My husband calls me lazy because I do not have a job...advice?

i’m so tired of being called lazy when we argue. he always says this because i don’t have an actual paying job. i stay home with our daughter all day. i never get a break. he doesn’t change diapers unless i ask. he plays with her for maybe 15 minutes max. he says he works all day so he shouldn’t have to do all that. then he calls me lazy and a bad mom. i feel so defeated.


Get job and let him stay home. You’ll enjoy the break so much lol

No your not a bad mom.hes the one in the wrong.he should help you with your kids.he should treat you better.

Maybe find you a job and let him pay for daycare. He would start fixing his own meals and washing his own clothes and going to the grocery store to shop for food if he thought I was lazy. But you best believe I would have a name for him also. It would not be any intimacy between my lazy azz and him aldot

Get a job as soon as you can and leave. He lacks respect for you and your daughter deserves a Dad who will like and love her and who wants to spend time with her. You are enough just being you and you deserve love and respect. Please don’t ever sell yourself short again. You have nothing to feel defeated about. :pray::pray::hugs::hugs:


You deserve someone who appreciates all you do for your child. SAHM is a big job I do it every day. Stop doing all the things you do for him and just do things for your daughter and yourself. No woman should ever be spoken to or treated like that by her “husband”…


Guess what once you get a job he still won’t do what you do

Just do the jobs you have to at home for you abd your daughter, he’ll soon see that you do work hard, when he has nothing he may realise you aren’t actually lazy

I could never be with someone who isn’t supportive or doesn’t help each other out! My husband works, I stay home, our son is in school and we are expecting our second child in December, I try to do as much as I can around the house but he always helps me when I need it and spends time with our son. Sorry your going through this.

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So get a job and work when he is home. Part time of course otherwise one of you will never get to sleep. But maybe a couple of afternoons from like 5-10 then weekends. Make sure he is responsible for all house hold tasks like you are while he is at work. It would actually be a huge break for you and he would learn his lesson


He’s a punk for trying to talk down on you. He’s mother obviously didn’t raise him any better. Don’t let him put you down when you know your being the best mother to your child :two_hearts:


You must leave him for a day with your child then he will know what you go through in a day as a mom.

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I would of loved to stay home with my children. My father always told me to never ever rely on anyone financially and now at a much older age, I am so glad he brought me up like that.

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Pack your stuff and take baby with you.
Huge red flag!!!

Leave him home alone with the baby…be gone for hours to get hair done, movie,visit friends at favorite restaurant. When you get home don’t cook or clean up after him. Have talk with him about getting part time job,and him watching baby on those days.

Sheila Lindhorst :smile: :rofl: I know a wife just like this !!

I can promise you there are better men out there than this drop kick

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I’m a stay at home mom. 1 school aged child and a 14 month old. My husband changes most of the diapers when he’s home. He loaded and unloaded the dishwasher today while giving the baby breakfast. And then he took the baby to his swim lesson. He tells me I’m amazing and asks what he can do to help. He also understands that if I was working Wed have to pay for daycare. He’s an equal partner and an equal parent.
My ex did nothing but complain, those are among the reasons he’s an ex.

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Gross, my partner works 12+ hour days, the first thing he does when he gets home is cuddle/play with our daughter. Sounds like your man needs to rearrange his priorities…

I don’t understand why men do that they act like just because they were not at home nothing got done but if you stop doing all the stuff you do around the house they don’t have no choice but to see how much you do during the day.

Leave him. Dont waste your time on someone who doesnt value you or their own child. He is probably cheating on you.

I would call around and ask for day care prices. I would them have a sit down with him and tell him how much daycare is going to cost as you have started looking for work. I would them let him sweat the price of daycare and look for a job that even if you don’t intend to take it. Go on interview and show him your activity working. If he doesn’t want to pay daycare and wants you to stay home be clear that he can NEVER say that again.

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Haha you know what book a weekend away for yourself.
Leave bubs with dad and see how he goes tell all your family members and friends to be busy that weekend too!

Stop cleaning and show him how lazy you can be. :grin: When he can’t find a fork he will start helping out.

He’d be paying someone for everything that you do, so in reality you’re saving him money. The fact that he says you “don’t have a job” is crazy. He clearly doesn’t see your value!


So yall SAHMs need to take a long weekend away. Leave him without prepping for him or the children. The children will survive and he will either appreciate you more or be an a**. If he is mad, then I’d move on, he will not change.


Simple…make a list of everything you do and then give him a list of how much each thing you do costs if you were to hire someone and he can start paying you and then you will have money. Bet he shuts up after that. Better yet, go get a job and hire childcare and split the cost along with all the chores and parenting of your child. Even better, get a job that’s at night when he gets home from work so he can do the parenting and everything and then ask him what he’s done the whole time you were at work.

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You go to work and let him stay home. He will change his tune :woozy_face:

Show him what lazy looks like.

Sounds like it’s time to throw out the whole man.

Funny how people judge when they’ve only heard half the story

So go get a job, and he can split the rest of the household duties 50/50 and then complain about how expensive child care is now, and how tired HE is instead. I guarantee you he will change his tune not long after.

The other thing you could do is call around to normal daycare and see what hourly charge is for full time kids. Take the highest and make him an itemized bill for each task you do daily. Then tell him you expect payment at the beginning of each week. :joy: Even if you charge him 15 an hour or whatever minimum wage is… then sit down and tell him his standard of living has been raised… see what he says THEN.


I had the same situation. My ex was abusive. Know that if you did have a job absolutely nothing would be different. He would still.refuse to take care of your child. He would still expect you to do all the housework. He would still call you lazy. Make a plan to leave. He’s a bad one.

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Sorry but it’s not ok for him to say those things. Taking care of a child is not easy. If my husband told me that, I’d leave honestly.


I’ve been a stay home wife then mom for the last 15 years and if my husband had EVER called me lazy then I would have went immediately and got a job and he would have had to pay for daycare, help around the house, cooked, washed and all the other things I would do as a stay home parent. Don’t let someone degrade your worth just because you don’t make coin…you do more than he realizes.


I stayed home for a short after having my son. I thought it would be the best thing ever… nope… no one helped out. I went back to work full time and the house hold is much better… every pitches in and helps out


Get a job !!! I tell every female this . Never ever put all your chicks in one basket . If for some reason you all get divorce your broke he will leave you broke . Also have a back up plan , you both put your money in same account , every paycheck take $50 out put it in another personal account . No this is never happened to me been married 37 years . But I’ve seen it so many times where they split she’s left penniless .

Let’s see what he says once you get a job and he has to pay childcare. That’s another weekly bill.


Sounds like he doesn’t love you

Maybe it’s time to leave.
I could never be with a partner that doesn’t want to be supportive, or a father.


Tell him then you will get a job and you can both help out around the house. If he isn’t being supportive of you and acting like that to you maybe you should leave. Throwing that in your face all the time and calling you a bad mom isn’t right.


Offer to get a part time job when he’s home and you can go to work. Start saving some money on the side if you can. If the comments don’t stop or he is adverse to you getting a job then you can explain that he doesn’t get to call you lazy and take your savings and get out of there. You’re not lazy at all and it’s not right for him to call you that. :broken_heart:


I wouldn’t stay with someone like that!


You’re husband is being very disrespectful and unappreciative !!!

Go get prices for day care and let him know he will be responsible for paying 50% of that. Then write him a list of 50% of the jobs he will have to do. Cleaning, diapers, play time etc. Then go get a job.

If it was me, I’d take the rubbish out, that includes this pathetic man child too.

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Show him what lazy looks like for a week

Get counseling as a couple. That is just pathetic that he chooses your staying home as a jab. If he’s unhappy he needs to find a better outlet. Or maybe he can help pay for daycare. He should help out with homework because he has a job he lives there too. If he wants a family he needs to value you both and he’s not. Does he want to be a house husband? He needs to be a partner and that’s why maybe counseling will help him focus on his actual issues and not use you as a punching bag.

Get a job and make him pay for childcare and a house cleaner. Do not accept that emotional abuse. You’re better off without him.


I got a job when my last child (4) was 12. After he was grown I asked him if it bothered him that I worked. He said it would have been nice to have me home when he got home. So think of your kid. As long as you have a clean house, clean clothes and dinner on the table when he gets home he shouldn’t call you lazy. I did all that with 4 so it can be done.

Make a day for yourself and tell him he’s babysitting
And he has to keep the house clean
stop doing stuff for him don’t do his laundry
Tell him if he wants his stuff done he needs to pay you then

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I am so sorry you are going through this, no one deserves that level of blatant disrespect. Is there a way to apply to online jobs or remote jobs? That way you can build up an income to slowly be able to leave him. It is beyond unacceptable that he calls you lazy when you look after a child. I was a SAHM for 4 years and I could not do it anymore, I needed my own financial independence (my husband is always supportive of me which does make a huge difference) but you deserve better than that.


Tell him to pay for a nanny and a maid if he wants you to work outside the home

Ha. Going thru that as well. We have two babies. He punishes me by taking things away like the car, the internet and won’t buy anything we need. Constantly having a house held over my head and being threaten to kick me and the four kids out. We have six in total. He had two before, I had two before and now we had two more together.
If I ever try to speak up, I’m told how stupid I am and a lot of other insults. It’s hell.

2×4 upside the head might make his attitude change


Make him do it for a week. Hell, I doubt he’d last a full day.


I’d starting getting quotes for nanny’s and childcare and maids or in home service workers. Just because you don’t draw a paycheck doesn’t mean you don’t have a job. You do, he’s just not paying you.


Pull up nanny, maid, and chef rates and hand him a bill for the week. Don’t forget overtime, overnights, and weekend rate added in too. Tell him THAT is your job and you are GLAD that HE is willing to pay for it. :100: Tell him you expect your pay when he gets paid. Because if you left he’d have to pay for all your services if he wouldn’t do them himself and child support.

I’ve been both

Working mom and a stay at home mom.

When I worked even though I was at work and working I still considered that a brake.

Us stay at home moms can’t even take a sh!t in peace, some nights we miss out on sleep, somedays we get so busy being a parent we miss a day of showering!

Naaa man do not tolerate that sh!t and stand ur ground.

Even better. One day don’t clean at all don’t cook dinner. And make it a point, maybe then he will see all you do in a day!!

Ask him this. If he shouldn’t have to do all the housework and child care cuz he works, than if he says u need to get a job who is going to do it all than? Cuz it works both ways. If he ‘shouldnt have to’ cuz he works, than if u work u shouldn’t hate to either. Simple as that. And coming from the one who is a working parent and my husband is the stay at home parent , he needs to realize that he doesn’t get out of all of it cuz he works. My husband does most of the house hold stuff but i help. Cuz u don’t get breaks being a stay at home parent. U dont get to clock out. Each parent needs to pitch in

My husband has never once tried to make me feel guilty, useless or lazy for staying home. Both my kids are in school full time now, still staying home lol. Sounds like you married a defect :woman_shrugging:

He would have to pay alimony and child support if you walked away. There are resources to help you from these situations. No one can tell you what to do, but know that you do not have to take this.

Just stop taking care of the house… show him what real laziness is… then when it’s at its worst… leave.

Your husband should become a ex husband

I’d stop making sure the things that come natural to him stop! Clean clothes in his dresser. Meals. things you do all day that make his life easier…Stop! Unfortunately you still need a clean house for yourself and your child, but if it’s a life convenience for him, stop! It’s sure easy to cast stones when you couldn’t fill the shoes of that person for 1 day!


Go to therapy and couples therapy make him go to his own therapist too. If he can’t do the work it’s time to have him kick rocks

Sounds like he doesn’t value you. Sounds like a narcissist. Is this the role model you want for your child? I can tell you from experience, that your daughter will be watching and she will be thinking that that’s the type of man she will end up settling for when she gets older. Sounds like you can do better than him.

Go get a job and make him pay the day care bill

Get a job and show him you don’t need him then ask what his excuses are.

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When something bother you is becasue most of the time is true , so find a job

Stop doing everything for one day. Show him what being lazy looks like.

These are the worst kind of men. They can’t even watch their children for a couple hours without complaining but want women to watch children 24/7 plus work full time? Get outta here

He’s gaslighting you.

Sit him down and point blank tell him the issues the marriage is having and what you feel needs immediate correction.

From your story, he’s a bad husband and a bad father: your duties as an SO do not end with a day job. 15 minutes with your child is NOT “spending time with them.” Parenting is BOTH roles, not just one.

So here it is: if all a SO wants to be in a relationship is a paycheck - what do you need them for?

You deserve better.
And so does your child.

I left with mine and it was the best decision of my life: bc spouses like that (gender does not matter) DO NOT change.

Tell your boy. You’ve just done 8 hours 2 with no lunch breaks… man tf up.

Your pay is saving him $ 1000s of dollars in daycare, and maid services


My ex husband made that comment, then started to complain when he had to buy something for me or our kid. So I left (amongst other reasons as well). I met a wonderful man. We have 3 kids together, plus my 1 from previous. I stay home with the kids (12, 6, 2, 7mths). Anytime I say something about me working bc I feel bad he’s paying for everyone/everything, and we get tight on funds, he instantly reminds me that daycare would cost too much and I’m right where I need to be with our children. He constantly reminds me that it’s “our” money and to never feel like it’s just his. If I’ve had a bad day, and cleaning didn’t get done, or dinner, even if he’s had a rough day at work (he works on heavy duty equipment) he will gladly start picking up, cook dinner, and helps with them from the time he gets home, til they go to bed. A real man wouldn’t throw that in your face.


I wonder why men do this! Been told this hundreds of times through 5 children and many lengthy SAHM days. :frowning: I’m 48 with a 5 year old and a 16 year old with extreme special needs. I work pt and run the small business we own. I still get told that on occasion!!! I’m so sick of it!!! I haven’t had a full nights sleep in 30 freaking years!!! I’ve been mothering and working on and off for 30 years!!! I wish I had the nerve to punch him TF out the first time he ever said it to me!!! My suggestion, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Unsure of what but do not let it go by like it’s fine.

Typical male mentality. Actually most men I know.

I HATE when people act like SAHMs are lazy. Not to mention, ya’ll would be PAYING someone else to do the JOB that you do if you worked. And around here it’s a good amount of a paycheck going to child care.

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Just take care of the baby! Don’t cook, don’t do his laundry, don’t clean his dishes and the second he says anything say “ I was just too lazy” screw him! Actually, stop screwing him too!!! That’ll fix him! Douche!

Hopefully this is another click bait instead of a real story, but :face_exhaling:
I wouldn’t put up with it. Not for 5 minutes. Hopefully women learn, at least, not to make the mistake of reproducing with cro-mags like this more than once. First time, it’s a naive mistake. If there’s a second time, it’s stupid.

Go find a job then he’ll have to pay for a baby sitter , chef, made, and everything in between

let him know that my nanny is $60 AN HOUR. being a full time mom is NOT lazy. i’ve never put my kids in daycare, but i have friends who have and what they pay in daycare is as much, if not more than what they pay on their mortgage/rent. (my Godsister pays $425 WEEKLY) for daycare.

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As to stay at home mom myself and had to go through this myself, f*** that! A stay-at-home mom is the hardest job there is. There’s no paid vacations. Hell there isn’t even any pay. There’s no time off. No sick days. No nothing. Either He steps up or you step back

Stop doing all housework and cooking/ meal prep for two solid weeks and only tend to the baby.
He may reevaluate his thinking then.
If not, he wont ever change that sort of disrespectful mindset.
Consider other options for the rest of your life.


Stop doing stuff around the house, don’t cook dinner tell him your to lazy to do anything so if he wants it done do it himself…

Sounds like your husband don’t know how to be an actual husband or father. Being a parent is a 24 hour 365 days a year position that doesn’t offer sick days or vacation days.


One sided story…is your house clean, laundry done, beds made…dinner cooked…:thinking:…maybe you are lazy…

No way in hell I’d tolerate that. That’s the example you’re setting for your kids

Sounds like a real jerk…what you do all day with your child is priceless, and she will remember who was there and who wasn’t.

Might be time to move on…

You need a divorce asap. He sounds awful! And if you stay your child won’t respect you because of listening to the dad talk bad about you. Let him pay alimony, child support, for a cook and a housekeeper for himself and hell realize what an idiot he was.

You find out what the going rate is for childcare for 8 to 12 hours a day then you find out how much the going rate for a house cleaner to come in and do the housework and laundry and fix dinners and give bath to kids etc. Then you write it all down then at the end of the week you turn in your hours and your expected pay amount for the job you have done all week if he doesn’t want to pay that out pee week then he can shut it up or he can leave plain and simple if playing with his daughter is such an inconvenience to him then he has his priorities mixed up im a sahm mom now again and my husband would never speak to me like this period he has zero respect for tou or his family it’s time for a rude awakening sweetie if you allow this behavior to continue your only teaching your daughter that this is acceptable behavior from a spouse and it’s absolutely not

Heswan asshole…leave him

You deserve better. Allow me to demonstrate my advice for you:

I wonder if his Mom was ever a SAHM. Ask him.

I never understood this. I’m a single mom I worked and took care of kids. It isn’t hard. Get a job. Save up and leave his sorry butt.

You have a full time job taking care of your little one! Do not listen to him! Your child will learn the disrespect he is showing you and will think it is OK. Fix it now!

Wow… he thinks he shouldn’t have to spend time with his child because he works? Imagine you both work and felt that way? Life doesn’t work that way… I say give him a full day alone with her and he will find out

Let’s see… the cost of daycare, housecleaning, cooking, running errands, appointments, laundry,etc… who’s HE gonna pay to do all that? I’ve been both a SAHM and a working mom. At least for when I worked I got a little break from the kids but as a SAHM, I can’t even go to the bathroom as a break because my little one is so attached to me…

Get a job, then he can’t say nothing about you doing nothing

I would love to know why these women take this shit from men. Tell him to get the fk out and talk shit to someone else. He’s just a little bitch and evidently doesn’t give a damn about you or your child.