My boyfriend got mad because I didn't let him go through my messages...thoughts?

So my boyfriend is mad because I didn’t allow him to go through my Facebook messenger when he asked for no reason other than him seeing that I had 2 unread messages . Like did I do something wrong ? I don’t have anything to hide but it’s just the principle to me you don’t get to go through my private messages just because you’re feeling insecure for some reason?


Let him. It will ease his insecurities. I don’t go through my husband’s phone, but I can if I feel the need. Just as he can mine. Unfortunately we all have been hurt in the past and if him going through my stuff makes him feel better I am fine with that.

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My significant other and I know codes to each others phones. We always have. We’ve been together for 4 years and still never snoop in each other’s phones. We trust each other and are completely transparent and honest with each other at all times. No secrets. No jealousy. No arguments. It’s pretty fantastic!! :purple_heart:

Well, depends. Ask him if you can go through his and see his reaction. Sometimes people project… sometimes they are just insecure, or sometimes their partner may have cheated in the past and never corrected the behavior. What some may say isn’t cheating MAYBE cheating to another person. So you just have to have a talk and see what’s going on sometimes. (Communication)

If your relationship has come to this it can’t be blamed on one more than the other and it might be time to decide to go your separate ways. At least this is what my life experiences has taught me .

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It depends on your relationship. My husband and I have always had open access to each others phones and emails, accounts, everything is shared or accessible to both parties. It’s just the way we are and always have been. Doesn’t mean we look at each others messages all the time but doesn’t matter to us if we did.


Eh it’s not really that big of a deal especially if there’s nothing to hide but depending on his demeanor and body language when he asked like if it was demanding or just genuinely curious or even bored

He has no reason - it’s control issue - it gets worse. Make him an ex


Everyone needs reassurance sometimes. Hubby and I don’t usually go through each others stuff but have no problem w the other doing so in a moment of curiosity or whatever. I don’t see the big deal

My husband doesn’t go through my phone or purse. I don’t go through his wallet or his phone. We trust each other. We are both somewhat technically challenged, I however know a bit more about technology than he does. I help him with his phone and try to show him how it all works to the best of my ability. Never have had a need to go through it though.


My husband and I generally don’t go through each other’s stuff on our phones, but neither would stop the other either. However, depending on his past relationships he might need the reassurance or if he has anxiety. I would definitely say as long as I can go through yours and then have a talk about his real thoughts and feelings. However, just know this might be where the relationship ends. If neither of you can get past it. Only you know him personally, so only you can know the reasons.


You can’t have a relationship without trust.

Just want hits, same old discussion…you fallen for it, you may have a problem in your relationship :joy:

Trust issues. My husband and I have nothing to hide from each other’s phones…

I think it’s wrong. My SO is allowed to go thru mine, especially if his head has been messing with him and making him think I’m doing something wrong.

Reassurance goes a long way in a relationship :person_shrugging:t2:


Just let his feelings get HURT​:joy::joy::joy::smiling_imp:

Iv never had this problem but if he asked I would just show him x


Keep your boundaries in place. He obviously has a trust issue. You do for you. If you don’t show him, he has to get over it. Those messages are your private business and he needs to respect that. If not, then he should find someone else.

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I think you need to step back and look at it from both sides…

Everyone saying no I wouldn’t let him look at my phone but if it was reversed and you wanted to see his phone and he wouldn’t allow it…. Then what? Would you be mad?

Trust, communication and understanding go a long way in a relationship.


Boyfriend!! Not husband … and everyone is allowed privacy. it is his weird issue that he is insecure . It’s not about hiding anything but a person is allowed to have privacy. Going through phones is weird anyways if you don’t trust me then why are we together.


Has he done this before? And found nothing i mean if u have nothing to hide and its the first time I would let him 1000 percent. But i would also in that moment set boundaries .

I think if it’s just a once in awhile thing, I would just show him for his own reassurance. If you have nothing to hide, what’s 5 minutes to help your boyfriend feel better? I only disagree with it if it becomes obsessive and controlling and a constant need to look through your things.


Tell to put a ring on you and then you’ll talk about!

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I believe any couple should be able to feel comfortable with their partner reading any private messages …not saying ya have to buy my red flag alert would definitely be up if my partner wouldn’t let me see them in today’s society that spells trouble …

I totally understand the principle point. Im a loyal partner so if someone needs to go through my phone, im gonna need to know what kind of issues make that necessary. We gon work on them too boo boo, i aint for that mess

Current bf doesnt even ask or care were pretty open communication period. But to sit there and insist is crazy. Last relationship wasn’t trusted for no reason and he’d bring up fb messages from years before we dated or were in talking stage. To me if that’s the case I’d be looking elsewhere

I feel like if there is nothing to hide you should show him. I am all about privacy but I am also all about making sure my partner feels secure.


If you honestly don’t have anything to hide why not let him read them. And he should let you read his.

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Done supporting your page

If you have nothing to hide, let him read them. :woman_shrugging:

Well it is a two way street…if he wants to see yours…you should be able to see his but keep in mind things can always be deleted right? If you can’t trust someone…should you be with them?

He probably needs reassurance. If you have nothing to hide then you shouldn’t be saying no. If you truly trust this guy and he’s the one for you then it shouldn’t be a problem.

My husband and I can go through each others phones whenever we want. If there’s nothing to hide, then why hide it?! I would be livid if my husband didn’t let me see his messages and I know he’d be upset too.

Sounds like he better stay mad than, forget that :unamused:


Sweetheart, you have nothing to hide as you said. Apparently, he has some trust issues. Or perhaps, he himself is hiding something. My suggestion would be let him see but he also has to show his. If he won’t show his. Pretty obvious that he is hiding something from you. The insecurities lay within him.

Me and my husband have respect and have so much loyalty and trust for one another we’ve been married 15 years ,and neither one of us have gone through each other’s phone not once because we trust. If I had to sit there and prove someone that I’m not doing anything and I will just leave the situation.


lol if they are overly jealous and want to know everything you say to others…run…

Only you can read him. If this is normal behavior, he’s probably up to no good. He’s doing something and the guilt is talking. I’d say only if i can do the same. :woman_shrugging:t3: If he says no, then you’ve got a problem! If it’s just random and he doesn’t ask much… I’m sure he’s just wondering. :woman_shrugging:t3: Either way you need to talk to him about it. You won’t get anywhere without communication.


Me and my husband have a rule. He can go through anything in my phone and vice versa with the exception of friends messages. He doesn’t go through my girl friends messages and I don’t go through his guy friends messages. There is no reason either of us need to see what the other talks about with their friends. Other than that it’s free range

We all face insecurities at some time. Maybe he just needs reassurance and I feel like that’s okay.


My wife doesn’t go through my wife, nor do I go through her phone but we have each others pass codes. Not because we don’t trust each other but because we do. I don’t hide anything from her. Nor do I do or say anything to anyone that I wouldn’t want her to see. But her conversations with her friends are hers to have just as my conversations are mine to have. Trust.


Was married for 53 years. My husband never went in my purse nor my phone. I never looked in his wallet or phone. To me it’s having respect for your partner. We all need our private space.


My husband and I don’t stop eachother from viewing eachothers phones and messages. We routinely use eachothers phones or read eachothers messages when the other is driving or has their hands full. We don’t really snoop, but have full transparency. Doesn’t feel like an issue.

BUT if it’s uncomfortable to you, you’re allowed to set boundaries. If it’s a deal breaker for him, that’s fine too. It is what it is. Neither is really “wrong” IMO.


Barf rag post, like enquirer

Personally sounds like hes projecting🤷‍♀️
Id say yes absolutely and you can open your phone too so i can look thru yours.
His reaction will tell all

Yeah, I don’t agree with just allowing a boyfriend full access to my shit. The ones doing the accusing are the ones unfaithful

My husband can pick up my phone and look all he wants if he wants to. We don’t have anything to hide. The fact that you denied him to look at it kinda makes it seem like you are hiding something. :woman_shrugging:t2:


I would be happy he asked instead of just doing it.

I feel like if this was a post from a dude a bunch of women here would be saying the dude was hiding something…

I would wanna have a Convo about what was really bothering him if there is something bother him.

I would tell my partner it’s fine as long as they don’t mind me doing the same to theirs


Barf, we all put our hearts and souls on here and they do not give two shits…
All about the hits on this page :face_vomiting:

Just break up with him . He has a trust issue maybe from a previous relationship and if he can’t go through your phone it will just eat at him and make him crazy

Me and my partner don’t check messages but at the same time if he asked he can read what he wants same as if I wanted to see his he’d let me. We use each others phones and have each others passwords I can’t see an issue if there’s nothing to hide but each to their own

Lol I would be going trough his things. The ones always doing that is because they project their guilt.

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How does he feel if you turn the table and ask to go through his messages/phone? Personally, it’s a bit odd. Do you trust him? Does he trust you? Can you both sit down as adults and talk it through together? Has he been hurt in the past and has insecurities? I’d sit down together and really have a heart to heart about it all. Trust is a must in any relationship… 🫶🏻

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We are free to go through each other’s phones. Husband can get in my phone just as I can his. We have passcodes because of our dogs, they have actually pushed our phones enough and got into Amazon and almost bought stuff lol. We’ve never looked through each other’s phones We will catch pokemon for each other or pay a bill on the others phone since we each have some bills sites already saved in our phones instead of both having to remember about 10 passwords for those sites or apps. :woman_shrugging: must be doing something right been together almost 14 years and married almost 13. Trust and communication are key, what if the shoe was on the other foot?

My husband had an insecure moment a couple years ago and just came up to me and said “Let me see your messages”. I immediately handed my phone over and said “okay”. He stared at me for a second and said “Just like that?”. I replied with “Yeah why?”. He never asked again.


I wouldn’t want someone digging through my phone and reading my conversations, neither. It definitely invades my privacy and crosses a boundary. Sorry he’s being like that with you but def stand by your word especially if there’s no reason for him to be sus


If you’re not hiding anything who cares let him look

I think it’s not an issue to let him see. I don’t even ask my boyfriend why he wants to he knows my password and can go through it at anytime

My husband and I have each other’s passwords, he has never asked to see mine since we married and I haven’t his. He is more than welcome to look any time and knows that but he also knows if I’m heated he maybe the topic of a conversation and I may have called him a jackass.
When we first started dating we both had an insecure moment and as we both handed each other our phones we decided that’s when we would know each other’s passwords so that if we ever want it to look through each other’s phones, we were open with each other doing that.
He also has to understand that if he is made me mad, he’s also gonna see where I talk crap about him for that day, and he also understands he isn’t allowed to get offended and vice versa :joy:
We have been together 7 years now almost 8!

Sometimes it’s hard but we have to help someone get over their past. If u have nothing to hide then u have to be ok to show him ur not his past but his future.

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I mean, it’s going to be divided in the comments. Me personally? I have no issue allowing my bf to go through my phone that being said he had no issue with me going through his. So tell him he can go through your phone if you can go through his at the same time


Been married 25 years. Never felt the need to go through his phone and he’s never gone through mine. We don’t have each other’s passwords either. You’re allowed to have private conversations and texts with other people.


Yikes to all the ppl saying let him. :grimacing: toxic. Honestly though… if it were me… I’d say sure, if you give me your phone right now and let me read yours. Lol :sweat_smile: bet he changes up quick. That more than not is a tell he is doing something he knows he shouldn’t be. N if he doesn’t agree to switch phones right then n there on the spot… he just told on himself and set his own self up. Lol

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There’s two sides. Nothing to hide- no issue. Same time, privacy.
Idk I don’t really care if they wanna go through my phone bc I have nothing o hide, but some conversations have other people’s problems and feelings in them that isn’t any of anyone else’s issue.
Honestly, if they’re looking to go through your things, it’s probably bc they’re hiding something and it’s some kind of guilty conscience.

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“No you cannot go through my phone but I will go to see a councilor with you to work on your trust issues”, that should just about cover it


Ummm, has he ever heard of privacy? Women need to stop :raised_hand: assuming you did something wrong. If you say no, it means no, even if there is nothing there, he has no business demanding to see messages.

Sounds like a trust issue on his part. No reason for him to read them. Talk it over and find out what’s going through his head. If he doesn’t trust you I would end it, it won’t work


When you are in a relationship there isn’t “privacy” when it comes to phones and devices, my bf has the code to my phone and I have the code to his, he can read what ever he wants and I can if I feel the need.

If you have nothing to hide, why worry?
Even if it’s not cheating, you could be worried about smack talking him to your friend, mom, cousin, nail girl - whoever.

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My phone is an open “book” more people know my password than I can count lol. I think you saying “no” will definitely cause more of an issue. If you aren’t hiding anything, why say no? :woman_shrugging: appreciate that he asked instead of just doing it.

I feel like maybe he is guilty of something and is projecting, or he has that much ptsd from a past relationship that he is overly anxious with catastrophic anxiety. Have you asked him why he wanted to? If he thought you were hiding something? Have an adult conversation.


I agree with what you just said !!! Cause trust is everything and it’s a invasion of privacy if you ask me . Teenagers do that , not adults in grown relationships :+1:

I think you both may be making a deal out of nothing. If you said yes he probably wouldn’t even have checked but since you said no it now gives him a reason to believe something may be up. Both of y’all instigated a non existent issue. I signed into all my accounts on my husbands phone, when he asked why I said it was so there would never be an issue. I have nothing to hide. He never checked and eventually signed out of them himself lol

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Idk, I let my boyfriend go through my phone, we already talk so much, and he knows who I talk to and the basics about most conversations.
I don’t think he actively goes through it, but idk he might have.
I have nothing to hide so why should it matter.
It would help build his trust, and help him through that anxiety that he feels he’s not good enough.
(Just my thoughts)


If you dont have anything to hide let him, and put his mind at ease but ask the same of him. You’ll be randomly asking to go through his messages as well.


Psh. Girl. If you didn’t have anything to hide, it would be no problem

I would let him see “who is in my messages” i dont care that he knows who ive talked to lately, but wouldn’t show messages, not because i am hiding something but because what my friends tell me about their problems/personnal stuff and anything they tell me, is for me only. Its their privacy too.


We don’t usually ask but if he did I honestly would let him haha because if I have nothing to hide, the joke is on him but the other side is that if he is jealous guy then no matter what he will find something he doesn’t like

my husband of 40 years could go through my phone anytime. Sounds like you were hiding something from him. No wonder he got mad


You’re entitled to privacy. If he’s that insecure that’s a him problem.

If there’s nothing to hide, let him……


I dont care how close you are with your partner nor if you have nothing to hide.
Going through someone’s phone is an invasion of privacy not only for you, but the people you converse with.
You either trust someone or you don’t. And if you don’t, that’s a problem. You don’t need proof or validation. If I don’t trust you, you’re already gone outta my life.
Being in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean you hand over every inch of autonomy. Period.


Excuse me
How old are you?
What is his age?
Is he married?
are you married?
Would God be honored?

My fiance can go through my Facebook and messenger anytime ,to me if you have a problem with him seeing what’s there is a red flag

Well principle has nothing to do with it, when your in a relationship and you have nothing to hide then why not let them see your messages if it helps calm their insecurity’s. My wife and I have never had to go through each others phones but if one of us asked the other we wouldn’t say no and that’s why we have trust

I don’t care if my husband goes thru my phone… As long as it goes both ways it don’t matter to me.ive never had anything to hide. Sounds like you might tho

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You can either change your phone or Change your “Boy fiend” either way I bet you’d rather keep your phone than the BF…if you had a choice …

If you have nothing to hide, show him the messages. Put his mind at ease. If the roles were reversed, and you suspected he was up to something, wouldn’t you want him to put your concerns to rest?


You tell your little bf he can go through your stuff when he is the man of the house and put 2 rings on it and pays all the bills :money_with_wings:

Him wanting to go through your messages is weird, but you telling him no makes it look shady on your end. You have nothing to hide right? Just let him do it. And then ask for his phone since that’s what seems to be appropriate for him Lol. He won’t like that  


I’d be kind of offended if my fiancé felt the need to go through my messages, but I’d let him if that was the reassurance he needed 


BUUUUT I guarantee if the situation was flipped, it would be a completely different point of view. Complete double standard. Whatever the reason, that’s your partner. And if there isn’t anything to hide, it takes at most a couple minutes to look at messages, who does it hurt? No one. Now not allowing it, makes it seem like there’s something to hide. When really it’s just a simple gesture of reassurance for your partner. “Go through my private messages cause you’re insecure”, giiirl I hope your man soothes YOUR insecurity with that same mentality👌

Usually the ones that are suspicious are guilty of something. You shouldn’t have to show him anything if you have always been loyal. Even if not healthy relationships have trust

If you have nothing to hide then just let him see it lol

Okay, but give me your phone too…


We don’t go thru each others phone because we trust each other but if either one of us ever wanted to it’s free game . We have nothing to hide

Sounds like you don’t need a boyfriend :woman_shrugging:t4:

My husband and I have each others passwords . I use his phone , he has used mine . Neither of us have anything to hide . If he wants to have a look to get past his own insecurity then what’s the harm ? If it’s a big no for you then it’s a conversation that needs to be had about why he feels the need to see your messages .

Tell him that you will let him go through your messages only if you can go through his first. Do you have children with him?

Dump him. That’s not being insecure it’s having a guilty conscience.