My fiance wants more kids but I don't know how I feel: Advice?

If you want more kids but your health is the only thing holding you back. Reach out to a good family member or friend And ask if they would be your surrogate

Kids will be fine being an only child. You have to worry about YOU to stick around for the first baby. You’re not being selfish at all but actually quite level headed.

What is wrong with getting married and having all of your affairs in order. That is the greatest safety you can have.

All pregnancy’s are different hun and due to ur past high blood pressure thy would keep and eye on u more next time round I’ve not personally had a c-section with any of myn but sounds like u did brilliantly recovering it’s ur choice and talk to ur partner about ur worries and let him know if u was to have another u would need his support more as u would need to take it easy if the same happens with ur blood pressure as it did with ur son xx

Every pregnancy is different. Maybe try and share your fears with him, help him understand how you feel and why you feel that way. Talk to your doctor and see what they say, you have to do what’s best for you, your body and any unborn child that way come along. I wish you all the best in what ever you decide.

All pregnancies are different and they might be better prepared the next time and just because u had a section last time u might not have to have 1 next time x

Every pregnancy is different and yes things like high blood pressure might happen might not. Have you talked to him about your fears. He might be understanding if you are honest about how you feel and why.

I agree,if he wanted more kids looks like he would want to marry you and it’s your body and there is adoption

Never expect your pregnancy to be the same. They are all different.

Talk it over with fiance and your doctor, weigh the risks. If the risks are too high you could always adopt.

Please don’t be scared. I went pre eclamptic at 32 weeks had my son at 32wks 3 days. My husband had to sign papers as who were they to save anything went wrong, from that point on my husband said he would not go thru it again and said I’d have to sign the papers if We had another baby and it happened again, They said it wouldn’t but we didn’t want to take the chance. So I got fixed… I’ve always wanted another one but I kind of agreed with him. We had a beautiful baby boy who fought to be born, we didn’t want to chance it.
I don’t regret not having another one but did miss the mommy feeling.

It’s normal to be scared! If you had a c section with your first, it’s always possible to do a v bac if they’re far enough apart in birth & if it went really well you should be okay to try! You can always talk to your ob about it first! But high blood pressure, just talk to your doctor & see what you can do or if you’ll for sure get it the next time around. :sparkling_heart:

If you’re scared and feeling bad about going through it again, then don’t. You’re not being selfish. It’s you’re body and you have a right to not feel bad about taking care of it.

Go for it! I’m sure you wont regret it! With that said you are the only one who can make this decision! Good luck!

My daughter in law had no issues with my first granddaughter and everything seemed to be good with the second child as well. After delivery within 30 minutes she was himoragineing. I’m so concerned about her that I really don’t want her to put her life on the line again just so I could have another grandchild.

Does he know how scared you are of not being around to raise your children and be there for him? Just be open and honest with him about your fears. You need to do what is best for you and your family…I’m praying for you as you make this decision.

Talk to your fiance about how you are feeling. They should be open to hear your fears and concerns. Maybe consider setting up an appointment qith your doctor also that both of you can go to and discuss this with them. Let them know about the troubles you had in the past and see what they say. I had a very slight heart arythmia with my son that started towards the end of my pregnancy with my son but have had no sign of it with my daughter (son is 9, daughter is due in September). If you still feel nervous or scared tell your fiance this. They should never force you into something that you are afraid of/don’t want.

Also, don’t feel bad if you dont give your child a sibling. There are lots of families that either choose to only have 1 child or can’t have anymore than 1. I have seen only children grow up to be amazing adults (my dad included) and even had friends that are only children that say they loved it and never once wished for a sibling.

Talk with your doctor. I have 4 and each pregnancy was different.

All pregnancies are not alone. You may not even have high blood pressure and many women have had two or three c sections without complications. Ask God to help you with the right decision. Prays for you

I can tell you the the 2nd csection at least for me didn’t hurt as bad as the first and I was actually up and moving in a few hours and recovered much better maybe because new what to expect. I had high blood pressure with 4 out of my 5. It is something you do have to watch closely and before careful with. Mine luckily with medication was able to be controlled until delivery. You’ll have to be checked more often. Just something to consider it’s better to have them younger than older if you decide to have a second one. I had my last one at 40 and was very high risk and one before that 38 and developed diabetes with them on top of tge blood pressure to that I didn’t with the 3 in my 20s.

Now that your doctor knows what may happen he or she can keep a closer eye on you . You can help yourself now better than the first time

Remember it’s your health and it’s you who knows how bp in pregnancy is felt, your hubby will want but you are the key.

Every pregnancy is different. My coworker passed out bleeding 3x during her 1sr pregnancy, doctors had no idea why. Her 2nd and 3rd pregnancy were perfect.

You both need to be in good health and let your body recover first… No smoking, drinking or medications or other drugs. You both need to exercise and get good sleep and eat right, It takes two to have a healthy baby… He will need to buy into that also… You are the one who is putting your health through something that really changes your body and putting it at some risk. He just contributes & your body changes drastically… talk it over with him and your doctor…

Honestly don’t blame you high blood pressure can cause dangerous problems . I would talk to your dr about your concerns maybe even have him explain or send a pamphlet to your husband about what’s involved with high blood pressure.

I have 3 children. With my first born I had high blood pressure and preeclampsia but with the other 2 I did not.

It’s so hard to know what to do in this kind of situation.
My second I had pretty severe Hyperemesis Gravidarum. Lost weight, had IV fluids every other day until after 20 weeks. Everyone thought I wouldn’t carry full term. SPD on top of that made it the worst days of my life.
I was determined to have no more babies. I was sure another pregnancy would kill me. Surprise! I got pregnant 9 months postpartum. And that pregnancy was the easiest pregnancy in the world. I was sick once. One whole time. I was able to exercise so I actually was in better shape physically after he was born than before I was pregnant.
It went so well I ended up having a 4th, which was more like my second but not as severe.

All this to say, I understand your fear. And completely support a decision to not risk it again. However, please also take into account that all pregnancies are different and there’s a good chance you won’t go through it again.

My biggest advice tho is to really have a heart to heart with your fiancé. Explain to him all of this. And also talk with your doctor about your concerns as well. I know for me, I rely heavily on science. Find out the actual likelihood of experiencing the same thing and maybe it will help make the decision process easier.

Much love to you in whatever you decide :heart::heart::heart:

Adopt! Lots of kids who need a home. Then you don’t have to go through that again…

Nothing to worry about as far as c section goes but if you arent ready then your not ready i have had 4 c sections all were fine

The way things are in this world right now I wouldn’t even think twice I having another child but of course that’s up to you

I had 2 vaginal deliveries after my first son was c-section. I had slightly high blood pressure with my second child, I quit using salt and it helped alot.

I had a all natural after 2 sections. Each pregnancy was different

Most people are fine. I was. I had my boys 3 yrs apart. The second time was smoother.

I had high blood pressure with my 2nd and 3rd… Track your blood pressure now to see if it’s ok… You need to stay away from sodium as much as possible, and a glass of red wine a day also helps to help prevent high blood pressure.

Get a Surrogate. I Wouldn’t Risk Your Lives. It’s Not Selfish If your Protecting Lives. Seems to me, He’s the Selfish one.

It is no longer a rule that c sections automatically follow c sections. And your son truly would benefit from a sibling. Talk to your dr about your fears.

Sounds like an opportunity to have a discussion and really understand where the other is coming from…

If you don’t feel comfortable with it then don’t have another one it’s your body and your choice don’t feel selfish for wanting what you want

It doesn’t sound like you really want to maybe wait a little while is the baby he’s the first one that you had problems with

You not knowing how you feel is a red flag. You really need to step back and look at that seriously. Trust your gut.

So wait 2 years and get yourself excellent health, lose some weight if you need to and get yourself ready to be pregnant

Have you considered adoption? You could contact your county’s children’s division and foster to adopt. The process is free in the state of Missouri if you go through CD.

Wow here I was this morning not n knowing who to talk to my husband keep asking for a second child my situation is different I don’t have health issues but I’m the only one working he is currently not all financial burden is in me, I feel we can not afford a second child our first child is starting school next year change of needs for him financial adjustment for us, additionally member means extra medical aid deduction which decrease the net income, I feel so tired and yes I would love a sibling for my son but how does one have easy pregnancy with the stress I’m caring I doubt I can even fall pregnant I’m for ever calculating and budgeting, hope it’s not being selfish if me not to want to add a child

Discuss your concerns with your ob and they will give you the best possible outcomes and recommendations. :heart:

Not every pregnancy is the same.

I had it in with my first, but with my second I did not have high blood pressure!

If you was to get pregnant again. They would watch your blood pressure because of your history

Go and see a High risk ob/gyn
Have him go over your records. With all of the help now a days you probably wouldnt have a problem

Be honest a straight forward. Talk about how you feel and what you’d need.

Nothing wrong with only having 1.

I had high blood pressure with my 1st, not my other 2 and all c sections! :0)

My question is Why is he still your Fiancé?

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Will your fiance ever become your husband?

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Just wondering why would it have to be another cesarean section?

I would honestly just sit down and have a talk with him and tell him how you feel right now about getting pregnant and just use protection for when you guys do get intimate and if you guys then decide to have another one go for it. But it is your choice in all reality not just his. I’ve had 4 c sections my first was an emergency and the rest was scheduled but if I really wanted too I could of tried for a VBAC with my second but decided against it because he was going to be a big baby. I had gestational diabetes with all 4 never had high blood pressure which surprised me and the dr every time because I guess according to the doctors I have had gestational diabetes and high blood pressure sometimes go hand in hand. But I know with my youngest one I was in constant pain and had so much pressure down there that I could barely walk at all and my last doctor just kept dismissing it saying that I wasn’t in labor. When I would be walking I would have to suddenly stop and grab my belly and bend over to ease it a little while hanging onto the wall or a desk or something. He just kept saying it was Braxton Hicks and when he was born and I took him to see his dr he was born with a blood spot in his eye from labor. His dr told me that all that pain I was feeling was because I was actually in labor and they should have been checking me but didn’t because the monitor never picked up any contractions even though it’s hard because I am a big woman and with my first I had to have the internal monitor for my contractions to be read correctly

Yeah but that was after your third child,

All pregnancy are different. I’ve been pregnant 3 time and all were different. And there are deffenty things you can do
Watch what you eat and of course you’ll tell your dr. You had high blood pressure last pregnancy and they’ll guide you to do the right things to hopefully avoid getting it again. If you want another child you should. Follow your heart. Take the precautions that are given. Prayers for you and a safe pregnancy if you choose to add another blessing to your life. You deffenty wont regret it.

Silly question: why not get married?

I have had 3 csections. They are scary but in my opinion worth it because at the end you get your baby. If you are wanting to become pregnant again talk with your ob before hand because they may want you to take baby aspirn which is supposed to help try to keep blood pressure down. Good luck and in the end if you want more kids it a risk but life itself is a risk there are no promises. :purple_heart: i am wanting 1 more i have 3 boys and would love a little girl but after my next baby i plan on getting tubes tied as 4 babies would be enough for me. Even if my next is also a boy. No gender disappointment here just always excited to find out. :purple_heart:

Have a conversation with your doctor and after that your fiancé…good luck

Baby’s are a blessing :heartpulse: once you hold the baby you forget about the surgery. Good luck momma. Do what your heart tells you

No-is your answer and please don’t ever ask me again.
When ever I say no about anything to anybody, I follow it up with and please don’t ever ask me again and guess what -they don’t😊

DANG! All these issues out of so few comments. If I was a young woman thinking about starting a family, I’d be terrified after reading this!!! :flushed::confused::stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

You will know when the time is right and when you are ready :relieved:

Talk to your doctor about your fears and decide from there.

My second was way easier.

Talk to your doctor especially if the blood pressure is the big deal.

We can say all we want, at the end of the day it’s your decision

Talk to your doctor no guarantee that a c section would be needed just because the first one was

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The second c section is so much easier

No! Your body! Adopt

Don’t do it until you are comfortable. Mine wanted our 2nd within 2 yrs of our 1st but I wanted to be able to give all attention to her through the baby and toddler years. So we waited. Being fearful or anxious during pregnancy is not healthy. Also, every pregnancy is different.

I had preeclampsia with my 4th but not with my 5th & last lol. Also can try for vbac if you want too. Either way it’s really up to if you want another baby or not…

Selfish?? The most important thing in life is loving yourself first. Go with your heart and you will make the right choice.

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Again it’s up to you no one else

This question should be directed towards your OB/GYN doctor.

its your body… its your choice…

Look after yourself first

I had high bp with both and as a result - csections at 37 and 38 weeks. I’m so happy my kids have each other. My husband was extremely ill before my 2nd pregnancy - to the point they told us he probably had 3-5 years to live at the most. I told him we had to absolutely have another baby because if he died I would want my daughter to have someone as I wasn’t sure how I would handle it emotionally. My dad died at 38 from type 1 diabetes and I tell people my mom also died that day and I’m so glad I had my 3 siblings. While my husband still has a chronic debilitating illness for life - my son is about to turn 9 next month and I can’t imagine life without him. Granted - the kids fight like cats and dogs sometimes but when they are best friends - it’s the happiest moments of my life.

With my son I had a kidney stone that caused a spike in my BP so I was hospitalized the last 4 weeks of pregnancy as a precaution.

I was afraid the 2nd c-section wouldn’t have been as easy as the first but it was even easier. It was just taking care of 2 kids under 3 years old that was a bit hard.

You will be monitored better this time because of previous high blood pressure. There is always a risk of course - but I wouldn’t let that talk you out of another baby if you want one.

Someone I consider a sister ended up having HELLP syndrome and was brought back to life after crashing immediately after the birth of her daughter. For a while she swore off more kids (I would have too) - but eventually she had a second child and everything during the birth of her son went smoothly.

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I had a section with my first child and they told me i could possibly have a vbac child which is vaginal birth after cesarean. MAybe if the pregnancy goes well you could have a vbac. I didnt bc my baby was almost 9lbs and pelvic area was too small

Communication. Tell him what you are worried about. Set up a meeting with your dr to make sure you are healthy and all that. You can try to have a vbac if you also, go over those risks. All 3 of my pregnancies were different but #3 was the hardest physically. I knew my body was telling me no more though so thats why I wont be having more.

Put it in Gods hannds

Talk to your doctor first.

I had the same problem with my almost 9 year old. I had high blood pressure and ended up having an emergency c-section. I’m currently pregnant now and don’t have any signs so far. My doctors are watching me though. But ultimately it is up to you. It is your body that has to go through carrying a baby and delivering another little one.

If you really want a second child then Talk to your doctor about concerns and bring your fiance with you for the appointment.

My first child the pregnancy was great up until the day before he was son was born 3.5 weeks early, I had HELLP, was induced, Had a platelet transfusion and then emergency c section. With our second kid I was considered high risk so I just had to get more blood tests and ultrasounds then the average pregnant woman but everything came back fine.i had a scheduled c-section at 39 weeks and all went great except my son had to go to NICU for a couple hours cause they could not get all the stuff suctioned out and his sugars were a little low. My hospital stay was way shorter than the first child and recovery was less painful then the first one.

I know people who have tons of kids and love it and I know people who have one child and love it. Good luck.

This baby doesn’t have to be a c-section. Every pregnancy is different. You will be high-risk and more informed and more closely watched by the Dr.

If you don’t want another baby, that is your choice. However, get on the same side age before you get married. Kids might be a deal breaker for some people, so you don’t want to wait until after you are married, decide you are not having another baby, and him decide he can’t life with that and have to go through a divorce. You have valid reasons for not wanting to get pregnant again, just like he probably has good reasons for wanting another. Make the decision before you marry. Good luck.

I had high blood pressure all the way through my first pregnancy and was induced 2 weeks early as they were worried but my second pregnancy I had no issues with blood pressure at all. Every pregnancy is different so I wouldn’t get yourself too worried about that even if there is an increased risk of it happening that doesn’t mean it actually will. Good luck

If you do get pregnant try the brewers diet it helps regular blood pressure. Its a very healthy high protein diet. Im on it right now because we were diagnosed with iugr. And other issues im tryomg to gain weight so the baby can

Are you married, what is this, ?? Your fiance wants ??? You have no rights you know that don’t you.

As long as he is your fiance, there should be no babies. Key word fiance !!!

Well depending on type man he is how well u really no him do u have kids with him what type father is he or how is he around other kids? For you with blood pressure stuff ask your dr if you good for pregnancy… for me I had three kids with my ex and my previous ex is 10 yrs older seemed play off as a very good man wanted baby with me had our son found out he cheated with his 20 yr old baby mom had baby with her as I was pregnant with our son and he had 10 kids he doesn’t care for he walked out on us hasn’t seen his son in 4 mths so be careful cause it hurts seeing ur own children not having there dad’s in there life so make sure he not toxic good father and ur ready to

Have you tried expressing your health concerns? What about taking with a Dr? Would it be safe given your history?

Just be open and honest because that’s what marriage is. Just tell him, the last pregnancy was really rough and I’m worried for my health and safety, and that if our child should i be put in that same situation. Then say, let’s talk with the Dr and see what they say. If he loves you, he will understand and value your life more than that if a “what if” pregnancy.