So this happened a few weeks ago and I’m just so resentful I don’t know what to do. Any advice appreciated.
I have 2 children from a previous relationship, my boyfriend has one from a previous relationship , we don’t live together, yet.
My boyfriend takes his daughter every weekend Friday-Sunday, and usually 2-3 days a week too (his ex has bipolar and can’t cope) my kids go to their fathers every other weekend Friday-Sunday.
My boyfriend and I were expecting a child, we knew pretty early that there were abnormalities, so we were prepared for the worst. At 20 week scan there was no heartbeat detected and I was told to come back the following Friday (7days later) to come back to the hospital to basically surgically terminate the baby (for lack of a better term, as this is all so fresh my head is still all over the place) because of the pandemic I had to go to all this appointments alone.
I organised to swap weekends with my ex, I would be released that evening so my kids would be away while I recovered. I asked my boyfriend to stay with me as my doctor advised not to be left alone, he would only release me into the care of my boyfriend or I would be kept until Monday. He said he would. We had not told any family, or friends as we suspected this outcome from the beginning, he was the only one that knew I was going for this procedure. He informed his ex, that I was having an operation and could not be left alone so he would be unable to take his daughter.
Procedure happens, I’m released Saturday morning due to complications, he stays with me that day, the next morning from 6 am his ex starts texting him repeatedly saying the child is missing him, she’s crying, shes upset etc. Then she starts sending him videos of the child crying. At this point I’m still half asleep and feeling really groggy, he wakes me tells me what’s happened and says he’s leaving to get his daughter now. I ask him please not to go, as I don’t feel well at all and very groggy and I’m afraid to be left alone. I still need assistance going to the toilet. He says his child is crying for him and she’s more important, and leaves.
About an hour after he left I got up to go to the toilet and when I got out of bed I saw that it was absolutely saturated with blood, I felt so weak and was unable to stand, I rang my friend and explained a little bit of the story, and asked her to come over as I knew something was wrong, that’s the last thing I remember before waking up in hospital. Turned out I Haemorrhaged my friend found me and called an ambulance. I’m extremely lucky to have gotten an ambulance to me in time.
I have never asked my boyfriend to give up time with his child, in 2 years it was the only time out of necessity, and he knew that there could be complications and the only reason I was released was because it was into his care, he left me alone and I could have died, and left my own children motherless.
After that I didn’t see him for two weeks because he had “missed enough time with his child to be with me he needed to make up the time with her”
I have so much resentment towards him now, I’ve tried to bring up the conversation how I’m feeling, as well as the grief of loosing the baby.
He tells me I’m jealous of him spending time with his child.
I need advice, am I wrong to hold a grudge? I just can’t get over it