My fiance and I had a fight and he thinks we should split up: Advice?

It’s been less than a week and your already trying to keep his daughter away from him? Show him your attitude isn’t as stank as this post makes it out to be and maybe you guys can eventually work something out.

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I think you know the answer already.

I sympathized until I read that you wanted to keep his child from him.
That’s mental abuse! Shame on you.

The first few months after baby is the hardest. Getting back to feeling normal can be hard on everyone involved.

But if your attitude has been an issue long before, I suggest figuring out a visitation agreement between you both and working towards becoming coparents and moving on from your romantic relationship.

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Give him space and let him see his kid if he wants too…what if the roles where switched around? Would you like it if he kept your baby from you? No? You cant force him to talk to you if he doesn’t love you 🤷 you’re only gonna end up hurting your child by not letting them spend time together then ur kid is gonna end up with resentment towards you.

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I think he’s already seeing someone else…i may be wrong but you can’t keep his child from him…that’s petty on your part…don’t hurt your child just because you are hurt

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I’m guess your a ragging bitch by your post (I’m mad at you so I’m going to use our child as a weapon) this poor man I’d be leaving too.

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Go home! Stop running unless it was/
Is getting violent. Give him some time.

He hadn’t done anything to warrant you keeping his child from him, personally I go home tell him if he wants to leave he can leave, give him time and space… Have set days and times for him to see the child and try to be civil about it all… You never know it might be for the best… Could you really be with someone knowing they don’t love you or he might change his mind and come home

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You can’t make him love you, but you can try to see his side.

So disgusting!!! Keep his child from him because he won’t give u an answer. Yup I hope he leaves you. You sound completely toxic

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I can’t believe you would want to hurt your child just cause you feel hurt !!! Pls sign you’re rights away you sound incapable of being a fit mom

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Let it ride. Let him

How you feel has nothing to do with if she goes to her dad… sorry grow up and get over your self… your emotions are adult problems and should not be a reason she does not get to see her dad. Its time you grow up.

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It’s normal to have disagreements or little spats after having a baby. Y’all both work full time and I’m sure you both are tired. But if he doesn’t want to be with you anymore then let him go. You can’t force someone to be with you… But PLEASE don’t hold his child from him!! That’ll make the situation worse and honestly, it’s just not right!! I hope y’all can figure it out…:heart:

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Just tell him you need space if he wants to take you daughter for the weekend let him girl and go to a day spa this will to will pass

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Don’t leave your house, you leaving makes it worse. Go back home and give him some time to cool off then when he’s ready to talk he’ll talk. Good luck

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Grow up. Seriously using your kid as leverage is totally a “C U next Tuesday” move.

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Do what he said. Leave. Get a parenting plan going. Sort of your affairs and start rebuilding your life. If it’s meant to be then it will be, but if he’s unhappy then leave him be.

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Go home, that’s your home too, if he wants to walk away from y’all, let him do it. Don’t keep the kiddo from their dad, but go ahead and file for custody. Y’all can figure out the rest. Just because you are mad at dad, doesn’t give you the right to hold his child away. Maybe look into therapy

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I’m gonna be the horrible cow and say i think what you are saying is vile!! Wether he wants to be with you or not has absolutely nothing to do with your child!! DO NOT EVER TAKE A CHILD AWAY UNLESS THERE IS A VALID REASON! You breaking up is 10000% not a good enough reason, if he was a violent person I would understand. But you’ve stated you bicker, so like every single relationship in the world? He stated you no longer love each other, even if you love him he clearly doesn’t love you and he’s done the right thing by saying it’s over rather than staying in an unhappy relationship! ‘he’s so cold hearted’ yeah, towards you because you sound desperate tbh, oh he won’t give me an answer boohoo. He already did. He told you he doesn’t want to be with you. Your daughter comes first now. Make sure it stays that way, be civil and make sure you don’t turn it into a toxic situation by begging him for something he doesn’t want.

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There is something way more then just your attitude. Obviously he is done and is just using this as his way out. He is just saying that to get out. Move on honey. Yall both deserve to be happy. If he is a good dad an the child ain’t in no harm then let him see his kid. Just cause yall ain’t getting along or may not work out. Has nothing to do with why he cant see his child.

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Leave him. Don’t contact. Leave your phone unblocked so he can contact you. If he wants to see you and his child then he can contact you. Don’t chase him.

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Go home. It’s your home too. If he wants to leave, then HE CAN LEAVE. Let him see his kid. If I can let my ex husband (who cheated on me while I was pregnant with our second child OVER AND OVER AGAIN) see his kids, AND I’m just about to give him FOUR EXTRA WEEKS with our boys this summer than the courts say I have to. Because its what’s best for my two boys. I dont do ANYTHING for that man…but I will always think of what’s best for our two kids.
He was a shitty husband (obviously) but hes not a shitty dad/overall person.

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1 NEVER EVER use your child as a weapon cause he don’t wanna be with you?!
2 if he was a real man HE be the one leaving the house and let you and his child stay there (IDC if his name of the lease or deed)
3 y’all need to let go of anger, bitterness, and learn to coparent

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He made his decision. You have no choice but to accept it.

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The fact that you stated you don’t want to let him see his kid because you don’t think he will answer/talk to you makes me feel like the dude has honest reasons to want to break up. I mean… withholding his child from him because you are in your feelings. What mature adult/parent does that?! Sounds like you need to take a step back and evaluate your life, grow up a little, and not ruin your childs relationship with its father. I already feel bad for his future girlfriend(s) because you are going to be ‘that’ crazy baby momma.

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WTF!!! You wouldn’t let him see HIS daughter because of this?
If I was him I wouldn’t want to be with you either after hearing u even think of stopping him from seeing his own child just because you two adults aren’t on talking terms!!! Absolutely disgusting. Grow up!!!

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Mothers like u give the rest of us a bad name…
not letting him c his kid coz ur bitter n selfish not to mention spiteful

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My boyfriend and I have had fights since having a baby 4 months ago. I’ve never gone somewhere else to stay the night. I’ve stayed and talked through it with him. Go home and try and talk through it with your man. If he wants to leave, that’s on him and let him leave. But please dont use your child as a way to punish him or try to get him to stay. If he leaves then get a judge to figure out visitation. Your child needs both parents.

I don’t know if you know this but you have a choice. If all was well before baby then it can be the stress after having baby and you’re tired. But for him to just give up on relationship just like that is strange. Still let your daughter spend time with her father. You can choose to try to work things out if he’s willing but if he’s not, you need to make a choice for yourself and leave.

Dont keep his daughter away just because you had a spat. Your spat has nothing to do with your child. That would be a bitch move using your daughter as leverage just because you are angry. Let him still see your child. Go home, sleep seperate and change your attitude. We dont even know what the arguement was about but if he is letting some stupid arguement to make you break up and if you are having attitude, then obviously his love for you isnt strong enough. But you need to let him cool down and you need to change the way you approach him. But like I said dont keep his daughter away from him. Be greatful he is still wanting to be in his childs life.

You sound really young and immature. Think of your child. Get over your petty problems and coparent

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You need to watch judge Judy… she’s just as much your daughter as is his daughter you can’t legally keep her from him just because you want to punish him for pissing you off… Unless you have legal orders or custody

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So you are going to withhold his child cause he don’t wanna be with you? Grow up

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Dont withhold that baby. Literally makes you trash

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Personally I wouldn’t bother with him. Look for a new home, and just be happy. Nothing will change if you stay there.

Sounds like he just wants to have a reason to leave. Wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already seeing somebody else.
But dont start that shit with not letting him see yall daughter. He has every right to see her. What’s going on between yall has nothing to do with him and yall daughter relationship so cut that shit out!! Dont become one of those bitter baby mommas who refuse to let the dad be part of the child’s life only because he doesnt want to be with you. GROW UP!

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Don’t keep his kid from him but don’t say anything to him about it either. If he said y’all don’t live each other anymore than that means he don’t love u anymore…when people tell u something listen. Good luck & god bless.

The only part I’ll respond to is the last few lines… Your daughter isn’t a toy you can withhold because you’re annoyed, she isn’t property, she isn’t a bargaining chip… Your relationship is completely separate… He doesn’t love you and is sick of your behaviour whatever that is… Respect his need for space, allow him time to reach any decision

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I think he’s already seeing someone else… No man in his right mind will leave the mother of his 2months daughter

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You can’t use your child against him simply because you’re upset that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. The best thing you could do is accept it, pick up the pieces of what’s left of your life, and move on because you both have a little girl who comes before either of you that you need to take care of

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If he wanted to see his daughter he would respond and say He wants make arrangements for how things are gonna work out on a schedule for him having time with her… and if he isn’t well that’s on him all he has to do is send 1 text… obviously he’s to busy to ask about his child them…

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Sounds to me like new baby settling in stage.
Talk to each other.

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Give yourself time to cool off and give him the same. You might have worked hard to build your relationship, dont be quick to throw it away. You just had a baby its hard especially now that the child is 2 months and your back to work. Hang in there. Allow yourself to breathe.

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I feel like if a small little fight made him wanna end his marriage then he’s probably already seeing someone. As far as not letting him see your daughter. Even though everyone else is giving you a hard time since you two are not actually divorced if you leave your daughter with him and he doesn’t wanna give her back to your custody legally he doesn’t have to . so if he can’t have a grown up conversation about child care he shouldn’t be able to see the baby until he does in my opinion . also of he wants the divorce he should leave the home not you . marriage counseling is what I would recommend .

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The only thing you should doing is talking to him make sure doesn’t want the relationship anymore and make a plan and co-parent for your child! Just you thinking that makes you trash. Don’t worry about the bullshit and just move on :woman_shrugging: You put that child first ABOVE EVERYTHING

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Don’t use your daughter to get back at him number one. Maybe time apart is needed to heal and see where your hearts are.

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Cold hearted because he won’t answer you…but you want to use your daughter as a pawn 🤦
Do not keep your child away from her dad just to punish him.
Sure she’s young now but you keep doing this or talk badly about him infront of her, guess what’s gonna happen??? She’s going to hate you when she gets older.
Relationships end. People who have children split up. But you and him not being together has nothing to do w your daughter.

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The fact that you’re wanting to stop him from seeing his daughter because he doesn’t like you is the first indication of how toxic you are. 2 sides to every story but this alone says a lot

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If the attitude was that bad it might turn him completely off from you. No one likes to be berated. Man or woman. Maybe give him some time. It might be all he needs. Or… he already had a reason to want to break it off and is too cowardly to admit why he did. Whether it was from fear of being a new dad and the pressure became too much, or he has a side chick he wants to be with, something seems fishy. Patience with your spouse during their hard times is important. Unless it’s a lost cause and you’re just exhausting yourself trying to fix what is beyond repair. Doesn’t hurt to try talk it out. But you’re going to have to leave the toxic behavior out of the conversation. Not wanting him to see your daughter just because you don’t like him is or he doesn’t like you is a pretty childish direction to go right off the bat.

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Perhaps you should talk to your doctor. Might be baby blues.
Also counseling might help your relationship

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I feel that he has someone else. Ask him and see his reaction. You decide if you want stay or not. Let him see his daugther. It wiĺl work in the end for her for you. If he has someone else he will make it hard for you . Dont leave right away ignore even is quarreling. Be nice to him and plan how you are leaving.

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If you two bicker alot why would you want to raise a child in that atmosphere? He doesnt love you. He said it himself. He made it clear he isnt happy. Dont make a man tell you twice. Your daughter deserves to live in a happy healthy loving home. And you deserve someone who loves you. Your daughter deserves a relationship with her dad reguardless how upset, hurt or annoyed you are with him. Don’t beg no man for love. I know your hurt because he’s been looking for a way to tell you so this fight was just that.

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I’d suggest to see a counselor as you have a child together. DO NOT use your child as a tool!! I’d say grow up and lose the attitude. Apologize and work on your happiness before you both get married. Relationships are full of ups and downs. You’re gonna have him in your life forever as you have a baby together!! Choose your battles, learn to let some stuff go, compromise. Now go work on your family!! Good luck to you all.

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As parents, we have to put OUR emotions aside and consider what is best for the child. A child needs both parents, unless one is unfit or abusive, then the scenario changes.

Were things said in the heat of the moment? Maybe some space is needed for both of you, to sort your thoughts out and reflect, then sit down together and discuss the plan while you are both level headed.

If you work it out, great. Go see a therapist, separately and together. Work on yourselves individually and together.

If it doesn’t work out…well you both are stuck with one another for the rest of your lives and have to learn to coparent. It’ll be difficult, but you can either make coparenting a positive thing or be miserable and negative.

Good luck.

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My thoughts as well as many others …sounds like he has someone else already n used the fight n you as his excuse to get out of the relationship.

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Don’t use your child as a weapon against him. Sit down and talk like adults.

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You’re not trash. Everyone wants a family and most of us is willing to work for him. If he can’t talk to you about your problems and doesn’t even answer the phone then I would not trust him to answer the phone when I call for my child. Explain this to him when he does call. Then, go to your attorney general’s office apply for child support and let them sort out the visitation but at least now you have something writing. Don’t take anything for granted. Especially not your child.

Whatever your issue with him it is between you and him . Not your daughter. She is not a bargaining chip , if you truly want it to work out , that absolutely would be your biggest mistake.

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You leave the innocent child out of it and be an adult for the sake of your child , let hom have the child as often as possible. His feelings for you sre not the Same for HIS child. Do not use a kid as a pawn chip because you are emotionally hurt

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No offense but if your contemplating keeping your daughter away because of this, I’m assuming there’s more to the story than what is portrayed. You can’t just keep your daughter away from her father because he doesn’t want to be with you. She’s not just your child, it’s his too and that’s her dad. If you loved your daughter you’d see that she needs him just as much as she needs you. I absolutely hate when women do this, they don’t get their way and their child becomes a toy, it’s a living breathing human being.

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My ex did that ALL THE TIME! Anytime I’d get upset about anything, he’d say “lose the attitude! Lose the attitude!” And I starting figuring it out it was his way of not having to deal with the situation. It was his way of not having to take blame. A normal man would think “Hmm this seems to really upset her” he would just immediately skip to me having an attitude and that was the reason for the fight. Not him. One of the thousands of reasons we are no longer together

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You said he won’t give you an answer but he did… you aren’t accepting it because you still want to be with him. If he says he doesn’t want to be with you… believe him. If he wants to move he has a right to change his mind. It may be difficult and some of it may in fact be unfair… but people have a right to change their mind and it appears he was very clear on his reasons for leaving ( doesn’t mean their valid … but they are his). It doesn’t sound like he is a great honestly… but Either way him seeing his child has nothing to do with your relationship,please don’t be that mom. You have to learn to separate your role as a parent and your role as his significant other. He doesn’t have to do what you want regarding the relationship to get the he right to see his child. It’s his child too and it would be immature and not in the best interest of your daughter if you begin restricting her relationship with her dad because of how you feel about you and her dads status or lack there of.

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He told you he doesn’t want to be with you, that says everything. Never let a man tell you twice he don’t want you. Move out… but just because he doesn’t want you doesn’t give you the right to keep your child away from their father he never said he didn’t want the child. Don’t be a bitter person the best revenge is happiness not using a child to get your point across

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I was very sympathetic to your plight until the I got to the part about keeping him from his daughter. You’re a mother now. Time to grow up, loose the petty attitude. If he’s over you, that’s on him. If you’re using your child as a tool to control him, you’re the problem.

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He was looking for a reason to leave. Sadly it’s time to move on!

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Maybe you are depressed. I would try to work it ouw

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Maybe HE’S not happy or in love and took this as an opportunity to jump ship. I personally wouldn’t want someone to be with me if they didn’t want to be. And regardless what happens with the two of you, your child is not a pawn. He has ever right to see his baby.

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Dont use your child as an emotional pawn to hurt his feelings because you’re bitter for him not responding to you. Smh. That right there, shows you have an “attitude” he is talking about. Clearly you both need better communication skills. Take a deeper look into yourself, maybe you’re stress or have post partum depression & you have not acknowledged it. You just had a baby and are back to work, maybe the stress is wearing you like a perfect dress. Maybe he is stressed. Couples therapy & then therapy individually. Either way, DO NOT USE YOUR CHILD TO GET WHAT YOU WANT! IN THE LONG RUN, YOU WILL EMOTIONALLY HURT YOUR BABY! DON’T LET YOUR HATE OUTWEIGH THE LOVE FOR YOUR CHILD! EVER!

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You might be hurting but that baby is NOT a pawn in a game!! It’s a living being with every right to have bother parents in its life!!! Don’t you dare punish that baby because you got your heart hurt!!!

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I understand the resentment that you’re feeling. Remember feelings are temporary. Never keep a child from a Dad that wants to be there. My husband and I split up due to his cheating. I allowed as much contact as he wanted. We ended up working it out. I can’t help but wonder if my bitterness would have landed different results.
Personally ask yourself if you are willing to defend your actions and behavior to your future 20 year old daughter. Roll with that momma. It’s not about you. Your relationship with him is separate then that of him with his daughter

well honestly evaluate YOUR behavior in fights. You actually might need to make changes on how ypu approach things. My husband and I use to fighy horribly, but we both made changes and realized that we needed to fix certain problems.

Also its wrong to deny him his child because of how yall behave towards each other. thats a bitch move and is just cold hearted.

I do agree you need to see your doctor for possible PPD, but you both need couples therapy.

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I dont know if I want to let him see my daughter this weekend sounds like the start of a mom trying to withhold a child from her other parent. Its resentful and so very wrong.

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The only thing to do in a healthy relationship is to talk about it, if you want to stay together and you do love him maybe tell him that. Aside from the fact that you do have a baby it’s normal for that alone to put a new strain on your relationship. I’ve had 4 babies with the same man and if it wasn’t a money problem or my attitude problem(hormones) or is both questioning our relationship, your going to get through it either way.

You can’t stop him from having his child because he won’t answer you? That is selfish. Sort it out like adults and if that can’t be done go your separate ways and only communicate about your daughter you BOTH have together

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He prob just said that to you when he was mad , if he truly loves you he wont leave , try having a last talk with him if thats just gonna be it

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#1 DO NOT use that child as a pawn.

#2 if he’s unhappy, let him go and focus on yourself and your child.

#3 When he calms, he will contact you. If he wants to see his daughter, he will contact you. Let him feel what he needs to feel and when he chills out, you should be able to talk like adults.

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No matter what YALL are arguing about it isn’t your daughter’s fault and it’s bullshit that you say you might not let him see her! Grow the heck up!!!

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You just had a baby. You might have an attitude, but he needs to get over it. It can take longer then 6 months to return to normal after a baby is born. Hell maybe even 3 years if you suffer from PPD. I’m 15 days away from my due date, and my fiancè and I both fight. We usually find time shortly after we both calm down to talk, or right before bed. If you guys want to make things work. You guys have to communicate with each other, about how you both feel. If you can’t work anything out, then maybe it’s best to break up if his unwilling to work with you in the relationship.

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If he ain’t happy HE should leave

Well, for one stop being tacky and dont withhold his kid from him bc you’ve been broken up with. That’s all the advice I have for you bc you lost all credibility at that statement.

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He’s just not into you. Accept it and leave. Please don’t deny him the right to visit he’s daughter. Soon the hurt will go away and you will get on with your life. :frowning::sleepy:

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Grow the fuck up and leave but do NOT take that child from her father. You are a low life piece of shit for wanting to do that to him. He gave you an answer already but you don’t want that. Well guess what? Too damn bad. Get over it, pack up you and your daughters shit and leave. Not that damn hard. Id never try to stay with a man that told me he didn’t want me anymore.

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If you’re the type of person that would hold his child against him as a pawn then I can’t blame him for not being happy. You clearly have some maturing to do before you get married, it’s unfortunate u chose to have a child before becoming an actual adult but whatever.

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He has to be with someone else to refuse to save what he claims he loves… Grow a pair dude

You can’t keep your child from him just because he doesn’t want to be with you anymore. It’s sounds like he thought it out and get out now so you child doesn’t grow up in a fighting household. It’s not about you anymore, it’s about raising the best tiny human and a bickering household is not it

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Your child isn’t a pawn in your game of tit or tat , just because you have a fight doesn’t mean you can not let him see His child, she isn’t a object to be used to get back at him

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Not letting him see her is so wrong. She has nothing to do with how you feel about each other. It’s wrong.

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Let him swallow his words then take a mini vacation leave the house as is. Take your daughter go enjoy a hotel trip ignore his calls and texts and I guarantee you the silence will drive him mad.

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The first 100 days after a newborn is so hard. You’re both needing to learn a role that is never taught, emotions are high, and he’s probably scared.
You guys need to communicate big time.
Seriously me and my man thought it was done every single time after the first 3. UNTIL we faced our truths and talked. Our last boy has been a massive game change he’s been supportive and understanding on a level I never dreamed possible.
I know you’re hurting, but don’t be that person please. It’ll only hurt your little in the long run.

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He gave you an answer, you’re just refusing to accept it. You dont get to withhold the baby because your immaturity and hurt feelings. Let the father be a father to this child and you should go see your primary care physician for PPD and seek therapy asap.

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You cannot withhold his daughter from him because of your feelings. That’s awful. Don’t be that woman. He told you he doesn’t want to be with you, move on.

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I dont think its right to not let him see his kid because you feel he is being cold and not answering your calls. Your fight should not cost your child her time with her parent. I do think you guys need to talk this out. You guys have to communicate for the next 18yrs whether you are together or not, you share a child. Also, it’s still very new, having a baby in the house takes time to transition too. You are recovering/healing, attending to a baby, probably sleep deprived, he probably feels lost, maybe left out, or not sure where he can help. Communication is key. I hope you guys can talk and work things out, either way, do what is best for your child.

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Wow so you’re going to keep his own flesh & blood from him. Fucking pathetic. Grow up because children are not pawns. You will do more harm than good by keeping a father from his child. Clearly he is sick of the way you e been treating him, so maybe you should evaluate yourself. Having a newborn is a challenge and you need to work together to get through it! There are too many broken families and that results in too many children growing up mentally unhealthy. Your child is what matters most in the end, but you need to have a strong relationship to build a strong mini human.

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For sure don’t keep his daughter from him. If he is a good father and wants to be a part of her life dont keep her away because of your personal issues with each other. That’s separate. As far as you both, I’m sure it is difficult but if he doesn’t love you anymore the go your separate ways. Better now then after you get married. If he wants to work on your relationship and yourselves. But, if he is done, then know your self worth and move forward. Dont keep fighting someone that doesn’t love you anymore.

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Your daughter isn’t part of this argument and don’t use her as a pawn. Just because YOUR feelings are hurt doesn’t mean she shouldn’t get to see her dad, grow up. Jesus Christ.

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Wow this group is ridiculous. First off, things are rough after having a baby, but a good man is not going to expect the mother of his two month old to leave their house because he is unhappy. Especially if you both work full-time, because it’s not like he is financially supporting you. If he thinks you are the problem then he needs to man up and leave, because two months after having a baby a mother is going to be moody. I would say it takes almost a year for most women to adjust and their bodies to go back to a somewhat normal hormone balance. SECOND…everyone who is trashing you and calling you a pawn for not being sure if you should let your child around him is just stupid. Your child is two months old. You have every right not to want your two month old in a vile situation, babies pick up on that stuff! You aren’t saying that you are never going to let him see his child if he leaves, just that you aren’t sure if it is a good idea right now considering he hasn’t talked to you and I think that is a 100% fair thing for you to say!

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The fact that you would even think about keeping him from seeing his child let everyone know you absolutely do have an attitude problem .

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Stop texting an calling that man just stay away when he decides be wants to see his kid be will call…

Try leaving him alone to process what happened. Stay at your friends house for a few days and let him come to you. You can’t punish him by keeping his kid away from him because he’s mad at you. And you’re probably making things worse by continuing to call or text. Be grown up about this… This is more than likely his frustration with you and what he means by you having an attitude… When you don’t get your way you do things out of spite because you’re mad or your feelings were hurt or your ego got bruised… You don’t take into account his feelings or even try to give him space you think and process. The entire post was about you you you… Not once did you mention how your actions could have made him feel, nor did you think about what’s best for your child. Instead you made a comment about how he’s acting to you that upset you so you’re gonna think about keeping his kid from him for punishment… Grown ppl don’t do that stuff. They process their feelings and try to understand the other’s feelings then they try to talk about the issue. Then move accordingly. You’re playing with real people who have real feelings and you stand the chance of doing a lot of harm… Is that how you want your kid to grow up? Think about that.

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