My husband doesn't lift a finger when I am at work

Tell me why I worked 10 hours to come home to the house not being cleaned. It was just him and and our son home. Coffee cup from yesterday on the table, kids plates from dinner on the table, kitchen counters disgusting with breakfast crumbs. Living room, cereal all over the floor… not a single thing was done. Oh but he JUST started dishes… so that’s good enough… 6 days a week, most time I work 6 days a week and my only REAL day off (Saturdays) I spend cleaning the whole house … and in 24 hours… they have it destroyed and he couldn’t lift a finger all day…


Stop cleaning and doing all the things for a while…see if it makes a difference.


Sit down and make a list of what needs to get done every day and what each of you is responsible for. AND how you will hold each other accountable.

If this was a man writing this about his wife, I think there would be a very different response. Have him get a job and you can go half on daycare and both share the chores.


Tell him you’ll take the kids to the park on Saturday so he can clean thr house

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I was with a an ex for almost 9 years - his behaviour never changed. Fast forward 12 years and he is still the same!! Run, sprint, move on!!! Save yourself the heart ache, stress and drama!!! :pray:


If he my husband he’s going to work asp

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I might have an unpopular opinion BUT have you asked him about it or shared your thoughts? I swear, some men (and women) just don’t see the uncleanliness as a problem. I am a SAHM mom and I feel like my job is to care for the home while my husband is at work but honestly your husband just might not understand how important it is to you. I would kindly ask him about it and see if he needs some guidance. He has to step up, it’s not fair that you work all day and have to come up to a disaster.


Time to set some boundaries!! Lots of luck!


Boundaries. It’s called Household Management. Shared responsibilities.


Thing is your raising the exact duplicate of him because he is not responsible for anything either. I think a mother teaches her son what to do and how to do it.

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Stop doing it all hun. Go and ask him to write a chore chart for himself because things need to be done and you can’t do it all alone. Men typically don’t have the same priorities as women, which is totally fine…but it does become flat out disrespectful and infuriating when you ask that they get things done and it just doesn’t happen. If he needs a list, cool, write a list together. Hopefully after a while of working from a list he’ll become a little more aware of what needs doing and just do it. I’ll totally own the fact that I get frustrated with mothering grown men in any way so my compromise is figure out what helps them get on track and then leave them to it…they either will sort it or they won’t.

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You allow it, does he work…:thinking:

My dad told me this one time and one time only! What you allow will continue!


I never understood this. If it’s not up to what you want Leave. Or make him leave. I’m a single mom and I do it all. It’s pretty sad to be married and still be a single mom. You might as well go ahead and be one. Without his lazy butt there. Stop venting and start packing his stuff

I am gathering that this is a stab at SAHMs. I would say be grateful you don’t have to pay for childcare and your kid is safe. I know when I had no other choice but to be a SAHM, it felt like I was an unloved, unappreciated house slave. It was as if I only existed to clean and never got my cup filled in return. You sound like every other spouse of a stay at home parent who is too damn blind or ignorant of what it takes to be at home all day with a child(ren). How about you try showing some appreciation and respect, communicate instead of expecting things to just magically work themselves out or get swept under the rug and then get pissed at him for not understanding.

2 lazy guys. I hope you don’t cook for them when you get home.

What you allow will continue

Tell him that he must step up to the plate or you will quit and be a sahm.


Sounds like my EX husband…

Why? Because you allow it. Because you clean up after him and he isn’t held accountable.


If he doesn’t work, then his job is THE HOUSEWORK, :heart:


I would simply come home tomorrow night, take a hot bath, give some cuddles n love to your son then go to bed. In morning, simply say: I would appreciate it if you would clean the house today. This is our house, I unfortunately hv to go to work and you can help by cleaning n taking care of our son. I can not do everything. I feel like you do not care if we live in a dirty house but I do. When I get home tonight I will give you a break and take over watching our son bc I know staying home all day and cleaning is just as difficult and tiring but I really need your help too by cleaning. We can work together to have a clean home for our son and ourselves but we both hv to work together… then give him a kiss and go to work. When u get home, if he did clean up, even a little bit, say thank you. If he didn’t, then repeat just taking care of urself and your son. I would stop making him dinner, stop doing his laundry, stop babying a man child. You can ask him if something is wrong but if he is Always like this then he has to man up, either get a job and help contribute financially and share chores or take over housework and you help out with some things too. Maybe come up with a plan for chores and breaks. Bc you both need a break. Good luck momma :heartbeat:

What you allow will continue

I mean, I spend all day with my 4 year old and I clean and at the end of the day it looks like a tornado blew through our house :upside_down_face: Even worse when my 6 year old is here.

My husband doesn’t care though.

I feel like if this was reversed the responses would be much different. Every SAHM knows that you can spend all day cleaning and it doesn’t make a difference when you have kids.

The responses would be much different.


Instead of telling us. Why don’t you talk to him and tell him how you feel:


My husband is the same way and no he does not work


You need to have a calm conversation with him if what you would like to see when you come home and what you want him to help you with on Saturdays. Before you go to bed the house should be clean and then he during the day and you pick up together before bed.


Have you tried talking to him? Maybe he has depression. He could need some medical help to try and get his life back on track. It’s not always laziness. With depression getting out of bed can be a chore, and they force themselves out of bed to take care of the children’s basic needs and shut everything else off.


It’s why I’m getting a divorce.


The behavior you allow :woman_shrugging:

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What does he do all day …does he work .

Wow, so many sound harsh. Sometimes people just want someone to listen and FB is a good way to vent.

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Fuck that. I know it’s hard being a stay at home parent but to not have done ANYTHING?? that’s ridiculous. Especially with only one child. Unless, Maybe he’s depressed? Not knowing where his life is going? I felt all those things being a SAHM. Communicating helps.

So tell him to lift his feet right out the door…

I can’t tell you why…. but I bet he can. Because you allow for it to happen. People treat you the way you let them treat you


I feel like this is a trap. You hear m3n post things like this all the time and women go IN on them. Saying how hard it is to be a SAHM and that they are a chef and taxi and nurse and all these other things to take care of the kids all day. And once the role is reversed, we get mad at men who are SAHDs because the house isn’t clean? Sorry… either a dude posted this to prove a point… or y’all gotta get your heads checked. Being home with kids is so hard. I could never be a stay at home mom.

So is your kid fed? Loved? Laughing and learning? Then you can give some grace and maybe help clean your own house. :joy::metal:t3:

I feel this so hard. I work 5/6 days a week anywhere from 8-12 hours, just depends and my husband stays home with our 2yo daughter and he literally NEVER cleans. He does dishes but that’s it. He says he can’t manage it with our daughter or she just destroys it right after he cleans it and I’m like well bud… same. But I manage to deep clean my house every single week the ONE day I’m off. It drives me crazy.

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Tell him he needs to pay for a cleaner or do it himself, and don’t you dare touch a single thing, yes it’s going to annoy you the house is messy but then he might actually realise he needs to pull his weight.


I work “part time” 30 hours over the weekend and I’m still the only one that cleans in my house.
I cook I clean I pay all the bills look after kids and still am the only one responsible for cleaning.
Because people are LAZY.
It’s as simple as that.
Utter and pure laziness.
If I can survive on four hours sleep a night, wake up parent cook for the household which I won’t even get to eat, any other human is capable of doing the same thing.

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Stop cleaning all of his shit. Clean up after the child and none of his. Which is still unfair, but is a step in the right direction.

Maybe talk to him, not FB.

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Perhaps hire someone to clean house every couple weeks

Simple tell him if he’s a stay at home dad then he needs to do the housework if not get a job or get out


Talk to your family quietly and calmly. Put things from your point of view. Use the phrase “when you do (or don’t) this it makes me feel upset, like you don’t care about me or treat me like a servant. How would you like it if someone disrespected you in this way… And what are we going to do about it?” if no change, leave it. Clean your own stuff, tidy your own stuff, cook your own food, wash your own dishes. See how they like it and stick to your guns. If they don’t like it, it’s in their hands to do something about it. I would also pack a sandwich and go out on your day off. You deserve a break, so take it.

How old is your son? I feel like women do this all the time the man works and Mom stays home and is to busy with the baby all day to really clean or so they say :joy:

Send them to their rooms. No tv or computer for a week. It’ll probably take that long to clean up the house.

How active is your child? How old? I remember not being able to do anything until after mine was asleep. Is he taking your son out of the house and running errands or having fun together? That’s important too.

Sit down and list what absolutely NEEDS to be done for health & safety (clean laundry available maybe 1x a week, feeding everyone 3 meals plus snacks, cleaning entire bathrooms once a week, kitchen counters wiped down once a day at least, dishes washed or rinsed & in dishwasher once a day, quick daily vacuum as needed) what would be NICE to have done (laundry, mop & vacuum every day; steam clean the floors, gourmet meals, dusting, beds made) and the deadline for the needed stuff.

Then set a schedule of essentials—and include your child as much as possible, dusting table and chair legs, putting toys away, putting dirty clothes in a hamper/basket and putting clean clothes in drawers, shelves or bins, taking dirty non-breakable dishes and silverware to the sink and putting clean ones away if he can reach, folding washcloths and hand/dish towels—but don’t expect perfection.

You’ll have to compromise on the level of clean and neat if you and your husband have different standards. Personally having so little time with family I was happy to dispense with making beds, but made sure my kids knew how to do it when we had company. Do the big jobs as a family on your day off. Put on music, sing, treat yourself afterwards. Once the essentials are getting done—and you may disagree on what’s essential or how often chores need to happen—add in the nice to haves, or the things over which you disagree. For example, if he doesn’t load the dishwasher the way you like, you can do it yourself or just live with the way he does it since he’s doing the work. Decide what you’ll do individually, together and as a family. You’ll still be responsible for some things but stop doing them all! You can gently say, “While I’m reading son a story, that’ll give you time to scrub down the countertops and wash the dishes.” Or, “Can you treat the stains & throw a load of laundry in while I dust & vacuum the bedroom?

Preferably you’ll have a schedule and deadlines for everyone (and a chart with gold stars) so there won’t be many questions or too much nagging.

Be sure to schedule fun & family time so you don’t burn out. Bath time, story, parks and playgrounds, museums, kids shows all make memories and provide relaxation and knowledge. Libraries have WONDERFUL programs and activities too. Any kind of family exercise is good: walks, biking, swimming, putting on a kids workout video you can do as a family are all stress busters, energy boosters, healthy and fun.

At the end of life, those leftover dishes will seem mighty insignificant in the scheme of things. Enjoy each others’ company. Life is short.

Um he is a man. Why is he NOT at work?

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This is why I got divorced. He worked a lot but still you both live in that home and both have kids together… share responsibility…. It’s called life and he needs to either help or get out in my opinion. Some men are so lazy these days I would rather be a single mom and do it all than raise another man child

Then don’t clean. Ask him nicely to try to tidy HIS ( I know… your) house.

I’m the only one that cleans my house, I’m with my child 24/7 and some days it looks absolutely disgusting and I just don’t have the energy to deal with it. I’ll clean and 5mins later it’s trashed again, I don’t want to spend all my time cleaning.


I’m sure crying to Facebook will solve your problems… If your not happy then just leave. Pretty simple


Time for the “Come to Jesus” meeting. Or quit your job. You can’t do both.


I would loose my shit at him ,

Now that it’s the woman that’s working it’s unacceptable for the man to do nothing in the house but if the roles were reversed you guys would say she’s your wife not your mom. Not condoning this behavior at all though if you stay home you take care of the house that’s cooking cleaning and take care of the kids.

If this was the first day it happened there would be time to adjust but when your months or years in that their normal so it will be a good fight for the things you want to happen to happen

Men only do what you let them do.

I do it all too.
It’s overwhelming and definitely draining.

I am not putting up with that kind of Sh-t.Find yourself Filipino woman

Time to go on a little “strike”. They will understand in no time flat!

Girl I feel this on a whole other level

Literally felt this. :sleeping: mine helps a little but barely. He had 2 simple tasks the other day that I asked him to do and in the 8½hrs I was at work, he did neither. It was just a little sweeping and cleaning the cats litter box. He worked consistently the past 2yrs but he’s been out of work for a month now and it’s like he’s become so comfortable at being lazy around the house. It’s exhausting working full time and having to come home at night and clean a big house just to be the only one who gets our oldest up for school. My sleep has been awful the past few weeks because of all this but he sleeps 12-15hrs so he’s definitely not missing good sleep like I have been…

Oh I would not put up with this for a second! He lives there too and can share the responsibilities! What’s he teaching his Son? I would not live like that and he needs to go!

:heart: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 communicate your expectations but to be honest cleaning is a family event! No one person is expected to do all the chores. We have a chore board and the kids help. Your children should be putting their own dinner plate up. You work and he cares for the child. Having kids isn’t easy. They are so messy and time consuming. I’m curious though if this is new behavior?? Has he always done this? Some people just don’t care if there’s a mess around. I understand your frustration. I’d talk to him about it. Im a SAHM of teenagers and toddlers and I make sure my house is clean, laundry done, and dinner made before he gets home. I respect and love him dearly though. He doesn’t make me do anything and he doesn’t complain if I don’t do something. You just have to talk to each other and leave the resentment out of it. Life is hard for us all. Did you ever consider he may being struggling with his mental health??? :heart:

Throw the whole husband in the trash!

If everyone is alive, it’s a successful day. :joy::joy::joy: kids fed? Success. Ready for bed/bathed? Success. The chores can wait till the kids are in bed. Just ask him to do it when he can.

He isn’t going to change.

CHUCK THE Fxxk out the door, he can sleep in the Garage if he wants to act like a dog.

Make him a honey due list each day

If the shoe was on the other foot you would get teared to strips and thats the sad truth

Ok so I would not expect it spotless but some mess is reasonable. Have you had a conversation, maybe that the kitchen and living room being cleaned before you arrive is important to you. On your day off maybe you clean the bathrooms or something. You need to communicate

Sounds kinda like my husband if I don’t tell him he won’t do it the lawn mower has Bern broke for 3 weeks he say he needs to fix it but more then likely I will have to fix it myself it gets old after awhile

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I am not being rude , but I will never understand why any woman would tolerate the lack of support … Mama you need to put your foot down ! I work from home and homeschool 7 kids I still
Manage to have things cleaned … there’s no excuse for him !

His taking the micky man child springs to mind you have one child not too he doesn’t respect you

If he is a stay at home dad it’s HIS responsibility. Let him know you will no longer be the maid. That is unacceptable. And if he doesn’t believe you, take the kids somewhere on Saturday and enjoy yourself. It will suck for just a bit to not just do it, but just bite the bullet!

show him the door or use the door yourself. he is never going to change and he is teaching your son the same lazy habits he has. STOP being a door mat. get out and if you have to take your son with you or leave him with the lazy pig. You have to look out for yourself too

I feel ye pain he got binned xxx

Unpopular opinion but did you try asking him why? I mean really asking him not nagging or yelling or arguing…?

And you stay with him WHY??? Marriage is 100%/100% SHARED! Obviously he is not working at a paying job…lay down the law!!! Get off your lazy buns or get out!!!

People say men just look at things differently

I’d like to state if this was a man, complaining about his wife, the answers would be much different.

You shouldn’t have to tell a grown man that the house needs to be cleaned, especially if you’re working and he’s not. Period.

So don’t clean on Saturday :woman_shrugging:t3:

Neither does my bf/ roommate. Not bad as yours but annoying as hell

Has anyone asked their man how their day went? Has anyone tried talking to him at all? Maybe he is overwhelmed or depressed. Men won’t talk their emotions most time but they show it through their actions. If your the “bread winner” then he may feel less masculine. It is seriously not always laziness.
ALSO… I DONT CARE if you work 10 hours or 20 hours. Household chores are team work 100%. You CAN NOT expect 1 person to take care of a whole house with mini people in it by themselves when another adult lives there.
Sometimes it is laziness and you need to just move on. He will keep doing what you allow or what you ignore of his needs as well.
Either be a team or don’t be with him. That goes both ways…

Stop cleaning their mess. Stop cooking if house isnt picked up for the day. Make a sign and put it on fridge.

This is one sided, does he work? Is he supposed to be a SAHD? Did y’all discuss it? What? :woman_shrugging: How old is your child? It could be depression on his part, have you actually sat down and talked or you just want to vent on social media?

Gee, now you sound like a controlling man that believes the wife should do everything around the house. They also believe being a SAHM isn’t a full time job. At least he was DOING the dishes!! Have you ever been a SAHM to know how it can be through the day? Is your son healthy and happy? That’s all that should matter. If this was a man talking about a woman… ya’ll would be totally defending her and talking crap about him. Oh and yes, I’m a woman.

Sounds like your husband is a selfish, self-centered immature jerk. There’s no reason why the house isn’t straightened up, especially if he’s not working. And maybe your son too, depending upon his age. If he’s old enough to help, then get him helping. Put your foot down. If hubby doesn’t straighten out, get rid of him. You already have a son. You don’t need another child. And get rid of the video games! I bet he’s playing games all day long.

This is why I won’t live with a dude

Look your not going to change your husband at this point. Old dogs new tricks and all. So the best we can do is teach our sons to be better men. Teach our sons how to cook and clean up their own mess at the very least. Our husband’s are never going to think its their responsibility because thats the way they were raised. Their mommy’s probably did everything for them, or their dad’s made sure they knew they were supposed to. That’s a generational thing that we will never be able to make them see. I’m not saying all men, but the men that have already proved to us that they are above house chores. No amount of asking or begging or bitching is going to change the way they were raised. It’s our jobs to make sure our sons are not raised to believe the same things. Raise our sons to be good husband’s so their wives don’t end up resenting them and feeling taken advantage of. And yes that means it’s all going to be on us as mothers. But look at most wold animals. They Raise their young alone most of the time. With absolutely no help from the males. There’s no reason we can’t do it. Raise a son that is helpful and kind, who doesn’t think he is above cleaning the home he lives in too. As far as the husband I would just make him get a job too. I mean see this is why we can’t all work. Become we don’t have husband’s that help do anything. When they see their own mess and just keep piling onto it without any concern because they know we will clean up after them. It’s sad. Treating your wife like a slave especially when they work and you don’t is the result of bad parenting.