TLDR: Should I tell my ex that it’s messed up that he expects his 17yo to pay for her own groceries?I often struggle with what is my place to say something about what goes on in my ex’s home when it involves our kids. I try to be objective and not overbearing. I understand that different homes have different rules. I do speak up when I feel it’s needed. I’m struggling with this situation. Recently he told his 17yo daughter that she needs to start buying her own food at their house. He said his gf can’t afford buying food for everyone anymore (they have 5 kids in the house combined) and that she will have to buy her own food now. She gets $300 a month from social security from her biological mother’s death benefits. Her dad expects her to use it for everything from clothing, toiletries, and to save for a car. She just got a job but hasn’t started working I have been the full time mom to my ex’s 17yo daughter since she was 8. We also have a 6yo son together. We have been separated for 5.5 years but I still treat her as she’s mine. She lives with him but I’m still completely involved. I take her to school every day and do all the mom things. I supply all her toiletries for her and buy clothes and extras when I can afford it. I feel this is not fair. She’s 17 and still a child. Should I bring this up to her dad that it isn’t fair for her? it brings up tons of issues when I talk to her dad about this stuff. He gets mad that she’s telling me about these things and also tells me I’m not her mom. He also becomes harder to deal with when it comes to our sin. But I’m her only advocate.
If they’re struggling to feed the kids they have offer for her to stay with you since you take her to school anyway 
worst thing he can say is no.
Be her voice!! Pls speak up for that CHILD!
I’m all for her buying what she wants verses what she is in need of. If his gf can’t afford to buy or feed everyone then maybe both of them should of thought of that before having even more children they couldn’t afford. Or both should of thought of the children they both would have needed to support before living together. He’s her father regardless and still needs to provide the necessities that 17 yr old needs to survive. If he expects her to buy completely everything that’s just a coward running away from his responsibilities, instead of expecting his 17 yr old to pay for everything, he should help her save for the day she’s on her own, she can provide for herself. That’s a real father’s responsibility to provide & show their children. Keep being her voice not many have someone like yourself to voice for them at her age. Prayers to you both.
I might say talk to him about her moving in with you if that is an option you have available. However, I would make it sound like he would be doing you a favor and point out that he would have one less body in the house. Screw it towards his ego if that’s what works.
If NY considers 17 year olds adults (someone stated this above) then she can’t she legally move out from him anyway?
He’s totally out of line! He is required by law to provide food shelter clothing and anything to do with her school and whatever girls need. She’s not 18 yet. I hope she gets out as soon as she turns 18.
Cant she move in with you .
She’s 17 in new York state , she can legally leave his home , is there a way she can stay with you,. Sounds like he simply doesn’t want tothe responsibility anymore, , so he’s going to make her do it all her self .
Girl if you don’t fight for that kid no one else will. Stand up.
Sounds like to me if his girlfriend can’t afford to buy food for everyone maybe he needs a job or a better job to support his family like a real man does.
Sounds like to me he is picking his girlfriend and his other kids over his daughter if he doesn’t wanna feed her and get her the things that she needs he should be ashamed of himself if he doesn’t wanna care for her the lady that has been a min to her she would probley be better off with her sounds like she is playing the mom role already and getting her the things she needs. Dad better wake up
She’s got a job, she could emancipate and you could become her landlord instead of her ex-stepmom, her rent could be set at a whopping 1 dollar per month, that would free up his stressful finances
You really need the full story.
My teens would eat everything we buy in 1 day.(snacks not real food) And if they want the super expensive shampoo and conditioner. they use up huge bottles in 1.5 weeks( 2 girls) not buying them expensive clothes either. Maybe he’s just asking for her to buy the stuff she wants which I totally get. Not buying my kids snacks when they won’t eat the food in the house
Be strong for her and take her out of that toxic place.
Keep speaking up for your daughter
Its so sad that he is making her pay for her own groceries
Does he make the other 4 kids do the same
Well , his gf is not obligated to provide anything for her , BUT HE IS ,for me is insane , as a parent you have the responsibility of feeding your kids.
If they can’t afford to have her with them you should take her with you .
So, she’s not your daughter, why are you involved, why does she not stay with you. She’s old enough to quit going over there.
Sadly she is not biologically yours so he will throw that at you. I think he’s a jerk for making her pay. Hopefully when she turns 18 you can take her in
Have her move in with you.
Just buy her groceries. Give her the receipt. Make it look like she paid. N tell her let her know if they eat her food. I feel they are going to eat everything she buys
Is rhis a serious question? I have kids that work part time but food is a basic and i pay for it… i would never ask them to pay for that
His daughter could take him to court. Pay for her needs or emancipated her. Let her live with who she wants and make sure she still gets the $300. from her mom’s SSI.
i hope and pray the min she turns 18 she leaves the toxic environment she’s in with her father. maybe make space for her to stay with you since your her mom figure. poor kid
Wait…he said his gf can’t afford to be paying for everything…does this guy not have a job??
He should still be paying child support for her.
“She gets $300 a month from social security from her biological mother’s death benefits. He expects her to use it for everything from clothing, toiletries…” That’s what SSI is for! It’s basically child support. It’s supposed to supplement her expenses. It doesn’t & shouldn’t be expected to fully support her. Idk how she’s getting it herself. He should be payee. She will only receive it until she’s 18 or no longer a full time student, whichever comes last. Maybe he’s letting her have control of it & use it for herself to teach her financial responsibility?
I am stuck on your comment about the gf not being able to buy food for everyone. Is this how he was with you too? Always expecting others to support him?