My boyfriend is leaving everything to his daughter...advice?

My boyfriend and I have been together 5 years. Hes 37 and im 33. We both own houses but about for about 4 years we have live together in his house. We have a daughter together and I have a son from a previous relationship(never married). We have been engaged for about a year and a half and our wedding is schedule for 4 days from now. For a long time my boyfriend has stated that he wanted a prenuptial so that he keeps his house in case of divorce. We had a strong relationship and so although I don’t agree with prenups I was willing to sign it. He waited until a month and a half ago to actually start the process and we finally got it back a few days ago. I took it straight to a lawyer and yesterday we talked it over. This prenup is stating that if he dies 100% of everything goes to my daughter: life insurance, 401K, pension, house, car, bank account. I mean everything! The day he dies is the day that I get kicked out of the house. I thought it was a mistake since it was talking about death not divorce. I went to talk to my boyfriend and we ended in an argument. He apparently knew that was in there but only told me about the divorce part. I refuse to sign it but offered to revise it to only speak of divorce. If we are married 50 years and at 80 he dies. what happens to me? I’m in a box on the corner?! After fighting over it what it all boils down to is that he thinks if I inherit anything I will then give it to my son and leave my daughter empty handed. I would never do that. But now I am hurt over the fact that he wants to treat my son some type of way. Yes he isn’t biologically his but he has been my sons father figure since he was 5.what are your thoughts? Does he just have cold feet? Am I unrealistic? If he even shows up and says yes what do I say? I’m not sure that’s the man I want to marry. I wish last night never happened.Like

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He is so wrong. Leave.

Prenup aside, do you want to spend your life with someone who isn’t going to treat ‘your’ son as if he is his own? 

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I would NOT marry him, he isn’t thinking about you at all! What are you suppose to do if anything happens to him? But, I’m sure if he needs to be taken care of he expects his wife to do that! Uncool

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That’s insane imo. My husband and I have been together for 6 years married for 1. We have no kids yet. But if he ever made me sign a prenuptial I’d be upset. What we earned we earned together. You need love support and a shoulder to lean on in orde3 to succeed in life (imo). You share a life you share it all

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You answered your own question Sweety.

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I’d be done. That’s shady af. If he has issues he should have let ya know wayyyy in advance. Wow.

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Stay with him if you love each other. Tell him you do not expect to be homeless if he dies first and that every penny you can save from now on will be going towards some investment or property for the future welfare of you and your son. If I understood correctly then any house you would own would be left to your son when you die. Without knowing any other details of your circumstances that does seem fair to me.

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Definitely not the type I’d marry

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If you’re not sure, DONT DO IT

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Huge red flags!!! Personally, I would leave or at best, call off the wedding and work all of this out. He would have a LOOOOONG time to prove to me that he loved our kids the same. I don’t even think I could give him an opportunity, because essentially, he has JUST shown you who he is, THANK THE LORD HE DONE IT NOW…… take them babies and go, love them how they deserve to be loved! :heart:

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I get it. If your married your not going to keep both houses and want security you will have a home if he passes away.

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I really would not get married to him I really would call off the hole thing sorry but you getting married to him a really bad idea DO NOT DO IT

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I understand where he’s coming from BUT ask him to include you and his daughter and to exclude your son. Excluding you completely is not a way to start a marriage but it needs to be talked about calmly

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Don’t sign it. Run don’t walk. Absolutely never

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Now you know. Do not marry him. Break up and move on with your life and give yourself a chance to meet someone who will value you and love you.

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Postpone the wedding until this is settled.

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Odd , as he could make stipulations for all involved to make sure it gets divided up more equitable.

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I’d not marry him, there’s a serious lack of trust here. It’s scary he’d leave you high and dry like that and sees no issue. There are ways to make sure you all are sorted financially. I’d cancel the wedding because once you marry, it’s not easy to get out

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If he truly feels that way don’t marry him. Wtf. If you stay married for 50 years you should at least have some type of security for yourself, and he should want that for you too. It doesn’t make any sense. He should want for his newly adopted son to prosper also, not just his daughter. Of course you’d split the inheritance between them, the fact he doesn’t want that is shady.

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Hold off on marriage until you get this resolved and be prepared to walk away if necessary.

Talk to him about why he structured things this way and ask about his thought process to craft the pre-nup this way & what has happened that makes him think you would give everything to your son. Do this when you can remain calm, listen & not yell. You may need to work out like a fiend & take a Xanax beforehand to accomplish this, but it’s essential you remain as neutral as possible to get honest answers. Get insights from experiences he’s had with family members as to what he’s afraid of. Does he think because you have a house (and a job?) that you don’t need anything should you get divorced or widowed? What if he dies when your kids are still young? As her guardian would you be in charge of all the assets for her?

If that doesn’t work, both of you should talk to a couples counselor about why he feels this way. Maybe she/he can bring up other scenarios where this thinking might be a problem to see how you’d solve it together.

If he’s been underhanded and deceitful on purpose, is this really the person you want to marry? Was this his idea or did a vindictive lawyer push this on him?

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You both own a house, so leave yours to your son, then both children inherit a home… The only thing you should need changed is the life insurance, so that you can look after the 3 of you if anything happens to him, and yours should go to him, so that he can do the same… It might help if you both sit down with your lawyers and talk it out, as you’re prob misunderstanding each other.

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I would not be marrying him

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Think realistically … he’s choosing 1 child … you or your son are not equally anything to him . Do you in anyway see this as unconditional love ? Be honest with yourself . I can’t imagine how your son would feel years down the road realizing where he stood in this man’s eyes. Even more , he’s telling you that your not a priority either .
Don’t settle for this madness!! You & your children deserve better

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Dont sign it. Dont marry him. Stay as you are. Stockpile you a secret safety net.

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Leave, you have more rights now when separating from common law than if you sign that piece of paper and go through with the wedding.

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Start packing to move on.

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I wouldn’t sign that. That’s not cool at all

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I wouldn’t even marry him. All the shadiness and lies through omission even is a red flag to me. Yes sounds like it should’ve been a discussion prior, but at least now you know.

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So uh if my husband ever even thought for a second I would think that way or sign that he’d never gotten married. All OUR children get our stuff…half of OUR children aren’t biological to either of us ( my ex husbands daughter is still my child and his exes son is his all by choice and love and we have my niece and anyway you get the picture) but he knows that they all are equally the same to myself and to him so even though the home was mine before marriage it’s being left to all OUR babies and until we both die it stays to whoever is alive. Protect yourself…if he doesn’t realize those babies are equal then there is a problem in my opinion.

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Sounds like you need to find a counselor FAST and speak with a lawyer. I would not get married, I would not sign that. If he wanted to will a few specific things/some money to his daughter specifically I can see that but at the end of the day he’s committing to a life with you which includes raising the TWO children you have, regardless of one of them being his and one not. To just absolutely abandon you in the case of death is wild and it’s even more concerning that he tried to hide it. What if he dies in two years, your daughter technically gets everything but you have literally nothing to help raise her, no home to raise her in?? I don’t even get what he’s thinking. Nope nope nopeeeeeee​:triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post:

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I wouldn’t marry him Till he fixes the paper work to include u and both the kids… he doesn’t see ur son as his being in his life since 5 too (red flag)… being with u is accepting ur son as his .

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I stand with him. He’s ensuring HIS child is taken care of. Your son isn’t his responsibility and you have a hone tongonto if this was ever to happen. What’s the issue? Do you plan to off him for his life insurance?!

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Him trying to be sneaky with having all that in there is insane. I don’t understand how someone can be with someone else and not accept their child fully

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Me and my husband just got married this past August everything I had including insurance policies goes to my son when I pass he has no issue with this as his will he’s leaving everything of his to his boy. but our boys are 12 and 13 and we are both cool with it as we both had our own things laid out before we got together

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Why is everyone skipping over that she is afraid of being put on the street if he dies when they are elderly and Why is everyone referring to her as his daughter…it’s THEIR daughter together. Regardless she will get death benefits for the daughter if anything ever happened.

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You should postpone the weeding until this is settled down.
He is not wrong for wanting to protect his daughter in case something happens to him.

In my opinion what you have before a marriage is yours and only yours , and what is build between the marriage / relationship belong to both .

He can leave everything he owned / had before meeting you exclusively to his daughter and whatever you have together split between you , your son and the daughter you have together.

If you guys re-do the pre nup you have to make sure to also include your son , because he clearly doesn’t care about him that much and if something happens to you your son will end with nothing

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Call it off. I am so sorry

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Tbh it’s HIS house. And for all we know, she may treat the son differently then the daughter. But as that is his only biological child RIGHT NOW, he has every right to leave all HIS property to just her.the OP owns a house so she can leave hers to the son.
Just like my parents. It’s set up that I receive the house,the 401k,1 bank account, and 2 insurance policies. My oldest sister gets the other bank account and a small policy . My 3rd sister gets only the boat and rv.
Fair? No . But it’s how THEY chose to do it.

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Deffo don’t sound right assests should be divided mot just left to one person ad you are not married but have been long time at time of death its classed as common law married and and assets you bought together since being in a relationship your still entitled to half if you have made payments towards etc you can also stay in the house if you have young children as time of death as well please speak to lawyer if your married at time.of death your entitled to half of all assets since marriage please do not sign this pre nup until this is changed cause is a court of law your agreeing to what it states and it won’t be unturned

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Leave go back to your house

DO NOT MARRY THAT MAN. He just showed you a big fat red flag. If you dont want to leave him, ok but do not marry him.

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Serious lack of trust here I wouldn’t be marrying him sorry

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Sounds like you should’ve discussed this before it got to that point. 

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Your boyfriend can make a will and say you can stay in the house when he dies until you die or you either get remarried or go into a defacto relationship when this happens then the house goes to his daughter

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If you came into the relationship each owning a house, I don’t see any flags. This is business and he is being responsible for his daughter as he knows you will be responsible for looking out for your son if his father isn’t already.

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Apart from the obvious…
he’s left everything in a trust for the daughter… sorry what’s the issue? Lack of communication? Yes.
What happens with what you both accumulate during the marriage?
After another 40 years do you project zero financial growth?

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:triangular_flag_on_post:
Do not sign
Do not marry

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So he’s your bf? Not husband right?
Then it should go to his kids. If I met a great guy tomorrow, I’d never be changing my will to put my “boyfriend” above my kids in my will. That’s just wrong.

I wouldn’t sign it. But my fiance is the dad to all 3. If something happens to him everything goes to the kids but I am the one over the money and everything until I think they are capable of managing it themselves. I have it the same way, he is in charge of everything until they are mature enough to handle it.
He has always made sure the kids come first but that I will be ok as well.

I would ask him what if he doesn’t make it to 50. What if a horrible accident happens, would he want you to be extremely stressed and un able to afford the house and everything the kids need. It’s hard enough to loose a spouse and honestly in the screwed up world we are in right now… it takes a family to have multiple jobs and steady income. Unfortunately I don’t see it getting any easier. He should care about you and want you to be ok in the case something unexpected happens. I can understand your son because he has a dad. But at the same time maybe it will change in the future after yall are married that he includes him in a will.

He has every right to leave everything to his daughter. As for your son his not your partner’s responsibility , I think he has every right to make sure once he dies your son doesn’t get the house. If this was a women making this dession I bet everyone would agree with her

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Also, ask how he feels about your son now and into the future. If he will continually see him as “less than” it could scar your son for life.

Talk about money: what about college funds for the kids? At what age do you each think they should get a job? Will he view your son’s kids as his grandchildren or cut him out of his life once he’s 18–or 16?

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Run and don’t look back. I how man does not love you

I wouldn’t marry a man that picks one kid over the other. You are a packaged deal. You come with a son. He is going to be step daddy. So should be 50/50 split between kids.

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I have a question what happens to the home you own …will it be rented out or sold will you be banking the money for yourself and your son . If you marry and he dies a couple of years later where does he think his minor daughter is going to live alone in the house without her mother . You need to talk to him and point these things out . Both children are yours and you will care for them . Why would you favor either child .A Divorce situation does not even warrant this .Both children are yours and you most likely you would get custody and still need place to live. I would love to meet the idiot attorney that told your fiance his agreement was fair or viable . You can have any document drawn up and signed by involved parties but it doesn’t make it legal under law

HUGE red flags. He’s willing to leave you absolutely NOTHING because you have a son that is not biologically his, yet he’s been playing daddy to him for 5 years?

Seriously? He’d leave you NOTHING, just zip, zero, nada, nothing? No insurance money to live on in old age or if he gets hit by a truck tomorrow?

No bank accounts, no house that you’ve been living in and contribute to…no vehicle…just absolutely nothing for you, ALL for his biological daughter who is also your daughter…seriously? Wtf kind of thinking is this?

I can understand setting up a trust for his daughter for college or to purchase her first vehicle…but to cut you out and off of EVERYTHING??

But okaaaay…you know where you stand in his eyes and life. We’re this me…I’d tell him to go to hell, this is not loving and caring for your spouses well being for life.

I’d take both kids and move back to your own house. He can do what he wants with his death will.

This is insane to treat a spouse this way, and even thinking about cutting your spouse off from every single thing after you die shows you have no care, concern, or regard for her quality of life, or what happens to her if you die.

Craziness. Take your kids and go back to your own house, and start a 401K for yourself for retirement.

You set things up for your own retirement and split your assets with your kids upon your death as you see fit.

After seeing his plans which obviously he’s thought about, knew it was going to cause problems and rightfully upset you so he tries to spring it on you last minute…

Girl, I couldn’t even stand to be in a room with him, breathing the same air he’s breathing.

I’m 65 and have witnessed women being deliberately left destitute and broke and homeless after years of marriage to a man they thought they knew.

Don’t allow yourself to be put in that position.

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It’s almost ps if in his mind that daughter is his only and forget you and your son. Which means if you ever divorce, custody and divorce is going to be hell. I definitely wouldnt marry him. It’s not too late yet.

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Would your daughter leave you with nothing?
What about the house you own

Need to get it sorted, before getting married

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NEVER CHOOSE A MAN OVER YOUR KIDS! He let you know who he is, now believe him. Your son deserves better from someone who is going to be your life partner. Y’all are a packaged deal.

Wow !! Is that how a marriage works now a days that’s so sad all children should be treated the same and accepted as their own this will cause so much damage to a child not knowing why he was treated so differently if your going to marry someone like this atleast make sure your child is going to be equal to the others like I get Yous both own homes but shouldn’t everything be shared and split… Yous ain’t even married yet and he’s already looking at being divorced if it happens why get married if your not 100% sure your gonna be married for the rest of your guys life if that makes sense…

I would …first get calm because I imagine your emotions are high.
First try and understand where he is coming from.
Secondly reasure him, if you were to die your daughter regardless of age would be loved and cared for.

Thirdly tell him your not comfortable marrying and sharing a life with the man of your dreams for the day he dies your left with nothing.
Then say I’m open to discuss it, because I love you but if you are actually happy to leave me with nothing after 10 years I’m sorry we don’t have what I thought we did.

I’d actually agree the house gets given to the daughter maybe a percentage of money
Anything else assets/ furniture (because I dare say you’ll upgrade over the years) cars/super etc goes to yourself.

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Yea, that would be a sign… don’t do it. You should move back in YOUR house. Keep dating if you want. That way he can do what he wants with HIS money. Pre nup. Really is he rich, millionaire . Get child support and send him on his way

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I read the first line and honestly, good for him. That’s his daughter, he should leave her everything. He is t taking anything from you. You are a grown person, make your own money and leave it to your kids, no one owes you a dang thing, much less your child that isn’t his. Do him a favor, don’t marry him. The audacity of you to even suggest he gives your child half of his things? Pffft nah.

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Y don’t she just go back to her own house? Or maybe see if her daughter let’s her carry on living in her house. Afterall he b dead

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It’s a good idea as your house goes to your son and his to his daughter because if you do divorce or a death and you get remarried and you new partner would get everything and if he has children your children proberly would end up with nothing it happened to my ex husband his father remarried 5 weeks before he died none of his children received nothing

It’s your shared child, so he isn’t leaving it his daughter he leaves to your daughter too. He wants to make sure she gets what was his before the wedding. Most prenups say you leave with what you came in with. He came in with a house and when he dies, the house remains in his family. But, you are raising your child, what are the odds she would kick you out when her father dies? I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Leave your house to your son and now they will both have a house when a parent dies.

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I don’t blame you. I was with my ex for 4 years. Then he fell sick got cancer no cure and dying. His adult daughters get everything when he passes. I left before he passed so I could leave with the things I came into the relationship with. I didn’t want to fight his daughters for my things. 4 years I loved him broke my heart to leave but I needed to what was best for my son and I. You need to protect yourself hun

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That’s not the man I would want to marry the fact that you’re four days away from a wedding and y’all(or him which ever it is) still separate the fact that y’all have a daughter together and that is your son is a huge red flag for me personally… I was engaged to a man like that we had five children but he only had three(2 mine 3 his I always said I had 5 without hesitation) needless to say we ended up not getting married for multitude of reasons but me personally the fact that y’all still think of your children separately he still thinks of your son as your son versus y’all’s son after all this time no me personally there wouldn’t be a wedding.

How do you work and build to leave yourself destitute
Sounds like building yourself for destruction

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He’s not “treating your son some kind of way” he’s looking out for his child should God forbid he leaves this earth early. Your son is NOT his child and you can’t make a man love a child he didn’t make. :woman_shrugging:t3:

I’m not leaving anything to my partners child nor is he leaving anything to my children. The child we have together will get what’s theirs when we die… simple :woman_shrugging:

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He has every right to give everything to his child. I would do the same. You can move on and create a new life. Make sure you build enough to give to your own child.

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Have it changed that you get 50% and the daughter gets 50% in death

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It should go to you to provide for the children!!! Sorry butt he’s not going to be there for you or your son, just your daughter???that’s not right at all!!! Ditch his ass

Youre being hysterical. You own a home, so you’re hardly going to be homeless. Give your son your house. Problem solved.

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A husband is suppose to look out for his wife after death not throw her to the curb . When he came into your life he was to take your son as his own . I wouldnt marry someone that didn’t apparently dear he really dont look at him as his nor does he care about you leave if you have a house of your own go back to it and take your daughter show him you wont put up with it. But the choice is your no one elses . I just think you must of been not paying attention to things because there had to be signs he didnt except your son as his and that he wouldnt leave you shit when he dies lol go run dont look back your stupid if you stay

You could keep your home and rent it out and then you’d still keep your equity and an option for your future is needed. However, I’d still postpone the wedding until you both come to an amicable agreement that suits you both. Good luck!!! Stay strong for yourself and your children!!!

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This is a huge red flag. When I read the first sentence it sounded like he had a daughter from a previous relationship. Why would he think you wouldn’t take care of both of your children, and his if he did have another child previously? I wouldn’t be comfortable getting married on these terms.

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You don’t need our advice. You know what to do. Protect yourself!

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He showed his true feeling for you, I’d think long and hard if I were you about the future with someone as selfish as he is. My late boyfriend pretty much did the same, I left.

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I was always taught that when someone shows you their true colors, believe them. I’m sorry you’re going through this:( I would not marry him… unless he went to therapy with you and you both could come to an agreement (that for me, at this point, would include NO prenuptial at all.)

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I don’t like the way this sounds. I would really rethink the relationship.

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I truly understand your concern, since both of you own a house perhaps he knows your house will go to the son and his house to the daughter. However it would be advisable for you to have a conversation with your bf and emphasize on how you feel because after all is said and done you don’t want any of the kids to feel as though one is being favoured over the other. Communication is very important, only through open communication you can express yourself over certain concerns so will understand and both of you can find a solution together.

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Keep your house and run back to it.

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Cancel the wedding and walk away.

He just showed you the kind of person he is, believe him.

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Be nice to your daughter.

This is tough…sorry you have to question your whole relationship just before getting married. I wish you peace and happiness.

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Put a hold on the wedding…for sure.

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I do agree the prenup should be just about the divorce. Y’all can talk about what kid gets what and what kid doesn’t in a different document.

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It is a blessing to see the TRUE side of someone. Honestly, with him acting like that, I would rethink the whole marriage and move myself and the kids back to MY home. To tell you the truth.

No that won’t fly. He changes it or you be done girl.

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What’s your problem you have your own house. Tell him you’re daughter will inherit yours. Probably solved.

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Girl you better rethink this relationship

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He showed you who he really is. You didnt need to ask us what to do because he made that quite easy

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He has to protect his child just like you need to protect your child. Not a thing wrong with that. If your marriage goes the distance you will get his retirement and his social security. If the kids are grown they get neither. As for as both owning a home that’s a good thing. All will have a home to live in.

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Yikes!! I’d call off that wedding and move back into my own home ASAP!

Girl be thankful this happened now. U need to understand that this wasn’t just drawn up on a whim. He is well aware you would end up with nothing and he set it up that way. Take this info and decide if it’s a deal breaker. We can’t answer that for you. Sorry you’re going thru this. Hugs mama

I’m sorry but when you marry someone with kids, those are now YOUR kids too. And if he doesn’t feel like that’s his son after 5 years, he never will. You could post pone the wedding to try and figure the legal shit out but honestly idk if that would ever sit right with me even if he changed it :woozy_face:

My husband is doing the same in his will and trust, his kids (2) previous marriage and (1) together get it all… he says I’ll do the same! I refused to sign one.

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Prenuptial aside, I’d never be able to love a man who was with my child, as a father, since he was 5 and that man speak on my son that way. He should be just as concerned for the sons future as he is the daughters. That’s what a true step parent would do. Everything else would have been open for discussion, up until my kid was disrespected.

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