My 19-year-old sons ex doesn't want her to have anything to do with his baby: Advice?

So I need advice my son is 19yrs old his ex just got ahold of him and said she’s pregnant. He tells her he’ll be there to help raise his kid and he’ll help her through the pregnancy as much as he can. Then she says she’s planning on going the single mother route and wants my son to have no part of the child’s life. Other than talking to a Lawyer and asking the court for a DNA test and upon the results of that a custody order is there anything we should do that were not thinking of? He is willing and able to help raise the child he works and can provide for the baby. He is mentally stable with no criminal record.

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If she truly did not want him in the picture, she shouldn’t have told him about the pregnancy. Tell him to petition for a DNA test and 50-50 custody. Children deserve to have both parents in their lives.

Good on your son for taking responsibility. Best of luck

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Jump on the legal train now, Get the court involved before the baby is even born! STOP her from being able to up and run to another state. If she moves it will be much harder for him to be a part of his child’s life. Also, make sure to document EVERYTHING and Be prepared for ANYTHING!

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Step 1: Keep all message exchange between him and her saved locked and stored
Step 2: Save all receipts if he buys her(for the baby during pregnancy) or the baby anything
Step 3: DNA test as soon as baby is born
Step 4: File for joint Custody (You don’t need a lawyer)
I do not know what state you are in however if he is the father, mom will have to prove him unfit. She cannot just tell the courts she wants to do it alone. It’s just not a thing

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Make sure you are documenting everything she’s said to your son to show the judge when you go to court. It can make a world of difference for proof that she’s intentionally keeping him away from the baby

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Also where do you fall into the baby’s life as a grandparent. Not sure what state you are in but you might consider asking an attorney about visitation right as a grandparent. Do not assume kindness will always prevail. You son does need to establish paternity and visitation arrangements and financial arrangements as well.

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She’s just fishing for a reaction. A female who genuinely didn’t want to be bothered wouldn’t have even told him. Start with making sure she’s really even pregnant lol. Speaking from 2nd hand experience. Girls will fake pregnancies hoping it makes the guy come back

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Then why did she even tell him she was pregnant? He can petition of dna test and custody or visitation rights. The courts are slowly starting to realize dads matter too and she cannot legally bar him from having a relationship with his child once paternity is established esp if he’s paying her child support. Bc I’ll bet she will expect money while telling gun him he’s to have no part of the child’s life. She has alot of growing up to do before that baby comes.

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Kudos to you’re son for wanting to step up instead of stepping out. Definitely consult an attorney as to what his rights are! On a side note, not sure what state your son is in, but here in New Mexico, as soon as pregnancy is verified, child support starts. So if she’s telling him she’s pregnant, have him start putting $$ aside strictly for this. When the baby is born, of course request a DNA test, proving he has parental rights. Anytime he gives her any $ make sure it’s either a check or money order so that he can write “child support” in the memo. If not, any cash is considered a gift. That way, when the baby is born, he doesn’t automatically get behind on child support.

Best wishes to your son on his parenthood journey!

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If she didn’t want him in the picture she wouldn’t have reached out. Dna is required if she’s going for child support. If she does that he had the right to counter with 50/50 custody.

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If he’s mentally fit and physically able to help (and not abusive in any way) with his child then he should be allowed to help. As soon as baby is born he needs to file through court to establish paternity and custody and/or visitation rights. Not much can be done beforehand. I’m not sure if there’s a noninvasive way to establish paternity before baby is here. They can do an amniocentesis but it comes with risks. The single parent route is hard and not one she’s going to like. I wish my kids dad had been mentally and physically fit to help with our kids. It’d be so much easier if I had his help.

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First, be sure she’s pregnant - I’ve seen these ploys before. I applaud your son. I was a single mother, not by choice, the father ran away - I left the line for fathers name blank on my child’s birth certificate. Not “unknown” - blank. If she was going to go the alone route, she wouldn’t have said anything to him. She’ll want his help later.
Your son is honorable. His stepping up now for his child (yes, get a DNA test) is what a real man does. Bravo.

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Keep record of the texts from her. Yes, contact a lawyer, they will have to establish paternity test to prove that the baby is his, and they’ll tell you where to go from there.

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Definitely talk to a lawyer to see what his options are. If he is in fact the father, get a custody order ASAP, especially if he is WILLING and able to provide for the child and be in his/her life

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I would want some sort of proof that she is pregnant to start with, only as she may have only said it so your son will take her back, Never give her cash, if she says she wants something for the baby then go out and buy it and you keep the receipt as a proof of purchase, if she’s still adamant father not to be involved then your son needs to have a separate bank account and put aside some money for the child so he can say he’s willing to provide etc if not now then when child’s older or when he can see child but I wouldn’t tel the mum of savings, Deffo get a dna test and get visitation rights if not 50 50 custody

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Get going on the legal route now. Someone in my town is fighting for rights for his baby, that she put up for adoption, knowing he wanted the child.

She got married to someone to and got her husband to sign off on the adoption for a child that wasn’t biologically his. And the adoption company is fighting the paternity test.

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He can take her to court for custody but beware if she truly doesn’t want him involved with the child she’ll put extreme efforts to keep him out of the child life even if what she says isn’t true. Definitely get into contact with lawyers asap.

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Odd that she would even tell him she’s pregnant if she doesn’t want him involved? Seems like she’s trying to hurt him by saying that so who knows if she really is pregnant or not, but if she is, have a dna test done, get a lawyer and then go to court for shared/partial custody. Unless there’s a reason for them to not allow him around the baby, he will receives rights and there’s nothing she can do about it. If she doesn’t honor the court order, she can face legal action.

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She can’t just decide she doesn’t want him in the picture. In court the judge will make them go to mediation. The mediator will say it is healthier for a child to have both parents. While the child is an infant he may not be able to keep it overnight, but they will give him times to visit during the day he needs to make all those visits, that way when the child can be fed a bottle he can ask for more time. Tell him the worst thing he can do is give up and not help out at all.

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How childish and cringe of her!!

Definitely get the DNA, put himself on child support and help raise that baby. She can’t keep him away!

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WOW she should be ashamed of herself for doing that. She has a man that is willing to be part of her child’s life while a lot of mothers do not have that option and she wants to do this to her own child. She sounds selfish

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I can’t stand trifflin baby mommas who have a good baby daddy available. he needs to keep track of her and the pregnancy and be there as soon as she delivers and get DNA and put himself on child support.

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Get a attorney, join the Dads Rights Fb page. It doesn’t matter what she wants, says, or does, he has a legal right to be apart if his baby’s life. He needs to do this ASAP, so she doesn’t move away making the baby unassible to him in a convenient way. He needs to have a good paying job, preparing himself to pay child support as well as health insurance. If he isn’t in school, tell him to apply for the USPS - Careers. Excellent pay and amazing health insurance and retiremen. He needs to appear as solid as possible. He could even petition for joint custody.

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Ask for 50/50 custody. She sounds immature I’d request they both take a parenting and coparenting class just due to young age and it’ll help them learn a lot, DNA test, he can offer child support at a set cost he wants to offer like say $200 a month and if she doesn’t agree then the judge can do the child support algorithm based on his pay stubs and amount of time he has the child an set a cost there, should ask for 50/50custody, he wants legal and physical custody…legal to make decisions and physical so makes decisions on baby’s living schools and such when older. Save all messages of her not wanting him around and him offering it can be used in court. He needs to figure out her due date and that way you can file sooner.

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Yes get a lawyer & DNA test. If the baby is his, he has every right to be with that baby , spend time with the baby. It doesn’t matter what the mother wants. And I thing your son is doing the right thing
And lastly if the baby is his, make sure his name goes into the birth certificate

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My 19-year-old sons ex doesn't want her to have anything to do with his baby: Advice?

Your son has rights, too. Get a lawyer

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Get a DNA test and petition for 50/50 custody. That child deserves both parents active in its life!

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Sounds like you’ve got the bases covered on him being able to be involved. Get a lawyer, DNA test, and go from there. She can’t keep him out of his child’s life just because.

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She cannot force him out. After the paternity test take her to court.

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I hope he gets to be in his child’s life! It’s sad when someone can do this to someone, definitely get a lawyer

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As for a DNA test at the time of birth and go to Family Court to apply for joint custody. Hire a lawyer if you have to.

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Keep all conversations to show lawyer

If I had any advice, it’s a paper trail. Maybe have him check in with her regularly asking how she is, how she’s doing. How the pregnancy & baby is going, just to show he is trying so she doesn’t claim he never even tried. It’s awesome your son is stepping up as most people at that age don’t. Don’t ever give up!

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You’re doing the right thing if you plan to get the lawyer and establish custody in court. He has rights as the biological father, but he will have to fight to establish those rights (unfortunately) in court.

Hoping she changes her mind so you can all be involved with no bumps! :black_heart:

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I would need more details why she doesnt want him involved if she doesnt feel safe with him etc etc
There has to be a reason she doesnt want anything to do with him

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Make sure you keep texts and phone call times and dates recorded. Tell him not to say anything negative to her. Get a lawyer and go to court. A mother can’t decide shes doing it alone and the baby’s father doesn’t have rights.

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As others have said: DNA test first. Then apply for 50/50 custody. He has the same rights to the child.

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sounds like there’s more to the story on why she doesn’t want him involved… however nothing can really be done until the baby is born. and that’s if/when she tells him about the birth.

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He can file child support on himself, they’ll establish paternity and instill a standard visitation schedule.

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Just here to say, good for your son! Stepping up and being the best man/daddy he can be. Awesome!

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Definitely agree with everyone else!

Men have a lot more rights than they use too. A judge will def side with a father who is trying to have a relationship with their baby. I’d go for 50/50. So sad that she would deny a child a loving father.

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Have him buy stuff for the baby as well and save receipts to prove he has adequate things for the baby and definitely take this to court good luck to you and your son every child deserves a dad!

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Wait for the baby to born and get a lawyer. There’s always two sides to a story everyone’s bashing her already :woman_shrugging:

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File for parental rights…a good 2 years or more to get them

Why tf is his ex being so bitter?

He could go to court

Good for your son for wanting to handle his responsibility!:clap:

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If he buys anything for the baby keep receipts aswell to show the judge

Hire a family law attorney immediately. They’ll file to establish paternity first, then they’ll file for a temporary custody arrangement and child support next. This situation could get ugly, so the smartest thing you can do is to have an attorney retained first (before she hires one).

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I would get a lawyer now and get the ball rolling so court orders will already be in place for DNA testing at time of birth.
If you wait till the birth to get court started, that will be longer your son misses with the child if it is his.

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Youre going to have to do the court route.

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keep every single thing as much as you can, all these messages, calls anything else it really will help a lot! DNA test and then if it’s his they will keep going forward.

Keep a record of EVERYTHING. Start the process as much as you can ASAP.

Nope. Get a DNA test, son will have to pay for it. Have him take it to court and get his rights. Signing the BC doesn’t give him his rights.

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Get a family lawyer if you can but you want to get the paper work written up now and filled in for the day baby is born for a requested paternity test and parenting plan !! Other wise mom can take off and if he can’t find her and can’t get custody !!! Get the ball rolling now because if she gets a wild hair up her you know what she could run and theirs isn’t anything he could do until he submitted for paternity get the ball rolling submit for paternity now so she’s court ordered to get the test done that way if she runs he can legally get help threw the court to find the child by warrant for her in contempt of court

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Major props to your son because there’s plenty of men older than him in the world who don’t want a damn thing to do children they helped create! Good job mom!

The only thing he can do is get a lawyer and get it into court to get his rights and visitation established. This will show the courts that he is serious and wants to be an active parent. Keep documentation of everything. (Text messages, emails, receipts, etc) Petition for a DNA test.

Good luck to your son. Every child deserves both parents.

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Go through the court. No matter what so he has for sure rights and visitation that she can’t mess with.

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Definitely get a dna test and 50-50 custody

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  1. Attorney
  2. Save all messages for court.
  3. Follow what the attorney says.
  4. Go for 50-50.

Idk why she wants to do this to him. Being a single mother sucks.

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If DNA proves the baby is his, by all means he should have a right to be in child’s life. Domestics can do DNA for 200-.

Sounds like thats the story hes telling you. Talk to her directly. :grimacing:

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Tell him to not give up n keep fighting for the baby

This should be illegal. A father is just as much a parent as we are. Straight bullshit.

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Yeah, she can’t do that. Good on him for wanting to step up!!!

Keep going through the courts like you are…because if you step out of line (even the tiniest bit) she’ll use that against him.

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I’m so sorry! I think you’re doing everything you can honestly, I hope you guys get at least something in court. If she didn’t want him involved at all she shouldn’t have told him I almost feel…

Dna test for sure. If its his… I guess just be patient. Horrible things happen to people all the time. Peoples breaks fail. People lose in botched robberies. Know what I’m slayin? Lol

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It’s not up to her to make that call. It’s not just her baby. Her wanting to keep the baby away from your son, is disgusting. The baby needs it’s dad, too. Have him get a DNA test & if it comes back as his child, get a family lawyer right away.

Keep receipts and start paying and buying stuff for kid - shows court you are trying to provide

There is no other advise than get a lawyer. People can say whatever they want. You need a court signed agreement.

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Fathers have rights! I pray he doesn’t let her kick him out of his child’s life. Kids need dads.

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So then why tell him in the first place? She sounds like a bitter ass baby mama and needs some growing up. He can legally go for joint custody he has every right to be in his child’s life. Any communication between them should be kept through text, or email so he can document it, no phone calls :no_entry_sign:. Get in contact with a family lawyer and get to work! Kudos to him for stepping up and I hope it works out for him

He’s a good man than when I was pregnant my ex wasn’t there for the pregnancy or the child but was there for the birth and claimed she wasn’t his and year later we got dna test results and it was 100% his

keep a record of all communication he has with her to give to a lawyer she should have thought about that before opening up her legs

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Get attorney file for paternity test and go from there. If proven it’s his he will have rights.

He can put himself on child support, go to the review and discuss payment, summer vacations, holidays etc. It will be documented in a court order in which she will have to abide by or go to jail.

He could filed for joint custody. I dont think he’d be granted full custody unless she is unfit.

She wouldn’t have told him if this was her proper plan… She would have just no said anything. I think she may just be saying it to get a reaction from your son. I think she might want a relationship with your son and to bring baby up together but as he’s only mention he’ll support and help bring up baby… Not about making a go of it with her so she’s retaliated by saying… She rather be a single mother just to get a reaction… No ones plans on being a single parent I don’t think. She’s hormonal so I’d take it with a pinch of salt. Defo get advice from a family lawyer tho xx

Make sure it is ur sons baby first, then proceed with a lawyer. GOOD LUCK

Document everything. Tell him to try and have convos through text/email. That way there’s a paper trail for everything.

I say two Can play that game, tell him to get proof she’s a danger and take custody away :woman_shrugging:t2:

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In the meantime he needs to prepare himself. Good job, car, baby supplies etc, area for baby. He should still attempt to be apart of babies life. When baby is here, go through court for dna, custody agreement, etc. and go from there. It’ll be tough, she will most likely still put him on child support. Best thing you can do is be there for him and pray they can coparent peacefully.

Why did she even tell him then? She doesn’t have a choice. Once paternity is established his rights are equal to hers.

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See a solicitor put money away for the baby and get prepared for csa payments also keep a record of all texts and contact between him and her also if this baby is your son’s he as a right to be involved and she can’t just exclude him

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Maybe it’s not his baby !Could that be a possibility ?

He has rights, so the lawyer route is good

Make sure you guys record all interactions with her. She sounds so nasty…

Proof of pregnancy is what I’d ask for first, second then when you know for sure call and lawyer and the courts.

God I’m so afraid for my kids to grow up with females like this :tired_face: do dna and 50/50 custody that’s what I’ll be telling all my kids when they’re older.

The ex needs to grow up
If she thinks been a single mother is all this and that
It’s not it’s hard
I’m sure she will find out
Best of luck to your son and u

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Make sure you have a pre set up for baby. Make sure he has all the necessities to have the baby for visits.

Get a lawyer asap!!!

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These girls need to quit, if you wanna be a single mother by choice than go to the sperm bank or find a sperm donor. Damaging all these med and children over a power trip. Can’t be a single mother with a father in the picture huh? :woman_facepalming: Please read as much as you can into your states paternity laws, you don’t actually need a lawyer to establish rights or paternity and it doesn’t make the process move any faster. Being proactive and staying on top of it himself is the only way. And if your son doesn’t want to put the work in. Step aside because you’re not doing him or that kid any favors if it turns out to be his.

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If they want man to pay child suppoprt ask for joint custody, so he can be part of childs life. Yes lawyer up, she has rights, he has rights, court will decide but paternity soon !

Sounds like she might just be trying to bait him. The main thing right now is to just get everything in place for once the baby is born. Lawyer, DNA test, etc. If she really is pregnant and it is his, it will be sad that he’s not able to participate in the pregnancy. Honestly, it seems like a manipulation and if that is the type of female she is, bullet dodged. I hope for your son’s sake it isn’t his or that she isn’t really pregnant because it seems like it will be a long manipulative road of using the child against him. Just tell him to keep it cordial and don’t respond and if he does keep it neutral so there is no record of him verbally or written agreeing to anything or saying anything disparaging to be used against him in the future.

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As soon as baby is born DNA test and then getting a custody order put in place it’s not for her to
Decide that he can’t be in his kids life fathers have rights just like mothers do you can also look into your state about grandparents rights and see if you can go that route to and definitely go ahead and get a lawyer that can keep her from trying to run with the baby to another state

Single moms aren’t moms that just shòve the dad out of the picture. Start getting a lawyer now and get the legal process started now. No parent should ever be shoved out that way