I feel sick to my stomach and have no where else to turn too…My baby daddy and I recentely worked things out…I let him move back in…it was going so good and I finally felt like a happy family again and like I could trust him…come to find out while we were not together he got someone else pregnant…he didnt even tell me the entire time we were working thiung sout…we were eating dinner and then bam he gets a call and rushes out…“family emergency”…I feel so broken for not only me but our child…hes going to be so hurt…am i wrong for not wanting anything to do with him anymore?
I would leave but not before letting the other girl know the real situation.
You have every right to be upset that he didn’t tell you about this. Your reaction how you deal with is completely up to you and understandable.
However there are kids involved here as well, siblings that presumably (hopefully) will have a relationship with both their father and half siblings regardless of your feelings towards him or the baby’s mother.
You feel how you feel. Don’t apologize for it.
In a situation like this. I’d focus on parenting and drop the relationship.
Hell no never let him back he’s a loser! You deserve better!
Been there done that momma, you’re not wrong at all for feeling how you feel. Idk about you but I couldn’t even look at mine the same and we had over 10 years and 4 kids together. Your feelings are valid
Choose to leave him or stay. It’s your babies sinling no matter how much your hurt. Don’t forget that either. 2 homes are better then 1 sometimes. Worked better for me and my girls, see there brother every weekend.
I’d honestly drop the relationship and focus on co parenting . It’s so hard to trust once it’s lost this is something that should have been discussed.
If he knew she was pregnant when y’all started trying to work things out, he should had told you then. Now, you can chose to forgive him since y’all were not together during that time, or you can leave him for not telling you, but you have every right to be upset, you have every right to chose forgiveness or singleness.
Ka aroha, you will probably get all the opinions on here things that have already crossed your mind. You know in your heart what you need to do.
You’re not wrong. Your feelings and emotions are 100% valid. Speaking as someone who has been down this road, feel free OP to send me a PM. Wishing you peace, happiness and lots of good luck.
Even if you were on a break he knew you guys would probably get back together and he’d probably sit there telling you how much he missed you but yet he couldn’t even be bothered to use a rubber ? F that ! You deserve better. Something was already wrong if you guys needed a break , I feel like this should be the sign you need to move on.
Only my opinion but honesty and truth are important to me. He had plenty of time to tell you about the other pregnancy, but chose not to. If he was no longer involved with this other girl. (But deep down we know he will or should be for the next 18 years), he had no reason to keep it secret. Look at the past and present, that should give you a glimpse into your future.
Your not wrong but just also know that baby is now blood related to your kid best thing to do is play nice because it’s not that baby’s fault but I would also be the 1st to file for child support and even if he’s not working now that child support will follow him if you are the 2nd to file for support then your payments will go down before the other reciver of support
You’re not wrong at all. Unfortunately since he is the father you’ll have to still deal with him buuuut you don’t have to be in a relationship with him.
He wasn’t REALLY trying if he left the part were he impregnated someone while on a ‘Break’.
I would leave. That’s a very big secret.
YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID. He should have told you and not hid it from you scared or not. My motto is i can forgive the truth, i cannot forget the lie.
First of,time to grow up and stop using term like my baby daddy. Extremely immature and obviously shows in the relationship. What he did when you are not together is irrelevant. Should his next gf be mad because he has a kid with you when they weren’t together? If he knew for a long time he got her pregnant and didnt say anything, shame on him. For all we know it was a one time fling and just found out himself and trying to process it. Just as you needed time to figure out your issues, so did he. It’s not a question of if you are wrong as you are entitled to your opinion and feelings. However, sounds like it’s time to grow up, mature, and ensure no matter what your choice is, you don’t taint your child’s relationship with its father. That you encourage and uphold the love the child has for its father as he would be expected to do for you.
I feel like with him not telling you is as bad as cheating. It’s not fair to you or the other child. If he told you from the start I think it would feel less like a betrayal and more of a choice and easier to forgive.
Why didn’t he tell you is the question
No you not wrong. He still can be a father to your child. That’s it.
If it truly happened when you weren’t together then you really don’t have a lot of ground to stand on here. If he cheated, then that’s a different story.
Don’t go back to him. He’s shown you how he feels about you. You deserve better. Be single. Take care of your child. Leave this man to be with his other baby mama.
If trying to work things out I believe that also means not seeing other people. Your feelings are valid. I would find someone who appreciates you and will respect you. That would be out the door for me as well
been here mine and babysitters kid are 13 months apart i still cant forgive him despite working on things multiple times in 17 yrs move on mama
relationship would be over unless he legitimately found out after that phone call… but even. still it would probably be over. i would never try to play stepmom with a newborn involved.
Accept the child it is sibling to your child. My son had 2 children with ex she then married someone else and had 2 more I as gma accept all then son marries and wife has 2 and they all including her x husband have been at my home all at once as one grandchild asked for dinner for his whole family. No problem
I mean, you weren’t together and he was having sex. That’s pretty much always a risk of having sex unless the woman has a hysterectomy.
Ohh girl this is a tough situation. I’m so sorry you have to go through all this. I know everyone is going to say you should leave and he should have told you. However, if he told you back when you were working things out, chances are you would’ve thrown in the towel. Either way this news was going to end with the two of you parting ways…UNLESS…he really IS in love with you and wants to be with you and only you. People make mistakes. This new baby will just be another sibling to bond and grow with your child. Just depends how much you can forgive your guy and move on together…or apart
It seems like he wanted to get back together so bad that he was out Fckn with someone else… he really cared a lot… No you aren’t wrong for wanting nothing to do with him.
To quote friends "we were on a break "
You’re doing the right thing… If he can’t be honest about having another child, he is a walking Red flag.
You have every right to feel this way!
He should’ve let you know before you two got back together to work on things. He’s already putting her needs before yours and your child’s, I’m sorry, but this will not end well.
Soooo he slept with someone while you were split up. as long as he hasn’t ever done it while he was with you. Not sure you can truly be mad at him while he was " single "
I’m guessing he’s the type of guy to go and move in with the pregnant one and settle for her instead if you break up with him. Telling her everything she wants to hear just so he has someone and is not alone. I couldn’t stay with someone in this situation. I know he didn’t cheat, but I couldn’t be part of it full stop. Good luck whatever you decide to do.
Fact is he lied and said nothing while working on your relationship…kinda a big thing to forget to tell you about isn’t it??? What else he hiding?
Why would he hurt? He has a sibling! Could be a good thing.
Mine did the same while we were separated and working on repairing our marriage. One day I went over to where he was staying with his buddy and saw on a memo board a woman named Tammy wrote I love you to my husband and I found pregnancy vitamins and he admitted it was his kid
Why is your kid going to be hurt? All he has to know is that he now has another sibling. Stop draggin the kids into your mess it’s not their fault. And sure HE’S wrong for not telling you but if you were broke up it is what it is accept it or don’t and leave. It’s not fair to your now step child or biological child for them to be resented by you and their sibling because of how you found out about them.
Honestly it’s stupid to punish the kids for your break up and time apart woes , it happened . If u love him enough u can work it out , he didn’t cheat on u , but he did lie and conceal it . That needs talked about . But at least it wasn’t while u were with him , u can learn and will need to learn to co parent with the other women either way as ur child and hers deserve to know each other and be apart of each other’s lives , so I say if u love him , talk , move on and then get to being a step mom to ur sons half sibling! U can do it and be just as amazing a mom to that kid as u are to yours as ur child won’t be going to her house but hers to your house so she will need to trust u won’t take this out on her baby . She was ok with almost being ur kids step mom had her and him stayed together ! It’s my opinion and I’m sure some Karen won’t like it , but be aware Karen as ur thoughts don’t mean a thing to me , if u don’t like what I say to this person asking then scroll on . I’m not the one you will want to jump at or clap at! Just keep scrolling girl ! Ha ! I live this everyday , but I didn’t punish him for what happened when we worked it out . But now the child is an adult and still respects me just like I always did what his mother says was best even when I didn’t think so , because I loved him so much , I loved his children all of them the same ! We co parented great . And never talked shit about any ones moms or steps etc !
Absolutely not. I wouldn’t want anything to do with him either. Put him on child support and tell him to get out.
You don’t have to forgive him and take him back if you don’t want to but your child has a half brother or sister that they may want to know.
If you guys aren’t together - I don’t want this to come off rude… But he is allowed to have another life. What he does with his private time is 100% his business (& having a child together does not entitle anyone to his business) & visa versa.
Now if you guys WERE back together & he understood that… Then yes, he should have told you.
It sounds like it was something that happened while you guys weren’t together & now you have to either figure out how to have a beautiful blended family or let him figure his own stuff out.
I promise you though, your son won’t mind another sibling. Kids LOVE having someone else to play with. I just pray you don’t take his actions out on your child. Every child needs a father & a mother, period. No child should EVER get wet from our rainstorms.
You’re not wrong for not wanting anything to do with him, but as long as you let him see his child as much as he’d like to & be involved in his life. . You are totally allowed & capable of cutting ties to him & only having contact when it comes to your kiddo, without any drama. His life & his choices do not affect his child as long as he is still actively present with him.
You and him were split up at the time
So it’s not like he cheated on you
I think you need to focus on your child
And accept the fact your child will be having a new sibling
But at the end of the day it’s your decision
Honestly if you can’t forgive him and forget, it won’t work out. Been there done that. It was never the same. Then she didn’t even keep the baby so it was all for nothing
The real questions are:
DID HE KNOW?
IS IT HIS?
DID HE KNOW IT WAS HIS?
The fact he got someone pregnant while single is irrelevant
He was being deceptive by hiding that information from you. He obviously knew you likely wouldn’t have given him another chance if you knew the truth that’s why he hid it. It’s wrong and you have every right to end it.
Any relationship based off deception is doomed.
Lying by omission is still lying.
That guy needs to be responsible and respectful enough to stop running around having unprotected sex. I feel bad for the kids and any others he “accidentally” creates.
Besides the fact now you will always have the other woman in your lives cause of the baby. Let him go stay with her. Collect child support and move on. Even if you guys weren’t together, is he stupid enough to not wear protection?? No fault of the baby . So now baby and baby momma will always be in your lives.
You two need to either go to therapy or call it quits and just co parent. But you need to understand this other kid is his too and you need to accept that. If you can’t or can’t accept the child then call it quits because you can’t blame an innocent child for the idiot decisions (lying to you) their father made.
Also if your child is 5 and younger they won’t know what normal is. As long as you make it OK that they are getting a sibling just from another mommy then he will be just fine. In situations like this a young child will look to their parents on how to deal with situations they dont understand.
Your child has a sibling. How about looking at that positive.
Here’s a different perspective. My husband and I split for a few months while dating. He went back to his ex due to a child he had been raising for years. Things didn’t work out there (he realized he had no feelings for her anymore and our issue had long since been resolved) so he found me again, and we started dating. Didn’t rush anything right away, but took time to see if this was going to work or not. During this time, she comes out and says she’s pregnant and it’s his. I knew they had been together during our split, and I knew about the pregnancy immediately. He made it very clear he wouldn’t be there for her during the pregnancy. He was open and honest with me about everything. She’d constantly try to get him to go to Drs appointments with her, ultrasounds, ect. I even told him multiple times he could go if he wanted. I wouldn’t be mad. He simply said, I will not disrespect you like that. Until the baby is born, I am not needed. She was doing all of that to try and get him to see her. Not bc of the baby. She’s admitted this. The baby is born, and he meets with her at a mutual location, with me there, to meet the baby. We talked a lot about my feelings before the baby and how he felt. He made sure I was involved in everything (I also became pregnant while she was pregnant) so I knew I could trust him. We’ve been dealing with her from her for 3 yrs now, but we are married and never once has he hid anything from me, gone behind my back, or made me feel like I had anything to worry about.
There is no reason he couldn’t have been wide open with you from the very beginning. A relationship without trust isn’t a relationship at all. Sometimes things get messy, but it’s how you work thru it that makes the difference. He’s hiding things, and making you feel a way he shouldn’t. Especially if he’s wanting things to work between yall. Definitely don’t blame you for how you feel.
You are absolutely not wrong for not wanting to be with him. He omitted this information knowing that if you knew it, you’d probably make a different decision.
That is manipulation.
No but don’t stay either and waist your years. Decide if this is a life long commitment you can deal with. If not move on and find your happiness. I will say I also found myself in this position. But I was the pregnant one. Me and my guy did work it out before I knew and he’s been raising said baby for almost a year. What an experience and gift god gave us.
Think long & hard about your decision before you make it… that’s all I can say. Just bc that happened doesn’t mean you can’t make it work if you love each other and want your family together.
He is not worth your time and energy! He did this once…trust me he will do it again!!!
If you weren’t together then it is what it is. Accept it or don’t, either way you have to move on.
If he couldn’t tell you when you guys made the move to get back together officially then honestly it’s broken. Things are only going to get more complicated.
If he just found out that night, then he was not keeping a secret. He also wasn’t cheating if you two were not together. It sucks but thats the reality of it. NOW if he knew he got the other girl knocked up, then yes you have every right to be pissed. But do not block him from seeing the child you have together, neither of them will forgive you.
He could’ve found out that night, break baby or not, extra kids are a deal breaker for me.
My only question is how is the child going to be hurt?
How far song is she?
How long has he actually know?
How long have y’all been back together?
Also if the one that was pregnant didn’t want a lot of people knowing then he was right for respecting her wishes.
Been there. It took me a long time to get over, but now it doesn’t bother me. It’s in the past, and we weren’t together. We’ve been back together since she was pregnant and it’s been 5 years. It hurts, and it sucks at first, but it all depends on how you are as a person.
He got someone else pregnant while you were not together is HIS business. Not telling you so you could weigh out all your options with everything on the table while trying to make a relationship work ￼is YOUR business. Have you asked him What else is he hiding? You have every right to be mad, feel broken, feel betrayed, and every other emotion you are feeling right now. Ask yourself, if you were to remove yourself from the scenario and this happened to your best friend or your sister, what advice would you give them? That’s the advice you need to allow your mind and heart to follow .
Get into counseling together! If you feel like you can forgive him and MoveOn, then do that seems as if you already forgave him and we’re working things out. ￼But it isn’t fair that he wasn’t honest, unless he truly did not know and recently found out. ￼Pray about it and seek God he can and will heal all the hurt if you truly give it to him! Praying I know it’s hard!!
This innocent child will be between you, at least financially, for 2 decades. It’s a lot to take on. Just aim your emotions where they belong, not the child. Good luck to you
Trust me, you’re kids not going to be hurt unless you make it an issue for that kid. And y’all were broken up. It could have been a one night thing.
I understand your hurt because he never told you. Then he’s going to expect you to take care of this child on his visitations. But how does this hurt your child? If he’s young he won’t understand he didn’t know until the baby was born. He’ll just have a sibling. As for you again if this isn’t something you feel you can deal with, being a 2nd mother to this child then it’s best for you, your bf & the baby to leave. Please don’t interfere in your son’s relationship with his siblings though.
You deserve better. Raise your standards. You’ll never trust him
You’re entitled to your feelings and you’re not wrong he should have been 100% honest. I couldn’t be with someone that lied like that. In regards to your son, I wouldn’t tell him in a manner is upsetting emotionally. I would try to explain it in excitement so he or she gets excited. It’s not the baby’s fault and that baby is your child sibling.
Its a him problem, not a you problem
Absolutely not! Imagine he walked out claiming a “family emergency “ this will happen time and time again. Are you ready to deal with that?
He didn’t cheat on you. So either your in it or your not. It’s not the babies fault. Either baby.
He could have been honest about that but chose to keep it a secret…what other secrets will he have or already has?
Just read a Reddit story on a similar situation. There’s two big things here: can you forgive him and if something ever happens to the child’s mom, would you be willing to treat the child as your own? If something happens to that women that will be his child… and if you stay it makes that child yours as well.
You have the right to feel upset , he can’t be blame for whatever he did when you guys were not together but if he knew about the pregnancy while you were working things out … that was like cheating, he should have tell you .
I can’t tell you what to do becasue you know if he is worthy of a another change or not , the only thing I can tell you is to not involve your kid in this mess , both kids are innocent and equally deserve to have a dad in their life , he might have failed you as a man but he can still be a good father if you both put your kid first
I don’t know how I would feel but to be fair you were not together at the time, I’m just saying something to think about! It’s not like he cheated on you and got someone pregnant and that baby is and will always be your child’s sibling!
Ur kid will be fine unless u make it a bad thing. Be civil and do right by ur child encourage the relationship with his dad. Don’t talk shit about his father and understand that what happened between u two has nothing to with your son. He did nothing wrong aside from hiding it from you. That child is ur sons sibling. Live a peaceful life and move on.
Well isn’t this a mess. Do you want to be cleaning up messes forever because this is just the start. And yet keeping secrets about an unborn child that would be a deal breaker for me. I would be so upset that would be ugh to much. For me for my children all of us. I don’t know what advice to give other than you know in your heart what the answer this question is. Lots of love, prayers and good thoughts coming your way.
That’s a lifetime of problems if you stay, honey.
That can’t be worked out now. He should have been honest about the other girl and the baby. He should have given you the opportunity to either continue to work on the relationship or to leave. I’d definitely be done. File for child support and full custody. Don’t be bitter using your child against him. Best wishes.
Run don’t walk! This is not God’s design for a family.
I would want a DNA test bf I made any rash decisions. I was once in a situation similar to this and the child turned out to not be his. And did he lie or did he not know until the baby was born?
Did he know about it when you were working it out, and withhold the information from you? Cuz if so, that’s duplicitous and that would absolutely be a deal breaker for me. It wouldn’t be about the child…it would be about the disrespect.
Leave him alone he’s trash with bad character. Cry and learn to love yourself more.
You’re entitled to feel how you do.
Leave him. It’s his problem now not yours
My ex got his ex pregnant when i was 6 months pregnant and we were still together.
Wait! Can you first identify why you are hurt? Is it because he got someone else pregnant or because he didn’t tell you? Y’all were on a break and he moved as a single man. He was deceptive by not telling you about the child when y’all begin working things out. The dealbreaker for ME is the deception. Trust is big for me. Looks like he realized the grass wasn’t greener and is trying to come back. Nah, I ain’t with the extra kids. I will just get a good co-parenting relationship and move on.
I would meet with the baby mama and find out her side of it. You have every right to feel your feelings any way you want. But, thats another sibling for your son. Whether you decide to stay with his father or not, there will be a relationship between the kids, and I would want to know the mother of my child’s sibling.
This happened to someone I know - if you Weren’t together then he didn’t cheat on you - yes he should have been honest from the beginning but maybe he wanted to make sure things were gonna be ok first - the baby is innocent - you must first decide if you love him enough to be together and also does he love you enough- if so - then your just a little bigger of a family. My friends decided they loved each other and she treats his little girl like her own - it’s not ideal circumstances but life is never easy — and neither are relationships
That’s a big secret to keep, I wouldn’t be able to stay bc he’s gonna have to keep a relationship with the other baby mama and my mind just wouldn’t allow me to trust that nothing would happen between them and they have to be together occasionally for the kid.
Yikes, if he told you that would be different. But, he didn’t. Boy, BYEEE
No not at all. Him keeping this information is the same as lying. He did not give you the chance to make the decision to be with him in spite of this situation. How can you trust someone like this? Sometimes we have to let people go! He’s clearly not on the same page as you and will continue to be selfish and hurt you and your son further. Now with that being said your son still deserves to have a relationship with his father and sibling. As much as you are hurt you should not get in the way of their relationship. It would be wrong on your part and hurt your son in the long run.
Wrong? No. If his intentions were to fix things with you, the last thing he should have been doing is messing with someone else.
Would he support you if you got pregnant with another man’s child during your broken up phase?
Ooooh. That’s a no for me. That’s hiding stuff n that doesn’t fly!
What advice would you give your daughter? I would tell mine to end the relationship and move on with her life. The two of you were irresponsible in having unprotected sex and now you have his baby. Something caused the two of you to break up and then you decided to “work it out”. During the breakup though, he continued to be irresponsible and have unprotected sex (with who knows how many women). Now it’s likely you will live a life full of baby mama drama. Not to mention the betrayal that you will feel every time you look at the other baby. Leave now and save yourself the heartache and pain.
Dump him. If for nothing else, your mental health!!!