My daughter has been having anxiety about going to school...advice?

My daughter started high school last week and has been having extreme anxiety to the point of physical symptoms. I took her to the walk in clinic and they did all the tests and it was all normal. Every day she is messaging me and saying she is sick and she can’t do this. I made an appointment with her regular counselor and Dr for next week and we have talked to the school counselor. I just don’t know how to get her through this. She said she doesn’t know what’s causing it. This last week has been so stressful.


A lot of kids actually do better with independent learning. It might be the best option for her mental health. I know it’s not ideal for the parent, but there’s a lot of online independent study schools that are fully accredited and reputable. My son did James Madison and we loved it and it was super affordable and fully accredited. It even got him ahead academically.

My daughter got like that last year when school started she would throw up every morning and have severe panic attacks. Turns out cause she was avoiding a boy she had issues with the grade prior. Maybe something is causing her to be stressed about going to school. Hood you figure it out with your girl and sending good vibes xoxo

My daughter went through this last year as a sophomore. She would text me throughout the day saying how miserable she was and how her stomach and head hurt and how much she hated being there. I always responded with positive words to help her through it. We did allow her mental days and she did receive counseling. Throughout it all she still made honor roll all year and says that it’s not the school work it’s just that she hates the school environment with too many people. She just started junior year a few weeks ago and she still hates going but said she’s going to give it a try. Our last resort will be to homeschool. I pray that your daughter can find a healthy way to get through this.

Online school is a good option my sister is the same way

High school can be really hard and scary. The kids are close to being adults and they may be asking the kids about locking down colleges and careers which could be overwhelming. Have they had fights or anything that could be making her nervous about her safety? Hopefully her counselor can help her pinpoint exactly what’s causing the anxiety attacks. She may need medication to help function daily while she works through what’s happening.

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She knows what’s wrong. Now if she wants to verbally tell you that’s different. I’d start asking passive questions and get some hints maybe. I used to have anxiety over school and it was math class. Lol. Still is


For the last 2 years I have been going to the same thing. I went to the medical doctors and they didn’t find anything wrong. I finally went to a therapist in San Marcos Texas. He put me on a low-dose of medication and with weekly therapy I’ve improved over the last year. I’m able to go out in public. But I still have a hard time with large crowds for more than 20 minutes. Long COVID Really Affected me. I had a great mental health physician who I continue to facetime with. My love and prayers go out to your Daughter. :pray:

We started homeschooling through Penn Foster. It’s an accredited program and they offer college courses as well. Maybe take a look into it.


My little brother had this in high school. Heheh diagnosed him with Anticipatory Anxiety. To help, he was put on medication but also talks to a therapist to help. He would over think and become anxious about how his day was going to go. Once his thought process started it just did the snowball effect on him… to where it made him physically sick.


I still get anxiety and I don’t even go to school anymore. I am just over 60.  Anything stressful, it comes up, suddenly pushes me almost over the edge.
I remember I used to get butterflies in grade school and through high school but once I went to college, it all went away, and they’ll only stressful conditions trigger it.  point where I would wake up and feel like my esophagus shut down but I learned not to panic just take deep breath’s and let it relax. Find a distraction. Also I think caffeine is a big contributor and trigger for panic attacks.

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I can only recommend maybe letting her have mental health days so she has days to look forward to of rest. Im not saying everyday but allowing her to know that if she can make it through today, or this week, she can have a mental health day on monday etc. Anxiety is debilitating and scary to feel because you dont always know why. But it can make your chest feel tight, cause shaking, dizziness, depression and its so much easier to get through anxiety attacks when you feel safe and can also make yourself feel safe. Listening and letting her tell you how she feels and letting her know she’s safe with you and your soft with her during these times is crucial to allowing her to know she is in control of her breathing, her feelings and emotions and just how strong she really is.

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Sounds like social anxiety to me.

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My daughter does online schooling because of this very reason.

Maybe she needs a mental health day

It seems to be running 50/50 here between medicating her or that bullying is to blame but her anxiety could be plain old introversion and she isnt psychologically comfortable in group, if she can focus on individuals with depth but groups become white noise and chaos she’s not broken she’s introvert

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We took our daughter out and started k12 her anxiety was causing physical symptoms as well. Come to find out kids were being mean to her. Also you may look into a 504 for anxiety for her! We are gonna get her into therapy this year and hopefully return for high school next year! :crossed_fingers:

If this were my child I’d try a natural supplement that helps with anxiety before trying medication. Making sure she is eating healthy and not having lots of caffeine… take her to therapy so she can talk about it and learn how to cope. Encourage her to take part in any sports, clubs, anything where she can be a part of a community at school… and I say this being a mother and also being an anxious girly who felt really uncomfortable at school… wish my parents would have done this for me! Hope it helps!


Our daughter who is now 36 experienced extreme anxiety to the point of physical illness in her stomach, which could also include vomiting, throughout her whole school career, K-12. We took her to a specialist. Blood work and other test were done. They basically said this will eventually pass, nothing physically wrong. She did not experience this anxiety once she entered college. Now she is experiencing the same situation with her nine year old daughter. I guess my advice would be to have your child checked out with the doctor in case it could actually be something else other than extreme anxiety.  From there, you will basically have to figure out a way to see her through this if there is nothing physically wrong, good luck, hopefully it will pass. 

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Sounds like when i was in jr high. Mean girl gangs and bullying. I literally had strep throat every month. Missed alot of school. Think it was stress from school.

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Covid and our virtual world has done our youth no favors in being able to handle life.

Try to get her to say what’s wrong it’s a huge change for them maybe invite friends over for tea see if u can spot what’s wrong

Alot of young teenagers are going threw this since covid and doing zoom school. My goddaughter and granddaughter are going threw it. Counseling and giving them tools to work threw it. My daughter had jad bad anxiety since she was young. Shes an adult know we have used breathing technecis, having her talk threw it and stress ball, brackets to snap .

She needs help managing her anxiety. Try meds from a Dr

Ask you can stay with her for a while just until she get used too.

Sounds like my daughter , I had to pull her out and put her in online homeschool, we tried anxiety meds but they made her nauseated

Is she have bullying issues? Is someone picking on her? Do she have friends she hangout with at school.

This happened to one of my daughters in 6th grade. I ended up putting her in an online program and she finished middle school a year early. She now back in school as a freshman and loving it. I found out almost a year after I put her online that a male student was touching her inappropriately. She’s back in traditional school now and thriving.

Neuropsych eval then get a 504 in place for her

She’s a teen. She’s gotta push through it. Life is going to bring on anxiety. We need to start raising stronger kids. Get her some therapy

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I would look into if anyone is bullying your daughter. That was the case with my son.i hope you figure things out.

Is she being bullied??? Mabie look into that. It could be a multitude of things but definitely make sure she isn’t being bullied at school. Of her anxiety is that bad it’s somthing to look into!


Does she ride the bus? A lot of stuff goes down on those busses.

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Look up anxiety grounding techniques

There’s a possibility she’s being bullied. Teenage girls and boys can be brutal. Talk to her teachers and see who her friends are. Is she online? Things like this don’t just appear…something happened.

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It sounds like shes being bullied

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There’s a difference between situational anxiety and generalized anxiety. If there’s a specific thing happening that’s making her worry obviously that’s situational. If it’s general anxiety she may not know exactly why. Kids even teens don’t recognize feelings or emotions beyond good or bad sometimes especially if she also has ADHD. There are therapists who specialize in anxiety disorders in kids and teens. Even if you consult her pediatrician, it would be my advice to also consider therapy with someone specifically trained for this. There are coping skills she can learn to deal with day to day symptoms and some meds, although I would be careful with a teenager and any psych med. My husband and son have severe anxiety and it’s a struggle for them and for me dealing with their symptoms. Hopefully your daughter won’t deal with this forever, or learns healthy coping skills if she does

Something it’s not right at the school, sounds like she needs to open up to someone she trust completely and feel comfortable to talk about everything possible without you being there. Sometimes it’s very hard as a teenager to talk to the parents, and maybe the schools it’s not the real problem behind severe anxiety. I understand her, i get it so bad sometimes so I can’t eat and still get sick on empty stomach

There are natural vitamins that can help anxiety so you can start with those. They are healthy to have anyway. They are minor in assisting anxiety, but worth the try. Breakfast is also important before school as some of our bodies responses of hunger and need for nutrition can reflect an anxiety response in the nervous system including nausea. Make sure she has a BPA free insulated water bottle with cold water for school every day. Check around for a Neuropsychiatrist who is a MD that offers counseling. They are the highest tier of psychiatrist. Very highly trained, educated, and experienced compared to psychiatrists. They can act as a counselor and prescribe at the same time. Prescribing can be done with the first appointment. Adjustments with that can be made with mandatory follow ups. Then With counseling in time certain discoveries and coping advice will be made that can be quite positive and life changing for you. Really helped my son and my relationship. The biggest thing we discovered for my son was he needed more Hope in life to deal with school depression. Five days a week and 10 hour days is a lot so he needed more events and activities to look forward to to cheer his life up more than the regular stuff he liked to do. So great discoveries can be made over time with Neuroscience Counseling tailored to your family and children especially with prescriptions that might help.

School has just started.
She’s been medically checked out thoroughly and cleared physically
This is anxiety that will quell as she adjusts and acclimates, and that takes time.
H.S. is a big change for most. Its supposed to be.
The schedule, more responsibility, and the social climate( and kids are brutal) …takes time to get used to.
This is where children begin to develop the necessary autonomy and higher emotional regulation they need to function more independently.
As she’s been medically evaluated, you need to allow her …time to adjust.
It would be wise to limit …the constant pacifying contact with you during the entire day that is preventing her own ability to adjust to multitasking and focus as she has to develop the ability to do so.
Atp…its exacerbating the anxiety.
She must learn to manage and build tolerance to her own stressors by having to go thru them.
Having her call you ONLY during lunch break to ‘check in’ to talk…for 2 minutes… during the day is reasonable and appropriate for a high schooler.
Then encourage as much face to face conversation when she gets home from school to review the day as needed.
If she’s constantly texting you all day, she’s not focusing on her classwork, which is what she is there for, or getting from class to class, getting organized, making new friends, etc etc…she’s focused only on her feel bad.
You direct her focus to that, rather than the focus on being on her anxious feelings and her dependency on constantly requiring reassurance all day from you every minute she’s feeling stressed. Once a day …is enough, and at structured time.
This isn’t easy and its not supposed to be. She is a teen that is learning to become a young adult…in preparation for life…which is very hard most of the time.
If she’s not allowed to develop her own regulation and focus abilities in this controlled supported structured environment now, it will be to her detriment. She deserves the chance to grow and to understand …that while it is uncomfortable, she can function through it and its not life threatening!
If parents don’t allow some growth discomfort without constant over pacification, it tragically stunts development and self confidence in abilities, in lieu of fear based dependency. The child then has even greater difficulties going forward.
Its also important to remember that these kids…absorb the parents anxious avoidant coping skills, or lack there of specifically. Confident,calm & consistant coping with stressful situation examples from parents are paramount, the most important thing.
If parents …fall completely apart at the slightest discomfort over something they don’t like…making world stopping emergencies out of skinned knees sts… the kids will feel very insecure and…do the same thing.
Consider some outside therapy for her with a good child psychologist for added support and reinforcement of emotional structure, to set age appropriate development markers and work on coping tools with her to use during this adjustment time. They will assess…over time…if there is anything more underlying here vs normal growth adjustment stress.
It would be unwise…to consider seeking any quick fix medication for teens for normative growth and development anxiety, unless physical manifestations are so profound that the child’s pediatrician suggests them after all other means of anxiety management have been tried and failed.
This…takes time to evaluate as well and not predicated on instant gratification relief.

May b shes afraid or being bullied try home schooling