I don’t think it should matter if he is biologically yours or not. And if you’re other children aren’t paying for gas to go places, he shouldn’t be either. You and your husband need to get jobs. If that child support isn’t being used for bills it should get saved for when he’s an adult and needs money. He should be treated the exact same way your other kids are. If he wants extra money for whatever he wants, he gets a job.
I strongly believe he is your child so treat him equally as others either cut all allowances or split it sounds like you putting him aside since he is t your biological not cool!
You make a 15 year old pay for his own things like soap? Deodorant? Gas?
Do you make your other children pay for those things as well or just the one you made a point to tell everyone isn’t yours biologically?
I don’t think her point was “well if he wants to go somewhere he needs to pay for gas” if she got child support for any other kid some of it would have to go to gas regardless… apparently a lot of you don’t have teenagers… they are expensive and needy and always think we are personal taxis . My advice is to let him throw his little temper tantrum , my kids never got an allowance and they survived. If he wants money (because the child support is only $80 and it only goes so far) tell him to get a job. He can get one at 15. Chores should not be paid for. They are a responsibility that everyone who lives there should have. You are raising a child that is not your own and that deserves an award not criticism!!
Wait…are his siblings getting their allowance? Because if they are it’s not fair and why are you making him pay you for gas? Give him the whole 80 that money isn’t yours it’s his.
do you charge your kids gas money
Bahahaha child slavery. Ok Wel now you do your chores for food bud. Get it together
Never got an allowance. My Mom was a single Mom raising 4 girls by herself with less than $200 a month in child support. We were expected to do chores, and have dinner ready when she got home from work. We didn’t expect to be paid for Heilongjiang the house we all lived in.
Chores to cover pocket money. He is 15 old enough to mow the lawns make that his job to earn his pocket money. $40 is reasonable for mowing the lawns fortnightly.
Wow i had to get my own job at 14 because my mom said as long as their is a roof over my head food on table clothes on my back that im okay and if i want money i got to work for it- so i got my first job at 14. Then she started taken 100 from me to get food that i like and want and $50 to the internet- kids nowadays are so freakin- ugh think everything has to be handed to them on a silver plater.
You dont HAVE to get him his playcards make him earn it. Or tell him get a job deliver papers or something
I couldnt go outside to play until all chores were done, if didnt go school didnt get go outside.
I didn’t get an allowance. $15 is a lot in my eyes
He can work himself though and pay himself an “allowance”
I used to tell my children when they were young that being part of the family unit makes them responsible for all of the family unit responsibilities and obligations. I started them young doing their chores with no allowance. However, when they wanted their PlayStation subscriptions, outings with friends, Etc., most often we would make sure they got to go or purchase. I only had two children though. My youngest son went an entire year with no birthday and a very slim Christmas so that he could take a class trip to Washington DC for a week. He made that decision to sacrifice one thing for the other. It’s about balance
You’ve had him since 18 months old and still treat him differently than your other kids?
Hmm you sound like a toxic mother …. Wen he ages out I’m pretty sure he is gonna run for the wind poor kid !
As u asked all my kids should include him…I would give them each 10 dollars…it is not his fault you are his guardians…or that his Dad only pays 80 that is a pittance for a childs care…his Mother pays nothing…not knowing circumstances I can not say anymore what is fair…
I would say if you’ve had him since 18 months old, you should treat him like the rest of your kids. Probably makes him feel left out.
It sounds like he’s really mad about something else. Like maybe the fact that you are so quick to point out that he’s not your biological child. If I’m sensing favoritism of your BIOLOGICAL children over him, then I’m sure he certainly is.
This isn’t about money at all.
Ummm why the hell is he buying his hygiene products? That is a parents/guardians job. Using his child support for gas too - how does that work do your other children need to pay you for these things? How do you determine what gas in your tank is his to use and whats yours to use? Other than that yes chores should be done without pay. The rule if you want money for weekend or need a ride you must do chores to be allowed those things.
So let me get this straight, he “doesn belong to your or your husband” yet you’ve had him for 15 years? Imagine how he’d feel hearing you say that. If your other children are getting allowance SO SHOULD HE. he should be treated as an equal. I can’t imagine how he feels, just from this post you showed that he “isnt yours” and doesn’t recieve the same treatment, and trust me, he notices. Do better. Also, charging a 15 year old for gas? You charge your other kids as well right?? Oh, no? Hmm. Maybe put yourself in his shoes and see how this post would make you feel if you were him. Again, do better.
Tell him to go get job, set him up a checking account. Tell him wants come from his checking account needs comes from the child support… 80 dollars isn’t much. So naturally you will go over that… teach him to save, and work hard. Sounds like he needs to be thinking saving for car. Slowly increase responsibility on top and help him budget money…
Lots of places hire at 14&15
He’s calling you out on your unfairness. Act better. Be fair. Show him a good work ethic in your own actions.
Would you be making your other kids buy their own bodywash etc and give you gas money to bring them anywhere? In my opinion, that’s not your money. He’s 15, he should be getting the $80 because it’s his money, not yours or your husbands or your other kids. You both should be ashamed of the fact that you pointed out “he’s not biologically either of yours”.
If Dad pays child support where is mom and are you fostering this child and getting help from government assistance?
I think you need to remind him, that allowance is a blessing not a requirement. Most kids do chores because they are members of the household. Does he pay you for dinner? Does he pay you for rides? Does he pay you for water, lights… ect. Sounds like he may need a reality check. If you can’t pay one, NONE are paid. You choose to be his parents so parent up ! Do you charge all your kids for things? Or just the one YOU choose to take ownership of? Seems like your are making a waves.
Sounds like he’s an entitled little turd who needs some life lessons.
In our house, kids don’t get ANY allowance. I choose when they earn something.
They do chores because they live here and are part of the family. They babysit their brother sometimes because it’s part of helping out in a well functioning family unit.
If they want something specific and don’t have their own money (from birthdays, working for neighbors etc) we discuss what they can do to earn the money.
You’re very generous in handing over $15 a week for nothing extra. Sounds like he needs an awakening to what kind of work actually gets him $15. Maybe you can have a neighbor help out and hire him to mow their lawn for $10 and walk to their dogs for $5.
Do your kids still get allowance?
Do you charge them to driving them to places to hang?
$15 a week is a lot!
He’s old enough for a job.
I don’t pay allowance, I grant the opportunity to do the things they want for doing the things their supposed to do
A lot of the back story is irrelevant I think. Doesn’t matter that he’s adopted or that you are receiving child support. An allowance is a privilege, not a right. Period. In a lot of places, at 15 you can work part time. He can get a job if he wants to be paid. Household chores aren’t work that deserves to be paid anyway. That’s just being a family and taking care of your home.
Quit paying any children for any chores. Chores are life skills. They don’t go away and no one pays anyone for them when they grow up. He’s 15. He can get a job. Save payment for tasks that you would pay someone else to do… Mow grass, move furniture around and vacuum the mysterious stuff that’s been living underneath for too long and put furniture back. Babysit siblings. If I were to take on guardianship of a human I didn’t create then I would allocate whatever support I received for things specific to that child like clothing… Not gas for taking them places… Do you charge all your kids to be their taxi? For me it’s part of the job. This kid is 15 and I wouldn’t be surprised if they are struggling with feelings of worthlessness. Obviously unwanted by the bio parents, and obviously treated differently from other children in the home that showed they “wanted” them by agreeing to be the guardian. All that money may end up going to a therapist if something doesn’t change for this poor kid.
It’s his money! Just because y’all can’t afford y’all’s “real” kids doesn’t mean you use his money. Why even mention he’s not biologically y’all’s? Do you make your real kids pay for gas? It’s bad enough his actual parents aren’t in his life but YALL really taking the little bit of money he does get SMH
the fact your CHARGING , a child for driving him places is a shame on your part . your other kids aren’t giving you money , so why treat him different as if he owes you anything … im adopted and this is so sad to see the difference for these children in just this little paragraph.
My allowance was being able to live there.
How disgusting that you needed to point out he “wasn’t yours.” TF. You’ve had him his whole life. You are his parents. Just as much as “your” children. Zero out of ten - do not respect you.
Second if you pay “your” kids, he should get the same. If they don’t get money, point out that no one gets anything.
Third, he’s 15. Have him look at the budget so he can have his eyes opened and learn responsiblity. If he finds a creative way to squeeze a penny - honor that. My friends kid took over grocery planning and was so good at it she saved an average of $50 a week… And she got half of that.
Lastly, he’s a teenager. Their mission in life is to b*tch and moan. Welcome to parenthood of teenagers. Be firm, explain truths, teach responsibility, and move on.
I think he should find better guardians. People who don’t see him as an employee. You make him pay gas to take him to see his friends? I really feel for this kid to have ended up with both of you.
Why are you his guardian if you are going to treat h differently?
Send him to a black momma for a month…Lol… tell him you don’t have it and that’s that… And for throwing fit did you take his game system or anything away? Nope… I’m sure your pansy ass didn’t do shit but write this pitiful story for advice…omgawd people…
He’s 15 tell him to get a job
Wow sounds like you don’t actually like him, you just want that “measley” support money you get for him. If there was no money, sounds like you wouldn’t have wanted him at all. Poor kid, I hope he experiences unconditional love one day because it certainly isn’t from you.
So if you’ve had him since age 1, why was the first thing you said was he wasn’t yours?? That’s your first problem. That kid would be mine the second I took care of him. Stop treating him differently.
You tell him to shut up, sit down and listen. Then you show him.exactly what his ‘child support’ goes to. Ask him if he would rather allowance than playstation, or gas to see friends.
The fact that you started this whole thing off by saying he is not yours says a lot about now you feel about him. You charge him for gas to see his g Friends. You are the problem
My 14 year old has a job. Tell him to get a job and stop being selfish.
But also make sure they are all treated the same.
How would you feel if your caretaker was giving their kids money and not you? That’s wrong honestly.
Your child needs a reality check.
None of my kids get cash from me.
I don’t get paid for house chores. It’s responsibility. It’s pulling my weight.
Children need to learn that.
Chores is not a job. It’s daily living. I don’t give my kids allowance for chores. They earn allowance for good behavior, good grades, etc, none for chores. I’d stop giving him allowance for chores.
Wow… if you have had him since he was a baby then you should treat him like your. Not like a damn paycheck.
Regardless of whether he is biologically yours or not, you are responsible for him and should not be charging him for any of that stuff. He is a child and it is your responsibility to make sure that he has what he needs.
You should not treat ANY of your kids differently. He is YOURS.
Why would you word it like that? “He isn’t mine” basically.
Then you need to budget your biological kids down to $80 a month too. Maybe then no one gets allowance. And if after 14 years of living in your home and he isn’t considered one of your own kids, you need to take a deep look at yourself and why you are not treating him the same as your biological children.
Seems you are the problem.
You’ve had him since 18 months and treat him differently from your 2 others. Shame on you lady. He would have been better with a family who would treat him like their own.
She’s charging him gas money to get him to his friends house:triangular_flag_on_post:
She’s mentioning he’s not biologically theirs:triangular_flag_on_post:
“Guardians” don’t even have jobs:triangular_flag_on_post:
Wait. You charge him for hygiene products and gas money to drive him places.
Do you charge the other children for that?
Yeah you’ve had him his whole life and still don’t say he’s yours?? I don’t even care about the rest of it.
Poor kid give him a couple of bucks
I would take it till he could act right he wants money till you can financially give it him tell him it that time of year where people need there yards cleaned and mowed there is no law saying you have to give it to them to began with good luck I raised three boys I understand
The fact that you went out of you way to explain to us that he is not biologically yours concerns me way more than his “fit”.
Maybe he is bitter because he is treated differently
just tell hun to get a job then he can have all the money he needs AND he can get a feel of what “child slavery” could possibly be.
Terrible that you treat him differently than your biological children; why didn’t you let him be adopted by some family that would treat him better? when you fear that you give him too much actually you offer him to little ( fairness)…That poor kid can’t wait to leave your house behind, I can tell
He does chores to live there.
Why are you treating him any different than your biological kids? You call him your son and he has been with you since 18 months so he is your son. Do you charge your other children to take them places? Or for their subscriptions? Their hygiene necessities? Come on already! While I do not condone throwing fits, it sure seems as if he is being treated very differently than everyone else in your home!
I feel like OP didn’t expect the comments to turn out this way
Stick to your guns, he will come around
All the kids should be treated equally.
I’m sorry my heart hurts right now! You’ve had him since he was 18 months? He’s parts of your family! He’s not renting space! My head and heart is going in so many directions right now!
So you’ve adopted a child and have been raising him since he was 18 months old and you’ve been treating him worse than the rest of your kids because he’s not your biological kid? Fuck you bro.
Don’t take in a baby if you aren’t going to treat him like one of your own. This is why I sometimes think some people just take kids in for their own benefit not because they love those kids. Your post seems disgusting…
You took him in as your child, treat him like your other children… wtf??? Cut your other children’s allowance down and split it equitably.
Wtf why would you take in a child if your going to treat him that way? When you took him in he became one of yours and should be treated as such smfh🤦🏻♀️
Um if you have had him since he is 18 mo old that is your child!! You can’t give your other children an allowance but tell him he can’t have one. They should all be treated equally as your children. They either all get an allowance or none of them should get an allowance. Imagine how this kid must feel. If I raised a child from that age I’m sorry they are mine and I will treat them as such. They will get everything my biological children get!
Wow, the fact you single him out and treat him differently is insane.
You are disgusting. That poor boy must feel so unwanted.
Don’t let these people make u feel crappy for how u do things.
That’s sad that it’s been nearly 14 years and you still have to say he’s not your child, that’s a problem. Also, I hope you charge your other children for gas to see their friends as well then. Seeing your friends shouldn’t be an extra charge, seeing friends should be a normal event in life, it’s good for children to get out and as friends, it’s important to have a social life.
I feel like you’re not giving the full story here. Do your other children have to pay you for gas to go do things? Why is he paying for his hygiene products? You obviously buy your other children theirs…so why is he singled out? You sound toxic as fuck.
Have you told him why he’s not getting it? If not maybe start there tell him money it very tight right now and if he wants gas and electricity and running water and a roof over his head he should understand. Kids that age tend to not think about the other side of things only themselves.
The last part where the kids is saying that it’s child slavery to do chores without pay is ridiculous & he sounds entitled just by that statement alone.
At the same time I can also understand his frustration to a point because why would you give only your kids allowances & not him? You’ve had him since he was 18 months old so he is your son. Sorry, I have no advice here.
He needs to learn that family needs come first, my 15 yet old is wanting to get a job already… life lessons can be hard but necessary
Tell him to cut some grass and quit whining. Kids these days do not want to work and it’s disgusting. I was working since 14.
Ok I am not a mom in any way yet (unless you count furr babies lol) but I know when I was growing up I didn’t ever get an allowance for doing chores. However I personally think it shouldn’t matter weather he’s your bio child or not don’t single him out. But if he is old enough to get a job or make money in some way then no he shouldn’t be paid to do his daily chores those are life skills for when he gets his own place eventually those are permanent skills in everyday life I think once he gets a job he will better understand. The spoils of childhood nowadays are far different from when we grew up. I would teach him the value of money before I went any further with an allowance
All I’m going to say is you ain’t right.
I’m guessing because he’s not your biological child he’s feeling not as important you need to buy his hygiene products and stop making him pay for your gas no wonder he is upset.poor kid and I bet your other kids don’t pay gas or for their hygiene products.you really need to put yourself in his shoes and think how you would feel if this was being done to you.
First of all cooking and cleaning are basic life skills. Explain to him that adults don’t get paid to clean their own house. Secondly I feel like teaching him understanding and to be humble when he was younger would have been a good idea.
But I do get why he’s angry. Just talk to him. Don’t be mean about it.
No allowances all of them should be equal. It’s a mutual effort to have a clean home. That is not something that should be supplemented with a reward.
Do your other kids pay for gas ? Do your other kids get an allowance ?
I just can’t see me taking money from my kids for gas money especially not at 15
Lol I never once in my life got allowance. Actually my father who raised me being my mother passed away when I was 10, has never given me allowance and I remember the only 4 times he has ever given me money, which was $20 each time throughout my whole childhood for either the movies or ice skating. He wanted the receipts for everything I did, I was grounded for a month if I didnt have the receipt. He also got almost $2k extra a month from my moms passing, we never saw any of it. Never got allowance, im 28 and still have never been on vacation. We got school clothes, which 5 outfits 1 time a year and 1 paid of shoes. No phone, computer, video games etc. These kids are so entitled today, I literally can not understand it.
My dad would’ve backhanded the ever loving hell out of me if I said that, I’d be on the ground. ￼
Teenager are so rude
Well I wouldn’t charge to take my kids places…their not 18 and there your responsibility…and as long as your using his child support on HIS needs then he is okay without an allowance.
If he wants money then tell him to get a job, some states 15 year olds can get a workers permit.
I don’t think it said that you were giving the kids that are biologically yours money and not him but the main thing is don’t treat him differently then the other two.
That sounds like a typical teenage tantrum. Let him have his tantrum. You could try explaining exactly how much things cost - his food, his clothing, his portion of the electric, gas water etc and show him how his $80 doesn’t go very far but I don’t think he will take much notice (not if my experience of raising teenagers is anything to go by) you just have to be consistent in your response to him and let him have his fit
His PlayStation subscription could be considered “payment” for chores.
As a parent, your obligation to your child is a home, food, clothing, education, and anything medical.
He should get a job to pay for what you can’t provide above and beyond.
Your nicer than I am. Child support goes to supporting him. His needs. Not wants. Rent, water, electric, food, clothing, ect. He needs to understand hard times happen & he too, could also get a job lol I don’t let mine work yet, so they can focus on school. And they do get an allowance. But it’s to my discretion, being I pay their phone bills. That’s $67 a pop. I also put their subscriptions to their birthday date. So it’s paid for & usually a gift, by each birthday. Gas cards are given each month. They get $25. That’s for trips the the mall or movies or where ever with friends. After that $25. They work for more. And I have plenty that needs to be done. So I’ll pay $5 a chore. And it gets their normal chore and a chore I need done too. Like trash cans that go to the street scrubbed up every other month or so. Or poop scooping after their animals… mowing… but if you don’t have the means to do so, I’d start an IOU jar. To motivate them, and keep them earning. When you get good, pay out. That’s the only idea I have to help with the no allowance. Give the allowance to the jar, till he can be paid.
Why tf is he paying for basic necessities? This is horrible i understand teaching bout budgeting and an allowane etc but this whole post doesnt sit right w me and praying younger him didnt get treated shitty in comparison to your biological kids
I would not be giving the other kids allowances and not him. That’s so messed up. Regardless of him being biologically yours you have chosen to take care of that kid, even calling him YOUR 15 YR OLD. Imagine how excluded he feels. Then saying the child support is for rides if he wants to go to his friends. I hope you don’t take that too far. Could you imagine being his age and having to tell your friends I can’t have a ride to your house cause my dad missed a child support payment? Then watching your BIO kids get better treatment cause they are blood. I don’t agree with what he said as far as child labor but I think the kid feels severely left out and I would too🤮
I’d give him his percentage of the rent and utilities, and let him know he can have whatever left over to do how he pleases, but he’ll need to pay his own PS sub and buy his own hygiene products and food.
If You Have Had Him Since He Was 18 Months Old That Is The Same As Being Yours & Should Be Treated That Way
That poor kid if you don’t charge your bio kids for gas and crap you shouldn’t for him make him buy his own subscription they are what 14 bucks a month and let that kid have a allowance like your other kids treat them all the same
You said " our Son". Can’t pick & choose when he is your " Our Son". You wouldn’t give one and not the other allowance of your biological children . Would you change then for every bit of gas taking them everywhere. Sounds like his more like a lodger
I think a lot of you are misunderstanding what the OP is saying. I think she is saying that they normally give all their children. $15/week allowance (including the 15yo) But they are having a difficult time right now. So none of thr kids are getting allowance. I’m hoping she made a big deal out of this child not being her bio kid because it was a lead up to the bio dad pays a very meager child support. And because of that fact thr 15 yo feels he is entitled to that as his allowance. Which is wrong. Child support is to be used by caregivers for the needs of thr child. No child NEEDS allowance
This whole post is crazy…i feel for this poor kid…“he doesn’t belong to you or your husband” but yet you’ve had him his whole life almost…wow lady wtf is wrong with you…shame on you🤦♀️