My boyfriend thinks marriage is just a piece of paper

It really is just a piece of paper!! He obviously loves you, marriage just cost alot of money, and many people you don’t want involved!!! If he didn’t love you, he wouldn’t be there!!! He loves you, who cares about a piece of paper!!! You are better off without it!!

Been with my husband 16 years now…. It is pretty much just a piece of paper and a new last name….

Why would you stay with and buy a house with someone who doesn’t care what you want…you get what you got.

It matters to the kids. I never thought it did until my niece who is now 18 told me that some kids would make mean comments to the kids who’s parents weren’t married and it made them feel bad.
Me and my husband got married before my son started kindergarten and I was pregnant with my daughter. When my son first found out that we weren’t married before we had him he thought it was weird and kept questioning why.
I think its weird that your boyfriend suddenly changed his mind. If this is something you want and he doesn’t then I foresee problems down the road.
Make sure your name is on everything. Including the house.

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Divorce also isn’t cheap :tipping_hand_woman:t3:

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You get nothing as far as SS or anything if something were to happen to him. Kids may, if paternity has been legally established, but you’d get no benefits because you weren’t married. It’s a piece of paper for a reason.

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He is avoiding commitment…why? Find someone who wants same things in life.

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Marriage is technically a piece of paper BUT it comes with benefits and those can be important. Marriage makes you next of kin, so you are entitled to X amount when he dies and have control over decisions such as where he buried. Marriage also gives you a bigger deduction on taxes. It gives you automatic rights to make medical decisions if your spouse can’t. There are lots of benefits, and you definitely should open the conversation up again.

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Marriage is NOT JUST a piece of paper… it is a signed contract between two people, very similar to those contracts you sign to barrow money to buy a house or any other legal document! Just because so many people do not follow through and complete their “contract” to each other, shrugging off their responsibilities (which)they verbally and legally swore to up hold, does
not make that contract …JUST A PIECE OF PAPER! People do not marry a piece of paper! They marry each other!

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Your not his mother or his wife either so don’t act like one…treat him as your roomate…your not there to play house.

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I agree with you
I am of the older generation
This is the way I I view marriage
When you declare you love and commitment to each other in front of witness
Not the paper it’s self
People use the paper an excuse it’s what it stands for your love and comment to each other
Children know the difference
I’ve heard them ask why do we have different last names
Marriage is special even in this modern age

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He is right hunni
Its just a bit of paper

It won’t guarantee you stability
How about compromising and have a commitment ceremony
Tbh
You don’t need a certificate to show how much you love each other

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A lot of people end up getting divorced… So I think you REALLY should be with someone for more than 6-7 years before getting married. How is being with someone for 2-3 years enough time to know if you’re compatible??

Be together right now, and don’t feel rushed because of all of the other people out there projecting their own expectations onto you.

I have been with my significant other for 7 years and we are not married, guess what it changed- not a damn thing.

If anything I feel like we are with eachother because we make a good team and love eachother…not because we have some legal document binding us together.

We have separate finances, file separate taxes, and different last names…The only “issue” is we cannot have eachother on Insurance, but oh well….

Marriage is just a piece of paper until legal problems arise. You can’t file on your BF if anything happens to him but you can if your married. Same goes for children.

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Me and my kids father been together 10 years and I tell him the same thing to much problems after if you break up and the other half doesn’t want a divorce …. You never know

Say you get in a car accident, they call your next to kin. Won’t be him because you’re not married. This one really bothers me.

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If anything happens he wouldn’t have to pay alimony or split everything in half if you 2 are not married

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Just claim head of household and both kids on tax returns and he’ll be having a change of heart real quick!

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It isn’t just a piece of paper when he get rich and cheats and you left with nothing :joy:

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I felt like that. To be honest we did a hippie union celebration so we were married but not “legally” married, idk when I noticed it bothered my husband but I started doing research about marriage and realized bc we have custody of both of my kids and his daughter that if we weren’t married then if something happened to one of us the kids would be separated if our families decided to try and do that, and our life insurance policies and home could be in danger. I presented this to my husband and asked him why it meant so much that we were legally married and he did mention all the things I had just realized as well as what marriage meant for him, and I finally realized that if I love this man like I say I do I have to put aside my ego and fears of what’s happened in the past with my previous marriages and my parents divorce etc, and really be in it forever. We were married in a small little field wedding the next year. I’ve never been happier.
Sometimes it just takes some gentle communication. He may have reservations about it for things you’ve never even known. Sending you love and light so y’all can have the beautiful relationship you both want. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::heart:

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Marriage means something different to every person. Many find it a sacred thing, others a filial responsibility, etc.

I have personally deigned to never marry. I’m more than happy to be with someone long term in a committed relationship, but I’m not legally tying everything to another person via the government. (This encompasses everything from finically meaning their wealth to their debt long after their death.) I’ve personally seen enough people not weather the struggles in life and drag their entire families through the mud leaving them in debt not to mention recovering from the toll the downfall takes. It’s just a personal pass. That said, I’ve always been pretty upfront from the start with this information.

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My BF actually made the same comment the other day. I was married for 18 yrs and it was horrible. That piece of paper didn’t keep my ex husband from cheating on me. My BF hasn’t ever been married. But maybe he’ll change his mind. I don’t know. I do know he’s 100% a better man than my ex husband ever was.

Make sure both your names are on deed.

Claim head of household and claim kids as dependents on taxes.

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As a nurse it’s important you understand that if they ever get terminally I’ll then the next of kin will make all decisions without established medical power. Just another thing to consider.

I got married because I am worth the investment and so was my child

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I’d talk to him more about it, could be an underlying reason behind his thoughts. My husband said the same thing for 3 years and then we talked about it and his reasoning was because everyone he’s known growing up always got divorced including both mine and his parents and he didn’t want that for us. Once I reassured him that we would get through anything together without divorce he finally proposed!

Stop telling her she’s being cheated on just because he doesn’t want to get married! That is so fucking wrong!!! Marriage is so much more then “just a piece of paper” you have to work hard for it to make it work. It’s you both saying vowels to fully commit to each other.

Nope. My husband told me he was never getting married. Dated almost two years. My husband asked me to move in with him. I told him, the only way I would move in with him was if we were married. Two months later he proposed, a month later we were in Vegas getting married. Been married almost 24 years.

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Yall do realize common law marriage is seen has legal marriage in the eyes of the courts. She would get half of everything, child support and Alimony.

No you’re not you’re thinking of your future
God forbid something happens to him his family will take everything he owns
To protect yourself I’d get a lawyer involved to protect yourself
Speaking as a widow I lost everything and I was legally married to him
This is life and it sounds horrible but people turn horrible after death
Do something within your state laws to protect yourself and your kids

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Well you’ve given him 2 children and you are already living together without marriage, so what would getting married really change at this point?
Like they say, he isn’t going to buy the cow when he gets the milk for free.

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Marriage is a COMMITMENT not just a piece of paper smh that PAPER gives you access to the benefits that come with marriage( i.e. taxes retirement social security etc etc etc.) Sound like it’s an excuse not to commit which means he can walk away whenever.

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If it’d just a piece of paper, ask him why he won’t do it.

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NO You are absolutely not Wrong! 5 years and CHILDREN ummm EXCUSE ME, Iam so SICK of ppl saying It’s just a piece of paper, NO its a Legal document that makes YOU his Next of kin in the event of a medical emergency or God FORBID his Death. You wouldn’t be Legally entitled to his Death benefits, This dude Needs to THINK about the future of the children HE created. Furthermore in My Momma Voice, BOYFRIEND’S DON’T GET HUSBAND PRIVILEGES! You have given him EVERY benefit of Marriage without Any commitment of Marriage, So Of course he Dosent see any reason to get Married. HELL would freeze over before I would be committing myself to a Home loan with a BOYFRIEND, I don’t think so scooter !

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It depends on what you want out of your life mama. If you want a marriage bc that’s important to you then y’all need to have that discussion. :heart:

Cause you played house for so long. He probably doesn’t see the need to.

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take a twenty dollar bill rip it up in front of him if he stops you tell him it is just a piece of paper

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You have your children together, if the piece of paper he doesn’t want is a marriage certificate, best be sure to keep both your Last Will and Testimant constantly updated. That’s one sh*t fight you don’t want if something happens to either of you… You don’t need to be married to be happy true, and it seems to be outdated, you’re already a family so I would say… pick your fight wisely.

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I used to feel the same way your bf does then I ended up in anaphylaxis and my bf told the er staff he was my husband. He was allowed in until he couldn’t sign for me legally. They tried to kick him out. I was trying to get them to let him stay but couldn’t talk…it was a mess. After that he insisted we get married and at that point I understood it was not just a piece of paper. That paper allows medical decisions be made by him not my 18 year old child or my mother I haven’t spoken to in years…it allows him to be my next of kin if anything should happen to me. It makes life a but easier in cases of emergency…

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In my opinion, that’s all it is. You can make the same level of commitment without the ceremony. Marriage is a government contract.

That being said, if it’s important to you he should be striving to understand that. Also, it is important for next of kin reasons. However, a living will and advance directive can assist with that.

30 years of no piece of paper right here. You don’t need a piece of paper unless you really want everything to be as painful as humanly possible if and when anything doesn’t work out. Its called being smart and it seems only the smart gets it. We had a “wedding”… the neighbors and God witnessed our vows in front of all the birds and squirrels. Your paper is for tax purposes and to make things harder to escape from. And there is no common law in this state so whatevs…its not about you or what you think unless its your piece of paper you’re hovering over. And it can work out just fine. :slight_smile:

Tell him his viewpoint is valid, so long as he is consistent… ie, does he consider a cheque for a million bucks to be “just a piece of paper”? What about the deed to your house, or the ownership papers to his vehicle? Or court documentation?
Likewise, is jail “just a room”?
Honestly, some people don’t think through the implications of the throw-away statements they make …

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Be happy quit over thinking ,if you’re going to separate it’s going to hurt either way. Love each other and make a better world for your children!!!

Just do registry office. It simplifies it without all the expense. He might be worried about the $$.

Been wirhllth my partner nearly 7 years and don’t plan on getting married. Not everyone wants marriage. I personally don’t see the point in it.

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If you’re buying a house together, have children together, and not getting married then you should definitely talk to lawyer to make sure your financial interests for you and your children are protected in the event something happens to him. It’s also important to know the laws in your state about common law marriage and living together, like who makes medical decisions if you don’t have a living will? Which you absolutely should have given that you have children. You really need to talk to a family lawyer before buying a house with him!!

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Your feelings are valid. Someone going from wanting to marry to not, of course it would hurt. But why the change of heart all of a sudden? I’d want to know that. Marriage is more than a piece of paper especially if you two love each other.

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That’s what happens when you have children with a boyfriend. I hope that your name is in went you bought the house, not only his name.

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There are legal and financial benefits to being married. The aforementioned keeping your kids together in the event of your deaths…. Insurance coverage….that sort of thing…. Inheritance. But having wills made up…. Advance directives…. Other provisions. Consult an attorney. It may not be necessary to be married to achieve what you want in the event one or both of you should pass away. If are worried about having the same name, you can have your name legally changed without being married. Personally I would prefer marriage. But to each his own.

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My now husband and I have been together 11 years. We got married on our 11 year anniversary. Honestly nothing has changed besides what we can do in legal sense like medical situations etc. we have 2 kids and I personally feel having kids with someone is more of a commitment than marriage. In a marriage you can walk away, when you have kids you’ll have that person in your life forever because of that child major events, birthdays etc. My parents divorced 20 years ago and still have to deal with each other because of me and thier grandkids. If you want to get married I think you need to sit down with him and discuss why he doesn’t want to get married. Or what’s holding him back from wanting to. You also need to explain your view of why you want to get married and see if you guys can find a middle ground or at least and understand of the other and find a place you both feel comfortable to start working towards both of you being ready to get married.

If it was “just a piece of paper” then he wouldn’t have any problems signing it. The man signed a contract for a house and presumably your kids’ birth certificates, but he won’t sign one for you. :thinking: It sounds like you’re the one he doesn’t want to fully commit to.

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You are overthinking, but for your sake of mind, figure out why is marriage important to you and explain it to him. Not as counter attack or trying to make a point. Same like he has right to say it’s only paper you have right to say why you feel a need to get married. I do not see point of marriage, yet I won’t say I won’t get married at one stage. Just it’s not my must list… there are much more important things in my life to worry and work about when it comes to relationship.

Run now just gonna tell u been with mine almost 9 years and all he wants is a live in maid and mommy. I just left mine and god im glad i did

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Do not buy a house together without marriage.

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If thats how he feels its either he truly feels that way or he has doubts. My only thing is ok if someone feels that way you should at least do the paperwork. For legal reasons if something happens to one of you itll make things easier for the other when dealing with the children and assets.

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Maybe he just doesn’t want to go through the whole wedding thing. I got married in my apartment with my brother and 2 best friends to witness that was it. I don’t do huge crowds especially when the focus is on me.

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If it’s important to you, then no

It is a cultural construct that used to identify who owned a woman- but gives you both advantages as a couple and for your kids. It’s your mutual decision.

That piece of paper is yours and his best shot at a secure future. Retirement, healthcare decisions, etc. You don’t want things to get ugly when one of you passes (hopefully many years from now!) and how terrible it would be to spend a lifetime with someone only for the life you built together be unavailable to you or your partner because you failed to secure it.

And naturally, since a lifetime is at stake, it should empower you to make long term decisions together about that secure future

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Marriage to me is the invisible bond that only these people can share and I love it. Weddings to me are a celebration and party of love and people. It may sound cliche but I absolutely love everything about the idea and don’t understand when people make all of the commitments and say it’s just a piece of paper. Yeah there is a piece of paper involved but think a little bigger than that ig. I’d be hurt too especially if you’ve talked about it in the past and now it’s changed. I’ve been with my bf 3 years and we talk about it but it’s a mutual decision for us to not be married ‘yet’ because I’d want to be able to celebrate like I want and it be carefree. I’m not just gunna say “nvr mind, it’s just a piece of paper🤷🏼‍♀️” after having the opposite position.

You should protect yourself legally if you’re not getting married. That’s why marriage is more than a piece of paper. You’ll need security for yourself and your children in the event he or you wants out and you need to divide money and the house. So regardless of what paper you get, get a lawyer ASAP.

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If it’s just a piece of paper it shouldn’t be a big deal to him.:woman_shrugging:

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Honey my husband said the same thing at one point because he had been married before. I explained my feelings on the subject and told him I love him I wanted to marry him but wouldn’t wait forever. We have been happily married for almost 10 years now.

Just because marriage is not for his mom doesn’t mean it is not for u. Stand for what you want or don’t settle. You and your man have the right to live out your desire to be married and make it official!

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I mean it is a legal agreement. It does not change your relationship love wise…

It is just a piece of paper. Honestly y’all already doing what married couples do from having kids to having a house etc so just getting married is just to show it on a piece of paper.

So is money and look what people do for it. Marriage is a legal agreement and a unity & vow to & through God… so I wouldn’t say just a piece of paper…

Going off the comments, I’m just going to play devils advocate here. My bf and I have been together for 6yrs with 3 kids, and I’ve been the one to tell him I don’t want to get married. We’ve talked about it, I’ve agreed once like yeah I guess it wouldn’t be so bad, but then backing out. I don’t have doubts about him, but marriage to me is also just a piece of paper. I feel like it adds extra pressure to the relationship, and I’ve been around alot of family members who have had multiple divorces as well as those who had a great relationship until marriage. I’m just saying it may not mean he’s not committed to you, nor that he has doubts. Maybe there’s another underlying issue or that he genuinely doesn’t believe in marriage. I would definitely explain that it hurt your feelings when he shut the idea down, and communicate with him about why his opinion has changed all of a sudden and go from there!

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If you have a good thing going, will a piece of paper make it better? I have friends and family who have been together for many years and have children together and they aren’t married. It’s not out of the norm anymore.

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I am rather ok just living together ,when hos finances are more inorder and he decides he’ll do. More I’ll say yes… but honestly I’m ok if that day never comes. I’m just happy to be his spouse , other half , mother to his children. The lev El of respect t we both ha e does not Hurt

It is just a piece of paper technically, but it means more than that legally and emotionally. For many, it signifies a real commitment. Financially and legally there is much more security in being married, especially when you have children. Not being married legally and having something bad happen to one of you can be a really big mess.

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It’s a BIG deal to you and he should understand that.

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It is just a piece of paper.
You can love someone just as much, and have everything the same and not be married. The only thing that’d change is your last name… Yall are doing the “married couple” thing already. Just not married. Marriage won’t make any difference love wise

In reality it is just a piece of paper, it doesn’t really change anything.

I’ve been with my husband for 6 years, we have in most common law states a common law marriage and we do married people things. We have rings and we go about our lives as if we were a married couple. I also feel this was as it is just a piece of paper. The only thing it really justifies is making medical decisions, health insurance and some taxes. Personally it’s not a huge deal.

Hannah Harper tell dylan I said what’s up and be prayin and he’s got this

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My state does not recognize common law marriages so if your house isn’t in joint ownership and your car too you could lose both if he died.

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I’m looking at this pragmatically. If you decide to continue without getting married I would at least make sure you know where you stand legally with regards to the house etc.

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That far down the track and I’d agree with him.

1 A 100 dollar bill is just a piece of paper. The title to a car is just a piece of paper. The title to your new house is just a piece of paper. Just pieces of paper often have more value than the actual paper they are written on.

  1. They have done several studies, people who choose to marry instead of just cohabitating are more likely to be more satisfied, have greater commitment, and have a more stable relationship.

  2. There are actual many financial/ insurance/ tax/ medical benefits to actually being married rather than being together. For example, if you go into a coma, and medical decisions need made, they aren’t gonna be asking your “boyfriend.” Your parents will get to make the decisions and he doesn’t get a say, unless you have a medical power of attorney. Which is also just a piece of paper.

  3. If it’s “just a piece of paper” to him, then he shouldn’t care if you guys have that piece of paper or if you don’t. So if it’s important to you, but not to him, then why not get it if it doesn’t
    mean anything but makes you happy?

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My spouse and I have been together happily for over 10 years…he helped me raise my son and we have a daughter together… have a home…a beautiful life together. He proposed years ago and we never got married. I decided I didn’t really need it or want it to be honest. Really doesn’t change anything at all in our relationship or lives. To me, being legally married means absolutely nothing… it really is just a peice of paper lol But its a personal decision for everyone I guess.

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Marriage is not just a piece of paper. Its the kind of commitment and promise you make to your partner to love them forever, take care of them till death. Its a whole other level of commitment and love. If he doesn’t see it as important as you do, then are you going to happy being with someone who has different values than you do. We raise our children to know the value of themself. How come when you can’t ask him to do what you preach.

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Thats how i view marriage. Id rather not be trapped if things go sideways

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Explain widows benefits🤣

If it is a big deal, then it’s more than paper. To me marriage is the commitment to the relationship. If he is committed than I don’t see why anyone would have a problem getting married. I guess saying it’s just paper, I saw a quote about money is just paper, but we don’t mind chasing that🤷‍♀️. There are benefits to either side of the debate I guess so it’s a personal thing.

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It depends on how you feel about it…
I myself never wanted to married so we been together almost 40 years…
We have 5 son’s…
It’s what you believe

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It is more than just a piece of paper. And your children will want to believe you loved one another to make that commitment. It’s just something left undone if you don’t. When you marry it is to become one. There is a sacred bond…it’s just different…emotionally.

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If it matters to you it should matter to him. If not you’re two individuals and not a couple. Only my opinion.

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Your boyfriend is afraid to get married and needs to grow up.

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It really doesnt change anything, the only thing a wedding is basically a big party in front of family friends celebrating one another and you guys can do that for an anniversary of when you first got together the marriage part your already living it you dont need a piece of paper to make it official unless it would benefit for tax reasons.

I feel the same as him

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We talked about it to we say it’s nothing but a piece of paper so we left it at that

He has every right to change his mind and you have every right to leave him for it. It’s ok to not want to be married and it’s ok to want to be married. I don’t care if I get married but I don’t want to live with a man, have children with him and/or buy a house with him and still be a only a girlfriend.

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You tell him it will make you happy. :boom:

If you want to be married and exchange vows to each other which is more than a piece of paper, make it a requirement. If a man loves you, he would be thrilled to make you his wife.

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If getting married is important to you, tell him how you feel about it. Tell him why it’s important to you. For some people, it’s just a piece of paper … for others, it’s a solemn vow of commitment.

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I felt it was just a piece of paper when I was with the WRONG person.

Left that marriage. Waste of my time and life.

Fast forward to now. My marriage with the CORRECT person was always important to us and we BOTH wanted to be married to each other so badly. Proud wife of 10 years and I definitely do not see Marriage is just a piece of paper with him. It actually means the whole world to me.

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Brother wS with his partner 28 years didn’t get married

Funny about the it’s just a piece of paper bs… What about that house you guys just bought! Didn’t you and he have to sign a piece of paper for that?! Shame on him! You have 2 kids and a house with him but no commitment, honey. Good luck!

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I dont needed a piece of paper to feel loved we are a team now totally together. Xx.

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Maybe y’all could do a courthouse wedding with just the people closest to you? So it’s not like a huge shindig and tell him I just want to be like yeah that’s my husband hahaha

I dont need a ring or a paper to have a happy life with my current boyfriend of almost 5 yrs. I also had two babies with him. (Makes 4 for me.) They are just titles. I’ve been married. Was for almost 10yrs/12yr relationship untill he decided to start a family with my best friend. (He was also a narcissistic ahole). I am totally ok with being the girl friend for the rest of my life.

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