My friend has concerns her son has autism: Advice?

Hi. My best friend has a son who just turnt one 2 weeks ago, and she is concerned he is showing signs of autism. I try to tell he is still young and not to be worried right now. So some background. First, she didn’t put him on the floor to play till he was 11 months old. He stayed in her arms 24/7 except for in his walker, which still was maybe a 1 hour total all day not at once. He doesn’t respond to his name all the time and he doesn’t wave bye-bye. I pick at her and say he never needed to wave bye-bye because yall were literally joined at the hip but can anyone give me some advice for her to calm her and maybe help him catch up. Thanks


Sounds like she is the issue not autism


Right now it’s to early but she can get An Early Intervention Program she could schedule it now my friends son was like that but she would put him on the floor on top of a quilt and she was not holding him 24 7

I would suggest still going to see a specialist.
Even if she is the reason he lacks developmentally age appropriate skills, he still needs help getting to his appropriate age group.

No harm is done if addressed soon.

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Suggest a play date of similar aged children


She needs to have lots of play time on a padded rug with him so he doesnt get hurt bcuz she is the reason he is delayed


Her holding him constantly and not letting him play is most likely why he is delayed on a developmental level. Kids need that floor time to learn a lot of things. I would say see a specialist so she can learn developmental play things that she can do to help him catch up. Typically the child is too young to be displaying signs of autism. That comes at a little older

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She needs to speak to her health visitor, who can do any relevant assessments and advice.

She should take him to a specialist asap. NEVER Too soon

Is turnt really a word !? :laughing: isn’t it turned?

One or two things is not a sign of autism. And he is still pretty young. Is he not making eye contact? Does he smile if smiled at or smile at other things? Does he line things up? Does he stim or hand flap? Sensitivity to clothes, tags, foods, change in routine?
From what’s been described it sounds like the Mom is holding him back. He HAS to be set down to learn and explore, discover things, touch, feel, etc. She can keep a close eye on him of course, but my God - let him figure things out on his own.

Two sides to every story. I rather have a professional like her pediatrician do an evaluation to determine if the child needs a referral to Early Intervention or a Developmental Pediatrician than give an opinion based on one side of the story or not knowing the child. It doesn’t matter WHY the child is delayed in any area what matters is that the child gets the help they need to catch up or overcome any issues.

I have to say I did learn a lot from early intervention to specifically help my child and most new moms might need the extra help so they too can learn to help their children reach the Developmental milestones they are behind in. I trust a professional for that guidance a lot more than family and friends with no training in that area.

Have general pediatrician refer to a developmental pediatrician, also maybe an ear nose and throat doctor to evaluate ears and mouth for medical issues.

It sounds to me that the mum may of caused him to have developmental delay. I would suggest a Drs visit and ask for a referral to a specialist at the hospital who deals with children with developmental delay.

If she has concerns she needs to speak to her pediatrician. Most often they will tell you they are too young to be tested, but make them aware and continue to bring it up. I fought with my sons doctors and his school till he was in 2nd grade. It was his 2nd grade teacher who ended up helping us get him the help he needed. I noticed it with my son at a very young age and struggled with it for a long time. I highly recommend doing some research as there are other forms of autsim…such as autism spectrum disorder…commonly known as aspergers. Once i did my own research and took it to the doctor along with the testing from the school i was finally able to get a diagnosis and i had been right all along. Its never too early to ask and do whats best for your kid.

My 13 month is just now waving bye bye but before 1 she’d just put her hand up… if she didn’t allow him to be down on the floor or away from her he may be be hind in development and maybe asking the dr to evaluate the child…

My daughter is 15 months old now and she still don’t say or action bye bye. But she responds to her name since she was 4/5 months old. It’s good to take him for assessment or see a doctor. Please let that child have floor time and let him play. My daughter don’t like toys but she loves to explore the house and I let her. It’s mess everywhere but nothing is more important then her physical activity and learning.

They wont diagnose autism until a child is fine years old, prior to that it’s just development issues that they will work on with her. However, she needs to be spending time teaching and helping him learn.

1 is WAY too young to even consider Autism. Kids all develop differently.

Both my kids developed at their own pace. My youngest developed SO much fast than my oldest. Mainly because she watched her sister. She learned from her. If he isn’t learning these things at home than yes, he’s going to take time to do certain things.

It sounds like maybe she didn’t allow him to be independent. To explore his surroundings. It’s weird. I mean, both my kids were on the floor with play mats from birth and the moment they could sit up, they were in walkers, bouncers, I’d let them crawl all over my house. I talked to them, interacted with them, taught them things. If she isn’t doing this then yes, he’s going to be delayed a bit, but all kids develop differently.

I highly doubt he has Autism.


Tell her to take him to the Dr and she needs to be honest about how she treats him. He just sounds a bit delayed due to her coddling him his entire first year of life lol


He needs to be on the ground… He needs to adventure around and learn. That is probably why he is delayed.


My niece was diagnosed with autism before a year old. But it definitely sounds like he’s “delayed” because he isn’t really allowed to do much. Babies need to be on the floor to build their muscles so they can learn to crawl then eventually walk. I couldn’t imagine holding my child for almost a year straight, holy crap. But I would let that baby live his best life and see how he goes from there!


If her mom instincts are telling her that, leave the woman alone and support her finding a dr for a diagnosis. No one wanted to listen to me becausr I was “just” his mom and they wabted to wait till 6 yrs old and now guess what at 4.5 yrs old? ASD & ADHD diagnosis. FOH with “just” the mom b.s.


Let him play more, but I guess if it was me I would get her tested.

She needs to talk to her doctor and he does sound like he has delays. My granddaughter just turned 6 months and she knows how to wave hi and bye.But she did tummy time and crawls around now. The doctor should be checking at visits if he is hitting his milestones. Like when he crawled, walk, feeding himself, how many words he can say now that he is 2 . Is he potty trained. She needs to bring up her concerns to the doctor.

Put him on the floor and let him be a baby

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Me and my son are both autistic. He was diagnosed at 2 and a half. Me at 26. It’s not the end of the world. If she is concerned let her take him to be evaluated.


My daughter didn’t have motor skills at 6 months old they diagnosed her with cerbal palsy but at 6 yrs she was re- diagnosed her with social autism

1 is very young. She needs to let him explore and not hold him all day. He needs to move around to develop his muscles and gross motor skills. If she does this and he is still not responding to his name, making eye contact and shows other signals of autism like stimming, toe walking, pointing to objects to make his needs known (requesting snacks, drink, etc) by 18 months she should have him evaluated to be on the safe side…it could never hurt to have him evaluated. She needs to start letting him move around and explore though or else she is doing him a disservice and most likely won’t meet his milestones, even if he is a typical child. She should talk to her pediatrician about all of this


My daughter didn’t respond to her own name & it turned out she needed tubes. They did an ear test before & after the difference was amazing. Also I understand she loves her baby but put him down. He needs to play & explore.

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If she’s concerned, then she should talk to his pediatrician. Otherwise, it sounds more like she has issues putting her child down and letting him gain some independence while he builds his motor skills. Her constant holding him and never letting him play or move might be causing delays rather than autism.


Would be helpful to put in daycare at least part time to be with other children . It also would hurt to go to your areas children’s Hospital for evaluation and if there is reason for concern you can’t start too early working with the child . Everyone’s story is different there’s all degrees of autism aspergers adhd add just lots of things so rather than read something into something or worry and fret just don’t listen to or seek info on your own . Get to the pros ASAP and voice your concerns and let them guide you. They are great have made greats strides in working with our children with these very special needs

Tell her she needs to let him explore his surroundings etc, she cant keep holding him all the time because that alone can cause physical delays


Get her to do way more excersises! The Kinedu learning app is wonderful! It gives excersises to do based on age. She should start at babystage though!

As a mom who not only worked in the field but has 2 kids with special needs I understand her concern- you just want to keep her from panicking which is definitely the right thing! He’s young for signs of Autism but clearly shows delays- she needs to schedule an appointment with her pediatrician to assess his development & possibly look for assistance through whatever early intervention program is in her area. You should encourage her to be honest with her pediatrician about how often he was held without making her feel it was wrong & please persuade her to go out for even an hour for her own health & well-being. Remind her that developmental milestones have a great range for a reason- some kids watch & then do a skill & you never saw them practice it- they usually do it in the crib. You can’t allay her fears but her pediatrician may be able to! Good luck!


They have a questionnaire at your child’s well child checkup, I think at age two…that ask you things to see if they are showing signs of autism and not waving bye ain’t one of them. The name thing…maybe or he could just be behind. My daughter was saying her abcs before age two but my son is way behind her which is ok. It took him a while to wave bye and it started worrying me but I got reassurance and then it didn’t take him long to catch up. Boys usually always are a little behind. If he stares off in space or other weird things I would be worried but them things don’t seem like that big of a deal. I’m no doctor so please lord no backlash, just giving my opinion and experience. I do know at age two they do that questionnaire and if you’re honest about all them things and he’s showing signs, the doc will know.

The only reassurance in my eyes is an evaluation. Get him evaluated by a developmental pediatrician. The younger the better. Also, look into early intervention wherever you’re located. They will come and do an eval and provide whatever services he needs. I would NOT wait.


The sooner you discover a child has autism the faster he can get help, this can greatly improve his development. She should take him to a doctor, and if he doesn’t have it then that will give her the peace of mind. I have a son that has autism and wish we had gotten more help when he was younger.


He’s too young to get evaluated by a neurologist but I can say this my oldest son showed early signs of development delay. He didn’t answer to his name, stared into space, he threw temper tantrums when he was 1 years old. He was diagnosed with autism at the age of 3. Your friend should discuss her concerns with her child PCP.


You can spot autism as young as 9 months and the sooner you address it the better. So she can get a good head start and sounds like she needs to be educated anyway on raising babies. Hopefully she can do an online assessment and also a good pediatrician can reccomend a good therapy worker and there are many things she can do now. Being in denial doesn’t do any good for anyone. The word autism need not be so taboo. It’s not a big deal if you learn to deal with it early and accept the things you can change and also accept your child’s differences without shame or secrecy


as a grandmother of a beautiful funny little granddaughter of 4yrs, she was the same. I had a gut feeling from about 6months onwards that something was a little different with her, i think our gut feelings are worth listening to, at about 18mts my daughter and i went to the health nurse and got a referral to have her assessed and yes she is on the autism spectrum and still getting help. so my advice is for her to talk to health nurse/ gp for a referral just to put her mind at ease and in the meantime chat and sing away to baby.


I took my son when he was 3 to a therapist as I knew he had adhd and was going to start public pre school. He was also diagnosed with autism. I was devastated! I felt like it was one how my fault and like I could have gotten him the help he needed sooner. The therapist told me they don’t usually catch the diagnosis this early and that the earlier the better preferably before they go to school. My advice is take him to a therapist the worst is that her gets will come true and they can then move forward as a family to get the help they need or the best news is that he just needs to socialize more. My son is now 17 and has finished school and works a full time job cooking at the same place I do. He loves it! And is happy. That’s what matters.


Babies need a lot of interaction to learn things. Development of fine motor skills is crucial and they need to be constantly told and shown things to learn how to respond by mimicking what they see. Be there for her as a friend and do not judge her but let her know that he doesn’t get enough interaction from the people around him. That’s the way she would be able to possibly rule out autism. So let her know if she is concerned about that, then to change her ways by interacting more with him and if he picks things up then he might be fine. But at this age, since he is already set back, it may take a bit longer for him to learn a few things.


Also if you don’t teach them they won’t learn. Holding him all the time is not good. It makes him too dependent on you. Instead of just cRrying him around let him learn to crawl and walk at his pace. He’ll learn to talk when he’s ready. You can still take him in to be tested for autism. But let him be independent too.


most autistic kids dont point …get a bag of goldfishes and see if the child points to it . also give the child a toy baby… see if the child rocks it… covers it with a
blanket… most autistic children dont mimic loving actions. for example … does he feed his mom ?does he play with moms hair ?

The sooner he is tested and gets a diagnosis the sooner he can begin navigating. Encourage her to speak to her doctor and ask for testing. But, my son just turned 1 and he doesn’t wave bye or always respond to his name. He has no sign of autism. So not sure if there’s more going on but those 2 things are not indicators by themselves.

My youngest has autism, but i noticed he was off with alot when he was younger. We spent alot of time with him,teaching him and it took about 4 years to get tested by the state but you have to work with them, cant have them attached to your hip 24/7

My daughter got diagnised at 3. Everything was on time except for speech & potty training. Some people don’t believe she’s autistic because she’s friendly & has a large vocabulary. In spite of knowing so many words (both English & Spanish), it’s hard to have a conversation, keeping her engaged, & comprehend what you’re saying. Your friend should talk to her child’s pediatrician & see what he/she says.

Flapping his hands is usually the first sign. My daughter puts her hands on her ears, even though it’s quiet.

My 17 year old has Sensory Integration Disorder which put him on the “spectrum”. He started therapy at 15 months for speech, PT and OT. Communication was his biggest thing and the way certain clothing items feel. When he was speech delayed he was taught sign language to help him learn to talk. His mind slowed and a bit with the sign language then the words started coming out. Now he talks non stop!
Now he is a 17 year old high school senior that knows when he needs a break in life but most could never tell.
She needs to talk to her pediatrician about the concerns and get started in therapy!!


If she hasn’t already taken him in for his 1 year well child when she does she needs to ask doctor if what she sees is concerning. It honestly though sounds as if he’s slow developing because she won’t let him.

Before assuming anything she needs to have a formal evaluation on him. If there are actual delays they will be identified and she can begin early intervention in those areas


I would get him tested but first you have to let him be a kid he will imitate what he sees he needs to interact with other kids an she has to talk to him an make him interact with her it might take time now because for 2 years all she did was baby him this is from a mother of seven the doctor told me my fourth child would have a problem with walking i told him no she wouldn’t I used to take and walk her up and down the stairs up and down the stairs and she walks just fine you will know if something is wrong with him first just let him be a kid

There are tons of red flags with autism. Developmental delays being one of them. Whether its rolling over, crawling, walking, talking… the list goes on. He can’t be evaluated and diagnosed properly until he’s at least 2. Also may not be autism at all could just be a slow learner or a bit behind because of being held a lot and not able to development motor skills and such because of it or because there was no need when he was being catered to. I have an 8yr old neurological daughter, a 6yr old autistic son, and my most recent daughter is almost 6 months with no signs so far. But my son that was diagnosed had many delays that we noticed super early (6months old) and as time passed even more showed. We had him in therapy by around 1.5 yrs old. The sooner you are sure about it, and accept it the better. (Not that this child is, but the “signs” should be watched for. Also the child’s pediatrician has milestones for dr visits for a reason, it is a huge help.


Have her talk to her pediatrician, also advise her to look into an early intervention program, those are always helpful. Also have her simply just let him play and explore…

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Discuss with her Dr. But I am puzzled by this not being caught earlier. My children had monthly well visits and developmental milestones were always a big part of that.
How many words, eyes follow movement, responds to name, feeding, tummy time… there was always a host of things they checked for in addition to whatever questions I had. No judgement just extremely puzzled.


Best she can do is talk to child’s doctor and if they don’t help go to regional center and have them evaluated as soon as possible

Get him tested. Autism is a very broad spectrum. My son didn’t have the advantages of EI because he was in an orphanage. He is 20. Has his.own apartment, not ah subsidized. Works. At a job he got on his own.


I would say first talk with the pediatrician and see if they can get a referral for early intervention. My daughter is clingy as well, but she has global developmental delay, hypotonia, sensory issues and possibly autism, we are waiting to be evaluated for that. My daughter didn’t get tummy time because she had reflux and just would not tolerate being on her tummy at all when she was little. A lot of the times, my daughter had to be propped up to fall asleep so she wouldn’t get sick and felt most comfortable with us holding her. I say that to say maybe there were underlying issues she didn’t tell you about and some kids are just more sensitive. They say you are your childs safe place so it isn’t such a bad thing, for the most part it is a phase all kids go through and as they grow it goes away. Also, you can’t hold your child too much either, there could be many reasons why things are happening with your friends child, but don’t place all the blame on the mom. Motherhood is tough enough as it is.

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Early evaluation is best. My son was diagnosed with autism at 1 1/2.

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My daughter is 2 and we spotted her autism around 1 year. Her two older cousins have it so it was easy to spot. She doesnt do eye contact and she likes to be alone rather than playing with her siblings. She only knows mama and dada and does not communicate. If she needs help she will put whatever it is in my hand and I have to figure it out for example if she wants two toys unstuck she will come over and open my hand and put it there. She’s a very picky eater. Also she acts like she can’t hear, but only when she wants to. But I love her none the less. She’s my special baby girl. We took her to her 2 year check up and the pediatrician said she knew as soon as she walked in the door. She was tested by 2 different people from early intervention and she tested low.

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Please take this with a grain of salt because I’m not an expert I’m just talking from experience but Mine was the same way and I too held him a lot as I was also a single mom with guilt and anxiety so that didn’t help but he took longer to talk and respond and was late crawling, walking and talking but doing all of it now but I’m not an expert either so please just at least know that you’re not alone

Sounds to me like she is the hindrance of his slow progress. I am all for coddling babies. Lord knows i coddled my 2. But at a few months old tummy time is very important, along with playtime and social interaction, being without momma for an hour or so with grandma or auntie also does a lot of good for baby and momma. I would suggest having a pediatricians adive on the subject, but to me it sounds like momma need to let baby be a baby not a Joey.

She needs to put him down and let him have some independent play. There is no way to tell if he’s autistic because not waving bye bye Isn’t enough of an indicator and he’s not doing anything else at the moment to indicate anything else. That’s insane that she never puts him down. :frowning:

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Definitely get him tested! Our grandson was tested at 18 months,he is high functioning autistic. Thank God he got the help he needed at that early age. He’s 17 now and starting his senior year in high school. Academically, he’s on level but socially he’s about 5 years behind.

Your friend sounds like a piece of work. She needs parenting classes or a Mommy and Me class so she can see what normal moms act like.

I wouldnt be worried unless doctors are, my daughter shows signs but theyre unable to accurately test til 3-4 years old. It could be due to lack of exploring and doing things alone

Most counties have therapy for children with delays. Sometimes the children need them for a while and catch up.
Check with the county department of family services.

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Talk to a pediatrician and do early intervention and no matter which answer you get what matters is that you’ll know and you’ll still have your baby. You’ll get through it mama :two_hearts:

Tell her it’s not the babies fault. He hasn’t had any way of proving anything to show signs of autism or not. She literally held him back a year so naturally he’s gonna be behind on everything!

My son has just been diagnosed before two. I would suggest that the mum take her child to be assessed by a ot and speech therapist.

Only time will tell. We didnt really notice that my daughter had problems until she started school.

He could just be delayed. By 2 the doctor should do a autism check and send for a referral if possible.

How is it supposed to learn all the “milestones” in a month?? He’s probably not autistic, he’s just been carried around for 11 months.

Well if he hasn’t been taught how to he wouldn’t know how too.


Put him down so he can learn to play an interact on his own. She is causing him to be dependent on her

Not responding to his name is concerning. Some of the other delays could be explained by him not getting “floor time”.

He isnt too young. There are delays and they need to be looked at.

Child can not learn if. It is not taught period…just saying

I’m not understanding autism at all. When I was young I don’t recall autism being a thing nor do I know anyone with autism. Is it just developmental delays? Babies not being exposed to speech at an early age? Babies not being spoke to? What is the cause? It seems like more & more children are classified as autistic.

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For the people saying vaccinations cause autism, you are spreading false information, the doctor that wrote that paper lost his medical board license and his paper was disproven. Autism is a genetic disorder. Nothing causes autism except for a gene in your DNA flipping a switch so you have it. If she is concerned schedule an appointment with an ABA therapist they will be able to diagnose and treat.


People are too quick nowadays to diagnose kids with autism. Kids develop differently and at a different pace. Just because a kid is quiet, takes time to speak, isn’t very social, etc. doesn’t mean they have autism. Let kids be kids and understand and accept that kids grow, learn and develop at different rates. Stop focussing on milestones and stop comparing your kids to other kids. Holding a child on your arms all the time will definitely delay his development. Put him on the floor and let him get dirty, move and explore.

He should be at regular doctor visits and now! not later she needs to talk to her pediatrician .

She needs to get Early Childhood Intervention

have her talk to her pediatrician about her concerns

She should discuss with her doctor

She needs to discuss with pcp

Take the child to the pediatrician

Seeking a professional is the best route. They will identify his delays and put her in touch with the proper programs. First steps, head start, even play groups with other mommies. That way she can let him run around and play and see other mommies not holding their babies. If he has it ok and if he doesn’t ok. She needs to understand that part as well. Having a child with a disorder doesn’t change the fact that they love to play, learn, and interact with others. He really needs social interaction with other children which will really help with delays. Monkey see, monkey do type of thing. My son has multiple unique traits (much nicer way to put it that I learned from his kindergarten teacher😊) and he has always loved being around and playing with other kids. That really helped him blossom. He is now 18 and is basically a “normal” kid. What’s normal now anyways? I have two wonderful kids and I loved them the same but changed certain aspects of raising to suit their needs. I had tons of help from professionals and both my kids have excelled. Having autism isn’t something to be scared of. My son is almost straight A student and wants to be an electrician even though he has had his uniqueness about him. My daughter has had a bit of trouble learning so we found different ways and she is 19 and wants to be a doctor. Even though she didn’t have those traits she had others to overcome. So it really doesn’t make a difference if he does, just the approach you take with each child. She can find out from her pediatrician who can help guide her in learning just as much as her little one. Tell her to remember it takes a village to raise a child.

Get him checked now. Don’t wait.

Stop vaccinating and use a detox. Have him tested for the MTHFR gene. Sounds like my son and Im telling you vax’s are NOT one size fits all and even if I’m wrong wouldn’t you at least want to look into it and rule out the highly plausible explanation that his body can’t detox heavy metals and toxins properly?


My daughter didn’t walk u til 15 months. I was worried about her too, as she didn’t really respond to her name and didn’t want to go to anyone but me. Once she started walking, she was a totally different kid


My son didnt get fully diagnosed until he was 5. He was late walking, late talking, wouldn’t go to anyone but me and he was constantly moving his fingers. As he was growing up he didnt talk much and when he did you couldnt understand him. Loud noises has freaked him out since he was newborn. There are alot of other signals but those were the most obvious that I noticed right away

go to the doctor have him tested and she needs to be totally honest about that boy has never been allowed to evolve beyond her arms! not sure how you need to get her to see that she’s not doing him any favors by doing that he’s missing all his milestones and sadly I’d say she’s over loved him he needs to try his wings out for heaven’s sake :slight_smile:

Early intervention. They can help him with any delays and talk to the mother alliviate any fears or give her some pointers. We had early intervention with my lil one. They were good with her. They will meet you at the house or whatever daycare the child is in also.

Some of the comments here are just plain disgusting. You people all have some serious stereotypes and prejudices. If you are that fucking worried about having an autistic child then maybe you shouldn’t have children at all.

And all of you people preaching that getting “help” early is best have no idea what you talking about. Most of the time that “help” is recommended ABA therapy. ABA is abusive and trains autistic children into compliance without even a thought or care for the childs emotional, physical, or sensory needs.

Every child is fucking different. A child should not have to conform to your idea of perfect in order to be loved for who they are.

She needs to set that baby down and let them adventure. Kids dont learn shit if you do everything for them.

Talk to his doctor and have him tested

My son has autism, was diagnosed at 2.
Tell her take him to be evaluated

Either she needs to put her child down to explore and do what babies do or go and see a Pediatrician. My daughter was the same and that’s was more due to I never put her down and by the time she was 4 was when I relised it but at the same time my daughter is autistic as well so that is half her problem.

1 is young but symptoms of autism can be seen as little as 2 months old. If she’s concerned she should take him to see a doctor. Simple.