need to comply with your Wishes If not That’s their problem
If they are acting like that I wouldn’t trust them too much
Grieving their son or not they have no right to demand anything. IF you can accommodate them sometimes great but they are not entitled to anything. Much less with that behavior. If they are not maintaining the proper precautions don’t risk the health of your baby and your family.
Anyone claiming grandparents rights and going to court will happen in this case needs to understand there are numerous different laws on this subject depending on the state a person lives in. Also, we are in the middle of a pandemic which most judges will also take in to account. Lastly, unless you’ve had your child’s other parent pass away you really will never know what this situation feels like or how exhausting it can be. Yes that was their son, yes they are grieving and deserve to see their grandchild. But this woman is also now raising one child and another on the way by herself, grieving, and taking on the role of both parents. This is new territory, it’s scary, it’s exhausting, and add on to it that being pregnant and with small children during these times is scary because of illness. None of you have any room to judge her.
I would just tell them nicely what the issues and concerns are. Explain to them that you do understand and you don’t want any problems but you need them to be respectful of your time and your wishes when it comes to your child and the health of your family. If they can not respect that they don’t respect you or your situation either. And in that case even if you’re in a state that honors grandparents rights the judge will see if they do take you to court that you were trying to have a good relationship and offer visitation but they were unwilling to work with you. Don’t feel bad. You are also going through hard times and do not have to answer to anyone! From one mom who’s been in your shoes to another, I’ll be thinking of you
All i can say is, My kids cry so much for their family. I beg my family to be apart of their lives! My children are the ones who are hurting…
Demand a change in her approaches or just stop answering the calls and messages
Only answer him when he can treat you like a decent human being. …
Some of these comments are just disgusting to this mom who has literally just lost her significant other and the father to her kids. And if she dont want HER kid in a situation where they could get covid, how is that her being controlling or have clouded judgement? Saying things like you hope your son never reproduces with someone like her, telling her shes being controlling, telling her shes hurting her child be not obeying her SOs family? Are you kidding me? I just cant even…
Tell them to fuck off. It’s your child?
I get where you are coming from but remember they lost their son and for them the only thing closest to him is your son.
Just like you lost someone, they are also grieving and unfortunately some people show it in a different way.
As harsh as this sounds it still takes 2 to tango and that includes family.
You need to stop expecting them to run after you to see their grandson, as they are entitled to see him. Maybe pick the phone up and speak to them and let them speak with your son as well.
If they won’t respect your wishes regarding the HEALTH of their grandchild during a GLOBAL PANDEMIC then put your foot down! People are so selfish. Sorry you’re going through this mama.
Who’s going to take care of him when you give birth? When you need help when new baby comes? My issue with this is mostly “my son” “my time” they don’t respect “your TIME” I wonder how the relationship was before their son died. I get the whole covid thing I do, but they are also grieving, you are 7 months pregnant and I can get not wanting to be bother at all by anyone and wanting to stay home because of grief and covid. Yall comments on here are horrible. Get a new number? Come on, grow up. You need to talk to them, tell them that you don’t feel comfortable with covid and would like a mask. If you plan on cutting them out of your kids’ lives I guess do it, either the painful ignore them till they get the hint or straight up tell them so they can grieve both their son and grandchildren at the same time also people can realize they messed up and took for granted what was right in front of them and that time is precious, bring up the masks again.
You’re the parent. You make the decisions. Plain and simple.
Sweetheart I understand how you feel. Unfortunately my ex and his parents have zero to little contact with my daughter.
In this situation I would say speak to them and explain that while the Covid situation is going on, if they cannot respect your wishes and instructions to keep you and your family safe you will have no choice but to restrict contact. When they are demanding to see him, if you have plans say so and offer an alternative. If you have no plans then go with it but definitely speak to them about how you feel. They may not even realise they are doing it. Good luck and remember health and safety of your children should always be top priority x
Sounds like they are just worried since their son died they don’t see their grandchild. Just tell them ask them flat out are you worried you’re not going to see him? And reassure them you wouldn’t do that.
Your doing the right thing, over the Covid. Technically, if the son of theirs, is past away, then it is YOUR choice of when they see the child. Just because they Tell you the times they want the child, does not mean, that you have to give in
You need to chat woth them and make that clear to them!! I mean, you could make them take you to court for grandparent rights and visitation.
I would have just the grandparents come to you, tell them to bring masks, have spares in case they “forget” if son is old enough have him wear a mask too and let him tell them how important it is right now. If they wont keep them on then they have to leave, them coming to you means you know exactly who has been with your son. Explain that having just lost their son, your other half, you are, with good reason, taking any and every precaution to protect your son/ their grandson and the unborn baby and you need their help to do this, if all goes well they could help out when you need them sometimes too, like if you have appointments, they could watch your son at yours, when you give birth etc etc.
This way, as long as everyone is reasonable, they are still involved with their grandchildren AND are helping you out when needed, which should help you all. You will need a little help after the birth and if they are happy to come and watch the little ones while you nap, or cook a meal while you rest and spend time with your son if baby sleeping, or entertaining son while baby feeds etc id go for it. It wont be easy for any of you at first but give it a try, you never know x
They are afraid of losing contact with the one piece of their son that’s still here. That’s really what this is. I don’t think they are wanting to hurt, control, or be rude to you, but they are grieving and in panic mode.
I’m so sorry for your loss Most people aren’t seeing extended family due to covid. It doesn’t matter if they think covid is real or not, it depends what you think. If you don’t want your son seeing extended family while things are bad then stick to that, just be sure that you are treating both sides of your sons family fairly. If your family get more access etc. then it’s unfair. I’d imagine that they are acting out of grief and I hope with time that things work out for you all. Explain to them your concerns about visiting right now and keep them updated on your son and new baby with pictures and videos. Try and include them so they don’t feel like they are missing out on the grandchildren’s lives. Best of luck with your pregnancy and remember you are the mama, don’t do anything that goes against your better judgement!
They can demand all they want to , but your mama and that’s your child they need to be more respectful towards you and you may need to tell them that and then also let them know that they will see your child when you want them to and they also should respect your concerns when it comes to your child’s health they have what ever rights you allow them to have
They need to stop demanding. I understand that they’re hurting…you all are… but making things harder on you isn’t helping you or your son. And with you being pregnant they need to be more responsible about covid.
I’m truly sorry for your loss…good luck
Pandemic or not, they need to respect your wishes, plus with them getting diagnosed with covid and not practicing social distancing, i dont blame you for limiting visits. Plus you offered to fo facetime, it’s on them if they don’t want to meet you halfway. Stand your ground, and if they don’t like it well that’s there problem. Like you said, your pregnant and you dont want to put your child and unborn child at risk. They are being selfish and they need to respect your wishes period.
Your child, your rules. They have no right to demand shit. And in most states, they won’t have ‘grandparent rights’. Put your foot down and stop letting them walk all over you. If it was my child and my parents or grandparents did that, I’d cut them off until they stopped their bs.
I’m sorry that is YOUR child. Kids spread illnesses quicker than a any adult. But you are pregnant. You do what is best for you. If they can’t respect your wishes then they can kick rocks with bare feet. I understand the loss and wanting to have the closeness. But hell to the no. This is your show. Get a back bone and thug the hell up. You tell them when you all are available and how long the child will stay. If they can’t respect your wishes then oh well!!!@
YOU need to put your foot down and tell them “until America is open, 100%, again…he stays home with me”. I know this will be hard but YOU just can not take any chances with your son’s life. This is something I’m going through right now with my great grand children. I love them, I miss them and can’t wait to see them again…however…until America is open, 100%, again…I’m not going cause any waves.
Whether grandparents have rights or not HE IS THEIR GRANDSON! Don’t alienate them. To me they may be a little pushy because they just lost their son and feel you are cutting them out of his life which may be your right but it IS SELFISH INCONSIDERATE AND CHILDISH!!! Work out time that fits for everyone and stick to it. Since they don’t want to social distance, they should be required to test for covid and give you proof they don’t have it
You have to put your foot down!! I realize that the family suffered a huge loss, but that doesn’t mean they have the right to make demands about anything. Make it clear that if they can’t/won’t respect your time & wishes, then they forfeit seeing their grandchild until they do.
You wouldn’t need a lawyer at all. Grandparents don’t get custodial rights at all unless you’re deemed unfit.
I understand their wanting to see him and be apart of his life after his father’s passing, but they don’t get to just demand him and you most certainly don’t have to let them. If you feel threatened or harassed call the police. There are boundaries whether they approve or not
sit down together and make a set schedule! even just plan a couple/few weeks/a month in advance… i would suggest u dont say these are the days u can have the grandson but all of u sit down or text and work out days that work out best for everyone… u can say u want to do it these way and see how it works out to help get your son on a sort of schedule… so he knows and u can tell him and get him excited that he’s going to grandmas in 3,2,1 more days!!
Yeah I wouldn’t stop visitation completely since it is their grandchild but with Covid I would face time only until it’s more under control. Why take a chance with your health and your babies
It’s your right to set the time-line of visits with the grandparents. Don’t let them bully you. Oh and FYI grandparents don’t have rights, it’s called privileges … Im a grandparent of 7 and I see my grandchildren when it’s convenient for my kids… I don’t demand visitation.
.most states grandparents have no rights…I would tell them I will make arrangements when I see fit and if they cant act like adults instead of spoiled children then maybe you need to set up supervised visitation with someone…he needs to know his father’s family …but demanding doesn’t cut it …
Don’t feel bad. If they cannot respect your wishes of wearing a mask they won’t follow any other guidelines you have. Asking them to wear a mask is reasonable.
Grandparents do have rights yes but, he is your child not there’s don’t let them put u in that type of spot they don’t seem to care but u do so go with your gut and being pregnant too ya I wouldn’t let him go either I’m sorry you have to go through this
You need to put your foot down your his parent not them they don’t get to tell you when you can see your kid. But if you want to set up a day they can take him then that’s up to you when they can start abiding by your rules if not then they don’t really want to see their just being controlling and you don’t have to put up with it
U have every right to keep him safe.if they dont understand that is their problem!! And they r being very selfish. Good luck!
Then you need to let them know they are not the ones in control they can go by visitation As you see fit and that’s all there is to it I don’t know anyone else to control how you do things with your own child
You set the time that grandparents get to see their rather your child. If they don’t understand your reasons why they don’t get what they demand that is their problem. It is nice that they want to stay connected but you have your own life.
id be busy with appointments until they learned respect
Girl just tell them no. That’s your baby.
Every day is a blessing. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Let them see your son.
simple…Your Child Your rules…
Just remember this, both sides are grieving and maybe that part has it worst i mean it’s understandable losing a son must be devastating. There’s times when people comes off wrong even if they don’t mean too specially in their case, you mentioned they never acted this way so my best bet would be that it was unintentionally, i would just be straight up and tell them how you feel about that situation at the end you’ll need them around and not just for your sake but for your child, grandparents might not have any legal rights to your child but they do play a huge role in the child’s life. They are the only thing left from dad and vise versa. Children aren’t moms property don’t do something you wouldn’t like to happen to you.
Well not for nothing if there son passes of course there fonna want to see hos chold he created. Prob to to feel close to tjere son in spirit. My kids grandparents say these things all the time. Whats the big deal. I do not agree with everyone. It’s prob a big deal for them. Id try to be closer to them after all they created the man u loved. And now there the grandparents of the child he helped create. Let them see the baby for god sakes. Most grandparents are a bit pushy .suck it up for his sake.
I could be mistaken but from what you’ve said,they’ve just lost their son, yes? I am so sorry for all of your loss. I couldn’t imagine the hell you all are going through. It seems like you’re coping by trying to keep your son closer and like they are coping by wanting to see their grandson. They weren’t like this before because they weren’t grieving the loss of their son before. I think perhaps y’all could use some understanding and patience with each other. Yes COVID is real and it is a concern but personally I think you all need to come together right now. While it’s understandable to want to hold tight to your son please don’t deny his grandparents seeing him. He is a part of their son too.
Your child. Your rules. Do what you gotta do for you and yours momma.
They’re not entitled to your child just because they’re his grandparents and especially not because their son passed away. Your son is not their child’s replacement. Their relationship is important IF they’re respecting YOU.
Since you said they weren’t ike that before it may be because they just lost their son and that’s the last piece of him they have left, they may not realize they are crossing boundaries because they are grieving. You may try sitting down and talking with them or maybe setting up scheduled visits (for ex. Like every other weekend) that way its planned and they aren’t bothering you during your time
I think you should take a time out and talk to them about the new situation. The kid is their link to their child who is gone. And you probably need to feel like you are valued as more than a caregiver to the child they are attached to. I’m sure if you speak with them about your feelings, and everyone comes to the table with love for the child, it will work out. Be glad your child has grandparents who want to be involved, it will help you in the long run too!
This is probably how they’re dealing with their grief since you son if their son’s son. Not saying that makes it ok to be so entitled or to ignore your wishes for masks and social distancing. But that definitely can explain why they’re being this way. But it’s not wrong to have your boundaries and stick to them.
In reality you can be cold and deny them anything. But I’d keep in mind that they just lost their son and it probably helps them cope. Plus they probably feel obligated to be a part of his life…its not easy but try and remember they just lost a child…its all up to you but I’d be kind and patient
I would talk to your doctor. Have them write a note about covid and the risks and with that, the note should say, no in person visitation for your son until the pandemic has passed. Send the letter by registered mail. Along with the letter send a schedule of face time “play dates” with the grandparents. If the child you are carrying will have the same grandparents, then you should also have the doctor put something in writing for hospital visiting and visiting the new baby.
No you’re not being selfish. People don’t get to make decisions for your child for you. I’m so sorry for yours and their loss, but if they aren’t taking covid-19 serious then I’d flat out tell them they can’t see him until they do take it seriously and they follow your wishes
I would also insist if they want to see the baby, masks MUST be worn. It’s your child, your rules.
All I read was they didn’t do this before and the list of ppl in the house blame the virus and make them take you to court
Be careful because depending on where you live they can take you to court for grandparents rights. Beings their son is deceased could play a factor into that. I know this first hand as my mom has grandparents rights to two of my nieces because my brother passed away and the mom refused to let us see the kids with no evidence as to why. I also have a daughter who goes to her grandmas due to grandparents rights because her father is incarcerated. I’m by no means trying to worry you but play them in a way to your advantage. Let them see baby when you need them to(fridays for date night, Wednesday so you can pick up overtime and not have to pay a sitter, things like that.) hope this helps!
Stand firm. Covid is real and you are pregnant. You and your child cannot afford to get sick with it. Let her know how you feel. It is hard dealing with their emotions right now including yours. They may feel that if they stop, they will not see their grandchild anymore and the only way to stay close to their son is through the grandchild. Reassure them as well as telling them that you will bring him when it’s on your time. I know its hard to say it but there is no way around it because it will only get worse
In VA grandparents have no rights. Depending on a state maybe talk to a lawyer or not respond back since they can’t respect your wishes. You don’t need that stress but depends on state law
You are the parent, you make the rules and they either respect it or not.
Keep them away till it is safe don’t put you and your sons health at risk
Staci Blitz sound familiar???
I’m sorry would you rather annoy the grandparents of have your child catch covid? You need to tell them no. You’re the mum, they didn’t squeeze a baby out after growing them for 9 months. You have every entitlement to say no and that you aren’t comfortable with it and if they kick off, and they can’t understand that your keeping your child safe, just ignore them.
Are you pregnant with there kids child again
No u r not wrong
They dont respect u
Guilt trip, bullying, whatever they try to lay on you… this is YOUR child and it’s up to YOU to keep him safe. Don’t feel bad or guilty about putting his (and your) safety first!
I think perspective is key in this situation. For the grandparents they me fear you won’t let them be apart of your sons life now that dad is gone, so they are using a control tactic to feel like they have some control over that. I think your feelings as a mom are valid. I would also agree that sharing with them and reassuring them that you aren’t taking their grandchild away from them and you fully plan to keep them in your child’s life will help alleviate that fear of losing him. I would also agree that they may look to your son as a life line to their son who is now gone. He has a piece of his dad and they are grieving losing their son. I think a good open honest talk will help clear the air. I don’t know either family so maybe I’m completely wrong but from the outside looking in, this is what I thought could be happening.
Just say “I’m sorry but that time’s not convenient for me, I’ll let you know when”
I wouldn’t let them see him at all if they refuse to wear a mask; especially since they’re denying covid even though they’ve had it!!!
Lady you had the babie "its your choice to or not to .If they are not careful with this covid thing I wouldn’t let them get 20feet from my babie & you fixing to have another I promise you they wouldn’t get 30 feet near me if i was expecting. You need to have the courage to examine you make the final decisions. God bless & good luck dear.
No advice I’m so sorry for yours and your children’s loss.
Stay safe and concentrate on your family first
This was a little difficult to follow but from what I can gather, OP doesn’t have a problem with her so seeing his grandparents. Her problem is sending her child someplace where they are not taking any precautions or taking Covid seriously. The poster is pregnant and is also dealing with a loss that makes her a single parent. Many of you are being way to hard on her and the grandparents should realize that she is suffering too. You would think the grandparents would be hyper vigilant so as not to lose anyone else they love.
Honestly, they just lost their son. Your son is a part of their son, who I’m sure they miss dearly. . I would have a talk with them about how you feel, and tell them that if they want to see your son that is fine, but they have to wear a mask. If they really want to see your son, wearing a mask shouldn’t be a big deal. If they can’t respect that, then by all means keep your son away until they can respect it. Make them know your serious. If you don’t they will just continue to do what they want anyhow… I know what it feels like to be scared to bring your child around family due to this virus… Sorry for your loss. I will pray for you.
you know to be honest with you I don’t think any children should be held from the parents or grandparents without a legitimate reason but in this case I think maybe you should just turn your phone off I mean if they come in over to your house don’t answer the door if they’ll get the message soon enough and then when you’re ready you make the initiation if they want to see him then great if not then I guess you don’t have to worry about it
You need to set clear boundaries that you are comfortable with and put your foot down. If they can’t respect your boundaries then they can’t visit. End of story. Sorry for your loss. I am sure this time is so hard for you right now.
I saw you mention something about them saying “they have power of attorney” this only means they are the only ones who can handle your boyfriend’s finances, any properties he may have owned such as a house or car, his medical affairs and his funeral. That’s it, it doesn’t give them any control over your son, their grandchild. This will not allow them to get any type of custody over him or court ordered visitation. But, something you also have to understand is they are grieving too and having your son around May remind them of the times they had with their own son. This does not mean that they can just make demands of you. If you’ve already tried talking to them and they threw the power of attorney in your face I would just cut off contact immediately. Don’t answer their calls and save all texts and voicemails if they threaten you. If they try to take you to court, don’t be afraid. Almost all states don’t have any form of grandparents rights, no matter the situation unless abuse is involved. Tell the judge your side, your concerns about covid and your pregnancy, tell how they demand to see him rather than ask (show messages) and that you’ve offered alternative ways they can see your son (FaceTime) You should be fine.
First off, I am so sorry for your loss. It’s such a hard situation when family members (esp other generations) don’t view the pandemic the same as you do… I’ve been dealing with that as well. You have to set clear boundaries now, and make it clear to everyone & keep it consistent. You could always use your OB as an excuse if you have to (my OB was all for stuff like that LOL) and say that due to it being the end of your pregnancy, you have to quarantine and limit exposure. You could have people come and visit through a window (most people don’t want to do that, in my experience). My son hasn’t even seen my Dad since the start of the pandemic, or my brother and his kids. It’s really rough, but I would HATE for my son’s first illness to be Covid! Do whatever feels right to you…
I have a friend who dealt with this after her husband passed in a tragic accident. I can ask her to contact you if you’d like? It was really bad and ended up going to court so she knows alot!!
Sorry for ur loss. But ur child ur rules. Stand ur ground and look out for ur child’s well being and they can just suck it up!!!
Gosh im a granma and no way would i demand to see my grandkids i always ask and respect them for when it is convenient for them x
My advice is to stand your ground. I can understand that they are grieving, but they also have to understand that you are the mother and they should always respect your wishes. I will say, though, to avoid further conflict, perhaps try to approach it a little differently. Trust me, I know it can be difficult when you’re dealing with family overstepping boundaries, but be firm. “I would love for you to come see your grandson, but because of the pandemic and his underdeveloped immune system, it’s best if we all do what’s necessary to prevent him from getting sick.” They raised their children in a totally different world and with totally different styles than what we’re used to now, and sadly, they are like so many who are just set in their ways. I don’t think they mean to cause problems, but it does help if we can all try and help others see from our own perspective.
Since they’re being that difficult and won’t even wear a mask, I would just ignore them. You and your child’s safety, needs to come first.
Also since they’ve lost a child, I would expect them to be more understanding about you not wanting your BABY to go anywhere right now.
They don’t respect you then say goodbye
Let me start with telling you how sorry I am your son lost his father and you lost a significant other. I lost my son 2 1/2 years ago. He was married with two children. From a grandparents perspective a grandchild is an important link to their deceased child. My daughter in-law and I came to the agreement that the grandkids would stay the 2nd weekend of every month. I am also always available anytime in between. We live an hour apart and the kids are 8 and 10. My daughter in-law let’s me know when all events at school happen and provides schedules to all sporting events. I get to spend time with my grandkids for all holidays. I can say from experience that as a grandparent my greatest fear was losing connection with my son’s children. My daughter in-law uses the time away from the kids to relax or go out with friends or even catch up on housework. I also keep the kids when she goes out of town. Please be patient. You are hearing hurt and fear that manifests in demands. It’s ok to tell them we need to work on communicating in a positive manner. Grandparents in my state have no legal rights to their grandchildren even if the parent has passed. Remember grandparents love their grandkids as much as a mom loves her child. If you learn to work together your child will be the winner. Grandparents can be a wonderful support for not only your child but yourself as well.
Apparently you’re having children before you have reached true adulthood. You have grandparents that want to be involved. Take care of the details and count yourself blessed.
Do what you must to keep you and your child safe they either do we hat you ask or they don’t see the kid irs not slot to ask and if they really love the kid they would keep him safe
They are your kids so they will just have to follow what you choose to do.
you are in charge of your son so they go by your rules or loose out
You are right it’s your child your rules period!!!
Your his mother. You have full legal and physical custody of your son. Any visitation is at YOUR discretion. If they have a problem with that, you can tell them that you’re happy to set up a visitation schedule with mediation from the courts.
Hell no put that boundary in effect now girl!! And also tell them covid is real it had my brother in law in the hospital for months where he had 4 drain tubes in his chest and nearly died several times. Now he is skinny as hell from being in that hospital bed and cant even tall like himself because of being intubated… sorry I cannot stand when people say its not real. It is serious!!
Maybe they are scared that you won’t bring him around anymore. Idk the whole story but maybe they wanna make sure you know they are still here and they are afraid to lose that contact they get with him. I know people say they will never do that but from their point of view I’m sure it’s in the back of their head.
I completely understand your fear and hesitation to allow them around your child during COVID. However, I also understand they are grieving for their son and are probably afraid they will lose touch with his child. I will say I have seen this happen in my own family and it cut my grandma to the bone. She was born and raised during the depression, they don’t always know how to express themselves well or tactfully. Maybe just try and set up a video chat where you can discuss your concerns and listen to theirs. I am sure they aren’t trying to drive you away. And as his mother and also being pregnant you can say "I want you to have access to your grandson BUT I am concerned about my own health, so there are some ground rules. Just make them reasonable but also make it clear they aren’t negotiable.
Your baby your terms…no negotiations…!!!
Talk to them. Let them know how you feel. Be kind when explaining. Tell then what you want. Set some boundaries.