Can someone please tell me I’m not crazy? I’ve been with my child essentially 24/7 since the day he was born. Never had a night or more than 6/8 hours away from him (that’s with me working and even then he’s right down the hall from me since i work at daycare). I’ve never had a break from him, I’m his sole provider for his basic needs as he’s breastfed but will take a bottle. My husband has had time to himself, nights to himself as me and the baby stayed a weekend with my family and he didn’t want to come, and he doesn’t wake up at night to take care of the baby. I’m frustrated and need a break but every time I mention it to my husband he says that our child is my responsibility not anyone else’s. I get tht but like I do deserve time to myself soemtimes right? Talking to his family who we live with doesn’t help either. The only thing they said is welcome to mother hood, or this is what you signed up for. Which makes me feel like a bad mom for feeling like I need time to reset.
Is your family willing to help? I’d pack a bag and go stay with them for another weekend if they are and just ask if you could spend some time by yourself while your there. I feel you though! I have 3 kiddos and I’m constantly doing everything with them while working and going to nursing school full time!
If I were u just for once and that would not make u a bad mom, though ur husband may get Insane lol, I would just leave everything he needs prepare and walk away figure out and u just go pamper ur self or somewhere family or friend and take the longest nap !
WOW he sounds very old fashioned and chauvinistic. Tell him that when he becomes a single dad he will have to pull his weight by himself when he has visitation and it takes 2 to make a baby and he is the father. Welcome to fatherhood and being an adult.
He is also responsible. You also need time to yourself! Don’t feel bad mama. You have to take care of you too and have time alone.
You absolutely need breaks now and then. It is essential for one’s mental health. Do you have friends or someone outside of his family you trust to watch her for a couple hours? Or even for the night?
I think you need a healthier environments to raise your child. Not knowing your circumstances I can say I had a similar arrangement 52yrs ago. My son was 4 when I was strong enough to say I deserved better. Surely you have friends that can spell you for short periods. This first year is toughest. You can do anything for one day as long as its not the rest of your life. One day at a time. Start making plans for A better future where you are valued and supported.
Throw the whole man away! He’s not a partner. Maybe he’ll see how it is every other weekend.
Sounds like an ex husband to me
Pump enough for a day or weekend and have him care for baby while you have time away then I’m sure he’ll see how much you do without a break.
Always said if I’m gonna do it alone, ima be alone. You absolutely deserve time to yourself and time to be yourself. That is absolutely not what you signed up for, you signed up for a partnership.
It should definitely be a team sport. You didn’t make him by yourself
It makes me FURIOUS when people say crap like “Welcome to motherhood” or “This is what you signed up for”. Ugh, no. I married my husband for partnership and doing life TOGETHER which includes parenting.
I feel for you mamma! Somewhat in the same position and we now have 2 under 2. I hope your husband learns to show you the love and respect that you need
Get a babysitter and you and your husband go out !!
Its his child as well. Make a bottle and tell him you going to have coffee with a friend
This is a terrible arrangement! Children need to spend time with BOTH of their parents independently! Pass the baby to him and tell him you’ll be back later then LEAVE! Give yourself some time to breathe and relax somewhere. Return later and tell your husband how much better you feel! If he doesn’t like it, too bad!
EVERYONE needs a break. && your “breaks” aren’t even breaks. You’re working, and with other kids…so you never even get kid free work time lol. You can love kids and your kids with all your heart and still need time to yourself lol.
Yikes. They all sound toxic. You 200000% deserve some you time. How is the baby any more your responsibility than his???
I don’t even have to ask my husband, I just say I need a break, and I leave . No issues.
Pump enough for a day, and get in the car and leave . The baby is also HIS responsibility. Welcome him to fatherhood, this is what HE signed up for too. Do not ask permission if he acts like this. You take the time you need. Put the baby in his lap and walk out the door and go relax for a few hours. If he throws a fit, do it again the next weekend, until he realizes he will pitch in and help, or it’s not gonna work. And when he gets visitations, he will be doing it all by himself anyway.
When that baby cries or needs something, sit him in daddy’s lap and dip out for a few hours. Or, you just plan it and TELL him what you’re doing. You’re a grown adult and no permission is required. And if it is, you’re with the wrong man.
No it’s 50 50 it’s his child to. You didn’t make him on your own. You have to make him step up an only you can do that.
Clearly it was how is was raised; since his family backs him. So he won’t be changing his mind anytime. What about your family? Can you move it with them? If not start squirreling away money and move out. You and your baby deserve an involved spouse/parent
There bad at parenting if they believe it’s solely on the mother.
This situation sucks!!! I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. Like others have said, it takes 2 to make a baby, baby is BOTH’s responsibility, NOT just yours. The fact that his family is agreeing with him is very sad and so frustrating. I hate saying this, but it might/IS time to look to move out, most likely without him, but if he wants to be more than just a donor and actually have a role in child’s life, good. If he doesn’t do it on your own. It’s gonna be hard, but I did it with 3 kids. You got this honey… sending you positive thoughts and support and love
Problem solve your situation, theres no use confronting him as you’ve already tried, so it sounds like you have a line on daycare so you just need to extract yourself from an unsupported and isolated parenting partnership, find help
Time to take a week off from work. Find a babysitter and get some rest. Decide if you want to continue to live with him and his family.
My last one was sick. I was not out of his sight first 3 years of his life. No regrets I would do again if I needed to plus I had a 4 year old
It’s his child too. Just hand him the baby tell him when you’ll be home and leave
If you are already doing it alone, do it alone without the man child. Trust me, you will feel less stress, since you are probably thinking about this constantly. This is not just YOUR responsibility, and you did not sign up to do it alone…or you would have made this child on your own.
Sadly it’s extremely common even though it’s wrong. The only benefit is that as the kids grow they realize that mom is their person and dad is not because he wasn’t reliable, caring, loving, didn’t put in the effort It sucks feeling like a single mom when you’re married
Since your being a single mom, might as well live like one…get your own place, leave him where he’s at.
You had a baby with a child. Throw the whole dude away. Then he has to have the baby every other weekend while you enjoy the break. lol
You are absolutely not wrong! Even Mom’s need and deserve breaks. That baby is not just your responsibility, but also the fathers. Point blank. There is literally no other way to put it. Tell the father if he cannot give you some time to yourself then you two will separate and you will get free time whenever he has his child during his time.
My husband helped as much as he could but I was only one that could take care of baby
Husband sounds like a real Jerk! Good luck with that marriage lasting eeww
Either tell him to step up or you’ll leave and do it on your own that way. You practically are doing it alone, so either get him to step up and support you or doing it on your own in your terms.
It’s time to just say “you’re taking baby to the party and I’m staying home” or “I’m going on a girls trip and you need to care for baby”. Put your foot down and if he doesn’t like it, he can find someone to help him. The end.
Divorce him and then do 50/50. You’ll get a break and he will have to learn to be a parent.
He sounds like a deadbeat man.
The whole “our child” thing isn’t dawning on him huh. The child is also his responsibility and he needs to step up to the plate and put in equal effort.
“our child is your responsibility”
I’d take a vacation day at work… drop the baby off at daycare and go enjoy your day…
Hand him the baby and leave the house
Permission is not required to do something on your own. Hand the kid over to him and say your turn. ￼
Since you’re already living as a single mom might as well be one, find someone who will happily share your responsibilities and be happy for them
You’re an adult. Hire a babysitter a couple times a month.
Your husband and his family suck, plain and simple. Everyone NEEDS a break! The baby is not YOUR responsibility alone. It is your husband’s responsibility as well. I agree with what someone else said. Give the baby to your husband and just take off for a bit. Turn your phone off and tell him you’ll be back in how ever many hours you want to take. Mental health is a real thing that some people don’t want to believe. You deserve time to recharge, too. If this situation doesn’t change, I’d look at getting rid of your husband and moving out of his family’s house.
Wait now… is he the father?? YOU and YOU only are responsible for your baby?? I don’t think so … That would be enough for me right there Hun, it’s not going to change, I promise, and please don’t have another with him! Let me guess… he’s involved in the fun stuff? I know it’s hard and my daughter was going through this too and was told but her fiance the “welcome to motherhood” while he came home from work(she as well and they worked together) and played games and didn’t help.
Remind him that it takes 2 to make a baby so it will be 2 of us providing for the child not just me and I wake him up in the middle of the night and tell him it’s his turn
Your child has a mother and father! I wouldn’t accept your don’t deserve a break. I would tell him as I’m walking out the door- honey I’m leaving for me time. Have a great evening.
I’m an itch(put a B on that)when he got home,I’d leave the baby with him and go do something.I wouldn’t answer his calls or text either.Every mom needs a break and if he doesn’t see that,then I’d pack up and say I was done.Youre already doing this on your own.
sounds like you need a good family lawyer. Lose the man child. Bonus. If you divorce him, you will get a break when he is forced to parent on his parenting time.
Don’t wait for him to GIVE you one. TAKE IT!!
First of live, living with his family is your first mistake! That wont go well!
And second! It takes 2 to make a baby! The baby is NOT just your responsibility!!! Its both your responsibility! Your husband needs a reality check
You are not mad…yet, but if you do not get your needs met then you soon will be. Look after yourself.
“Our child” is our responsibility.
Pack up and leave , he’s family is no help either !
Hello child support and alimony…like others said, you’re already doing this by yourself and his toxic family aren’t helping with those comments…
Your husband should be offering to help. You did not create your baby by yourself. You need time for you as well.
Sounds cultural because ain’t no way. He would be watching me dolled up strutting out the door.
He’s your responsibility and no one else’s and you get that? Since when does it only take one person to have a child? That child is equally his responsibility and as long as you put up with being mistreated he will continue it. What a horrible father.
Time to put your foot down mama. You both made it. You both parent it.
i would leave !
see how he likes dealing with what he signed up for !!
He laid with you so it’s his responsibility too. He’s a narcissist who needs kicked to the curb.
If possible take a day off of work and leave baby at daycare for the day! Go have a day to yourself. But you’re raising this child alone so when you leave he shouldn’t be very surprised!
I see a lot of comments saying just leave the baby with the husband but I’m not sure if that’s the answer. What if he can’t handle the baby and something happens? What if he’s not patient enough and something happens? I know it’s a rough situation and YES SHE DOES NEED AND DESERVES BREAKS but I wouldn’t at the expense of my child’s safety. Most men never step up to the plate like they should. Be patient mom this too shall pass.
Oh I would be mad! That child is his responsibility to! And his family lives with you and don’t help? I would be kicking them out! You deserve a break and you absolutely should get it!
It won’t change. His family’s attitude shows how he was raised. Just accept it and move on and maybe see if your family or a friend could help you out. I stand on if I’m gonna beat single parent I’m gonna be single. It would also be good to point out to him,“OUR kid is OUR responsibility!” Not that it would do much good.
You are not wrong. Your feelings are valid and you definitely deserve a break!
Pretty sure it takes two to make a baby - if my man said this to me id be out. Sounds like a real gem. You deserve better.
I remember one night my husband woke up to tell me our baby was crying . I told him to take care of him ; I was tired . He got up changed him and handed him to me to nurse .
I also had a two year old , I had to Take care of the same time , it was exhausting .
How ever my husband would help me when he could with both of our sons .
Please tell me your husband works, and if he does work he better work HARD for him to think he just gets to do whatever TF he wants and not give you breaks.
I could never. My husband is an amazing dad. If I need him to help me, he does. If I just can’t even some days, he does. I’m going through some health issues, so he’s helped a lot. Giving me food, taking the kids, doing things around the house. Absolutely not okay. Tell your husband and inlaws that you’re better than them and get yourself some help.
They are all being incredibly toxic. That is not okay. Your not wrong
What’s the point of having him around if he’s not helping you ur doing single mom shiz
Get a job & leave the child with him - if he can’t handle that down the road he goes !!
He is also responsible. That is his child too. You deserve a break for your own mental health. Yes, you are a mother, but you were YOU first.
He’s a piece of work
You need to figure a way out
He is responsible for taking care of his child 50/50! Us moms always do more but this is his child too. Sorry you’re going through this.
Leave him and split custody you’ll get 50% time away from the child he “learns” to parent AND you lose dead weight/ shitty upbringing for your child. It’s a win/win/win
He’s your partner and babys dad, he should be stepping in more. I would genuinely consider whether you should stay with your husband if that’s his way of thinking. It’s selfish.
Tell your husband to grow the hell up! Book a weekend away and leave baby with him Geezus man needs some sense knocked into him.!
People only get away with what you let them get away with. You are letting your husband get away with this pitiful behavior and you are the only one that can put a stop to it. Get in the car when he gets home, and tell him he’s going to be watching the child until you decide to return. Pick one day of the week for yourself and just do it every week. It’s not open for discussion.
He said that your child is fully your responsibility and you said “you get that”<— that’s the problem. The baby is both of your responsibility and it sounds like you’re the one enabling this behavior for your husband. He sounds like a kid, how old is he? Definitely seek couples therapy and also tell him to get his shit together and you need to stop enabling him. He doesn’t get free days off if you don’t. It doesn’t work that way. This is why its important to know who you’re making babies with.
Your husband needs a reality check. Its HIS baby as well
Don’t fall for that crap. He’s not going to change either. Men who don’t hell or think it’s ok for you to do 100 of everything will let you keep doing it all. You can tell him what you need and if he doesn’t help you then what? Being a new mom is hard enough but it’s so much harder when our "partners " don’t help. Try having a conversation and be very matter of fact and don’t let him bully you or guilt you into needing a break. We used to have people help us women well e don’t anymore that is supposed to be helped by our "partners ". Good luck. If it doesn’t change then you will have resentment’s and it won’t get better if things don’t change.
When hubby is home. If you trust him then Leave child with him and go do something. Only way he is going to learn he has a responsibility also… And dont live with family members that’s a mistake in itself
You NEED me time. He is being a rotten husband. He helped make that child he needs to step up to the plate and help you with everything. Been there rant over
You deserve a break , he sounds sexist as hell . Get rid of him quickly , it will only get worse . Your child is BOTH of your responsibilities, not just yours . If that’s the attitude he’s going to have , I would leave him
“Our child is my responsibility”
Nope, lol. That would be IT!
I couldn’t last long, that’s horrible!!
It’s his child also!!
You literally work in a daycare, drop your son off on your off day and go have some me time
Everyone needs a break everyone deserves a break …And your husband telling you it’s your responsibility well the. Why are you married to him if you do it all yourself then there is no need for him. He helped make that baby didnt he sounds like he may be a useless father. What if u just left one day and left him with the baby what would he do.
Oh hell no. I would pump enough for a few hours and freaking leave. Let him figure it out.
I will also say this… too much is given, much is expected. You’ve been doing all of it so he expects you to do all of it. You need to start holding him accountable ya know? Have him change diapers or do feedings. Don’t ask him if he will instead say “please feed the baby I am going to shower” please play with the baby I am going to eat”. The first year of two with a new baby is very hard and it can be extremely rough on a relationship. Talk to him and tell him how you feel but definitely take a few hours to yourself
What a self centered idiot he is! I would dump him fast. In the meantime You should hire a babysitter so you can have a break too.
Dont ask his permission. If hes not aware of your needs, just show him. Leave bottles in the fridge and the baby in a packing play and tell him youll be home later. Turn off your phone.
When he tells you , the kid is your responsibility, tell him that it’s his responsibility too, you didn’t make him by yourself, and tell him that you need a break just like him… when he goes out , tell him " good because next Saturday I need a break just like you are about to have one, next Saturday you take care of OUR CHILD while I go freshen up"
Move out find a decent place of your own get rid of spouse
Hire a babysitter and go out.
You NEED breaks. And the baby is BOTH your responsibility.
If he won’t help, call the grandparents or hire a trusted babysitter, and take a weekend away on your own. He can’t expect you to take good care of your child when you are burned out and overworked. He needs to stop being an asshat.
Drop that motherfucker. I did it twice. Was always much happier alone with the baby/kids. I feel for you and I hope you get the break/reset that you so deserve, we all deserve a break you are not crazy momma.
That’s how it was with ny first child. I finally left when she was 2. My second child turned 1 a few weeks ago and his dad has shown me how it’s supposed to be. There are men out there that know how to do this, and want to. He naturally stepped in with my daughter and since his existed he’s been the best. Go find what you deserve. It’s the fucking best.
You married the wrong dude.
Get rid of the idiot you had the baby too.