I really wish this was a joke but it isn’t…my BD will not come trick or treating with me because I will not allow my child to be around his new girlfriend just yet (Been together 4 months)…He loves to change up girls and I refuse to have someone be in my childs life that doesn’t plan on sticking there…he is mad bc I will not let her come and he isn’t allowed to be around me ()according to her) unless SHE IS THERE…someone make this make sense…why is he choosing his flavor of the week over our child?
Let him brin her you’ll be there so it’s a good chance to meet and see how your kid interacts with her. It maybe a healthy step for everyone.
Let her go with, then you get a feeling of who she is
Let her go. Use it as an opportunity to get to know her.
What does your child want?? Keep it peaceful and be the leader your child needs. He/she will appreciate and respect you more. Create meaningful memories while the child is still young. Sounds like you’re making this about you!
I really do see both sides to this… In a way, but I don’t think that we have the whole story because obviously there is so much animosity usually with broken baby daddy baby mama relationships… I have plenty of my own, so if I was being honest with myself, and I did not want this to happen in my situation it would be because of feelings
I also have a 3 month rule. and i have to meet her. This seems like the perfect opportunity to meet and see how she is with the kid at a reasonable time frame. Idk.
Don’t be vindictive let her come along!! Be the bigger person!!
I see it as a good opportunity to meet the new girlfriend and see how your child and her interact. You can’t control him and most certainly can’t withhold your child because he moved on. But you can control your own behavior. Be the bigger person. Let your kids have both parents for Halloween and let it go. It’s not worth it.
Let her go. That way you actually get to see her interact with your kid too
Honestly as long as your child has all the love from both of them and you just let her go. It’s for your child
If you are there, it’s a perfect time to get to know her with your presence there… Seems like a missed opportunity.
I see both sides here, however.
We can’t control our exes.
It’s about the child, not you or him.
Let the girl tag along. She may be awesome!
I think it’s nice that she wants to come.
Be the bigger person for your child and let them both come
Seems like your behaving like a child… unfortunately when or if it goes to court and he has his time you won’t be able to run that time… is it worth it!!! If you want the best for your child allow his girlfriend to go… at least you get to know her and hopefully she can love your child like her own.
It’s one night. Your child will be happy to have both parents there to enjoy trick or treating together. Leave all the other stuff out of it.
Take it as an opportunity to meet the new girl in a public space.
It’s Halloween everyone dresses up I bet the kid won’t even notice/recognize her if they do stay together for a while. I met my stepson a week after my husband and I started talking/dating. Ss was 8 almost 9 then. He’s 22 now. We got engaged at 6 months and married 6 months after the engagement. We all got along back then and still do now. It’s about maturity!
Who you can’t just take your child yourself
Looks like you and your child will have a special night trick or treating just the two of you
Let her go. You will always have to be cordial because she is with him
While I understand it’s not ideal to have men and woman pop in and out of a child’s life, he has a right to make that decision for himself, unless you had it legally stated in your agreement. You have no right to dictate the rules surrounding his relationships. I think you should look at this with positivity, trick or treating together is a great idea. It’ll give you the opportunity to meet and get to know her yourself. You may not realize it, but you’re not behaving any better than you think he is, your putting your personal agenda above your child. And honestly, 4 months is not unreasonable.
All the rules are just to much. She /he can’t be around. This and that. To much for me. Just let her go.
I’m sorry, I think that’s very immature of him. I think 4 months is too soon also. That is a special time for your kids and both parents should enjoy that. They’re not little for very long. That night isn’t about taking his girlfriend trick or treating, it’s about your kids. Good luck!
So let her come while you’re around. That way you can get a better feel for her. Why do you need him to go trick or treating. If you’re not together you’ll have to get used to not doing things as a family.
Let the past between yous go. Let your little one enjoy Halloween. Be the bigger person
I see a few options, you take kid alone, he takes kid w/gf, you all take together. Pick one
It’s trick or treating, not really a “special” family celebration type holiday, why does it need to be? Take your child and enjoy your time!
Unless you guys have a proper introduction and you feel comfortable with her I wouldn’t. Even though I’m sure he’s probably bringing her around anyway. If he doesn’t want to go, his loss. Enjoy it with your little one
Why not take the opportunity to get to meet her?
I’d let her go. If it was his time with her, a judge isn’t going to say, no sorry. Ur gf can’t be around. They truly don’t care. It’s really not up to you. don’t have him go with you if u don’t wanna be around her. But u can’t stop him from having her around when ur not.
Agree to it, tell him you don’t want any women around your child without you there. And introduce her to the child as dads friend.
When my husband and i started dating we were pretty serious at 4 months. Put your pettiness aside and just let him be a dad even if it’s with his gf. Its more important for your child to have both parents with them trick or treating.
Grow up already. You created a human together, you’ve both moved on, you’re there for your kids. IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU.
I mean, y’all are going to be in a group setting. You’ll be able to see how she not only interacts with your child but just as a human being.
Why not? If you have a parent that wants to be in your child’s life (the dad) and is trying, then don’t fight it. Not everyone is so lucky. At the end, your baby will grow up resenting you if you made it hard for their dad to see them.
I don’t see an issue. It’s not like he’s asking her to live with you. It’s just an outing & he wants to take someone he’s dating. As long as you are there right. I just wouldn’t leave my child around someone he hasn’t dated long alone.
You already know the answer. You are correct in not wanting her in the picture yet. I would do the same. Kids need stability. Not a different girlfriend every few months. Stick to your guns!!! Your totally correct!!! Best of luck!!!
If you start denying visitation over his new girlfriend for no reason the courts aren’t going to side with you, just saying. That’s childish. 4 months isn’t 4 weeks and you have an opportunity to get to know this person (which you might want to do if she plans on sticking around). I get being bitter, I do, but you need to think about your kids in this situation, you’re going to be the one stopping them from seeing their father on Halloween, not him. That blame lies on YOU. If his flavour of the week doesn’t stick around then fine, but he is sticking around for your kids. Don’t ruin that.
Do your own traditional family thing’s in your own time & with your own people, stay out of eachothers personal business. The child comes first & 2 happy households with bonus parents to love them is all that matters, don’t worry about what eachother are doing…
This isn’t about you, it’s about your bambino! Regardless of you liking her or wanting your bambino around her, really isn’t anything you should have a say over. It’s going to happen whether you like it or not. The way I see it, you have two options here. Put your big girl pants on and get along, quit being so dramatic and rude or take your kiddo yourself and be done with it. This is unnecessary drama and your lack of control / getting upset shows more about what type of person you are than she is and may be! Let her love your kid.
Control what you can, let the rest go. You and your child can trick or treat on your own. Why are you clinging on to him??? (you have no relationship) that is the most important question.
Unfortunately you aren’t seeing the big picture. When your split you can’t control your BD. And this is for your girls not you. You should put aside your feelings put a smile on and enjoy the holiday as a family this is your new life and it’s challenging sad sometimes. But it’s the best for your girls to have their parents supporting each other and putting their needs first above the adults
Why are you making him this would be a good opportunity to get to know each other
If he brings her it gives you a chance to meet her too. A lot of us don’t get that opportunity. When it comes down to it we can’t control who our exes choose to be with. Of course we want our children to be safe. If court gets involved it may be you take them this year and he takes them next. If you have a dad who actually wants to be a part of their child’s life and still do stuff with them, then put your feelings and judgement to the side. It ain’t about the adults it’s about the children. Co parenting ain’t easy but at least he wants to be there. Again, a lot of us single parents don’t get that opportunity.
It’s okay to say that his dad has friends. Would you be the same way if she was just a friend or if he wanted to bring a guy friend with? Would you have the same rules for yourself when it came to new boyfriends?
Ugh, you both suck here. YOUR CHILD is the important part - you shouldn’t have an issue with someone tagging along, and he shouldn’t let her dictate whether he can see his kid. Everyone here needs to grow up.
You sound controlling. Let her come, it isn’t hurting anymore.
While you may feel like shes the “flavor of the week”, you cannot dictate who he has in HIS life. If he is being an active, good dad…don’t alienate him by not including the gf. Either let her come and take it as an opportunity to get to know her or do it separately. Im sure you are seen as a threat to her being the ex as much as she is to you being the current. I get wanting dad to be involved in those things, but you are not a couple, hes not required to follow your rules…
As a bonus mom and a bio mom … let her go the only person your hurting is the child in the long run … I know it may be hard but if she’s been around for four months she’s most likely gonna stay around and if he gets the child on a regular basis then she’s already been around the child but honestly it sounds like there is a lot to the story that hasn’t been added … but unfortunately for us we have to put our feelings aside and allow as many people bad possible to love our children
That’s on him. You’re not being unreasonable.
I don’t know. It’s been 4 months. I think a fun,no pressure night out to meet sounds great! Let her come. Maybe she’s awesome and will treat your baby awesome too. It’s not giving blanket coverage for future hang outs. Just let her come for your kids sake.
Work on your self worth and let all the negative feelings towards him go. Your child is more important then you feeling uncomfortable for a few hours. Either allow him to be a father on his terms or don’t complain when he isn’t putting effort. If he is switching out girls constantly that’s his business and if he has a new one at the next family thing you have a leg to stand on not wanting that one to come
Eh do it all seperate. I know people say together is better to show the kid but yall are separated and sometimes I think its more confusing for yhe child to see parents who aren’t together together. There are so many opportunities to trick or treat, trunk or treat etc. All over that it shouldn’t really be an issue. That’s just my.opinion tho
Girl… your marriage is over. If she doesn’t act appropriately that is one thing. Have a conversation with her. If she’s a good person, be happy he has someone who wants to attend a child related function. I get the flavor of the month or months in this case, but that is no longer in your control. Focus on your kids. They will figure it out sooner than later.
My kids dad is bringing his new girlfriend (that we’ve never met) with him this year. I told him to invite her! I’d much rather know who this person is than keep my distance from her. He also is a flavor of the week kinda guy but you never know she might be around for a while so better to know who she is
this is your chance to meet the girlfriend, get to know her a little and see how she interacts with your child. You cannot keep him from having her around your child when it is his time with the child.
He is trying to make her feel included, but too much too soon
Honey I think you need to do what you feel is the right thing in your heart and what you think. It’s a tough situation to be in. 4 months is not a long time. But him asking if she can go has me thinking she has already been around the kids. Sadly bc 4 months isn’t really anything. If it was over a year that sounds better.
In all honesty I would feel the same way you do! 100 percent! But at the end of the day If this was my situation It’s about my kids (our kids) right. If that’s what it takes for the father to be there let her come. Bc it’s the memories of having both parents at special events, holidays that count!!
So this is what you do……throw back a couple shots before yas head out and have yourselves a wonderful night watching your kids! We don’t get these days back!
Sorry your put in this situation! Hugs
it let him go act like a child on his own w his flavor of the month, you’re a grown woman you’re the mom you don’t need that drama take your child and you all go on your own. Don’t be traveling around with someone you don’t know and making yourself uncomfortable to appease anyone y’all aren’t together. Send him pictures.
You have to accept the fact that you don’t get to make the rules. He’s their parent just like you. If he wants to bring her along, you can’t stop him.
I totally get what your saying
Children shouldn’t have to deal with revolving relationships especially at such a young age
I never introduced anyone to my kids until it got serious
I’d rather have my heart broken than theirs
Just let the girl tag along.
Healthy co-parenting also includes their new love interests better you meet her in person and see how she interacts with your child in person then not at all. Sometimes actually a lot of times you gotta set yall feelings and differences aside and do what’s best for your child
Let him bring her!! It gives you the opportunity to see her interact with your kids and get to know her. I’ve never cared about who was around my kids as long as they were good to my kids. I wish my kids had a step mom who loved them when they were little and needed a mother figure at dads. I KNOW that no one will ever take my place so I’ve never cared. The only question I asked my kids at pick up was “Was everyone nice to you?”
How about you do your separate things and not worry about each others flavors at all?
Don’t take your son trick or treating. Kids go missing the most on Halloween night.
I see both sides of this… As the child’s mother you have a right to voice concerns about having people in your daughter’s life that don’t stick around , he should have set his own boundaries in dating, and not want or allow people to meet his child until he sure he’s in a relationship with them x amount of months before Introducing his child. So he def needs to work on that. In the same breath you don’t have a right to dictate his life and who’s involved in his life if it doesn’t cause any physical harm or neglect to your child. You referring to his new girlfriend of 4 months as his new flavor of the week doesn’t look good on you and suggest tht you’re upset that he even has a girlfriend and are being petty. And the new girlfriend trying to set boundaries about not being around you without her is just childish as well. you and this man have to co-parent for the rest of your lives until your child is grown. Maybe you should both set some boundaries about extra people in your and your childs lives and stick to it boundaries that apply to both of you and that you can both agree to. I don’t know that he is so much picking his “new flavor” over his child as much as he might be trying to set a boundary with you… saying hey you can’t dictate my life and who’s in it etc.
Take your kids trick or treating by yourself! If he really wanted to go he would tell the gf that his kids come first and when it was clear that she’s not just a flavor of the month you’ll gladly introduce her to your children.
Why does he need to be there?
No you’re saying he’s choosing his girlfriend over you, not your kid. Bc you could just be an adult and let the girlfriend come. Get to know her, and be nice to her. You don’t have to br her best friend. But if she does stick around, it’ll be better to be on good terms with her.
I don’t understand why you need him to be there? Go have a great time with you son!!! You do not need to force him to be there!
Just putting my two cents in but I think it’s silly not to let her come, maybe she plans to be around longer and it should make your heart happy that she care about your littles to want to come .
It’s not your choice to have her there or not.
When your not together you don’t do things together and you don’t get control over what happens.at the other parents house unless.its in the court order there’s nothing that can be done
One day you’re going to wish he would include you…. The best piece of advice I can give you is learn to co-parent for the sake of the child. Your life will be significantly easier in the future.
Because he’s thinking with the wrong head. I know 4 months isn’t a long time but wouldn’t you want to be around to observe the gf around your kids too. If he has unsupervised/ over night visits what’s to say he doesn’t have her around already?
You need to grow up. You can’t dictate who he dates/brings around your child. Does he have parenting time? If so then she’s probably already been around your child. You need to act like an adult and move on with your life. Just petty control tactics.
Well does you baby go to his house for visitation? Then you baby is probably around her there. And nothing you can do about that. I think it’s immature on her end to say he can’t be around you without her. Just go trick or treating by yourself. When my kids were young. I didn’t take my ex trick or treating. If he happened to have the kids on Halloween then he would take them. But other then that the kids and I went.
I do think four months is a little soon, but this is also a great time for you to get to know her which is super important. It’s also a huge red flag that your child’s dad is willing to miss an event with his child because she can’t come. It’s not like this has been a long time thing, or they are married. We can all scream that she’s been controlling, but for all we know baby daddy has an attention span of a goldfish, and every five months has a new girlfriend. ￼
I get both sides, but think of it this way: you get to be there when she’s there so you can monitor what’s going on. Let this one go.
I used to be you. While I understand your concern, having lived and learned from experience, ultimately, it is his decision who he has around the kids when he has them. And vice versa. As long as they aren’t in harms way. Per our judge, he could have someone different every week, I have no say. It was a hard pill to swallow, but I had no choice. 8 years later, we have the a much better co parenting relationship than we have ever had. Does the situation suck? Absolutely. But in the end, the one suffering is the kids. I said all this to say, let him bring her. If there are more events that he wants to bring her or whatever, let him. Thats how you get to know her and know if she’s trustworthy around your kids, despite what they have going on in their relationship.
Id much rather them meet in front of me and see how it goes
Just let her come with you guys and stop being petty… I understand where you are coming from, but it isn’t for you to decide who the dad dates and whether or not he brings his partner around your child. It’s controlling and abusive. Imagine you had a partner that he demanded you not have around your child? This is a chance for you to spend some time with the woman that will also be around your child, you should look at it as an opportunity.
You are being childish. You will be there so what’s the harm. Look your best and just let her tag along !
You really have no way of knowing what he’s saying to her about you. Not only as his ex, but also as a mother. Why not reach out to her? Meet for coffee so you can formally introduce yourself and actually get to know her. That way you can convey why your choosing to not let her meet your child just yet. Explain to her that he has a habit of entering into and getting out of relationships quickly, and that it’s not only unfair, but also unhealthy for your child to be a part of that. I’d also make it clear to her, that any interactions you have in regards to him, are strictly about your child. You may end up getting along and possibly becoming acquaintances.
If you are going to be there then what’s the issue? Also if there’s no court order saying he can’t have her around kids then it’s his right to do as he pleases and with whom he chooses to include. She could come
Trick or treating and could be introduced as his friend for now if unsure. There’s reasons she feels the way she does and you feel your way but don’t let the child suffer because of it. It’s one day out of the year.
He just wouldn’t be going !!! We don’t need daddy to pick up some candy
Flavor of the week? It’s been 16… do a nice family costumes of clowns and go out and have a nice night.
Id be like “let’s go!!” Then you get to see how they are, and how they interact with you and the kids!! And maybe y’all could be friends!
That child is 50% you, 50% him. Get along and accept that you are not in control. That’s one more person to LOVE YOUR CHILD, not take your place. The girlfriend might be AMAZING. I’d rather the girl be around me and my child than me guessing how she’s treating the child when I’m not around.
oh he’s one of those lmfaoooo.
stick your guns. courts require a minimum of 6 months before introductions anyway. his gf doesn’t need to tag along. then again, i wouldn’t invite him anyway. it’s not that deep where both parents need to go.
How long were you the flavor of the week and do you expect him to change?
Does she go with her had on visits? If so I’m sure she’s around. And if your keeping her from going with him because of a girl, your not right. What he does on his time is his business. As long as she’s physically safe he can do, and go where he wants with her. Court order or not you should not be dictating his time.
As someone who been in this mindset, step back and stop to think. Your child will see the other parent for who they are one day and do you really want to be a barrier to that? Who cares if he has a new girl every week, that’s HIS decision. Is he still trying to be active in your kids life? Is he still trying to show up for them? THAT is what matters. Don’t be that person.
The courts would tell you that you have no control over what he does and who he allows around your child.
Do what’s best for her since he won’t.
You have your life and he has his. You can’t dictate what he does in his life. Would you want someone telling you that you can’t have this and that in your life. It’s not that big of a deal. Think of it this way, you get to know her and see how she is with your child first hand.
So let her come… you’re acting like a child about the situation, no offense he doesn’t have a reason to go trick or treating with you… yall aren’t together. I take my kids almost every year just me and them… they get candy and dress up it’s not like it’s Christmas…
Go with a neighbor. Let him miss out
Just let her go. No reason to be petty.