Okay I need advice. I’m 6 months + 3 days pregnant. Due date for babygirl is April Fools. My boyfriend and I weren’t together long before I got pregnant, I had miscarried a few months prior to getting with him, so I was on birth control. When we got together was in the middle of the pandemic. It was when the casinos and big businesses were shut down. He’s a dealer at the casino, so he was on unemployment. Recently though, casinos and everywhere else basically have opened back up. They have been for a few months, but he hasn’t attempted going back. At first, I thought it was because of the extra money everyone was getting on unemployment, but that ended, and recently I’ve been getting to know his dad, whom he lives with. His dad recently told me he didn’t have his job prior to the pandemic. It hasn’t since the middle of last year. His dad (substitute teacher) pays his child support every month and provides everything from gas to diapers to food for his 2 1/2-year-old from his previous relationship when he has visitation. His dad also helps his baby’s mom with other various things as well, being that she’s a single mom with two jobs. She and I are friends as well, despite the fact that he hid I was pregnant from her until sometime last month when she heard through the great vine and messaged me. So here’s the short version: he refuses to get a job, unemployment gives him $100 a week, basically. His dad, my mom, and I have all given him plenty of suggestions, sent him links to apps, etc. He never even tries. What should I do? Baby’s arrival is coming soon, and I’m working on getting my own place as I’m 21 and moved home from another town at the start of the year, so I stay with my mom. I have a job; I transferred from my old job when I moved and have been employed the whole time. I just don’t know if I should let him move with me as I know I can’t afford to take care of a baby and a man on my own. (When I moved, I had to leave my car because it was having transmission problems, and the owner towed it. So I do depend between him and my mom for rides to work) I’m gonna be a first-time mom and it was really unexpected but I’m trying to take responsibility and do the best I can for her, please don’t be too harsh on me lol
Roll out that red carpet and walk away
Leave, girl. You don’t need that extra baggage.
So, I say this with love, RUN. He’s not going to change. He doesn’t take care of his 2.5 year old, chances are he’s not going to help with your baby. Focus on you, taking care of your precious little one and let him go.
Do not let him move with you! Run! Run fast! Worry about you and the baby…
Bye Felicia! His first kid and his current situation should tell you all you need to know. (Not saying this mean) but why would you and this kid be any different or make him change? In the end it sounds like he doesnt give a shit. Takes from his parents, won’t man up. Being a first time mom I s scary But you will figure out you need to do for you and that baby. You don’t need some grown ass man to take care of too!
You don’t want to here this but you got your self a loser never change listen to his dad
You have to leave him. His dad is even enabling his behavior by paying his child support for him! He’s comfortable and not looking to change. Theres tons of support for single moms you just have to reach out! You got this!
Run! If he doesn’t take care of the baby he has now or himself he’s not going to change
Definitely don’t move in together. Whether or not you want to try to keep the relationship is up to you, but you’ll have enough stress taking care of a baby without basically adopting a full-grown man child, too. You also want to make sure the child has good role models. You definitely don’t want them to pick up his laziness.
Ummm how are you still calling him your boyfriend? He needs to be referred to a one night stand that went too far. Save yourself the trouble and let him go. He isnt worth a damn and won’t start being any time soon.
DO NOT LET HIM MOVE IN WITH YOU. Run, fast!
Do NOT let him move in with you just because you need a sitter. And if you’re that concerned speak with your mom about staying after the baby is born. Dont be ashamed of that if you truly have intentions to be on your own soon. Once the baby is born apply for state daycare to help with the cost. Work towards a car first then a place of your own.
No disrespect at all, but sweetheart you need to think about just getting rid of him all together. Work on you and that sweet soon to be baby. And when the time comes, even if it’s years down the road, you will find a MAN!!!
Go get a good job while you can! You aren’t relying on him now. If you stay, he won’t be helping you. You’ll be enabling him
Tbh only solution I can think of, is him being a stay at home dad while you work full time. But he sounds very immature and irresponsible.
Do not let him move in with you stay as far away as you can he won’t change then there done that
He knows you’re expecting his child and he has another he personally doesnt work for? Nah girl run .
Id personally say no… id be honest with him and say sorry boo but unless you are working and paying half the no deal
If having a kid doesn’t make him get his shit together then nothing will. Especially a second kid. Time to cut bait.
Please DO NOT let him move. Find what will work best for you but don’t libe with him
Do NOT let him move in! Cut your losses now! His parents and his ex know that he’s a piece of crap. You have a good relationship with them already. They will understand. But walk away from that man-child!
You already know the answer stop playing.
Girl leave. Run. Very fast. Get a car, get a place and then leave.
Nope you should not live with him. He is very irresponsible.
Omg no. He doesnt care for the baby he already has! he wont be caring for the baby you’re about to have! Do NOT even let him know where you live or he’ll be sponging off you forever. Because thats what he is: a sponge. What type of man lets his dad pay his responsibilities and bills girl get out of that relationship
Leave him there. Make him get a job. Don’t support him. I’m sorry but he needs to grow up and get a job. If you and his dad keep paying his way he will never get a job. That doesn’t do him any favors and definitely your new baby
Honey, I was a single mom myself with 3 kids. A wonderful man appeared in my life with him with no kids mind you, and has shown love to all 3, including adopting my youngest a few years ago. (His bio Dad abandoned him) 9 years later, still together and he loves them just as much as he loves me! It’s even a package deal from the beginning! I can’t relate with him without a job, but I’m telling you this, I’m so blessed to have this man in our lives, You can and deserve to be blessed too! You just gotta walk away sweetie… A real man will catch up to you. Trust me on this.
This has got to be a joke who would want someone like that
Move with your mom. Take it from personal experience, don’t stay with a man with 0 motivation to support his child and rides off parents. You and your mother would do much better yourselves. Let him see the child if he wishes, and the grandparents .
I mean he does not technically take care of his first kid so I’m sure he wont help with yours I would cut ties
Baby girl. You being a single mama is going to be by far easier than being in a relationship with a man child who mooches off people and let’s his parents pay for a child he created. Trust me. You may not feel like you’re ready or able, but I PROMISE you, as soon as that baby is in your arms, you’ll have all the strength in the world. Don’t let that fool move with you. If he finds motivation, gets a job and PROVES he’s learned responsibility for a good while, just don’t. You got this mama!!!
Kick him to the curb, he lied to you and seems lazy.
Girl you better run, not walk, RUN on out of that right now. He’s not yours to raise, you’ve already got a baby on the way.
Stay with your mom, dont move in with him, get counceling. He already has 1 kid and still no job his dad is working to support him. Run. Have him get a job and step up to support the kids, his 1st one will get priority though.
I’ve never been so proud in a comment section like I am right now I hope she listens to all you smart people!
He’s a freeloader …
Do not let him move in you will never get rid if him. Being in love is good and all that but it does not pay the bills. And don’t get me started on how the fact his dad is stepping up and not him… disgrace!
You are better off on your own. I would stay with your mom as long as she’s willing to let you save as much money as you can for a car. Then start saving for a place with out him. He’s obviously been allowed to be lazy has everyone doing everything for him. Stop it won’t get better. Been there done that. You got this girl, you deserve far better and so does your baby. Or if you really care for him tell him he has 2 months to get a job or you are done. If after 2 months he hasn’t gotten a job, leave him change your number and ghost his lazy butt.
U r crazy if u take him in
A real man looks after his woman and children, not the other way round. Everyone is enabling him to be a lazy sod.
I’ve been there. My ex was “on unemployment” when we first got together. Said he worked in a coal mines that closed which was totally believable at the time for the area. Said he was going to get his CDL and turned out he’s never had a job in his life. His dad paid for everything. I stayed with him for 3 years before I got pregnant. When I got pregnant things got worse. We would fight all the time. I worked most of my pregnancy and ended up moving back in with mom when I was 8 months along because she was closer to the hospital and they said it wasn’t safe for me to work anymore. If it wasn’t for her and Dad I would have lost everything. He has never showed me any support whatsoever. He never came to the hospital and had only met my 20 month old 5 times. Our lives is much easier without him than my life ever was with him.
does he have any redeeming qualities? is he mentally ill? usually these advice posts include some ideation of “but i love him!” but you sound very matter-of-fact. maybe that’s just how you chose to approach the topic but to me it seems you’re kinda just with him cause you’re pregnant with his baby, not because he’s all that.
Wow he’s a bum. Run far and fast. Its going to suck but sounds like you are on your own for this one. No real man is happy with other people taking care of his kid or having $100 to live on.
Children are easier to raise then men
He doesn’t get a job because everyone in his life are making it easy for him so why would he? Dont have him move with u u will have to pay for him and your baby
Sounds like you need to run far away because he’s not going to change girl. Just saying I know from experience as well.
don’t move from your moms or try to find a place that is for low income housing it is ok to get help for a little bit.his parents need to stop helping him so he can get a job… like they are letting him live free with no responsibilities. Remember he’s not your child so let us parents continue dealing with him.
Do you even have to ask others opinion on this???
Just leave him. For your own good. Leave him.
I’m personally in a similar situation, so speaking from experience… cut those ties sis and worry about you and that sweet baby. The fact of the matter is “If he wanted to, he would.” YOU GOT THIS!!
Better taking care of the two of you unless you want to take care of him too, because that’s what you will end up doing, he’s showed you who he is, better believe it.
Start getting your stuff together sounds like you’ll be a single mom here soon. Don’t let him bring you down having to support him. If he won’t get a job leave. No dick is that important.
He has too many enablers you need to cut him off, force him to get a job either that or the street. Your first priority is your health and the coming baby. You aren’t going to have the time or energy to look after a man, baby. He’s going to sap your energy and any money you bring in. It’s time to fold em girl.
Do not move with him. Give him an ultimatum. A job or the highway.
Don’t let him move in. His dad is telling you he won’t work. You will end up taking care of him.
Uff… this is an easy one LEAVE HIM:clap:t2:
Don’t let him move out with you. He needs to get a job. Who wants an extra adult to support?
Get out now. It will only get worse. He doesn’t do anything for his other kid what makes you think hell do anything for this one?
Why would you want to keep him?
I was in a relationship similar with someone who was unmotivated to change or grow. Honestly I stayed because I wanted to give him a chance to prove he could do it (get a stable job and provide for his child and myself) it didn’t work and it was an awful mess. My advice is, be very clear “you need a job that is atleast XYZ amount of hours per week or atleast be studying full time for me to live with you and committed to that choice and doing it before you can live with me and our child. I want you to be responsible and prove to me that you can provide for us. Until then I want to live on my own or with my mum. Allow him access whenever he is able to visit within reason (as long as he is safe and physically responsible enough to help with bubba and not for long periods of time ect this shouldn’t effect him being able to bond with his baby. The two issues are seperate and should be treated as such - although it is frustrating at times). Use the time you have left to set yourself up as if he isn’t there and won’t be part of it and prepare yourself for him to stay the same as he is.
Some people do change but few do and if he’s not motivated before the baby comes it’s honestly doubtful he will Suddenly become motivated once he or she is born.
You need to be the provider, the responsible person your baby can rely on don’t wait for him to decide if he does or doesn’t, you have a few months to prepare and you don’t want to have to move out or be unprepared when Bub is born.
You can do this, you sound like you have your head screwed on and your baby just needs someone to make he or she a priority. you got this !!
You don’t need him you can do better you are having a baby to take care of you don’t need him for you to take care of to. .If he isn’t going to work now do you think he will if you work an support him.
If he didnt man up for his first kid, he wont for you Sounds like you will have enough on your plate. Even though it might be hard, cutting ties now will make your life so much easier in the long run!!
Hook up with his dad
If you move in with him, you will be raising two children. Get him the hell out of your life. You are not going to change him.
Sounds like he needs to grow the heck up. Doesn’t seem like he cares about supporting a family so if I was you I would find someone else who works hard and cares. Leave him before you have to raise him too
Hate to be a downer but this on this…do you want to raise TWO children? That is what you would be doing because he will never change!
Leave him find me and I’ll cherish you like a queen as you deserve to be
Do not let him move in with you! You will be supporting 3 people!
Being gentle, but sounds like you need to run! Hes never going to take care of anyone not even him self! Sorry
walk away, he’s a good for nothing—always has been, and always will be.
As someone who was in the same boat leave. I left my daughters dad 8 months pregnant because he wouldnt get a job. I worked 6 days a week as a hair dresser plus did hair at my house any free time I had. All he did was play xbox. 10 years later he still cant keep a job and is pretty much a fucking bum. It won’t get better. I left after 8 years best freakin thing I ever did…
Not being rude …just say ’ n. Get rid of him. Never be good for you or you’re baby.
Leave. He has no initiative to take care of the. Child he has. He wants a woman to take care of him and no woman deserves that childish shit. My ex is just like your BF and 8 years later still hasn’t changed.
Needing a ride isn’t worth throwing your life away. Leave him behind and Uber to work until you can get your own vehicle.
With love, run in the opposite direction.
Get out and stay single
He sounds like a deadbeat with his first child, guarantee he’ll be a deadbeat with yours too.
Cut him out of your life, raise your baby on your own (you already have a support system with your mom and his parents). You’ll be fine.
You got this and it just looks like he is a user and not a doer so let him go and find you a doer someone who will love you and baby girl enough to take care of yall
What the hell is wrong with him. I don’t care how much you love him, do you really want a dead end life for the rest of your life with this lazy POS man child? Run baby. Runnnnn.
This is where as a mom, you need to do what’s best for you and your child. You can do it.
You don’t want to be with a man who doesn’t take responsibility for his first baby, and constantly runs to his parents for help. He is perfectly capable of getting a job and supporting his family. It’s not your job to take care of him.
You need to just step away, give the baby your last name, get order for child support, and allow him his visitation if he decides to see the baby.
Make sure you keep logs of everything he does and says. Including seeing the baby and what he buys and when. It’s going to make it easier if you ever go to court that you kept records.
You have to stay strong, and give yourself the life your baby deserves. Red flags are everywhere in this post. And if you ever need to talk, my messenger is always open
Girl he sounds like a hot mess express.
Sounds like a freaking loser who’s dad is gonna have to try to pay you as well to support his other grand baby. Absolutely no reason to have a dead beat sitting on your couch all day not doing shit for you especially when the baby comes I’m sure he’s not gonna man up then either
I think my head just exploded
Give him an ultimatum. Tell him if he wants to live with you and the baby he has to start being able to help support you two and his other child.
Let that go. It will not improve with a baby. Past behavior is a red flag of future behavior, in this case.
You will be better off without him, at least as a boyfriend, I suggest holding off on getting your own place, especially until the baby is a little older you will need some help with baby especially the first few weeks. Maybe you could get the baby’s father to do daycare while you work. I also suggest getting a parenting plan in place before the baby is born, that will protect you, and force him to pay child support, you could even stipulate he cover half of daycare costs and does thake care of the baby while you are at work.
Don’t let him move with you. You don’t need the added stress of taking care of him and your baby.
He is living off of you, and his dad is supporting his child. At what point do you think this will change. Cut our losses and go. For the sake of you and the baby.
Momma, you got this. Drop him like a bad habit. I’m not going to lie, it will be rough to do this on your own but you can do it.
Hell no do not let him move with you!!!
My 1st thought you and other baby mama should move in together! Both single moms, both have his babies, you guys can try to work opposite shifts the other mom can take both kids when other momma needs to work child care is taken care of.
Whatever you do do not let him move in with you!!!
Run. There are alternate ways to and from work. He hasn’t taken responsibility for his first kid, he’s not going to do Jack for this one either. You’ve got this. You don’t need him.
Sounds like his the April fool
Run, just… Run a dude who dont care for one child wont care for another and the fact he has no problem with his dad paying his child support while he doesn’t try to is a big red flag on the type of boy he really is
You know your answer.
Don’t do it!! You can do this.
If he doesn’t take care of his first child then that right there should tell you.
From personal experience any man that refuses to get a job or a full time job and will do whatever he can to avoid doing so and let his gf/fiancée/wife do it all will NEVER change. Do not let him move in with you and just leave him now.
He aint no man…he is useless!
From someone that has a son by a guy just like this run fast. My son is 11 now and his dad and i havent beem togther for 10 years now. But he still doesnt have a job nor foes he pay his support and doesnt even bother with amythimg else in his sons life
With his habits of not trying to get employment I definitely wouldn’t keep trying. If he’s not willing to put the extra effort in. You shouldn’t either
This is gonna sound harsh but if he cant even bother to get a job to take care of the child he already has he isnt gonna be a stand up dad for this child either. RUN and dont look back. You and your child will be better off without him