My fiance talks in his sleep and mentioned his ex: Advice?

My fiancé talks in his sleep sometimes, every time he does he says his ex (from 6 plus years ago) name. I know he hasn’t seen or talked to her since she’s married with young ones, all his social media and texts go to the ipad so I’d know if they talked. But it makes me so uncomfortable that every time he’s jabbering in his sleep the only audible part I can understand is her name. I’ve confronted it and he says he’s sorry and doesn’t know what it’s about. I know it’s stupid to feel insecure about that but 3 years in and it really bothers me every time.

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What do you expect him to do exactly? Stop sleeping? :joy::joy: the key to relationships, especially long term ones, is learning which battles to fight and what to let go. You’re gonna have to decide if this is the hill you and your relationship die on, or choose to let it go. I strongly suggest the latter.

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Why do you go through his texts and social media? Even if it does “go to the iPad” why are you reading them? You seem super insecure…yes I definitely wouldn’t like that either but why you invading his privacy?

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Girl you are a walking red flag. Get your insecurities in check . Stop snooping . Gut feelings are different then flat out untrust and paranoia.

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Sometimes people never truly get over exes. There’s nothing that can really be done if he’s unconscious.

I still get nightmare’s from my ex too :joy:

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I’m not kidding when I say I have literal nightmares about my ex. I’ve been with my partner two years we are engaged and truthfully I’m obsessed with him, he’s my best friend but I still have nightmares about my ex!
Maybe from a man he would be ashamed to have nightmares incase he came across as weak.
I wouldn’t like to tell my partner I dream about my ex lol! But abusive & toxic relationships really mess you up even years later! I’ve not been with my ex around 3 years now and 0 contact as there is a court restraint order in place. Try not to get too upset he can’t control what he dreams of! 🫶🏽

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Pretend your asleep and Do the same😂

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People act like they never looked in a persons phone before like lord give the girl a break . People get upset over different things . There actually could be a reason he’s saying her name I wouldn’t be thrilled about it either

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I wouldn’t get insecure about something he has zero control over. If you have no other red flags and are confident in all other aspects of your relationship then I would not be concerned with this and there is nothing that can be done about this anyway.

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Maybe they’re interacting through their sleep :face_with_monocle::face_with_monocle::joy::joy::joy:

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Maybe he has unresolved guilt from their relationship that he hasn’t worked out and subconsciously coming in the form of a reoccurring dream ,most reoccurring dreams involve an issue not delt with that our subconscious holds onto
He needs to let those emotions out,you did your research, nothing to indicate interactions between the two,instead of approaching him in an accusatory way,give him an opportunity to express it,let out what is burdening him as it can and will effect your relationship ,as it already has

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We can’t control our dreams , get over it and stop dwelling on things . He cant control his dreams .

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Just leave him! He is talking in his sleep calling her name! That’s cheating…… pack your stuff and just leave already…… oh I was asleep :sleeping:

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There is only one solution… inception.

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could be trauma!! not a positive thing at all

You know he can’t control it right? :joy:

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All his messages go to an iPad? And you read them? Give that man some privacy, stop over thinking and spying! There is nothing you can do to make a man do right by you. PERIOD.

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Girl you got issues :joy:
Just leave. If you feel the need to wire the texts through an iPad for you to keep track of? uh you don’t love him or trust him so leave :woman_facepalming:

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Red flag :triangular_flag_on_post:- “ I know he hasn’t seen or talked to her, texts go to the iPad so I know if they talked… you shouldn’t be screening his calls or texts… shows you don’t trust him…

He shouldn’t be sorry for whatever he is dreaming… he isn’t in trouble :joy: it’s a dream… let that man dream and sleep with out you hounding hun… girl pick your battles. This is not one…

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First examine your fears, is his uncontrolled subconscious verbal ramble some kind of repressed desire? or is it random memory oozing out, would you be as worried if he was saying the name of his childhood stuffed animal?, if you guys split and marry other people should his next wife be worried if your name blurts out in his sleep? The man talks in his sleep and these arent nuclear secrets

I don’t remember much about my dreams…not even when they’re nightmares. I may remember one object or one person…I might remember the emotional tone (especially if it was negative) but I couldn’t tell you what actually happened in the dream.
I will say this: dreams are NOT always literal, in fact they’re often symbolic. While the symbolism may be obvious sometimes it’s not always.
Like dreaming you’re pregnant doesn’t mean your pregnant. Pregnancy in dreams often symbolizes big changed and new beginnings.

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My biggest question is, do you know she’s married with kids because he told you or because you went and internet stalked her because he said her name in his dreams. Otherwise idk why you brought up her marital status. Either you trust him or you don’t. Of you can’t let this go to the point you’re stalking his messages and asking a random fb group then I guess you’ve made up your mind.

I thought this was a supportive group ? Not a be mean to someone for some genuine advice? Not everyone has someone to talk to and come here for a bit of support and or advice from us .

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How is he supposed to control what he says in his sleep

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I’m not saying they’re talking … all I’m saying is, the exact same thing happened to me. 6 plus years. She remarried kids another state. Every single night he’d talk to or about her in his sleep. No evidence I was finding they were talking. But they were. They were emailing each other back and forth from their work emails … hundreds of times a day M-F. A year and a half emotional affair before I found out.

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I agree with the comments about unresolved issues. It took me a LONG time to get through the ones I had with my first ex, and I dreamt about him a lot – never anything romantic or sexual, just my brain trying to wrap itself around everything that happened. I had those dreams for years even though it had been just as long since we’d even crossed paths, let alone actually talked.
Now it’s been around 15 years, and he’s only occupied space in my dreams a handful of times in the past 5 or so. Usually after a mutual friend brings him up.
I know you think 6 years is a long time. But sometimes it takes that long, or longer, to recover from stuff.

That’s something he has zero control over. For all you know he could be cussing her out in his dreams.

Are you also the type that gets mad at him if he does something wrong in your dream?!

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I had a dream that I went to the grocery store naked…just cause you dream it don’t mean you want it…

their might be some trauma with their relationship. my fiancé gets super bad anxiety and even breaks into a sweat everytime we see his ex because he’s a victim of DV from her.

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As someone who sleep talks, we obviously can’t control what we say when we’re unconscious. I also never remember my dreams so for all I know I could just be sleep talking nonsense :sweat_smile:

I think you should be able to tell by how he is saying her name what he is saying and is he seems traumatized or in love. Also you can’t be so sure that they are not in contact because there’s no smoke without a fire and you are feeling some type of insecure because something is not right…

There’s nothing you can do about what others dream about :woman_facepalming:t2::woman_facepalming:t2: He can be mentioning her for different reasons

  1. Still in love with her
  2. They still have unresolved issues
  3. Guilt

But , If you have the needs to check his messages and stuff you are the one with issues , you should not marry someone you do not trust

Yes. Let’s get upset over something he does in his sleep. Now take a step back and re read that and understand how damn silly it is.

Can’t get mad. I mean he is asleep. Can’t really control your dreams.

That’s your insecurity to deal with. The man is asleep ffs :rofl:

The fact that his messages go to an ipad for you to inspect says a lot about you. Do your messages go to an ipad for him to read? You sound very insecure and until your insecurities are resolved, you’ll never have a healthy relationship.