My first born has Autism and I am scared to have another: Advice?

I have 7 kids we have 3 with autism the others don’t have any issues.

My oldest son has autism too however my daughter and their half brother doesn’t… having a child with autism is a roller coaster at times, it’s hard at first but routine is key. Once a routine is placed don’t change it! Sure there will be times that the routine you set get Interrupted and it can mess up your whole week and you may see more meltdowns or more anxiety in your little one but having a routine will make it a lot easier too. My son was three when I had his sister and was absolutely needy but I got a rocking loveseat so I could rock both of my babies. Try to include him when it comes to the babies needs so you’re still spending time with him and teaching him how to deal with the baby. My son is now 15 almost 16 and his sister is almost 13 but they are very protective of each other and my son has a friend for life! His little brother is 7 and they’re still working on their bond but I wouldn’t have things any other way! I hope everything works out for you and if you want to can message me and ask any questions you may have but please remember that every child is different including those with autism

2 Likes

There is a 1 in 10 chance of having another with Autism. You can do a test to see if there is a possibility of another. My question is: WHY would you want to have another special needs child on purpose? My child is HF autism and still I would never want to bring another child into this world knowing that. Life is hard enough as it is. I’m not suffering financially, so that’s not even the issue, but put the kid first. Not god or anyone else.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My first born has Autism and I am scared to have another: Advice? - Mamas Uncut

My youngest son has various disabilities. If he had been my first born I would NEVER have another child.

I could not do it but you got this!! I understand the fear you must have. God bless :heart::heart:

You got this! My son got the same thing an I got a baby girl left to come in 2 months an I know I can do it gets hard sometimes but Worth it. single mom here !:blue_heart::woman_shrugging:

My oldest (8) has autism and ADHD… my youngest is 4 and so far neurotypical… it’s been difficult but I wouldn’t change anything. My oldest has been in therapy for 3 years now and it’s helped a ton, not only for him but for me as well. I didn’t know wtf I was doing with him, I barely knew was autism was before I had him.

There is less than 19% chance that you’d have more than one child with true autism. There are multiple studies still going on (over 20 years time lapse) that show siblings of autistic children tend to exhibit more autistic like qualities, often even placed on the spectrum, due to copying behaviors and parental responses that wouldn’t normally take place in a non autistic home.
So short answer is it’s not very likely or common, but there is a small chance.
If you do have another child, seek some additional help on how to steer your child in the early years so they don’t portray certain behaviors because of how they see you as a parent respond.

2 Likes

My oldest has Autism and my second child does not. I knew pretty early on that my oldest was likely on the spectrum (because I work with special needs children) and it didn’t really cross my mind that maybe the second would have it as well. In hindsight I’m not sure why, but I understand your concern. In the field I work in, I’ve seen some families with multiple children on the spectrum, but also some who just have one. The first 3 years were really rough trying to figure out how to navigate life as a new mom to a child with special needs that were not yet diagnosed. I did notice that when my second was born, my oldest had an instant connection with him and I believe that his communication, awareness, and social interaction have improved by having a sibling. I think you really just have to think about what you can emotionally handle. For me, as my oldest son grew, the tantrums, outbursts and communication improved significantly so I felt like it was manageable to have a little one while still working through these things with him. At times it is still really hard and I feel overwhelmed, but I think all moms have those moments.

1 Like

My oldest is 17 and autistic (high functioning but still some issues). My youngest will be 14 next month. They have an amazing relationship and I couldn’t imagine them not having each other. My younger son acts like the older brother and pushes my other to try new things. Their different abilities compliment each other and is such a blessing.

7 Likes

No advice but I just came here to say, as someone who used to be a caregiver I give so much kudos to you! Being a parent is a full time job , and a job for life, but I know without question that being a parent to someone who needs the extra help forever is different. I would try for baby number two if I were you, the challenges are going to be worth the outcome I think… it could be a good thing for all of you… sending love and good vibes forsure!!!

6 Likes

Cheyenne Nicole Wheeler

My doctor told me everyone is autistic… it just depends where on the spectrum everyone falls.

1 Like

I have 3 kids and my middle was diagnosed with autism at 2. I was told it’s a 20% chance my youngest would have autism as well.

Recovering Kids | Biomedical Healing

I have 4 children my 2nd is autistic and selective mute and my 3rd (hes my hardest to handle) they have the closest bond having a baby is hard work in itself but a baby fits into your routine and your family from the minute it’s born and what’s one more with autism you have the knowledge and strength to do it again :slight_smile:

I wouldn’t if i were you

My 5 year old is autistic, my 3 year old is neurotypical.
I absolutely love them both I won’t lie my youngest is more of a challenge

My brother in law is autistic and no one else on either side of his family has it

I have two, my older one is not autistic but my younger one is getting evaluated for it soon. I’m not sure about the genetics behind it but I don’t think it is hereditary.

I have 4 with autism, different levels. It’s hard but worth it because when my first was diagnosed , he was lonely. We assumed our second wouldn’t have autism but he did too. And it’s not bad because at least they have someone who understands them and they’re best friends. My third is the least severe, and my fourth is pretty severe. He has limited speech, lots of meltdown, self harms etc. I’m not saying this to deter you from having another, but there is a chance. I assumed since my second and third were milder, my fourth would be too. Nope. He’s a lot like my first. And it’s very hard to deal with. That being said we’ve become accustomed to all the needs in our house and we love our boys more than anything :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

4 Likes

My firsy was a miscarriage second a little boy who had gastroscisis then his intestines stopped working completely doctors told me to make arrangements on my 2 month old he is now 11 i was so scared to have another child terrified fast forward 8 years later get pregnant miscarry twins devastating and was goin to give up completely another ywar or so later i get pregnant again this time little girl her cord stopped giving her all of her nutrients oxygen and blood so im.high risk again in pregnancy doctors said that its a 90 percent chamce of still born she was born at 39 weeks

I have 2 boys 3.5 years apart. My youngest is severely autistic and was born with a rare genetic disorder. My Nero typical child is VERY protective over this brother and completely understanding of his needs. I stopped having children after my autistic son because I was afraid I’d have another one on the spectrum and didn’t know how I’d be able to handle it. I also worried that bringing another baby into my family could be potentially dangerous because of my sons aggression. Now that my ADS is 9 years old I completely regret that decision. It gets easier with time, once you learn his triggers and how to help ease the meltdowns it truly is a game changer. It’s not going to completely change his diagnosis but it does help with the day to day.
My nephew (the oldest of 4 children) is autistic as well. He’s an absolutely amazing older brother and his world revolves around his little sisters (1 is autistic as well) . ABA therapy helped him with a lot of the things mentioned in your post and he improves everyday. It wasn’t easy for my sister in the beginning while still growing her family. She struggled a lot emotionally trying to balance them but as time progressed she learned what worked best for her family and how to address obstacles.
Now my niece thats autistic (just turned 2) is still challenging… she almost hurt her 3 month old sister a few times pretty badly. She’s just now beginning ABA therapy.

I had my daughter first and my son second, my son is 3.5 with Cerebral Palsy in his lower legs and Autistic. And I honestly would have another one, through all the meltdowns and learning about him and how to help him he’s amazing, bright, smart, funny, loving, stubborn, happy little boy. Unfortunately with Autism you will always have the meltdowns and sensory overloads and being over stimulated but helping find his triggers will help you tremendously. Having a little sibling could also be helpful for him and maybe he would really enjoy having someone else as well. Special needs is hard and challenging but it’s up to you if you believe you’re ready or not. Autism isn’t hereditary it’s just how they’re born.

I’ve had thoughts about this now, I have 3 kiddos, 1 ASD the other 2 not, I’ve told my self in the heat of it all that if I knew that my first was gonna be autistic, I wouldn’t have had more. I will get back lash for this but I’m just being honest. My ASD son takes so much time away from my other kids and it breaks my friggin heart. Everyone is different. I love all of my kids and wouldn’t know how to live without each of them I can promise you that but it’s hard. Guess I’m just venting…

6 Likes

My sis has 4 kids, 2 on the spectrum, my bro has one one autistic kid. I was afraid because my dad is on the spectrum and I was having a baby soon. So far no issues, she’s 9 now, but in my opinion having a kid with issues automatically means less attention for subsequent siblings, and is not fair to them.

1 Like

My kids are only 15 months apart so when my second was born we had just started noticing different things about my first. He was diagnosed ASD and ADHD right before he turned 3, his sister is 2 and is showing signs as well, we’re getting her evaluated soon. It’s been extremely hard, I won’t lie, but they love each other and I’m really happy I was able to give them a sibling! They understand each other and are super close!

I would like to say you are such a good mom and human being I have so much respect for you I had first hand whiteness children who had disabilities and the mom just kept having more an more kids with disabilities she was stressed an literally had babysitter for the 14 hours a day she wasn’t ever around also I have seen adults with disabilities so many times the parents want nothing to do with them they have several health conditions they can’t live on there own they get placed in these homes where caretakers steal an abuse them and they have to take so much meds they are Lonley scared. An often depressed . I often wondered and felt horrible for feeling this way but if the child’s life is going to be miserable and it’s hard as a parent why would they have more then one .
Now autism is high functioning , so they mostly live normal good lives :pray:t3::heart::heart::heart: but still many challenges they face , I just commend you for thinking it through and caring . I think you are a good mom so either way ,I send my thoughts and :heart:

1 Like

I’m too afraid to have a 2nd. I’d adopt before I’d have another biological one. My ASD child is almost 5 and still non-verbal. I personally couldn’t do 2 like her.

I waited 10 years to have a second because my first was so difficult, thinking it was just the ADHD. This child was diagnosed ASD 4 months after I had my second. :woman_facepalming:t3:
Either way, I didn’t want to leave her alone in the world someday. He’s 2 and it’s not looking great in the neuro-department, but he doesn’t seem to have her learning issues. So I’m hoping he’ll come around, because one of them is gonna have to financially support the other. Y’all I’m not gonna live forever.
Every kid is different, with different strengths and weaknesses. Even if they’re both on the spectrum, I think they can compliment each other. But I’m not gonna have a 3rd so that he doesn’t get left alone in this world. Hopefully he stays this cute and someone will fall for him. :pray: lol
Take your time between kids. My 2 get along great because they’re not competing with each other. Waiting was the best choice I could have made. Having both of them is actually really lovely.

Parents who have one autistic child have a 2-8% chance of having another one. I am a Registered Behavior Technician and work with children who have autism as well as other emotional and behavioral challenges.

Oh this breaks my heart. Honey you’re not doing parenting wrong because you are actually asking if you are doing it wrong.
I have a good friend who has a first child who is on the spectrum and then she had a second who is completely the opposite in every way from the first. The first has some serious ticks and so on. The second is his keeper. She makes him listen somehow with some kind of magic words. She is several years younger than he but she can make him turn his game off and put clothes on. Every time my friend makes a post about them it just amazes me.
Have that second child girl… and God will provide what you and your family need. Praying for your son to have the best life possible.

5 Likes

My 5 year old son is autistic, his 2 year old sister is neurotypical. The best thing I could have done for his communication skills and “people” skills was having his sister and her being around all the time. She pushes him out of his Shell more and more everyday in a way that even I can’t. I was scared at first as well and she wasn’t a planned pregnancy, but to see how much he loves her is amazing! He absolutely adores her and has come so far with speech and sharing since she’s been around. She has a way of calming him and convincing him that is almost magical. They are so close and would do anything for each other. My biggest fear as a special needs Mom was that my son would end up alone after I was gone with no one to understand him… I don’t have that worry anymore because he’ll always have his sister.

4 Likes

My youngest 4 children have autism. They are adopted. I’m thankful that through our adoption agency we have started recieving services. It does take a long time to receive services, though. It took us 4 years to get two of them IEP’s in school. They came from a different country and the school was using that as an excuse for their inability to speak; our youngest daughter who is from our State recieved services immediately. So I guess what I’m trying to say if you get them the needed services the outcome is good.

Mum of 3 first child is autistic and adhd. I have 7 yrs between each child. No issues

My first born is autistic. My second isn’t. It’s a learning process I’m still in since autism is different per child. Talk to the the childs doctor, they’ll know your kid well enough to guide you. Mine are also 14 months apart

Autism Speaks says a new study shows that there is about a 1 in 5 or 20% chance a sibling will also develop Autism. There a re a ton of resources around today catered towards Autism that I highly encourage looking into to help make things a little easier :heart:

My oldest is autistic, and 12 months after she was born I had my second who has a heart condition. So both very needy in their own ways. It’s a challenge, but the blessing outweighs

I have 4 kids. My oldest was 1 and 1/2 when I had my second child. My second child is fine and not autistic. My first son was a level 2 autistic child. It was hard having them so close in age but I’m so happy I did! It was a blessing to have them both so close. Then I had twins when my first child was 9 and second child was 7. Having the twins farther in age then I did my older two was so much easier then I did my other two! My daughter and son are so hard to have the same age! Having twins isn’t fun and it’s very rough! But I think my daughter is autistic so my 1st and 3rd would be autistic and it’s very hard! Good luck on what you choose!

Only one of my sisters is autistic and there is 4 of us

Shouldn’t you be asking your doctor??

My son is 2.5 and my daughter is 10 months old. We started the process of having my son diagnosed when my daughter was just a few months old.

It is hard. There have been times my husband and I have said that if we had gotten his diagnosis before having a second we weren’t sure our thought process would have been the same. But those same conversations always lead us to say we are so glad we didnt know yet and went for our second! She’s such a joy! And they are the best of friends.

So far she seems neuro typical but if it turns out she starts exhibiting signs of autism we will know what to look for, how to get the diagnosis, and we will be familiar with the tools to help her.

I can’t imagine life without my daughter! Best decision ever.

Go for it! Your heart will NEVER regret having a child - but you may regret not!

My sister has had 6 kids and only one had Autism…He is the second youngest. I know they get help financially to help with sports and other things for him to do. Try looking at disability and financing and counseling in you feel it will help. They may know a lot more about your worries…Hope it helps.

Whatever you decide, you’ll make it work. You love your children no matter what challenges they present.

I completely understand your fear. I didn’t want to have my second child because I was so scared of autism. I had my son and he is nuerotypical and it’s been the most amazing experience. My therapist had told me before with autism parenting. You’ll always have this vision of what parenting would look like and than there is the reality and you shouldn’t feel bad for wanting something like everyone else has. Autism is HARD. My neurologically correct kid, cake walk and has shown me just how wonderful parenting can be. My asd child is very loved and we celebrated all the little victories but yeah it’s great to be able to experience both sides of parenting and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for wanting that.

Laney Wootten Maybe you can offer some advice?

1 Like

I have one with severe autism, my oldest…I went on to have six more children and don’t regret it. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been worth it.:heart:

I have 3 kids my first is a girl. My second is a boy he has Autism. My 3rd is a boy. When my 3rd child was 3 months my second child was diagnosed with Autism. I don’t know if I would have had a third knowing my second had Autism. I was very afraid making sure he reached all his milestones on time. Have 3 kids was a lot of work sometimes I felt like my last two were twins. Today they are all adults and they will always have each other. He is not the same boy he was when he was young the tantrums stoped we understand him. All my 3 kids are a blessing I would not change anything even though it was a tough junrney. And still is at times

You should go though gentic testing -
I have 3 childern - my middle is autism - " we did behavior theapy -
1st & 3rd - natural without diagosed -

My first is Autistic she is 19, second and third are 18 and 14 but neither of the last two have any problems related to autism at all

I have 4 kids. Two whose autistic. My oldest and middle child. They complete opposites. I feel my youngest is too who also has medical problems too . I’m not going to lie it is difficult. But I will say depending on how well handle the outcomes speaks volumes. At this point I’m pretty chilled. A lot of doctors asked me how and I’m like I can either panic or just make sure I’m doing my best like I would do “normal” children. I will also say you will always beat yourself up and that’s normal. 8 years later and 4 kids I do but I look at them and I’m like damn I got 4 kids in general and still here and they thriving

I have 2 children my son is high functioning autistic. He has his moments. He is now 23. Their are so many programs out their to help with your son that you should look into. It will really help with him. They will also teach you how to deal with outburst. A weighted blanket would do wonders when having a rough time. Also dont worry about having another child. Their is only a small chance that a second child would have autism. I would not let having one child with autism scare you from bring another child into this world.

My twin brothers are both on the autistic spectrum. The one is non verbal and has daily (if not hourly) tantrums, meltdowns etc and he can’t tell us what is wrong. The other is independent and living on his own (they will be 20 next month). I had my first son last year. Yes I am wary of him possibly having autism but i know he wouldn’t be anything like my brother. If you’re scared of having another child, don’t. Not until you can handle having the one, there’s plenty of programs that can help out.

Being autistic isn’t a burden, don’t treat it like one

Both me and my brother both have autism, and my son likely does.

In all seriousness I would go get you and your partner screened, as its genetic. The likelihood is high, but also like, it fully depends on what you want. Want another baby? Do it. Dont want one? Dont.

Also imma put this out there but neurotypical people can also experience many of the difficulties people with autism do.