So, I’ve been seeing someone for a few months and I have 2 daughters from a previous relationship (he has 3 kids from a previous marriage). He adores them, they love him and everything has been great. The only downside had been that he travels for work up until a couple nights ago. I don’t want to be with anyone else and he makes me feel so appreciated and loved, but I just found out he doesn’t ever want to get married again. I want another baby someday and he says he is up for that, just not getting married. I’ve never gotten married and always wanted to eventually with the right person, especially before I have another baby. Do I compromise on something I’ve wanted my whole life? Is there any way he may change his mind about marriage in the future? Do I take that chance? Help
No. Absolutely not. Do not compromise. Don’t let him bring his emotional and trust issues from his previous marriage into your relationship.
You want another baby and you want to get married. You do not compromise on that. He adores your daughters but doesn’t love you enough to want to “COMMIT” to spend the rest of his life with you. Maybe he’s scared you’ll take half his money, or he doesn’t want to be tied down. Either way, he doesn’t want to commit to spend the rest of his life with you. You have a huge responsibility. You have daughters and the last thing you need is a man who has the freedom to just walk out when things get hard. That’s why people avoid marriage. It’s easier to leave. Do you want a man that wants the ability to leave you and your daughters whenever he finds it convenient? You need to sit down and make it clear your expectations. I would probably start with “I don’t think this is going to work out because I want marriage and you don’t and I need a man that’s committed to this family.” Let him know that you are serious. If he argues about it, understand he’s arguing about being being committed to you and your family. There millions of men who would love to marry you and be committed to your family. FYI… I got this answer from a man who is getting married. This is a man’s perspective.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My boyfriend told me he never wants to be married again - Mamas Uncut
I say give it time… it’s only been a few months with him you said
Well honestly you have to decide what’s more important… What do you want more? Your relationship with him or a marriage that may or may not happen with someone else… He may change his mind but since he’s already been married probably not… I am probably not a ton of help since myself and my boyfriend agree on never wanting marriage… But ultimately you need to decide what is more important him or marriage
I would talk to him and tell him how important it is to you and if you want to be married, tell him its a deal breaker, and find someone who wants to be married, if he sees thats what you want and he wants you, then he would change his mind, if he still says he doesnt want to be married, then move on. You cant change him, but he might change if he wants you.
Just be honest with him that you want to marry some day and if it’s not something he wants then you gotta move on.
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Is it the process your craving? If he feels he doesn’t want to marry again there has to be a reason. Talk with him and hear his reasoning. Being married doesn’t keep the man or woman. Give it time and if he’s open to having a child with you then that’s a step in the right direction. A lot of parents aren’t marrying these days and still having children. Be open and honest with him and express your thoughts after hearing what he has to say. You never know it might happen
I think if everything else is there you don’t need to get married. After all it’s just a peice of paper that complicates things in the future if things don’t work out.
Just enjoy things and take it slowly what is meant to be will fall into place.
wait awhile it will take him time to trust and yo know you are solid
My husband said the same thing, 5 years later we were married, give it time.
My current SO and I dated from 22-25, at 21 I was supposed to get married. My fiancé tried to take my life and unfortunately ended his. I was anti marriage when I met my SO, also he didn’t want kids I did.
We went our separate ways for about 10 years. After my relationship with my daughter’s father ended we found each other again. Have been together 6 years and I want to get married but gave up on that because he told me almost 20 years ago he never wanted to get married so I am NOT holding my breath.
The real question is… Is not getting married a deal breaker for you? I would think about that before talking with him. Don’t try to guilt trip him into marriage, or manipulate him by giving him an ultimatum. It’s been a few months, if he doesn’t want to marry again that’s okay. If you do want to get married that is also okay. What do you want more? Marriage or this relationship? If it’s the relationship he may eventually change his mind on his own. If it’s marriage break up with him now and be with someone who will want to get married.
So my boyfriend and I were both married previously and both of us came into the relationship never wanting to get married again. We wanted commitment just not marriage because we were scared. Now 4+ years into this, we have a kid together and marriage is something that we have been talking about… coming around to. Give him time… I know it’s hard to understand but it can really mess with your mental having a marriage not work out.
A few months together is way too soon to be discussing marriage. I will say, when I met my husband neither of us wanted to be in a relationship and yet here we are good luck!!
Hun take it from someone that knows. Don’t push into being married. If yall are happy just like you guy s are then be happy with that. If he says he does not want to get married again then leave it be and be happy with that. you go to pushing him then your may push him right on out that door and he will go to someone that appreciates him. so DON"T.
Maybe he is not the one for you.
You could have a wedding and just not get legally married?
It hasn’t been that long yet. Too early to even talk about marriage. Give it time.
Never sacrifice your own happiness. If that’s a deal breaker for you, you might wanna move on. HOWEVER, it’s only been a few months. Thinking about marrying someone takes longer than that.
You aren’t going to change his mind and he isn’t going to change your mind. If marriage is what you want you need to move on. Or accept the good man that you have the way your relationship is
“A few months”
Girl. Slow down and really get to know him. You’ll get all your answers.
My husband also didn’t want to be married or have anymore kids. He changed his mind we have been together 15 yrs Married 12 and have 3 kids. So he may eventually change his mind and I would sit down and ask him what his reasons are for not wanting to. Yes marriage is only a piece of paper in many eyes but it also is important for collecting his social security later in life or medical decisions and property if you don’t have a will and sometimes ppl forget that until it’s to late.
My husband said the same .never getting married for having kids. 11 years later we’ve been married 4 and have almost 4 kids just go with your gut over thinking ruins relationships.
I’ve been with my S/O for almost 9 years when we 1st started dating we both had said no more kids and he didn’t want to get married … we’ve been engaged now 5 years ( me being the reason we haven’t been down the isle to say I do he tells me I’m waiting on you for the date just tell me when) and we also have 2 kids together. We were together 2 years before having our son and 3 before being engaged, my point is sometimes early on you can say a million things you wouldn’t do, but when that’s your person you will do anything, he may have went through a nasty divorce and is just afraid to ever do that again ( right now) I never expected a purposal it was all his doing and what he wanted after saying he never wanted to marry again. Give it time! Things change when you truly find your person.
Being married causes the couple to lose out on certain benefits and most just get married to have power over the other. Babies and marriage is great and all until the person decides it isn’t for them. If you are wanting more and he isn’t. Find someone else. Compromises are for people who wanna grow. Seems he is happy where he is. What fo I know, im just a doctor lol
just cruise…just enjoy every day you are together because marriage or no marriage…nothing is a guarantee…even if you have another baby…if hes there or not after you do you will live on quite fine…forget those stereotype notions because nothing is real other than the day you are standing in.
Communication is key. You’ve only been together for a few months, so he’s probably not thinking marriage yet and his opinion on a 2nd marriage may change. It also may not.
Sit down together, alone, and have a conversation. Express how you feel about the subject and ask him if it’s a hard no for him or something to discuss later in the relationship.
When I met my now husband, I bombarded him with questions and didn’t care. I have been divorced twice before, he’s been divorced once before. Only a few days into our relationship, we had a conversation about children, marriage, finances, religion, politics etc. We were both to old to be wasting our time with someone who we couldn’t be on the same page with. Now, you don’t have to have the same hobbies and interests on everything, but the big things, that affect your lives, you need to be in sync about.
So sit him down, have a one on one, private conversation and go from there. If marriage is a hard no for him, then YOU and you alone are the one that has to make the decision to stay and give up something you’ve wanted your whole life or go and wait for someone who wants the same things you do.
It’s been a few months. Give it time. Marriage isn’t everything. Being with someone who treats you/your kids is
Maybe a commitment ceremony?
This is why you don’t introduce your kids to the new flavor so quickly now you’ve got them attached and you’re not a match
Don’t take marriage lightly (not saying you are) and CERTAINLY don’t try to force him to marry you because going into a marriage with someone who is not 100% in it is worse than just being with them and not getting married in my opinion. I’d just keep dating and let things roll out for a bit and if it gets serious enough you can revisit the marriage idea but I’d wait at least a year of dating to even say anything. Being together a few months plus him having a previous marriage, it’s fast to him and probably extremely stressful
So here’s the thing, I was in the same situation. I started dating a man who had an ex-wife and his son was six at the time. He claimed he never was going to get married again he told everybody he knew he never ever was going to get married again but he was open to having a child. We had a baby she is now three, his son is now 13 and lives with us full-time. I was resigned to the fact that I was never going to be married and I was OK with that because I got my baby and a great little family. Out of the blue, on my daughter‘s third birthday he proposed and I was in complete shock. we are getting married this July. Sometimes they do change their mind, but you need to do what is right for you. I was OK with not being married because I had everything else I wanted, so I was shocked and this is just a bonus. ￼￼
Not everything is textbook perfect nor are your feelings not valid. However right time place can change any situation also communicate and comprehension. If everything else is perfect why rock that boat? Its solely on you to figure out if this is a make or break situation.
A few months? Give it a few years and don’t bring anymore kids onto this world. You have enough.
Being married is a contract that carries legal implications. He must have been really burned if he’s written that possibility completely off. If you truly love him and you feel he’s your life partner than why not have a commitment ceremony (similar to a wedding) without the legal marriage license? You can still celebrate that special day with family & friends. I’ve heard it referred to as a Handfasting Ceremony. You can also have your last name legally changed to his, if you want to. You have to decide what your priority is. Is it the wedding or is it the marriage?
Sorry but it’s something that he’s letting you immediately know generally that won’t change. Many people are fine with never getting married to the father,lover etc but for me that’s a Hard Pass he’s saying he won’t and isn’t willing to make a lifelong commitment of devotion to you . As you well know having a child doesn’t mean that Man will be with you or even a steadfast parent or partner it’s up to you on whether you want someone who has his foot half way out the door for however long your relationship lasts. Keep in mind time is also a factor . I’d say don’t waist anymore of your time if you have an honest and open discussion with him that is the Best thing you can do. Inform him of your thoughts your feelings your goals if he doesn’t have the same then you have fundamental differences that will eventually end the relationship. Me and my husband had the same fundamental beliefs from day 1. The thing is you must have the same fundamental goals,beliefs and if they do not then it is waisting your time and you can end up one day finding a man who wishes to fully devote himself to you ,your family and a future with you. This guy sounds like he doesn’t want a lasting love or a future with you by his side fully devoted to one another. It’s a HUGE RED FLAG and please don’t let him manipulate you into thinking you don’t deserve a commitment and devoted relationship to the fullest extent YOU DESERVE THAT. I recently married the love of my life in February and it wasn’t a huge wedding nothing big,pricey or terribly fancy but the overwhelming Love and special Joy that day I felt You deserve to feel and have
I feel the same way he does I dont think I’ll ever legally marry again…have a wedding if ur religious do it in the eyes of god and all that just dont file the legal paper work…I still want a wedding and a dress and flowers just leave the legal bs out please
I’ve been married twice. The first time we both wanted it , didn’t last. The second time , I really only wanted it , but quickly learned it wasn’t needed. As soon as the paper was signed I felt trapped. He felt the same. Marriage means nothing , commitment and respect from your partner is everything. You don’t need to be married. Society has pushed marriage as the end all be all.
My husband said the same thing. He came out of a really bad marriage and a terrible divorce and it took him a long time to heal from that. But through him going to therapy and open communication in our relationship, he worked through all of that and decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and wanted to marry me. We dated for three years before he asked me to marry him. These things take time. If he is a good man and you love him, just wait. It’s too early for those conversations. If after a longer period of time he still can’t see himself ever marrying you, then you will need to decide what you really want for your future. If your end goal is ultimately marriage and his isn’t…that’s a deal breaker. But again, it’s way too early to make those kinds of decisions. Enjoy your time together and see if you all can build a good relationship before you start talking about marriage.
Marriage is nothing but a piece of paper these days, it doesn’t guarantee anything, so being together and living together is the better option, then at least in 10 plus years if you break up, it won’t cost money. Just my opinion.
I’m almost 3 years and 2 kids into a relationship with someone that never plans on getting married again. He’s been married twice, I’ve never been married. Honestly if it happened, it would probably be for financial reasons. Or taxes and health insurance. We both see this as a forever relationship, so a piece of paper wouldn’t change it.
Why are you even worrying about it when you are only a few months into a relationship? Enjoy what you have and live in the moment. You have two children and he has three. Do do realize the pressure with five kids? It can ruin the best of relationships. Good luck.
Remember it’s only been a few months that you’ve been with him.
You’re still in the honeymoon period, just wait and see
Just give him time to heal. I was the same and got
Married again a week ago
He may change his mind he may not however you have to except the wise on not getting married if you can’t move on.
A few months isn’t long to have introduced your children to someone. He is being up front about marriage. If that is something you want and you feel like that a deal breaker for you then yiu need to leave, you shouldn’t force someone to do something they clearly stated they don’t want. You can always have a ceremony with out the paperwork as well if that’s something you both would be ok with
Sounds like he’s been hurt. Show him different and he will think differently.
Please date him for at least two years before moving in or marrying him. PLEASE. Trust me when I say you don’t really know each other yet. And don’t be afraid to change your mind even though your kids love him. TRUST ME! COMPLETELY SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE.
My fiancé and I have both been married before. He swore he would never get married again. We did split up for a couple months and then got back together. Five days later he purchased my engagement ring secretly. He proposed a couple months later. I asked him why the change of heart and he said he realized he didn’t want to live life without me. So yeah, he may change his mind if YOU are what he wants. Don’t put your life on hold hoping for it tho.
Mine said the same thing and 3 years later we were married and about to celebrate our 1 yr anniversary. His first marriage screwed him up a lot!
My husband and I said the same thing . 4 years later we married so don’t give up . When the time is right it’ll happen . Love is love …
Never day never. I didn’t want to after the first one but am now. If he’s happy with his lit and you are too then marriage could be something for later down the line. There’s no rush is there? And besides, you’ve only been together a few months. People react differently to marriage if they’ve had one divorce already. Don’t hold this against him if this is your one and only sticking point
My bf was the same way, he also said he didn’t want anymore kids. He ended up changing his mind over time and purposed, said we would get married next month. It’s not happening, so I feel played and lied to. Honestly idk if him purposing and saying he wants another kid was to keep me around or what but his actions aren’t matching his words.
My best advice to you is tell him marriage is something you really want.
This is an important conversation to have with him. You need to decide if you would be happy staying with him and never getting married. He could change his mind, but thats not guaranteed.
Will you change yours ?
A few months, as in 3? I know I’ll never get married ever again. Divorce changes people, I don’t blame him for it. Maybe a small ceremony but nothing legal?
At least he’s honest and not leading you on. Thats actually a good sign. Marriage isn’t the end all be all. 70% of the time that piece of paper creates more problems for some reason. If you love him ride it out. Hopefully over time his feelings change. I understand most woman love the thought of marriage and even us men are brought up to want to find a wife and get married but most people do it to satisfy the other when deep down they really don’t want to for whatever reasons they have. Be with him because you love each other not because a piece of paper or ring says you do. Just my humble opinion.
If marriage is your end goal leave or spend years hoping he will pop the question… Why spend your life wifeing him ??? He looked you dead in the face and said no.
So your not the one. Move on
My husband said from day one he would never get married, and I told him I would never either. Circumstances changed for us.
My fiancé said he wanted to get married again then changed his mind to not wanting to get married to this year we are getting married we just haven’t set a date yet
Well let’s hope neither of you gets sick or dies. Being married allows you to stay in the hospital room and make decisions. Otherwise you are kicked out and his parents or siblings get to make life and death decisions. Plus, you will always have to work to have health insurance for you and your kids. If neither of those things are important to you then stay with him.
You literally just met this dude and already have your kids around him and want to pressure him about marriage?
Big ol yikes
I can say after doing it once I will never do it again. I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me I’m committed. The divorce was more effort and work than the wedding and marriage. If he’s being honest and good to you who cares really. Get a nice ring, put it on your left ring finger and just say you’re married. Going on 11 years and we have been tested in more ways than we deserve. I’ve made it clear from day one I’m not doing it again.
At first, I never wanted to be married at all. When I had my daughter I was forced to get married by my ex parent due of them threatening to take my daughter away and plan to report I was unfit mother to my daughter. My first marriage wasn’t an ideal it was nightmare and tried so hard to accept it to make thing better but gotten worse and worse with abusive like mental, emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Plus I was forced to be pregnant with my second kid that I thought I was strictly on birth control pills and dealt with my daughter and had to do the routine of his expectations without any mistakes. For 10.5 years, he cheated on me I finally filed the divorce and fought so hard for the kids custody. I won. During the divorce process, this man I knew from high school and we were like best friends and understand each other so much. We did secretly have crushed on each other we never knew til we started dating and getting know each other more better and open up the feelings. I was terrified to get married again and be single to have kids so we dated for 4 years had a son then he proposed to me he wanted a family and a wife for life. After he helped me thru my divorce and my kids adore him. Treating us we belong with him. It was all worth it. After we got married we had other son together. He helped me to raised my 2 kids from previous marriage. My kids want nothing to do with their real father. From 1995 being friends til 2006 I divorced then started slowly dating and healing thru the new lifestyle. Got married in 2012 and have 2 boys together is the best thing for us.
Get to know him first. I met my husband online we talked for several months he came to Chicago from NC and we got married after a few days of him being here. People said I was crazy. We knew immediately that we wanted to get married. I have two kids from previous relationship and he had none and was 7 years younger. We had 3 more and have a big family. I just turned 40 he is 33. I think that when you know, you know. I had got out of very abusive relationship. I also had doubts and fears but i prayed a lot. God sent me exactly what i asked for a good man who wanted a family. I wouldn’t put my dream of getting married aside for anyone. How can you be good enough to have their child but not marriage. I would consider that. Thing I love about my husband is that he is so much more mature than many men my own age.
Just be happy and enjoy it!
Don’t get pregnant who knows maybe he will change his mind just give him time!
He will not change his mind. Either don’t get married or leave him if you are going to be bitter about it
Both my husband and I said we didn’t want to get married. WE DID.
We also said we didn’t want anymore kids (he had 2 and I had 1) BUT WE HAD 2 MORE !!
I guess what I’m saying is, if it’s the right person… things just happen naturally
Honestly I wouldn’t even worry about it right now since it’s only been a few months. There’s always a chance he may change his mind but he also probably has his reasons. I don’t ever want to get married again either because my experience was HORRIBLE. I’d give it a couple years before I started questioning it, especially if he feels the same still.
That’s understandable. He probably had a bad marriage before that changed his mindset about marriage. You said it’s only been a few months. Give it more, MAYBE he’ll change his mind. It’s important to tell him what you want. Communication is the key. Divorce changes people, like…a lot. If he doesn’t want to get married, it’s not you that’s not “the one”, it’s his previous spouse that changed his mindset about marriage. Maybe, he’ll change. Some do change, some don’t. Keep bringing it up, just don’t waste too much time if that’s what you want and he doesn’t.
He’ll change his mind about marriage as soon as he finds someone he wants to marry.
Maybe wait and see what the next year brings.
You are swooning right now because it’s only been a few months.
However, now would be the time to decide if you want to wait to see if he changes his mind or not. The longer you wait the harder it will be.
I have a friend that told me slap him if he ever talked about marriage again after his 2nd divorce. He’s now been married two more times and I think he may have actually found happiness this time. I say give it time and see if he changes his mind in a year or 2.
You dont have to have that peice of paper from the govt to know that that is your person. Love doesnt have to have a certificate to be real.
After seeing him for a few months I wouldn’t even have him around my kids let alone pressuring for marriage
Do you actually care about the legal marriage or do you just want the big pretty wedding? If the actual marriage isn’t a deal breaker maybe you could compromise on a commitment ceremony. I have many friends who have done that. No one ever even knew they weren’t legally married
HE HAS 3 KIDS AND YOU HAVE 2! You want another baby and he does not want to get married. I say it’s time for a reality check . 5 kids are a lot to take care of .
Maybe ask yourself…why? Why do you want to be married ?
I agree Divorce changes you. I’m two yrs post and ask me if I wanna do it again…the answer is no. There’s something to be said about him being upfront about it. Now it’s up to you what you do, give it another yr and see if it changes, or cut your losses and move on.
You’re only a couple months in and still swooning I’d give it some time if it were me.
My current boyfriend and I both had horrible divorces his after 20years me after 7years. Both of us have always said I’m never doin that again but the longer we’ve been together it’s kinda sad too know he doesn’t want too get married again then I realize how horrible marriage was for me (not so much his marriage) but mine was horrible anyhow I made myself ok with not ever gettin married again…then the other day we were at work and he mentioned to the guy we work with that he wouldn’t say he’d never get married again kinda reinstalled my idea of marriage
Don’t plan on him changing his mind … either you can except it or not honestly never want to do it again myself horrible experience not that I don’t love my husband it’s all the crap that comes with it we did a un legal marriage but watch out some states are comin law marriage lol after 7 years you are considered married by the state
Divorces are super expensive, they can be very traumatic and devastating, both spiritually and financially. Ive been there done that, and made me realize that its all a government controlled hype that can cause financial ruin. I think back and look at all the money spent for the divorce and the hoops you have to go through just to break free … then I realized that you dont have to get the government involved in what is suppose to be a commitment between you, your partner and God. Theres no guarantee you will be with this person forever, people change… resentment can build over the years over mistakes because lets face it, we are all human. Unless youve been through it im sure its hard to understand, but I wouldnt take it personally. An marriage was made to be a union between yourself, your partner and god… not the government and state. Consider this and what hes been through. Im completely okay with never getting married again. Theres ways to be married without involving the state… if youre okay with this… he may be okay with this idea also…. You have a ceremony… all the glam you deserve…but dont involve the state… make your vows… exchange rings … say i do before god but leave the state out of it, dont involve marriage lisence and certificates… (thats only paper) … file to have your last name changed to his (you can do that without being married. Wear your rings, stick to your vows to one another … call yourselves husband and wife. No where in the bible does it say that the state and gov must reconize your union. He may be willing to do it, if the government isnt involved. Best of luck to you both
It’s a piece of paper, it doesn’t guarantee you staying together forever, these days, it’s not so important to people
I’ve always wanted to get married also. My boyfriend doesn’t want to get married (one reason was debts and not wanting to put those on another person). I was kinda upset at first but we both know we don’t want to be with anyone else and this is our forever. So whether we were to one day get married or not…I have my family and I’m happy with who I’m with. We each have a son from previous relationships and are expecting a baby girl together also.
Does having a wedding really matter if you have found someone respectful, kind, caring and good to you & your kids? My husband and I had no interest in getting married. He was previously married and it went really bad, and I had previously bad relationships and never wanted to get tied into a marriage. Both of our minds changed when I was expecting our 2nd child. We just celebrated 5 yrs married. Sometimes things change and sometimes they don’t.
It’s only been a few months.
If that’s something he’s really firm on & u want it , it will always be a problem in your relationship. I am FIRM on not wanting to have more kids. No amount of time is going to change my views. You have to respect what he wants.
It’s just a piece of paper. I know a lot of us dream of that big beautiful white wedding but if you find your soul mate does that really matter ?
It’s only been a few month😩
BUT, All marriage is is a piece of paper that primarily benefits the women most times. If he’s been married before, I don’t blame him at all for never wanting it again. Don’t ruin something good just because you want that paper. I’ve never been married, but hearing from sooo many different people, I personally don’t want marriage ever. When and if I want to have my SO last name, I’ll just legally change my last name. As far being tied to someone legally through the court of law, no thank you💃🏻 That’s my opinion though🙂
A couple MONTHS!!! SLOW DOWN!!! WOW!
A few months…GROW UP!!!
I’ve always said if my husband and I split I’d never want to remarry, even if I found someone.
It’s only been a few months. Give it more time , at least a year or more
If marriage is important to you, let your bf know and discuss it with him on how important it is to you. If he still doesn’t agree, move on.
No the two of you have different priorities for your lives and that ok. That’s what dating is for to figure out if the relationship is a good fit. Also until you’ve figured out the real beliefs of your new partner and it’s a def thing for awhile I wouldn’t bring them around the kiddos. It can be upsetting and confusing for them.
My now husband told me he would never get married again, he was firm on his decision and we have been together 22 years july4th married 8 of them good luck to you
Why be with someone whom you will only be happy with if he changes who he is? Sounds like it’s the person you wish he were rather than the person he actually is. Bad idea!