Is it wrong that I expect my ex to not show up without asking?

Am I wrong for expecting or wanting the father of my daughter to give me a heads up before coming by my apartment to see his daughter? Twice he shows up unannounced, and something about that rubs me the wrong way. We’ve been broken up about six months, but he’s clearly not moved on yet. He asks inappropriate questions in a tone that makes me feel interrogated and then wants to argue that he’s just asking a “simple question”. It always leads to him, implying that I’m seeing someone. He then asks his ex-wife if she’d have a problem if he was in the area and showed up without calling wanting to see his son, to which she replied. No, she wouldn’t have a problem, but that’s her. She stated she didn’t know what kind of co-parenting relationship he has with me. I’m bothered because this man has been so nasty towards me through the breakup process, and I’m almost always the bigger person and keep quiet and try not to escalate things because that’s when his nastiness comes out—all verbal disrespect to me and my character. I just want to have a peaceful co-parenting relationship with him for my daughter sake.


Absolutely not. That sounds a lot like coercive control and manipulation…go to court for visitation rights…he shouldn’t be showing up anywhere without prior agreement or consent.

Oh no girl that’s not appropriate at all. If your visits are court ordered he can meet you at an agreed upon destination to pick up and drop off the kid. At the police station if he makes you nervous or scared. He should not be just dropping by unannounced. You are not his possession.


You are not wrong. Especially when he has no intention of being cordial.
My oldest daughter’s father was always welcome anytime. But we remained friends and he and my bestie had a daughter 6 yrs after we split. Co-parenting was a breeze. When he passed away our daughter was 19 theirs was 12, I got their daughter for summer visits ect.
But my ex-husband, father of my younger 3 lost visitation rights when they were 9, 1.5 yrs and 6 mo old.
You should get a court order for visitation. Schedule visits and perhaps a mediator for pick up and drop off.

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Heck no! Anyone dropping by my house unannounced makes me uncomfortable. I would be telling him that he needs to respect your boundaries and your household. That is where you live and your safe place. Like what if you had a babysitter and he just showed up and demanded to see his child. That would be an extremely uncomfortable situation and could cause trouble. Just be like “hey, I don’t care if you come see your child but I need some kind of heads up.” Even if it is a few hours or something.


You need to make it clear that he needs to call before he stops by. You have a life to live and it does not include him showing up at any time. Go to court if you have too.

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Time to go to court and get visitation worked out, I never had unexpected visits from my ex


That’s why they are called "Ex’s "

Your ex - husband doesn’t have the right to just show up or appear or come over unannounced just anytime he wants too or just because he thinks he has that right because you have a child together. You are separated/ divorced whatever. Your private life is your own business as long as your not doing anything harmful in front or to your child . No drugs or drinking ! Not having sexual orgies with a bunch of strange men or people in front or around your child. Time to go to court and sit up visitation rights and proper times to pick child up / call before you come, time schedule, etc. Non of this just drop over whenever you want to pop over

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That’s not showing you proper respect in your own home

I personally wouldn’t have an issue with it. I’d make it clear he’s there for the child and what I do is none of his concern.

I don’t allow people I DO LIKE to just show up unannounced. No way jose.

He clearly wounts his cake and eat it too

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I would have custody arranged by a mediator. It’s cheaper than court and. Sets the clear expectations. Have you told him you’re not okay with him popping by unannounced? If not have that talk with him first, and explain your personal life is not his business any longer and all questions should pertain to the child, not you. If he cannot understand that, mediate. If that doesn’t work next stop is court. FORCE respect if he won’t give it otherwise.

Do not answer the door!