My daughters friends mom tried to force her to eat....advice?

My daughter (7) went to a play date and they were feeding her dinner. I dropped my daughter off and 10 mins later she wanted to come home…I went to get her and she was SOBBING…when I asked her what was wrong, she told me the mom tried to FORCE her to eat everything on her plate or else she was NOT allowed to get up and play with her friends and she had to go home…my daughter has sensory issues and we have NEVER forced her to finish something she doesn’t like…Like this mother legit doesn’t understand what she did was wrong and now my daughter is upset because that is her best friend and I no longer feel comfortable sending her over there…her friends mom thinks I am over reacting but I feel like I am totally justified in being livid…what would you do?


Different house, different rules. If she goes there again just ask to know when they will be eating and either leave something she likes or arrange to get her then.


Would tell her that you don’t use those rules.

Sensory issues or not, she overstepped. And I would make that very clear.

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All said and done I’d never force a kid to eat. That mom was wrong. Talk to her in a calm atmosphere. I’m sure she wouldn’t like it if you made her daughter eat or do something she didn’t like or feel comfortable with. Your child was a guest in her home.

Did you have a conversation with this mom before hand and explain your daughters sensory issues ? If the rules at that parents house are finish your plate then whether we agree or not those are the rules . If the other parent knew before hand that your daughter had these issues then there shouldn’t have been an issue at dinner .


I would have went off on the mom and my daughter wouldn’t b going over there either


I would have talked to the mom before hand and understood what their plans were and if dinner was involved would have explained our situation. If this was not okay I would not have put my kid in the situation… did you not know dinner was going to be apart of the play date??


That’s overstepping big time that’s not ok

I would respect their house rules and just let the mother know I don’t share the same values so if she can come home before snack time next time.


Sensory issues or not that mom was in the wrong. You should never force any kid to eat; let alone someone else’s!!


My son is in feeding therapy and the first thing they told us was to NEVER force a child to eat something. It’ll do nothing but get bad results. Regardless, that mom isn’t your child’s parent and has no right trying to force someone else’s kid to do anything. I also wouldn’t send my kid over there again but you can invite the best friend over to your place if that’s an option. That way they still get to see each other. If you can, try to talk to the other parent. “Not only do professionals say not to do this, for any kid, let alone a child with sensory issues, but you also shouldn’t enforce your rules onto my child in any setting.” Etc. Also, ask your doctor about getting a recommendation for feeding therapy if you haven’t already. It’s been a game changer for us! Good luck momma :muscle:t2:


Sensory issues or not. I believe in not ever forcing a child to eat everything on their plate. :rage:

Should’ve communicated before hand that your kid is picky & asked what was planned for dinner etc. If dinner was that close to drop off time you could’ve fed her yourself. You can now plan for the future for whomever she may spend time with.


I would be livid as well. But I also would have had a conversation with mom beforehand about my child’s sensory issues when I found out a meal would be involved. We would have had to come to an understanding before I agreed for my child to even go


She’s out of line. You don’t force someone’s child to do anything!!

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My mom did this with my brother didn’t solve anything but cause problems in later years and as his sister felt it was cruel , and later he became overweight most adult life , never know what it does to a child psychologically


Are u sure the child didn’t misinterpret what she meant.
(Different rules. Not her mum she may have interpreted it to being mean/).

I always say to the kids eat your food then you can go play, especially if one child has ate and goes and plays a the others try to follow. I just remind them to still eat even if others are playing. As sometimes they are to worried to play then eat.

  • just the other day we went out for dinner, one child ate their food then went and played on the equipment, others tried to follow an I just said for them to eat all their dinner. (Unless they say they’re full or don’t like something) but usually they eat all their dinner. I don’t class it as (Force) just encourage not to leave the table even when you know in 5 minutes they will be coming out saying they’re hungry.

If u don’t like the rules don’t send her to friends houses.


Let your daughter decide what she wants to do. I mean thats crazy stuff tho.

I would be livid also. No child should ever be forced to eat food they don’t want.

I would never. It’s not worth making someone else’s child uncomfortable in my home. Encourage all you want. But to make her sit at the table until she finishes a whole plate? She doesn’t even know how much your child is capable of eating. When you spoke to her she should have been more understanding


She was wrong! Who in their right mind does that?

Talk to the mother. This has to be hard on the children. Plan ahead for future visits. :heart::heart:

I would NEVER force my sons friends to eat

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Sensory issues or not, this is so wrong. I wouldn’t let her go there anymore. Her friend can go to your house.

My mom never forced me to eat what I didn’t like. When people try & force me I cry.

Wow! That’s so wrong! If they are hungry they will eat. Also, not everyone has the same food. Even as an adult I don’t eat at everyone house


Nope dad and I would have a talk with her and she will not be allowed to go there ever again, you don’t force other kids to eat if they don’t want to , that abuse ,


Makes me wonder what goes on with her friend in that home. I always tell my son’s friends parents he just ate so he may or may not eat

Never force a child to eat once they are full. Like my mom says they won’t starve themselves.
You’re not wrong!

My daughter has sensory issues and some foods just freak her out. No matter how much I explain to people and explain her situation I always get horrible responses about how I’m letting her run my house and that she’s a problem. I literally have no issues speaking my mind about it and I advocate for my child.

This is your child and and if people can’t respect that she has a sensory issue then you are better off now cutting the connection. If the mom doesn’t respect your child then her child will eventually do the same.


Some people parent differently. Your kid went to someone else’s home and ate their food. She should clear the plate. If there’s sensory issues, you should’ve talked to the parents first or fed her before she went.


I think if someone else’s young child is crying in my house over something like that I would obviously be in the wrong and try to help the child feel better. What is wrong with her???

I was brought up wherever you, put on your plate you had to eat,but if someone else fixed your plate you only had to eat what you wanted.

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How did all that happen in 10 minutes


Sensory issues or not, she can’t force your child to eat. When I was 7, my friends mom did the same. They forced me to eat the chicken soup they made. It was so disgusting. It was a scary moment for a 7 year old me.

You may need to considered to agree to disagree on this for the sake of their friendship. I know it’s frustrating :unamused:

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You should never force anyone to eat no matter what age they are its known as abuse

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Within 10 minutes eating and all of this transpired?

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Did you explain fully up front that she has issues and what her likes, dislikes and problem foods are? Did you explain to the other mother up front that under no circumstance was she to be forced to eat and if she refuses to eat it’s ok? If the answer to either of these is no then personally I don’t believe you have the right to be completely angry and untrusting. While I have never forced clean plates, as I believe that’s one of the major causes of bad food relationships and eating disorders, I can’t be angry with another parent for running their home the way they deem best especially when not properly and fully informed. Sit down and have a open discussion with the other parents and explain your daughter and her sensory issues. Inform them that clean plate is not something you want enforced with your child and that you will send her with snacks that she can supplement with if she has issues with foods offered them leave it in their court. If they can abide by that then allow them to continue if not you offer to host from now on or your daughter loses that friend outside of school.

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I don’t let my daughter go to anyone’s house without me.

My mom used to stand behind me and smack me and yell “Eat! Dammit Eat!” Then she would say…“If you don’t eat I am going to cut the top of your head off and shove it in that way!”
All the while I would be sobbing, trying to eat. Turns out I had/have a lot of good sensitivities…but that didn’t matter.
God help me…this really triggered me…That poor child.

She’s 7, she’s not 4. She’s going to have to realize that other families do different things. That the world isn’t going to bend over to her needs. So you being livid because a family is enforcing their rules of their home, is actually setting her back. I know she’s only 7, but still, good learning lesson.

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I’m a little confused, this all happened in 10 mins? The mom told her if she doesn’t finish her food she has to leave? How could they have even had enough time to have dinner yet? When you explained to the mom that she is not made to be forced to eat everything what did she say? If you said when she eats here she doesn’t have to eat anything if she doesn’t want did she agree? If you really don’t feel comfortable having your daughter go over there then don’t let her go over anymore.


You are your child’s voice. You have every right to be mad. That’s not her child. She can’t force her to do anything. Wonder if she would like it if this happened to her daughter.

I’m the mom that makes dinner if they don’t want to eat it then too bad cuz I ain’t making different dishes. But never force my kids to do this they will :face_vomiting: id never force them to eat something they can’t or don’t want too! My aunt did this to me and I never wanted her to baby sit me! Now sugars etc thats a different story with snacks. I barely trust what other people are cooking second of all - she isn’t her mother! Good job standing your ground and defending your daughter.

It was probably a rule at her dinner table for her own kids .
You should explain to this mom that is not how your child works and in your family it’s different and if your child did remain going there she would be fed prior.
your child has her own ways and that’s ok, it’s not ok to traumatize her tho and this mom shouldn’t have done that. You definitely need to be more aware of your own child than anyone else does . Next time you need to give explanations on your preferred eating methods for her .


Very very abusive. No child sensory or not should never be forced feed. That is how children develop eatting disorders. They either grow up to over eat or not eat at all. They develope a unhealthy relationship with food. Young kids have a stronger palette than us and its sensitive too tasties and smells. They eat what they can and what they cant u leave. They get enough nutrition on what they do eat. And the fact shes your daughters best friends mum is completely wrong…that is terriable and cruel.


talk to the mom. maybe she didn know. :face_with_raised_eyebrow::roll_eyes:

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There’s nothing like an understanding

You are not over reacting. That lady was over reacting when she told your daughter to eat everything or leave. Don’t let your daughter around that intolerable woman.


I don’t send my picker eater anywhere with food without me present. Everyone parents differently, and I just don’t trust parents. Having said that, the other parent is absolutely wrong for even requiring that of her own child. It can lead to having an unhealthy relationship with food.

Even without the sensory issues you don’t force a child to eat. That’s a good way to cause issues with food later.

My son has SPD I wouldn’t let him eat at someone else’s house unless they totally got him. It can be difficult at times for me to feed him. I couldn’t do that to someone else.

I’ve baby sat before and have done this. Said you can’t play unless you eat supper, they didn’t have to eat everything but I never pile on too much food, I give what I think they can/will eat and if they want more they can ask. The thing is, the kid I use to baby sit for would never eat “healthy” home cooked meals but if I served them junk food and fast food they have no problem eating it. They would even refuse to eat so the parents would grab fast food on their way home.

When I was younger I was expected to eat what was served, in my home and at other people’s. It’s not abuse… do you know this mum? Do you really think she would over feed and force feed your kid and then punish them for not being able to? Or does she have different expectations and rules for her home where kids are expected to at least try everything?


I’m on your side. Yes I get the whole interpretation and it’s her home her rules. Also I highly doubt she forced her to put food into her mouth chew it and swallow. That just isn’t happening. It was the language and expectations placed on her that was so different than at home that freaked her out. But no you’re not overreacting. The mom overreacted to the child not eating and she overreacted to what she deemed was a parent being mean to her. I mean she’s 7 what do you expect. You did not overreact.

  1. Show your children some grace. 2. Food should never ever ever be used as a form of punishment or reward. It can cause harmful mental issues with food And yes that was punishment.
    I will never agree with a parent forcing their child to eat everything on their plate. My rule is 5 bites and I reintroduce items periodically even if they said they didn’t care for it much.

I agree with you. I have never forced my daughter to eat. That’s just awful.

Does the other mother know about the sensory issues. It’s more than likely an enforced rule in her home she wasn’t trying to upset you or your child, not to that point. She was probably just following the rules of her home.

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I would not be okay with this, when my kids friends sleep over and don’t want to eat I don’t make them, I offer something else if they don’t like what I made

Sit down with the mom and explain why your kid had a meltdown

I don’t believe in making a child eat if they do not want to. This is probably going to be an unpopular answer, but I was raised that when at some one else’s house I follow their rules. My mother would have said if you don’t like their rules don’t go there. Their house their rules. It taught me to respect the differences in people and their beliefs. To this day if I don’t agree with something unless someone is in danger I respect that they believe differently than me and go about my way. I understand your child has sensory issues knowing that it is best you take care of her meals. Rather than chancing her being upset to the point of uncontrollable crying.

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I don’t think your in the wrong at all. This mother could have made food your kiddo didn’t even like. She shouldn’t have forced her to finish her playe.v


She has no right to discipline your daughter…quit sending her over there…Plat dates at your house…

Not every household can afford to fix special meals for each person with different tastes, & the whole,“finish everything on your plate before you’re allowed to be excused” started decades ago to help keep family members in less fortunate households from going hungry, especially children who can be very finicky with their eating habits, & I can personally understand a mother trying to make sure the kids all eat on a tight budget. Don’t lose your temper. Ask the mom to have a private sit-down conversation to discuss the situation, without anyone being accusatory, & try to reach an understanding about where you’re each coming from. You did allow your child to stay over for a meal, without discussing any mealtime rules either of you may have, & not everyone mothers the same, but you both try to do what you believe is best for your children. Maybe forgive & achieve a common understanding of what should happen at meals. Maybe send over a special prepared meal for your child, that you know they will eat, to avoid situations like that in the future.


What the fuck??? Sensory issues or not, you cannot force a child to do anything with their body. That’s not okay at all.

Groceries are expensive I get mad when ppl waste food too but I wouldn’t force someone else’s kid to eat everything because of it. Send her with her own food and snacks next time so there’s no bad energy.

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That mother,is wrong on a lot of levels.Im so sorry

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You are NOT overreacting. I wouldn’t feel comfortable sending my child back without an understanding with the friends parent on how your child eats.

I mean I would wait until you calm down and then have a discussion with your daughter’s friends Mom about how your daughter has sensory issues and how forcing her to eat can cause serious set backs, and how you’re not comfortable that she did that, and hopefully she’ll apologize and agree to never do that again. Every household has different rules, and I’m sure the Mom didn’t mean any harm or disrespect to you or your child. Education is always the best course of action, but wait until you’re calm and able to have a reasonable discussion about it with her. I think it’s unfair for your daughter to lose a friend over this, you’re both fully grown adults and both of you should be able to have a conversation about this and reach a reasonable agreement. Maybe the Mom thought your daughter just wanted to play and would ask for food 10 minutes later if she didn’t eat, maybe she’s just one of those mom’s that are hyper focused on making sure their child eats every meal, maybe she was having an off day and was overwhelmed, but I definitely think she was in the wrong trying to force your child to eat, but now you’re in the wrong by saying your child can’t go over there anymore and not having a reasonable discussion about what took place. Growing up I had sensory issues with food and my Mom never forced me to eat, but when I was about 7/8 years old my Mom started dating this real POS and I started spending a LOT of time at my aunt’s, and other random people’s houses, and one of my aunts in particular was crazy about eating what was put in front of you and eating all of it, and there was one instance in particular where she made sweet potatoes, and I straight up could not stomach the texture or taste, and she made me sit at that table for hours, until finally I just tried forcing them down, and ended up puking all over her kitchen table/kitchen. That was the last time she forced me to eat, and I think after that she realized what works for her kids didn’t work for me, and that some rules, or what worked for her household/children, won’t work for every child, and she had to let it go. Most people are just uneducated and small minded, but willing to learn and grow given the chance in a respectful and friendly way v


Her house her rules. All children are treated equally in her home, and finishing plates is how she raised hers. You can’t be upset at someone else’s house rules because they don’t align with yours. Instead, I wouldn’t allow my kids over anyone else’s home unless they’re family and the adults are familiar with my child’s needs if they have any. Maybe you should have playdates at your home instead because not everyone parents the same way you do and you’ll be mad each time.

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Unfortunately, you are going to have to encourage other friendships for your daughter. At 7 these extracurricular friendships mandate parental support and involvement. There has to be trust between the parents, and this woman torched it with you…first in the unacceptable treatment of your daughter while in her care without you, and second by minimizing her behaviour and creating discord with you by gaslighting your appropriate reaction and attempt to address it.
You would be unwise to engage with her further.
It doesn’t matter what issue your child has or doesn’t have, and you owe no explanation…or education on how this punitive forcing behaviour, under any circumstances, would not be okay.
The woman was 100% wrong to treat any child that way…but you won’t convince her of that, given her double down blow off of it.
You are justified, and no, sadly, daughter can’t go back under the circumstances. Its a deal breaker.

That mom definitely over stepped some boundaries. I wouldn’t send my kid over there again. Her friend can come to my house, but my child is staying at my house.


You are justified and this mum isn’t going to change unless she herself personally experiences these dificulties and their mind wont open to care to understand. There will eventually be others who will be open to wanting to be supportive and learn. Their daughters will be the better froend for your daughter in the long run. Just don’t be intimidated or feel like you need to justify yourself to this mum or others. You are being an awsome mum.

Her mom is a terrible person and parent for a) making kids eat everything on the plate with a punishment for not b) not making sure your child only had what she liked on hers. Only crappy parents force kids to eat everything or punish them for not doing it.

Absolutely not! My child eats when they are hungry and stops when they are full. I will not tolerate another parent forcing my child to eat anything/ that’s my place. NOT another parents. You’re not over reacting. That mother way overstepped her place and owes YOUR CHILD an apology. Complete lack of respect here

This is one of those old-timey parent things that I absolutely despise! A quick way to create horrible, unhealthy eating habits is to force feed a child. They need to learn to listen to themselves and we help to create the inner voice that they rely on. Horrible :expressionless:

There is no reason to force a child to eat That doesn’t want to eat. I think it’s ridiculous I have heard people say finish your cake… Why? And that woman is Out of line because it’s not even her kid.

I have forced my kids b4 nothing wrong with doing that

Yeah not cool, I would be very annoyed, don’t let your kid go over there…play dates at your place from now on.

Not a big deal. This is what’s wrong with kids these days. This is why they soft.

Does the other mom know that your kid has sensory issues? Because if not she was just trying to make sure your daughter was fed. If your kid came home starving then you’d be bitching that they didn’t feed her.

What the hell is wrong with people?!

My mum used to force me to eat everything on my plate and that’s the best way to get a food complex, I can honestly say she never used to force my friends to… I’d not send my child there again

So I was like 5/6? And my mom’s best friend used to watch me. Her daughter was my age and we were best friends. I would go over before school when my mom had to work. So one day I went there and she was making oatmeal for her kids. She asked me if I ate breakfast. I said yes and told her I had eggs (I think it was eggs). (I lied). She knew I didn’t like eggs and made me eat the oatmeal. I threw up. I had eaten breakfast, but it was cheerios and chocolate cake. I didn’t think she would think that was a good breakfast, so I lied. It is now 40+ years later and we still joke about it. Next time, find out what their rules are before she goes or feed her before hand. Sherry Jean :rofl::rofl::rofl:


“Eat everything or go home” what the actual fuck. Imagine if we treated adults like that when we invited them over… that is a completely unrealistic and unhealthy expectation sensory issues or not.

But what seems to be the big problem here is a lack of communication.
You have to be on the same page about things like this before you send your child somewhere, especially if they have sensory difficulties . I think this was a good learning experience and while yeah I would be pretty pissed i wouldn’t just sever the relationship if this is a good friend of your daughters . I would either not send her around meal times or make it clear you don’t want food forced on her and if that’s an issue then yeah, just no meal times at her house :woman_shrugging:t3:

Force the mother to eat the kurb see how she likes it!!:rage::rage::rage:

Do you not think before you allow your child to go somewhere you should’ve given this mum some info if your child was likely to react this way around food? Not saying she should of forced her but you’ve given another mum your permission to mum your kid for a bit without knowing how she mums

Nah, wouldn’t send mine back either.

I would have lost it, that’s disciplining someone else’s child. soooooo sooooo wrong

Are u even sure that actually happened ? This letter seems far fetched


I have seen this making a Child eat everything on plate leads to Obesity later.

My moms house was always the “finish or eat most of your plate” house even if I didn’t like what was being served. I was served mushroom noodles even after saying I didn’t Iike them multiple times. I have always had texture issues with my food. And both of those have caused a lot of eating disorder behaviors in me and I will never force my kids to eat something they don’t like. She is 100% in the wrong. I would invite the friend to your house from now on. Because if there aren’t boundaries on food, they are probably lacking in other places too

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I don’t believe in forcing kids to eat I feel it causes Ed

No you are in the right. That’s insane. And creates horrible eating habits/disorders

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I totally understand your view…it’s a teachable moment for BOTH OF YOU MOMS. Next time address any meals that will be OFFERED to your child,and explain how you handle that. If she’s not understanding,then you know what to do. . Try GENTLe explanation to friends mom. And tell her YOUR STANDARDS for her eating,and ask that she kindly maintain that at her house. If not, no more going over there. Maybe just have her child come to your home. I’m sorry,some people have NO IDEA

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Did the mother know
Your daughter has sensory issues
When it comes to food?
Regardless I wouldn’t force a child to eat anything that they didn’t want to , or force a kid to eat food
They can’t have due to health issues

The way you all are now livid that a child was forced to eat baffles me!
I wonder if it’s because she was crying.
How bout you don’t let your kids out of your sights cause you wouldn’t want anyone making them cry.

If I had your kid at my house and you ddnt tell me abt her sensory eating what nots… mommy I would ask your child to have finish her food with a Good heart… Good intentions because there’s things you don’t let children get away with because they are children… they need to be instructed in oder to train.
I would even offer a treat to anyone that finishes in oder to get everyone to eat.

Yall are an angry nation

Why let your kid over to someone’s house if you don’t know them well enough? Sounds like you do not know this mom as a friend… kinda strange

All of this happened within 10 minutes of you dropping her off? Sounds like she has separation anxiety.

Play dates at your house or outside both homes such as a park.

I’d let the friendship continue under your supervision at your house… Don’t punish the kids for the moms behavior. You’re not wrong to feel the way you feel!


Enlighten her, teach her.