My Boyfriend Got Mad That My Ex-Husband Bought Our Child a Gift: Advice?

QUESTION:

"My ex-husband got my baby a birthday present that is not his kid (he just turned 1). My boyfriend of 2 years says it’s wrong and people shouldn’t give the baby presents that aren’t really involved in the baby’s life, but it’s all my fault!

He always says, oh, he better not look at or talk to the baby, or he gets mad at me… I have other kids with my ex so I have to drop and pick-up them and always have my baby with me.

I told him he’s selfish because it’s a child and there is no harm, but he can get my now-kids presents… ain’t it the same thing?"

RELATED QUESTION: Should I not buy my daughter so many Christmas gifts due to COVID?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“Bloody hell, my dad would come to pick me up and my brother up (who wasn’t even biologically his) for the weekend. He would turn up with his 2 new kids. Come in have a cup of tea with my mum and stepdad and play with my new sister from my mum’s side.
Because as long as we were all happy that’s what mattered.”

“Even though it is ‘just a baby,’ the ex is showing respect to his own kids by being accepting of their new sibling. There’s nothing wrong with it. The current bf needs to stop being a child. Or is he afraid it’ll be expected that he show the same respect towards the ‘step’ children and doesn’t want to?”

“Maybe your ex-husband is not wanting all the kids to feel left out or different. Your ex is being very mature and involving the other sibling so it doesn’t cause fights between any of your kids. I would tell the boyfriend to deal with it or go away.”

“Sounds like you need to be careful about control issues that could turn bad real quick.”

“You have other children with your ex. This baby is his biological children’s sibling. What a wonderful gesture to acknowledge the child’s birthday. Your current SO is incredibly childish.”

“Major red flag with your boyfriend! Anyone who shows love to your child isn’t the problem. Your ex is including your new child so as not to exclude them. How does your current boyfriend treat your other children? Now that the baby has arrived does he treat them differently? These are the things that you really need to look for, I just got out of a relationship that ended horribly because I didn’t look at the warning signs in the beginning. Very similar to your situation.”

“That’s immature. Growing up my brother’s dad included me in everything and when I started feeling left out, he talked to my brother and took me alone one weekend. He didn’t have to do that, I wasn’t his kid. But growing up with that love and support was great for me. Your boyfriend needs to understand that maybe he did it to set a good example for his biological children. By not treating the one that isn’t his any different he is showing them they have no reason to also and when they grow up and know the whole story it will paint him as a great dad/man/person.”

“Sounds like jealousy. My mom and dad have three kids and my mom and stepdad have 4 kids. My dad has babysat my half-siblings, buys them presents, comes to their parties, and our family Christmases. Co parenting should be that way it’s better for the kids.”

“My brother & sister’s mom would always get me something for Christmas. I always thought it was the nicest thing. Your BF needs to grow up. Your Ex is showing your children how a blended family works and your BF needs to get on board or get out.”

“I think it’s very nice of your ex-husband. He’s setting a good example for the children you do have together! Your boyfriend seems very immature and insecure!”

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254 Likes

He’s being childish he should be GREATFUL your ex gave ur child a present

2 Likes

Huge red flag, leave that man now

9 Likes

Leave…RUN AND DON’T LOOK BACK!

1 Like

Stick his dummy in his mouth and tell him to shut his hole :rofl: never heard anything so pathetic in my life. And ask yourself why your with someone as child like as he. GET OUT… IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE

Hes pathetic honestly…

1 Like

Red Flag!! Get away from him!!

3 Likes

He including the baby so when baby grows up baby wont feel left out. Hats off to your ex.

21 Likes

No its really nice of him. Thats a weird thing to be upset about. He needs to grow up

6 Likes

Run. It’s a gift not the end of the world.

2 Likes

My ex always gave my daughter a gift when he would bring his sons gifts. My man never cared, he thought it was nice

Sounds like a douche! Leave

2 Likes

I think it nice of your ex to include your child!!

2 Likes

He’s very insecure and jealous, tread carefully with a man like that he could turn into a control freak

26 Likes

Honestly, I think it was very thoughtful and kind that your ex bought a gift for the baby. He may have even let your older children pick out the gift for the baby. What’s the harm truly?! Would your bf throw such a tantrum over anyone else getting a gift??? Probably not! So the problem isn’t that your ex bought a gift, the problem is your bf! RUN bc this is just the tip of the iceberg…

13 Likes

Extremely childish. My parents split up, and my mom remarried a younger guy. She got her tubes untied and they had a baby together. My sister is now 12. She calls MY dad who is no relation to her grandpa. It’s a beautiful thing that he would include your child that isn’t his. Its setting amazing standards for your children as to how others should be treated and thought of.

Does your current bf give presents to your children with the ex?

4 Likes

I think your boyfriend is acting a bit immature. That was a nice gesture. I mean the baby’s siblings are his kids. He sees the baby all the time.
The boyfriend sounds like the green monster of jealousy has come into is heart.

6 Likes

I buy my ex husband’s daughter that isn’t mine presents it’s our son’s sister so of course heck I’ve even bought his baby mama something before they aren’t together anymore but you know. It’s not for my ex it’s for the kids that’s what your bf needs to realize that baby you share is the brother to your kids .

That’s childish. You have to only consider what is best for the child. My father had a daughter before he got with my mother, eventually having me and my younger sis, his first babys mother had another kid with someone else after they split. We all grew up together. All siblings whether we were half or not even blood at all. My father treated my older sisters brother like a son. Even got his name tattooed on him when he got his kids names. Blended family. Get with the picture or get your toxic ass out.

Your ex bf sounds a lot nicer than your current one. Js.

5 Likes

How ridiculous. He is being immature, controlling, and manipulative! Seriously consider if these are traits you want in a partner…

5 Likes

If he is resentful of anyone being kind to your baby that’s a red flag. He has issues and I wouldn’t trust him around my children.

Ex husband sounds like a really cool guy

2 Likes

Your ex is setting a beautiful example for his kids. Your current man however is acting like a teenager. He needs to grow up. It takes a village to raise children and that village will be ever expanding over the course of its childhood.

10 Likes

Sounds like you already know he’s a hypocrite

1 Like

There is something seriously wrong with your current significant other. He’s being considerate of HIS child’s sibling. The new one is either really insecure or extremely controlling or both. Regardless, it’s not a good thing.

3 Likes

I think he was being nice and your boyfriends jealous

3 Likes

Watch out for the red flags dear

2 Likes

Yo that’s crazy my kids dads get them all gifts, even take the ‘other’ kids on day trips and stuff. We all can sit at the same birthday parties or holidays and converse now (it wasn’t always this way with my son’s dad but it’s natural now). My daughter’s dad and his entire family have never ever excluded the children… Even when I had one biological and 3 step kids with my son’s dad, my daughter’s dad’s family included all of the kids. Idk it just doesn’t seem acceptable to punish children, or become hateful and inconsiderate, just bc the adults romantic relationship did not work out

Your ex needs to get over himself , I have a child with my first husband and a child with my new partner , and my my ex adores my little boy buys him gifts for birthdays. As even took him out with our daughter zz at first my partner didn’t get it but now he’s come round to it. So your partner will get there with it just keep reminding him your with him and not your ex and it’s crazy for him to react any way surly it’s better to be like that zz I always buy my ex hubby’s new partner gifts and I’ve even looked after him. Think it works out better when everyone gets on and works together as well xx

Your current is being childish and its so good of your ex to include your baby although his not the father … You don’t really get such good acts in this day and age

2 Likes

Your ex is doing something really nice for your youngest, he probably doesn’t want him to feel left out. I would suggest that you talk to your bf and explain that there is no malice or ulterior motive and to just grow up!

4 Likes

Sounds like the new boyfriend is insecure and trying to be a controller. This often leads to abuse whether it’s mental or physical. My suggestion is to pick up and run.

Times have changed in families, your partner would have something to say if he completely ignored your child, the ex is showing his children that this is their sibling no matter what. There is no easy solution for you as your stuck in the middle, make it clear to your partner he’s your ex for a reason.

He’s… Just being kind and supportive??

5 Likes

Sounds like you need to be careful about control issues that could turn bad real quick

15 Likes

I concur with Katie and Jessica…your bf has issues

2 Likes

Yeah your boyfriend needs to get a grip. Your ex is showing your other children (that you share with him) that he supports their other sibling.

13 Likes

That’s childish. My ex in laws get my son who is t theirs stuff. And my ex husband gets my other kids stuff too. No need for a child to feel
Left out

1 Like

Your boyfriend sounds like a manchild.

4 Likes

He sounds super immature and childish. I have four kids by three different men and my now husband thinks that it’s “fucking weird” that my middle girls grandma treats all the kids as her grandkids and buys gifts for all of them because she’s just genuinely a good person

The ex is being nice considering he got a gift for his kids sibling. Your boyfriend has some issues

I honestly would pack my bag and leave the piece of sh*t. It will always be like this. Won’t change. He has issues and they can turn into something ugly real quick. You can up and leave while he tries to fix them or just be done. No need to be taking care of another child

5 Likes

My ex husband always includes my other kids when he buys stuff! Your boyfriend sounds jealous. This behavior is a red flag.

5 Likes

Bloody hell, my dad would come to pick me up and my brother up (who wasn’t even biologically his) for the weekend , . He would turn up with his 2 new kids . Come in have a cup of tea with my mum and step dad and play with my new sister from my mums side .

Because as long as we were all happy thats what mattered xx

115 Likes

Maybe your ex-husband is not wanting all the kids to feel left out or different. Your ex is being very mature and involving the other sibling so it doesn’t cause fights between any of your kids. I would tell the boyfriend to deal with it or go away.

19 Likes

Even though it is “just a baby”, the ex is showing respect to his own kids by being accepting of their new sibling. There’s nothing wrong with it. The current bf needs to stop being a child. Or is he afraid it’ll be expected that he show the same respect towards the “step” children and doesn’t want to?

23 Likes

Your boyfriend has issues. Your ex is grown up enough to know that a child is innocent and he’s happy to spoil your bubba because he is a father himself. Your boyfriend has serious issues and there are probably other red flags you have always ignored. This can’t be the only issue.

15 Likes

Your boyfriend is acting like a child.
He’s probably jealous tbh, or very insecure.
If I had the money I would happily buy gifts for my husbands ex’s kid. they treat my son wonderfully and I would rather that than my child be ignored or treated bad because he’s not their kid. We may have ups and downs but we’re all family. Your boyfriend needs to grow up and realise other people can care about your children, and be thankful he gave your child a gift when he doesn’t have to!!

4 Likes

Hahaha someone has jelly issues! What’s next that he’s going to control?

Red flag.
Kids sounds like that isn’t the only issue y’all have. Id be looking for a door

5 Likes

My 9 year old (my oldest) daughter’s bio dads grandmother just dropped $200 on clothes for my and my hubby toddler because she likes shopping for little kids and didn’t get anything for my older daughter (who is actually her blood granddaughter) and that was fine with us. We get stuff for her bio dads other kids also. Our families all interconnect and it works for us

1 Like

Super childish! My oldest son’s father gets my 2 youngest treats or gifts if he gets his son one! It’s being mature and respectful and makes the other child or children not feel left out! :confused: My boyfriend (2 youngest kids dad) doesn’t mind at all because he does the same for his kids and my oldest that isn’t his! :woman_shrugging:t3::relaxed:

1 Like

Major red flag on the with your boyfriend! Anyone who shows love to your child isn’t the problem. Your ex is including your new child so as not to exclude them. How does your current boyfriend treat your other children? Now that the baby has arrived does he treat them differently? These are the things that you really need to look for, I just got out of a relationship that ended horribly because I didn’t look at the warning signs in the beginning. Very similar to your situation.

8 Likes

He needs to get over himself. It is the mature thing to do.

2 Likes

I always bought my cousin little brother birthday gifts,Christmas gifts Easter stuff even if we went to the store before I took her home I always made sure she would bring him somthing even thou her little brother wasn’t related to me

What’s wrong with buying your children’s younger sibling a present? No strings attached. It shows your kid’s that you both can co-parent.

3 Likes

I think it’s GREAT that your ex husband is treating your child well even though it isn’t his child. It’s still the sibling to his children. It also shows he’s a good person putting the kids first. Your bf needs to get a damn grip.

He’s being the child in the situation. My youngest goes to my oldest daughters fathers house and stays over sometimes. Your ex is being an adult and did a nice thing.

2 Likes

He’s being a decent human to teach his kids how to be decent. Wtf.

2 Likes

You’re dating a psycho. Run.

8 Likes

Sounds like jealousy. My mom and dad have three kids and my mom and stepdad have 4 kids. My dad has babysat my half siblings, buys them presents, comes to their parties, and our family Christmas’s. Co parenting should be that way it’s better for the kids.

8 Likes

My first child’s father gives my second child bday gifts because it’s someone his daughter cares about. If anyone ever questioned it they can hit the road.

2 Likes

Wooow sounds like he’s the child who never grew up. I’m sorry.

3 Likes

That’s weird af. My ex husband gets my other child gifts, birthdays, Christmas, ect. Bc it’s our daughters sister. We also let our daughter pick out a gift for eachother too. It’s good coparenting. And showing your kids that their sibling shouldn’t be outcast bc he has a different dad than them. Your bf needs to chill. This can snowball very quickly. It’s not being protective. Its controlling and a red flag for sure.

6 Likes

Whilst I totally agree the bf is being overly possessive of bubs, creating a divid between your kids and his ( really not a good thing) and sounds like he could quite possibly have jealousy issues with your ex to save arguments as you have to actually live with him maybe the ex could give future gifts from your kids ie bubs siblings

sounds like someone has issues the current boyfriend the ex is including your 1 year old . kudos to him including your son to not let one ever feel left out . the current boyfriend has some jealousy issues if there is such a problem . I am sure he talks and buys for the ex’s children so in reality someone needs to grow up and get over himself . He sounds to be in the beginning stage of control issues which leads to bigger issues later .

2 Likes

He should be thankful

your ex probably did it out of respect for the children you have with him seems your current partner is the one with the issue :frowning:

8 Likes

It was kind of your ex. The bf needs to get over himself and grow up.

2 Likes

Sounds like he feels threatened. Probably questions his motives.

Ya… boy friend sounds like he needs to grow up. It’s about the children not him.

3 Likes

Your boyfriend needs to get over himself. He should be glad that your ex, THE FATHER OF HIS CHILDS SIBLINGS, is including the new baby!!

10 Likes

I think its very nice of your ex husband. He’s setting a good example for the children you do have together! Your boyfriend seems very immature and insecure!

5 Likes

Tell him to grow the f up, its nice that he is being like this could of been acting like a dick

My ex gets my boyfriends kid stuff sometimes and he doesn’t have a problem. Because we look at it this way. We don’t want one of them thinking one of them is favored in any kind of way so they both get stuff because I mean they are 2 and 4. I think your boyfriend has some serious jealousy issues. I dont even mind if my exs girlfriend gets my son stuff or my boyfriends ex getting my son stuff or anything. Just like my mom she buys for both kids because I look at both of them like my own. Idk

What a loser. He’s going to deprive his child of a gift because of his own pathetic jealousy issues?
Girl run.

9 Likes

Your bfs an immature little dick

4 Likes

Ummm I think this is such a lovely gesture!!
It shows maturity and just a really bloody nice thing to do!
Your bf needs to not over think it and think of it as a positive not a negative

Toxic! Obviously he’s going to be somewhat involved with your newest child since yall have kids together. Your bf has issues love

2 Likes

Tell him to get the hell over it and stop being such a jealous prick. He’s your EX HUSBAND for a reason and there’s nothing to worry about, but you have to coparent for those kids. That’s all it is. If he looks or talks to the baby so the hell what?? He’s just being nice. Tell him to stop being so damn insecure and to grow up. :roll_eyes:

He’s being ridiculous and petty!!
I think it’s 100% normal and also very very kind of him to go out of his way to get ALL your children gifts not just the ones that came from him.
That’s a very good baby daddy, and a team player if you ask me.

1 Like

And the fact that he gets mad at YOU and turns it on YOU is pathetic.
Sounds like jealousy and wants to be in control.

4 Likes

Thats so childish. Your other kids probably love their dad cares about their new sibling. My dad asks how my baby sister is doing and he never met her. She is from my moms 2nd husband.

1 Like

I have a 14 and 15 yr old with the same dad my 2 yr old has a different dad and whenever I drop the oldest ones off at he makes sure he speaks to her and she gets excited and laughs back. Her dad would even have conversations with him if he was in the car. These babies have nothing to do with adult problems he sounds a little immature

1 Like

what a fuckin weirdo

Your bf is childish. I would not tolerate that for one minute. That is the dumbest thing I think I have heard

I say petty. My bf used to do this. I sat him down and reassured him I don’t want my ex. It was a “take it or leave it” and he took it and understands now. When he brings my son (first born of my 3) home with snacks/candy. He buys for all 3 so konner isnt the only one with candy :candy: simce they tend to stop otw back home to us.
It’s called co existing as human beings who just so happen to be opposing sides loving the same child. Lol

#toxic #controllingbehavour

this is not ok. Ex husband is doing an awesome thing and showing not only his kids but that baby what a Man is and father. He is in that baby’s like cuz that is that baby’s siblings daddy. He needs to get over himself and figure out his insecurities and work on it.

5 Likes

Its isnt a regular thing but when on occasion my bf doesnt freak out amd go all defense mode anymore.

Idk why anyone can’t just think about the kids!!!

I think its a guy ego thing really.

Slap his ass. Thats so disrespectful. LET THAT BABY HAVE WHATEVER IT MAY BE THAT WAS GIVEN. Its not your boyfriends gift so why should he give a damn? Hes acting like your ex should be so bitter to you and full of hate and choosing of sides… Hes going to show that child and your other children who and when to accept gratitude from, empathy, love and kindness. Ridiculous.

That’s absurd. My parents were divorced for several years when my mom had to go to a nursing home (she had M.S.) and my stepdad left. I wasn’t in a place to take custody of my two youngest siblings, so my dad (who is not their father) took custody, until they turned 18. Prior to that, he coached my baby brother in baseball and always included them in pretty much everything we did. He took them to the movies on vacations with us. It didn’t matter that they weren’t his kids, it mattered that they were our siblings (my parents had my brother and I) and he didn’t want them to feel excluded or that they were missing out. Their dad was a complete asshole and hated that my dad included my siblings. You current dude needs to get over it and grow up and at least appreciate that your other kids’ dad is trying to be nice and inclusive.

My sons dad and his family still include my daughter in gifts and birthdays even though we haven’t been together for years. Your boyfriend is being an immature selfish pansy.
Why is he mad your baby has another person to love and spoil him.
Boyfriend needs to to reevaluate it with his son in mind. What a super cool thing, his siblings dad could think to include him with presents like his other siblings on their special days!

4 Likes

He sounds like he has control issues. My I have 2 children with my current husband and 3 with my ex. My ex’s parents treated my babies like their own grandchildren. My ex talked to them an even carried them around at events. My current husband was never upset. We have always seen it as a unit. My children are all brother and sisters an can’t help the situation so we try to make it as normal and comfortable as possible for all of them. You ex has the right idea your current so needs to get with the program

1 Like

He’s tripping. My dad used to take me and my brothers and my little step brother on the weekends and buy him all the shit he bought us, didn’t leave him out because that’s co parenting :woman_shrugging: tell that man to grow up

I always say if they love my child as long as they arent toxic im not going to deny them that. Our babies need all the love they get.

3 Likes

It is difficult in the beginning for any person entering a new relationship with someone who already has kids. Your boyfriend is clearly intimidated by your ex. He can’t help how he feels and and you telling him to grow up will not help. Instead of backlash, reassure him. I’m sure it is his first child and he doesn’t have any exes he has that personal bond with. It takes time so be patient. I’m sure he is a great boyfriend and father or you wouldn’t have bothered to bring it up here. I commend your ex husband for being mature and kind hearted to buy your new little one something.

2 Likes