My husband straight up told me he liked another girl at work and wants to pursue a relationship with her while still being with me and he asked me hwo i felt about a poly relationship…i honestly dont mind as long as i get the same affection but am also nervous that i will lose him forever…we have never really talked about being poly before but have been married for 5 years and know we want to spice things up…hwo should we go abotu this and what should i expect?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband asked me if I was okay with a poly relationship: Advice?
Set/discuss ground rules!
Boundaries,boundaries, boundaries. If this is something you don’t mind doing then you guys need to set boundaries that are not to be crossed under any circumstances.
Honestly set ground rules in what you both feel comfortable with and stick by them.
I’m sorry I would not be ok with that he just wants to cheat and for you to be ok with it
probably gona t
ruin ur marriage. dont do it.
I did this once, it ended absolutely horrible and was so messy.
You might wanna make sure your both into it and you are able to do the same thing cause some guys will do this to see you not leave Ben but they can do what they want too like they don’t wanna see you with others make sure it’s mutual definitely
Would you take the change of maybe getting infected with serious diseases whilst spicing up your relationship?
Yep. Gonna ruin your marriage.
Set boundaries up if this is something you don’t mind but don’t do it if you have ANY reservations about you him or this other person. Don’t do it just to pacify his needs if you’re not comfortable
Sounds like he’s already doing something shady and now trying to get himself a pass and not be considered a cheater in my opinion.
Tell him to hit the road
Does that mean you can persue another man ?
Tell him you want a divorce
if you’re already afraid you’ll loose him forever then how would you handle seeing his affections go to someone else right in front of you?
You already lost him if he’s looking other places in my opinion
Reach out to the poly community. Poly relationships take a lot of talk and maturity to work. Don’t do it because he wants to. Do it because you want to. And does this mean you are both in the relationship with her or just he and her with you on the side. Are you able to pursue someone outside of your relationship as well? Don’t let him pressure you into something you are not interested in
Don’t do it
It will not end in your favor
I’d say sure and find a guy and say same goes for you f that
A poly relationship is different from a threescore, I think you need to have a deeper understanding of what he is asking.
As long as his okay with you also having a boyfriend… &you are comfortable with it… but diff set ground rules
If you agree make sure its cuz you want to & not because you don’t wanna lose him. Also make sure you also take advantage & start seeing other people.
I would tread lightly with that and maybe get more info as to the “why” behind it. My ex-husband came home from work one day and told me he wanted an open relationship in our marriage. Needless to say I was shocked. It didn’t end well for us seeing as how he’s my ex. He left me and my girls to go be with her in NY for a while and I filed for divorce bc he no longer was interested in being with me. Don’t get me wrong, for some people it works so long as you have your rules/boundaries/expectations in place with everyone, I just wasn’t so lucky with that.
Call a divorce attorney
If you weren’t poly to begin with, this will not end well.
This isn’t a way to spice up the marriage, unfortunately, it’s a way for him to have his cake and eat it too
Don’t do it. You will regret it for the rest of your life.
Poly is not meant to “spice things up”
Poly is a way of living and both partners have to give and take a lot and both have to be completely on board.
Your husband just sounds like he wants to have an excuse to cheat.
How would he have handled it if roles were reversed?
Messy. It’s gonna be messy.
Leave him , u deserve someone who only has eyes for u
Letting someone else into your marriage will change it forever , him having a relationship with her , you will no longer be the priority , but if you’re okay with it that’s your choice hun. It will change everything tho and to be honest you will probably end up hurt in the end . This is just my opinion
Sounds like he wants to cheat on you and your ok with it. Don’t be surprised when your marriage fails
See if he still feels that way if you start talking to another guy.
sounds like accidental polyamory, but okay is a really good group to ask this sort of thing in.
Tell him he can just be with her and then go find yourself someone who only has eyes for you! Eventually he’ll see what he lost and then it’ll be too late
As long as rules and boundaries are made and followed being poly can be successful. But feelings need to be talked and taken into account. I know many poly happy people. When the divorce rate is over 50% why not try it.
Tell him yes, and then bring the biggest most beautiful brown man you have ever met home. Climb the mfr like a tree, and bang him like a screen door in a hurricane while your husband watches.
Nikki Leanne Hill sounds fukin fimular
When my husband suggested this I asked my Dr his thoughts. I trusted my doc he said it was the biggest mistake I could make. I said no and never regretted it.
Tell him “oh I’m happy you’re suggesting that! I also like some guy too” and watch his entire mood change.
Get out there and find yourself some big rich D… what are you waiting for
Boundaries, OPEN COMMUNICATION IS KEY! Set days or nights that are for you guys and what not. Make sure yalls marriage is the priority. People who are saying that it’s cheating or ect doesn’t really understand how poly relationships can be a great thing!
Never in a million. You will no longer have a marriage , poly is just a nice term for cheating. Dirty dirty cheating.
It’s gonna be messy… messy asf… and your feelings are going to be hurt… becareful playing with that fire…
This is not an ethical poly relationship. This is your husband wanting to get his pp wet with some chick at work and he wants to get your okay to cheat. If he were really poly he would have mentioned it before he wanted to sleep with ol girl.
This is cheating with so many extra steps
Your either for it or against it. There’s nothing wrong with experimenting but you need to keep an open mind and you have to understand that it’s very possible you will lose him. At least he was honest with you. Best of luck and maybe find a male partner to equal it out. See if he’s comfortable with you seeing other men.
Whatever floats your boat. But Doesn’t sounds like it’ll end well if you don’t even feel secure and feel like he won’t want you in the future.
If you’re not polyamorous now that won’t change because he wants a side piece. Learn a whole lot more about the lifestyle, what works for people who engage in it, and be comfortable before either of you start with outside relationships
So he basically asked you if he could cheat? You’ve already lost him. That’s the truth.
That’s not poly, that’s cheating with your permission. Being poly would have already come up if it were his lifestyle. Hes gonna cheat on you no matter what you say. So the real question is how long before you up here talking about he hurt you and he’s leaving you for her
Abort ship! Who knows what they’ve done already behind your back.
Don’t do it. I’ve never but have heard from others it’s a disaster.
Ask him how he would feel if you want to be with another man
All I can think of was hurricane, volcano,earthquake
Nope. Marriages are not poly. It’s just an open affair. He wants a wife and a girlfriend. Sorry I don’t share.
Hmm so you get to sleep with her also?? Or are you going to find your own side piece??
Throw the whole man away.
Seems hes curious about others…just ask him that hed have to be comfortable with you seeing someone else. Or mention someone youre interested in. Ask him if hes pleased sexually with you… dig deep girl inside yourself to see if thats what u truly want…n where does it end ? Strong boundaries need to be made… n can u really love him knowing hes been inside someone else then comin home to you ?
He may regret shitting where he sleeps and works. If y’all are really trying to open up into a poly relationship it needs to be wanted on both sides. You also need to decide if you will want to bring someone in later one that is a male. If you are legit go find a unicorn, there are tons of locals pages, and online forums.
You are opening a door you can’t close.
Sounds heart breaking.
No way! Bad idea! Don’t do it! I couldn’t I love my husband he’s mine and only mine!
Talk about have youre cake & eat it just wow
That’s cheating lol come on girl.
That will only work if you want it too. He wants a side chick. There’s a difference and you should divorce cause he’s definitely gonna cheat if he’s not already.
Talk about it and set boundaries and be open and honest. It does not work if you lie.
.but I don’t think he wants poly would he be okay with you having another bf.
Kill that idea and file for divorce!
Hummm will he allow you to have a side guy? I don’t think this is a good thing -
I’d leave, but that’s just me. I just believe in the holy matrimony. This is coming from someone who has experienced swinging during my first marriage to please my ex husband. It didn’t work out because he wanted to keep doing it and he was an addict. I lived to regret it and hated myself for it for a long time. Now my 3rd husband and I are holy in marriage…
He straight up told you he likes her so yes you might lose him
First, it is up to you. Your option. Yet, if you have been married 5 years, why is it just now coming out that he is into poly? Are you also into Poly? I believe this is something that should have been discussed before marriage, incase situations like this arise. Him telling you he likes someone at work and NOW wants to do Poly because of it is shady as hell, as someone else stated. Just sounds like he wants an open relationship. Something in the dynamics of your relationship changed. There are plenty of things to do to spice up your relationship…you don’t have to bring in another person. Again. Your option. Yet, if it wasn’t discussed before marriage I’d be asking questions. Nd wanting answers. Good luck girly
Smh. Marriage is a commitment to one another and God. Not between everybody else. You vowed to love him, vice versa. This world is just SO MESSED UP I can’t even stand it anymore.
If your man with another woman doesn’t absolutely turn your stomach then the marriage is over anyway
Thought wedding vows did not include this. Your marriage is over. He has found someone he wants and evidently expects to have her. Your marriage is going to end. He made it clear. Wise up!
Sounds to me it’s something you wanna make sure you really want . Cause from the post it sounds like your not sure . So don’t do it unless your percent sure . But sounds to me hubby wants his cake and eat it to .
Its a no from me dawg
Poly means you both pursue outside relationships
Wooooow…why he jus dont tell u its over cuz that shoulda beem brought up before yall said ur vows.
To each their own. But I just could not do that.
I appreciate that he came to you instead of just doing it behind your back.
My experience (both personal and collected from others) is that this is not a good idea.
The “new love” hormones that come with the first year or so of physical contact are overwhelming and tend to result in one or both of you losing interest in the current partner or feeling jealous like Woody from Toy Story at the very least…sure, Andy may love you both but you’ll never feel the same as before he got that new toy…
The better question here is are you into women as well? That’s the only way this would work out. If you’re into women too go for it and you have to show the same affection to her as you do to him like you said that way there’s no jealousy.
I have been in a poly relationship multiple times , good and bad experiences.
I feel like the way he went about it isn’t a good way to start poly , for a poly relationship to be successful or starts with lots of communication and boundary setting. he sounds like he basically made up his mind and has started flirting and maybe more already but feels guilty now.
But poly can be amazing If your ready to try then sit and talk I just feel like this isn’t the way it should start because to me he already broke the boundaries before any were able to be set.
I would not do it. What if he gets her pregnant? No way of getting out of that situation. I would leave him if it were me. I’m not sharing my man ￼￼￼
Sounds to me like he wants to stick it in someone else while still having the security of everything that you do and provide for him.
I’m thinking the word Idiot comes to mind.
Oh Lord honey, RUN away as fast as you can
You should expect, BULLSHIT! Lots of it.
Just remember, if you decide to do it, there isn’t any going back
This will not spice up your marriage!
It seems more like he’s asking for an open relationship VS being poly! Don’t let other scare you just because it’s not for them. Everyone runs their home differently. There needs to be rules in place for either and you and your husband need to sit down and talk long and hard about it first! Best of luck to you.
Do what you want as long as both are honest ! It also should be that you can pick a lover also
At least get some kind of post nuptial agreement in your favor when this blows up in your face…like ensure that you and the children can remain in the home if he files divorce because he fell in love with the other woman and wants her as a sole wife now. Protect yourself at least.
Ask him if he’s OK with you being with another man then you don’t mind it. I think he might just change his mind
I would run like crazy ! But that’s just me.
So he wants to cheat on you and you be ok with it.
I’ve seen years of relationships and though some don’t work out the ones that do have a lot of problems. It’s not even necessarily anything to do with cheating but your mind plays tricks on you and goes to dark places. It effects finances, relationships and your mental state.
Bad idea! Pack his stuff & send him out the door now.
Dumb. They’re prob already bangin