your account and since hes not charging food- maybe they are fraud and you need to call and cancel the card!! If you are on the account, you can put a daily spending limit on the card!
Or get a debit card and when its empty he cannot charge!!!
Take the cards away and give him a spending allowance for the week every Sunday evening. Make him take his lunch and a drink and give him 40 bucks for extra drinks or snacks for the week. Don’t let him use the excuse about gas for vehicle either go on Sundays and fill that sucker up. He sounds like a child.
If he earns the money you can’t really tell him.what to do with it but yes if you have both- not just you have agreed to cut back on the spending then remind him he using to much on the credit cards and to cut back a bit but you can’t stop him for using them for anything he wants same as he can’t stop you… come to a agreement on what can be spent on extras a month etc
Nope. I’d divorce cause he’s not gonna change and he’ll just drag you & your kids down with him.
Sounds like he’s buying food for more than just himself.
I’d seperate financially. Before he tanks my credit. I’d get my own bank accounts as well. Tell him what he owes gor bills. He’s not going change. He obviously sees it as his money
Take out more life insurance on him as he will eat himself to death soon!
Get to the bottom of it. With as much as he’s spending, he spending that money on himself and a coworker. Possibly cheating…
You’re on the slope to financial ruin and he won’t change.
You might consider a legal separation before not paying on his cards so you aren’t held financially liable
Unfortunately, things are only going to get worse. If you cannot get him to agree to give you his paycheck and cancel the credit cards, then there’s nothing you can do. Oh and you should remove yourself from any of his credit cards or loans as he will ruin your credit too.
Not on his side at all from what is stated but it is one sided. I don’t think you’re lying or stretching the truth. I wonder though are these charges every single day or close? If he is a work crew of some sort they may be alternating days or something. Also, maybe he has a cash app, Venmo, PayPal or something similar and they transfer money back and forth to make it quicker, cheaper (door dash in particular) and easier to be one transaction… I work in food service and it has become very popular with no indication of stopping any time soon. There could be several reasons but it could also be him being sketchy. Another talk needs to be had soon. You could also look into some of those apps so he can have money available if needed but not be extravagant. For example, door dash can’t take cash that I’m aware of and it’s a way to get a snack here or there every now and again. Food for thought. I hope it all works out for y’all.
He has to be buying for someone else too! $50 to one restaurant? Idk about that
Separate your finances from his, now.
Talk to a counselor for yourself - maybe for / with him - but certainly for you, bc I believe this is an example of financial abuse.
BTDT, no fun at all.
Wtf is he buying for 50$ at Dairy Queen? Definitely sounds like he’s sending food to somebody else. If that’s the case he need to leave his ass.
I was wondering what in the world would cost that much but from reading everyone else’s comments, door dash is just expensive, honestly it’s a typical man thing I’ve seen very few men that are good with budgeting and not dropping money on unnecessary stuff, but the lying that’s unacceptable, me and my man do have a split bank account but we both also put money in the account, he works and I work, as long as it doesn’t put us in a bad bind I don’t say anything about what he spends and he doesn’t say anything about what I spend , but it could be absolutely anything, he might not like your cooking and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, or he’s got some sort of eating disorder going on, some people do get those due to stress or depression sometimes even anxiety and it’s very hard to control, people either eat to much or not at all, I would really just tell him calmly that y’all need to have a talk about what is going on, canceling cards is not going to work, I would definitely try to get to the bottom of it because something is definitely going on
Are you sure someone didn’t hack your Doordash account?
$50 at dairy queen?? After you JUST talked about all this nonsense…u sure this lil boy doesn’t have a side chick??
Your cooking probably ain’t good.
No ma’am that $50 for dq is not right. That’s how much it cost for a family of 4. I would cut the doordash account. Can’t spend it if he don’t have it.
As reading this I feel like I was the one that posted it myself. My husband does the exact thing… I ask how he works with sliding the bank account so many times a day and that’s not exaggeration either, he’ll spend 20 to 30$ a day just at work on the food machines, I pack him breakfast snacks and lunches everyday, with plenty or drinks but he will still spend on food from work. But when we don’t have the money for bills he gets mad at me saying things need to change, yet I budget everything and coupon shop along with going to the cheapest places for food. Looking at our bank account you’ll see straight spending from his work… convenient stores etc. It’s frustrating but all I tell him is he is responsible for his own spending and I will not be paying it for him, nearly to the point to where we’re about to have separate accounts and split the bills and food in the house. Not exactly how I’d like our marriage but to have anything for myself and our 5 kids I have to do what’s best
My ex husband was the same and my current husband as well, i have no advise other than every time i buy groceries I also get $20 cashback and tuck it away so I have my own nest egg.
Yes doordash has its fees but 50$ to doordash for one persons meal is very questionable. He must be buying lunch for him and someone else… as far as the buying drinks at the gas station issue I think some men have that mentality that they don’t want anyone telling them how to spend their own money… he wants u to cut back on spending but he’s still gonna do what he wants… but that is a discussion that you all need to sit down and have because if he’s spending and maxing out credit cards he’s definitely fucking up his credit not building it… and if his doordash and drink habit starts cutting into bills or even y’all’s savings for whatever goals then it will become an even bigger issue
Your options are:
Do nothing and wait for the bills to become so much you have to file bankruptcy
You take away all his cards (credit and debit) and force him to take his lunch and drinks from home
You separate and divorce him for being a irresponsible, lying spouse that can’t be trusted to be a responsible adult and partner
Sounds like you both need marriage counseling
My partner used to do the same thing, up until we fell pregnant and I took control of our finances, they will only get away with what u allow to continue, good luck
How’s about being happy that your husband is working (many husbands don’t), and be proud that you’re not seeing charges for motel bills.
I may be the black sheep here but IMO When it comes down to it… he’s not gonna stop any of that until he’s ready. You can fight all you want but fast food is addictive, drinks at 711 are addictive. It’s a hard habit to stop and processed food keeps you coming back. If he works and you guys have a roof and he wants to spend his money that way maybe budget it for a while.
In the end the only thing that helped my husband and family with food addiction and being healthy was me doing it. Not asking him to do these things with me but me doing it and setting an example for my family. Showing them that change IS possible and they see the benefits. Believe me, mine came home going through thise emotions too. Not eating all day then being frustrated and… I let him. I apologized that he felt that way then excused myself to make a healthy dinner.
It’s been 6 months and 3 months ago he started getting on board but in his own way, at his own pace.
If the money is hurting you, maybe find a compromise but don’t ask him to break a habit cold turkey. It’s his daily routine. Keep a healthy narrative going… I know it sucks but try not to shame him and understand that kicking fast food from your normal routine is HARD. I promise you, he is not proud.
I just love the questions I get posted here. ￼
Is he feeding the entire office/work crew?