My husband couldn't handle watching our kids...advice?

Feeling stressed and annoyed at the same time.We just had a baby in December and I’m taking leave until May. The plan was I would take the leave then my husband would take May to June to watch her until I am off for the summers . Then we would enroll her into daycare In at the end of August when I have to go back to work ( I’m a teacher ). Today I had to go to my son’s IEP meeting and was gone for an hour. Husband had to watch the kids while I was gone. He called my phone, sent me a video of a crying baby ( which makes me freak out naturally) and was in an awful mood all night after. He said if the baby and him can’t figure it out in a week, start looking for a daycare in May because he’s not doing it. I’m annoyed because that relationship between a dad and baby takes time. And he never changes her, feeds her or cuddles. She is also a breast fed baby and still learning to drink from a bottle. I just want to lose it on him.


I promise it gets easier. My man was like this until our baby got a little bigger. I think they’re afraid of them a little bit when they’re little. Once ours was about 6 to 8 months old it got easier for him and he’d quit freaking out while I was working. I know it’s hard and hurts your heart in the mean time, but have some hope.


Is he an active participant when you are home with him and baby? That’s where I would start because it doesn’t sound like he is!

You are a married single mom. My husband watches all of our kids with no issue. He always has since they came home. I’m a stay at home mom and he helps with everything still. Cooking, cleaning, he does it all. This isn’t your first child and your daughter is 2 if he can’t handle her now he won’t be able to when she’s sitting up and crawling soon. Leave now.

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Ellisha Renegar Taylor Lawd……

Tell him to get in the bin xx

I’m not sure how old he is, but me and my fiancé were 17 years old when we had our first child, he knew EXACTLY how to care for our son when I was home or in the same room. He would take our son and go around and visit his family members without me having to be there so I can get some rest and relax.

We are now 25 and have 2 kids, he’s still an active father to this day!


He needs to grow up. Remember, if he wanted to, he would. There are millions of dads out there who “figure it out”.


Talk about lazy. He needs to grow up and figure it out, there’s already one kid , did he bypass parenting with that one if so, why’d you go back just to do it all over again yourself… If you want him active. Make it happen. Don’t step in. Make him step up. If he can’t then tell him to step out. And do it yourself with out him. Cause he sounds useless.

Wowzers! He’s dad, just like we figure it out he has to! Sounds like he doesn’t want to. Not an option in our house, there’s 2 parents that’s not fair to you!:heart:


Man I wish I could say what I really want to say. :woman_facepalming:t4:

HE has to make it work. He needs to do skin to skin and cuddle her. He needs to play with her. He needs to read to her. He needs to sniff her head. He has to make the choice to bond with her.


Sounds like my ex husband. He barely did anything to help.


Are you always stepping in for him or taking over? Is this is first child? If not how was he with the first? With breast fed babies moms will always be doing more but there’s no reason he can’t be changing her, trying to bottle feed her or trying to help soother her. Remind him he is her father so he needs to figure it out one way or another. Then give him tips to try when needed.

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Tell him to either help or become the financial support of the home :100: as you will stay home full time and look after baby for the next couple of years lol


I’m curious if he was this way with the older child(ren)?

If so, why continue to have children with a man who does nothing for them?

If he can’t handle his own child for an hour, maybe he needs to try a bit harder, since it’s up to him to bond with his child.


He saying that so you will seek child care while he’s perfectly capable of doing it He doesn’t want too. I also had to pay sitters while dad was not working which left me not having enough for rent and evicted soo he can be the dad in the house or he can figure it out on his own in his own place that isn’t how family’s role these days!


What’s he been doing since December? He should have been spending some time with her to bond.


Instead of giving up after a week he should put the effort in to actually being a father. He needs to help with feeds, nappy changes, cuddles, dressing, bathing etc to build a bond hes got plenty of time to build that bond if he actually bothers to take on parenting roles while your still around to help. He sounds like he can’t be bothered with the responsibilities of being a parent which is disgusting.


Well, that’s too bad he’s their father it’s part of the duties man up or get out

Sounds like you’re already doing at all alone, you might as well do it alone without the husband.


Unfortunately, some men just want the title of “Dad” but don’t actually want to be one. Me personally I would not want to be with a man like that and would just divorce him cause what good is he anyway?!


My daughters dad is pretty much the same and she’s six now we’re divorced if your going to do it alone it’s easier to do it alone so sad but he will probably always be like that a my daughters step dad and her are inseparable though and she sees her dad every other weekend where her dads girlfriend takes care of her thank god for her


The needs and safety of your children should always come first. Arrange care for them that you can be secure about. So many of the problems on this page are about trying to get men to do something they don’t want to do, which usually turns out to be an impossible task. You must decide for yourself whether or not you can live with his shortcomings. You are not going to change him.


…what?:sweat_smile: Can’t handle watching his own kids. Dads don’t just watch their kids, they parent them. He needs to get a grip. He created them, I say either he can help his wife, or he can be a single co-parent. Yes raising kids is tough, but he really wants his baby in daycare instead of with HIM? That’s…lazy.


I would seriously find a daycare and plan to leave. Then I’d let him know since he couldn’t “work out” how to be a dad to an INFANT, I cannot fathom why to be a wife to him as well as a single mom at the same time. Either you parent your kids and be a family, or one partner is a single parent and may as well do it alone instead of dragging around the dead weight of the one not doing their parental duties/responsibilities.


He doesn’t want to do this. He needs to grow up and do his part here!!


So instead of freaking out, let’s help him. When things need to be done around the house, let him do it… Praise him… And then tell him hey this is the way I do it and have found that it works really smooth…maybe you could give it a try as well and see how it goes. Breast-fed babies are a little different. Their desire for Mom is way stronger I feel. Because Mom equals Food and thats survival. I’m sure he can handle his own child, but mother nature did not design them to be the primary caretakers so it’s a little bit of a different wiring. Not like he can’t learn so he also needs toget it together and be willing to do that.

But here come all the “leave him comments” like they aren’t a hot mess on their third baby daddy lol.


He needs to build a bond with the baby! It doesn’t just automatically happen. He needs to be changing diapers, and giving cuddles, and honestly trying to feed a bottle at least once a day! My fiance started doing this all on day one and he has the strongest bond with our daughter. I’m honestly jealous. Haha she’s breastfed also and all she wants me for is a boob and him for everything else. :rofl: But yeah he needs to build a bond with your child or your child will always get fussy with him! A child knows who their caretakers are and if someone isn’t ever taking care of them they aren’t going to see them as that person. :woman_shrugging:t2:


Not all men are cut out to be full time dads!!! I know people won’t agree but, it also takes some men longer just how to handle a baby and to figure out what to do! It will definitely take alot of patience, trying and getting things wrong. It’ll more then likely take longer then a week!!! If he wants to give up this easy, then I see it as pure laziness, and being selfish. Its also not watching or babysitting when he helped you make that child. :expressionless:

If he’s not helping with her rn what did he expect he doesn’t know how to care for her :sweat_smile:


If the baby and him can’t figure it out🤦 I love how so many people are like give the dad a break. Father’s need some grace. They can’t handle all that stress etc etc. But a mom… She’s just supposed too. Automatically. No. All new parents have to try. It’s stressful for any new parent. Freaking out… It just makes it worse. Because a baby can absolutely feel that stress. And makes them even more stressed


I would just look into daycares. Did he help with the other kids?

I think certain men struggle with the newborn phase no different then how some mothers struggle if he’s saying he can’t handle it get daycare…my sons dad did not do well with his newborn phase he was hands on if I was around with help and support but alone it was a different story I remember going to a friends and him showing up and dropping me off a screaming baby a hour later I was pissed but as soon as our son turned 1 it was like a switch flipped he took him everywhere watched him on nights so I could go out he’s 6 now and he is still the best hands on dad just give him time men don’t have that motherly instinct it’s a learning experience


I would say you helped make the baby man up or get out .

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And they think we’re the problem. :roll_eyes:

Tell him to grow up and take it like a man. He needs to help raise what he helped create. PERIOD.


Weaponized incompetence.
My husband did the exact same. But what worked for me, was to be super ‘nice and understanding’ but push our old plan in effect anyway. Ex: oh the baby loves you! Look how she wants to cuddle you! 'and place her in his arms. But I did secretly look for other options in case it didn’t pan out. You can’t force a father to be a father, even if he is your husband. :see_no_evil::melting_face: My baby is turning 1 soon, and he started watching her with intention maybe 3 months ago? Less?


The fact you refer to it as “watching” the kids is a red flag in itself.

You don’t “watch” your kids. You PARENT them. It’s one thing to have an untamed child but if he’s not capable of parenting and you are then the kids aren’t the problem- he is.


Get rid of him and find a daycare. No reason to put the babies life in danger cause dad is a crybaby


Only advice I can give is, get the daycare. No matter what, he isn’t gonna step up (an hr isn’t long and to even send you a video of a crying baby?). Was he always like this with the other children? You guys can talk about it but it’s honestly an excuse he believes is right. I’m sorry you’re going thru this. It can’t be easy. The bar is set so low for men that my whole family praised me for having a man who fed and changed our babies diapers and it pissed me off to no end because he’s her dad and that’s what he’s supposed to do.


You married him, had kids with him…nuff said

Throw out the useless man and get a new one

Yeah I left when I noticed this pattern
Glad I did, no one should put up with it

Nothing will work if he doesn’t want it to work. If he wants to try then I would have him help with the daily stuff so baby is comfortable with dad. You have a few months to figure it out but he has to want to make it work.

Tell him to take a breath and grow up

Now he sees what u have to go threw :woman_shrugging:

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:triangular_flag_on_post: :triangular_flag_on_post: :triangular_flag_on_post:
I would be scared to leave him with her at this point


He isn’t even trying. If you need to lose it on him then do it. Nowhere does it say in the “handbook” that Mom’s take on everything!

Throw the entire husband away and set up daycare.


You don’t watch or babysit your own kids. He sure didn’t have a problem making them. He needs to get it together or I’d send him packing

That Is Sad, sounds like Somone beside your sweet baby needs to grow up!

Dad needs to step up and start doing the changing and cuddling when he’s home. Bottom line is they will make strange with people they aren’t fully involved with

Oh dear
I see a lot of comments that’s dads need more grace etc etc
Pffft it’s his child get a grip and find a way just as mothers have to
No choice buddy
Naturally it will change how you look at him also
I’d have a conversation and hopefully with time he will become more comfident & comfortable

Girl, don’t force NADA! If he can’t do it you got to figure it out. I’d rather learn the truth of the matter now and make necessary changes then to come home to no baby.

And when do mothers get to act like that?? Why is it always on the mum to do absolutely everything. Dad’s days off are exactly that, but mums days off are catching up on everything that no one else seems able to do :triumph::exploding_head:


I would tell him he’s got one week to figure it out. Tell him to man up and handle his responsibilities or don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya.

Inform him that behavior like that ends marriages. If you’re going to be doing it all by yourself you won’t need to watch him sitting around while you’re doing it. Bye.

He has several months to figure it out! I’d start leaving him with the kids more and more and force him to step up and parent.


Get a daycare & if he can’t step up & be a dad then get another husband

I’d go off. Then I’d leave him with the kids onve a week. He has to learn. If he isn’t willing to be a DAD, do you plan to a single mom whose married?

I would pack up and disappear for a full day when he’s off. Turn your phone off. And let him figure out taking care of baby on his own. It’s not that he can’t… he doesn’t want to and because he knows you’ll let him get away with it.

Sorry but he should have kept it in his pants, and maybe shouldn’t of had kids if he can’t handle them and be a father. It’s apparent he is not father material :woman_shrugging:
Why even be married to someone like that?

Please do not leave your baby with him anymore for any length of time.

Either HE figures out or he can start looking into divorce attorneys.

Listen to your husband. My husband and I would really get into it when he had to watch all 3 of our kids. I worked Nightshift and Everytime we nearly broke up. He did very good when they were toddlers and would take them 95% of the time when we’d go to get togethers or outings. If he is telling you he can’t do it, he is communicating the inevitable which is he can’t do it. I had to learn after our kids were older (20 yo/18 yo/and 7 yo. The question is, is he a good father and husband? Is this the only area where he lacks in being involved? Women are so quick to force their husbands to do things they simply cannot do. Do not throw away the man just because he cannot fulfill one role out of all other roles he does fulfill. Marriage is not 50/50, that’s divorce. Marriage is on a spectrum where when you do well 20% in one area, your husband will have to pick up the slack. I look back at my husband and our kids and I wish I had listened to him since he is such a great dad in mostly everything else.

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The father of your children is still a boy . Sad sad for you

I’d give anything to recover the wasted years I spent trying to force my ex to be a father. Do with that knowledge what you will.

You got a man child also …“if we can’t figure this out in a week take the baby to daycare” my mouth dropped …yall need to have a serious talk

I’m sorry to say this and you may love him otherwise but from how you explained things and how he’s acting if I had to find a daycare so I could go back to work and he didn’t have to stay home for a short time as planned he’d be gone as well.
I have also been through some tough situations with my sons father so I could speak on this for days.

I basically had to beg my husband to give me the baby I had to go back to work after 6 weeks opposite shifts I don’t think I got one compliant our kids r now 21,16,14,6

Have you included him in the care? Will your baby take a bottle? Have him feed and change, help at bath time, read books. He won’t do it exactly like you do it but id baby is safe and needs met encourage him to participate more.

My hubby didn’t have much to do with our kids when they were little either. One time he got so mad at her (7mo. Ish) moving while trying to change her that he punched the wall above the changing table. I was so nervous to leave him alone with her for the longest time. He’s gotten better though


He shouldn’t of had kids if he can’t handle it! He’s the father it’s his responsibility. If he l cant be a dad leave him he’s useless! May be harsh words but truth why waste your time on someone else’s grown child.

Tell him to grow a pair and man up. He made a baby he needs to take care of them.

I dont know how you have been letting g your husband adjust to your baby if this is your 1st child or how old you two are men take yrs to adjust to married life and kids lol … if your doing everything for the baby and not letting him have a hand in anything then change it now… seems like the child is like most attached to you and needs to adjust to him as well… sit the child in his arms take short walks away make him talk to her and things will come around … men arent use to being a dad and it’s hard if you want his help your going to have to make him adjust… or kiddo your going to day care real soon . If not your going to be like a single parent with two kids to get mad or stressed take one day at a time and make him be on changing duty if trying the bottle let him give the bottle feeding I do believe you did it all and he now is scared lol good luck

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 Are the older kids his? How did he take care of them when they were younger? When he’s watching the newborn, are the other kids running around being wild and stressing him out? We need some more information here. 

That’s not necessarily natural but not shocking. He needs to bond with his baby. Somehow. He can’t just throw his hands up and say m not doing it. It’s already done and he needs to figure it out. Baby don’t need to figure nothing out. Boy, some men just ain’t natural fathers.

Ohhhh his job is not over… it’s only just begun. He needs to be involved in ALL ASPECTS of the child . Nowhere is it written that he is exempt from n e fatherly duties. What is he a DISNEYLAND DAD! ??? Nice how he is trying to pass that poor baby off on someone to deal with what should be his responsibility. Unbelievable!!!

Get rid of the whole man. One less child for your to have too worry about.

I’m sorry to be so harsh but the father needs to grow a pair and step up parenting is 50/50 when I had my son I was on bedrest due to a csection my partner a first time dad who knew nothing stepped up and he fed , changed and played with our son and on top of this he kept the house clean and looked after me he never once complained even if the baby cried

I think you need patience with him. Dads not have that natural bond we do from growing babies inside us. Just encourage him, he’ll figure it out in time. I don’t think anything here warrants you “loosing it on him”. I do want to add tons of people get overwhelmed being by themselves with kids. Moms literally complain about it all the time but get nothing but support. Dads just get crapped on. Encourage he can’t do much about feeding if she’s breast fed, ask him to pick a time during the day whether you’re there or not to take on her by himself. We as moms have to figure it out and so do dads. He can’t be all that bad if you continue to procreate with him. Some of these anti dad comments are gross.

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Seriously you were gone for a hour and your husband couldn’t even handle the children not even for a dang hour. Are you sure he even wanted a second child because he doesn’t change her, he doesn’t feed her, and he doesn’t even cuddle his little girl. And you want to leave her in his care from may to June? Uh hell to the no. If I saw anybody I had a child with be like that towards my newborn they wouldn’t be trusted even a hour with that child whatsoever because who knows how they will react to the baby. Please just find a daycare for her.

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Tell him to grow a pair. He made them and now he’s got to be with them’


Fathers also need some grace. They don’t automatically know how to handle all stressful situations. I’m sure he was upset with a screaming child and probably said dumb things. Kids are stressful, as long as he’s an active father every other moment, just leave the guy alone. Parenthood is not easy.


It’s not called watching the kids when it’s their own kids. Its called parenting. :100:

Tell him to be a father! What a piss poor attitude

Then lose it. He should be able to by now, especially since you already have kids. Sounds like a cop out to me.

We have to remember naturally fathers don’t have the maternal or nurturing instinct, try to show him things he can do that may help settle the baby, leave something that smells like you, or show him things you may do to help calm the baby without discouraging him.

It’s called weaponised incompetence. Have you also looked up the term ‘single married mum’ because that’s what if feels like when one parent places all responsibility on the other parent when it comes to raising their children. You may live as a married couple, but are you actively sharing parental responsibility at home?

weaponized incompetence im sorry this is not OK. theres no grace to be given he should have decency and be a dad!

I hate when men use weaponized incompetence so we take the baby back. And then wonder why we leave them because it’s bullshit

My husband made it through both our girls. Would take morning shift feed so I could rest. Your husband is a loser. Lose him

That’s not a man, that’s a boy. Find a real man.

He needs to raise his child and stop whining.
Hell figure it out sooner or later. But if m3n wanna be called m3n they gotta start acting like it

Some of these comments are so assbackwards … what if the roles were switched and it was a mother not doing anything for her kid ? Everyone would be having a cow about it . He’s the father , she didn’t create a baby by herself. He is perfectly capable of helping take care of their child . He’s just lazy and doesn’t want to

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This makes me so angry for you. Thoes are his kids. I’d put his fu$%!ng a$$ in child classes so fast. No babe. This isn’t ok. This child is just as much his responsibility as it is yours.

I’m so sorry your going through this. She is a baby and needs care. Is you not returning to work an option?

So he’s just supposed to be natural at mothering a baby? Fathering is different and takes time. For some it’s just too hard with infants. I do know that u can’t MAKE him be the father YOU want him to be. He’s never going to live up if u do. If he feels like it’s too much, what’s wrong with daycare. If u expressed to him that the baby was too much and he forced u to do it anyways how would you feel. Let him be the father he wants to be and u be the mother u want to be. Jeez. He’s literally expressing his he feels and you’re nothing but overly controlling. You’re going to ruin your marriage doing that!


You keep leaving the kids with him!! No one taught him how to Stick it in yah, but he figured that out. He’s being a lazy-*ss and is stuck in the old fashion days. Where all men ‘had’ to do, was work. Now days, men being hands on is more common that the old days. Force it on him! If he didn’t want to be a father, he should’ve thought about that before hand left you for someone who actually wants a partnership with you. That’s a selfish being you have on your hands, and he needs a wake up call. It’s ALL, or NONE? Because parenting is 100% ALL THE TIME, whether at work working x or at home, on the toilet. In it for the treats, but don’t wanna do the mahi ?

C’mon gf, you know this! Dig deep and blow the mf into shreds :rofl::rofl: He bloody needs it!

He is being very selfish. This isn’t your first child so he should have thought of that before having another.