Just needing to vent about my partner not helping me

I just need to vent… I fell asleep early last night after working all day and having to be at work early today. I asked my hubby to do 2 things for me. 1. Put tooth fairy money under our daughters pillow, 2. Put my work clothes in the dryer. Neither was done.Thankfully I was able to do both but sometimes I wish I didn’t have to jump out of bed first thing to make sure they got done.


Sounds like he’s not used to taking responsibility for much around the house. You will have to condition him to take responsibility for doing household tasks, as now if he doesn’t do them you pick up the slack, so why should he?

Set a date and time to talk about everything that needs to be done. Both of you write up a list of household tasks and break down the steps. “Yard work” is too big: list raking leaves front yard and back yard, planting spring and fall, buying garden supplies, pruning plants, watering, etc. Meet and consolidate lists, agree on how often a task needs to be done. If he doesn’t come up with a list, set a new meeting date. If he doesn’t do his part, he will not get credit for anything he does and you will have first say in the chores he will be assigned.

Set up another date and time to divide tasks on the list. In the interim, decide which ones you each want. At he meeting, each of you sign up for the ones you’re willing to do. Count how many tasks each of you has. The person with the least has to pick more until the list is even. Then you take turns picking until all chores are accounted for. Seasonal tasks get one count, weekly tasks count twice, daily tasks count for three, so you sign up for an equal amount of work.

Create a program or chart to keep track of what is done. Teach any tasks to each other that the other person may not be familiar with. Once instruction has happened twice, the person has to Google it; no more spousal help. It will be a rough transition for hubs probably, so lots of praise and encouragement. Reminders are the chart on the wall or online & on phones so you don’t have to be a nag.

Give it a month or two to settle in and check in with each other frequently. If he’s too overwhelmed, let him pay for services instead, preferably out of his personal vs. household funds.

Meet weekly to assess which chores haven’t been completed and agree to complete them in the next few days.

Do NOT do anything for which he’s responsible. You may want to include your child/children in signing up for age-appropriate tasks too.

Good luck. It might be good to involve a mediator or counselor to help set up and monitor how this goes. So much societal nonsense can get in the way.

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Just start to “forget” to do the things he asked you to do and make him sort it himself, see how he likes it.


I’ve seen this same exact post twice now.

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Does this happen frequently, that he forgets to do stuff? Or is it a one off- if I asked my husband to do the tooth fairy- I guarantee you he would 100% forget and not on purpose. Its just out of his normal routine. Jeez I’ve forgotten to do it and realized when my kid said something the next day🤷‍♀️

Did he forget or not do it on purpose? I have an awful memory myself, so I set alarms on my phone right away to help me. Maybe talk with him and find a way that will help him remember, as obviously you just telling him isn’t sufficient.


This is my life story. All I can say is when you’re tired off it it’ll go away.

Stop doing what he needs only do for you and your daughter. Go on strike he needs to realize he’s part of a family not single.

I would start forgetting the things that you need to do for him

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Sounds like your with the wrong partner, and you will stay there anyway.

If they can’t help. There’s no point in them being there :person_shrugging:


Girl I have the same issue. I ask my husband to do 2 things throw out the trash and clean the cat liter sine I’m pregnant and can’t clean it for heath reasons, do you think he does it? Nope only does shit when I’m livid and yelling Luke wtf