Is it normal for men to think babies are gross?

I have been with my s/o since October 2018. We recently broke up in March 2021 after living together for 1 year but decided to get back together around July 2021. We do still currently live apart. Which is a longer story for a different time. My question for today is ..is it normal for men to think babies are gross? He made a comment about how he thinks that they are and tbh it turned me off quite a bit. He is indifferent to having children of his own as well. I have 1 child from a previous relationship. He does okay with her (she is elementary school age) but it seems that a bond cannot be formed and even after a year of living together and all of the bonding time I planned for us prior to moving in it still didn't happen in almost 3 years. I am rethinking my decision of getting back together after the comment he made about babies being gross because I can't picture having a child with someone that thinks that way. Instead of understanding that babies are messy because they are learning isn't something that clicked with him when I asked him about it. I understand it's normal to be nervous and scared around babies and children if you have never been around them much but I'm wondering if this viewpoint of his would change if he had children of his own? Or if this is just how he feels and children really aren't for him even though he says that he does want a family. I have wondered in the past if having a family is what he thinks he is supposed to do just because everyone else is doing but it is not truly in his heart. I am 29 f and he is 31 m for reference in case age matters. I'm not too sure. Just looking for input.
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Doesnā€™t sound like he has any desire for a parental role and thatā€™s okay. If itā€™s not okay with you, then itā€™s time to move on. If he and your child have not found a bond in a year, one is not at all likely to form. If it were me, Iā€™d definitely be looking forward not backā€¦

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is it normal for men to think babies are gross? - Mamas Uncut

JMO Donā€™t have a family with him.

He told you and has shown you he has no interest in kids. Break it off if you want more kids. Believe what he is telling you and showing you. Good luck

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So, i might be the odd one out here, (i have a baby of my own and definitely want more) but, babies are not for everyone, and thats okay. If you know you want more children, i would say honestly find someone else because having a baby with someone who doesnt want one is the worst mistake. You deserve to be happy and have the life you want, but so does he. :heart:

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Reading this I was thinking he must of been around 20ish years oldā€¦ then you say his ageā€¦ ahhhh what the hell lol

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Please donā€™t be with him. Thatā€™s how my step dad is and heā€™s a total ass to this day to me and his own child.

I mean in all honesty babies have a reason to be but they are gross and so are kids in general lol im saying that as a mom of 2 kids babies/kids pee all over poop all over puke all over wipe their face and hands on everything pick their nose etc. But to me it sounds like he doesnā€™t want kids in general if he didnā€™t build a bond with your little one within that time frame then he never will.

If he isnā€™t actively trying to bond with your daughter after 3 years. He doesnā€™t want kids, him having his own could possibly change that but I doubt it and clearly so do you. So walk away.

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My ex thought babies were gross until we had our daughter. To this day he still has hard time with other people children.
Iā€™m sure your boyfriend will change his mind once he has a kid of his own.

After not bonding with your daughter, that is a red flag right there. He doesnā€™t sound like he wants kids. And Iā€™d hate for you to get pregnant then him not wanting anything to do with baby. Donā€™t do it girlā€¦let this fish go. Much love hun

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Be careful what you choose. My SO didnā€™t help a bit. It was all on me.

Heā€™s telling you what he wants but in an indirect way. Just seems like heā€™s afraid to come out and say he doesnā€™t want kids.

Heā€™s not someone you want to have kids with. And if you do I guarantee youā€™ll be doing it all yourself.

Do yourself a favor and save yourself some heartache. Youā€™re better off with out him.

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If he thinks babies are gross he more than likely wouldnā€™t want kids of his own is what i would think, so honestly if your trying to have a family some day and grow your family Iā€™d say this guy isnā€™t the guy for that. You guys should have these conversations of what you want outta your life and what you want together as a couple, thatā€™s always stuff that should be brought up when dating someone so you can know if you guys are on the same page cause if your not then thatā€™s gonna be hard on the both of you especially if either is willing to compromise on said things. But honestly if you want more kids and he doesnā€™t then thatā€™s a deal breaker. Plus him not developing a relationship with your daughter after all this time is another red flag that kids really arenā€™t his thing.

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So he doesnā€™t want or care for kids, oh well. You canā€™t change that about him. NEXT.

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I mean I donā€™t particularly like babies either, and I feel like itā€™s totally normal to not want a child. My advice would be to break up, since you guys have different opinions on children.

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The real question u should be asking yourself is it worth it to try and find out? This could really put you and your family in an awful situationā€¦

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Honestly I wouldnt stick around to find out

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Most men love the idea of there little mini me and if he truly loved you he be trying to knock you up to keep you close to him Iā€™d let him be and find another man that will love you and your child unconditionally and want more little precious ones wit you

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He has been around your kid for 3 years and still hasnā€™t bonded with her. To me, that alone would make me not want to be with someone.

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Itā€™s normal, but if he is indifferent to having children at all, and his comment upset you to the point youā€™re reconsidering (especially after splitting already) its better to not go through another 3 years of it. Especially if he isnā€™t even bonding with your daughter. She doesnā€™t deserve a half assed father figure.

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He will never be a good father to your child because of his attitude. Why waste your time and emotions on this walking heartache?

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Throw the whole man away

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He has no bond with your kid that should be enough to show you that having a kid with him is a bad idea.

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If he donā€™t want kids and you want more kids then yeah you should move on!!! Doesnā€™t seem like he really cares for the one you already have either and that would be a deal breaker for me

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He is telling you how he feels about children, listen. If no bond was established in 3 years with your Daughter, than there is a real problem in that. Move on. Find someone who can appreciate you and your daughter.

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The fact heā€™s not bonded with your daughter is a reason to leave

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Do counseling get all of this figured out before making a huge decision.

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Oh mama the way he already treats your child is enough to know its time to go.

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Your child is a package deal and she deserves someone who will bond with her and treat her like one of his own. You deserve a man that is willing to do this. This man is not him.

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I have 3 kids of my own. I love them to death. But come on letā€™s be honest kids are gross :joy:. They play in their feces, spit up, touch everything then put their hands in their mouths, pick their noses & butts. I guess it depends on the context of the statement. If he was saying they are gross in general then ok heā€™s probably not a man that will take care of his child. If he was jokenly stating that babies do gross things then I wouldnā€™t be offended by the truth. Trust your gut. If you donā€™t think heā€™s going to be daddy to a baby he helps create then donā€™t have babies with him.

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Itā€™s normal for them to not want to hold em as much when theyā€™re new new! But to think theyā€™re grossā€‹:unamused::face_with_raised_eyebrow: :woman_facepalming:t4: oh boy !

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If he didnā€™t try his ass off to bond with your already baby get to steppin

He said 3 years to bond with your child he still is not developed a bond with her to me thatā€™s a big red flag that he may not bond to his own child and if a man didnā€™t bond with my child from a previous relationship I would end the relationship right then and there

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Heā€™s gross for not having a relationship with your daughter. Find a new man

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Ignoring the fact that that is absolutely not normal, your daughter deserves better in a stepdad.

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There are a lot of men out there that just donā€™t want or like kids. You cant change someoneā€™s mind about it nor should you try, itā€™ll make things between you guys worse than what they are. I personally wouldnā€™t be able to date someone if they couldnā€™t bond with my children or my children didnā€™t like him after meeting him.

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If no relationship is formed now, it will never happen. Some people are just not meant to be parents or donā€™t want to and thatā€™s :+1:.
However, if you want that in your life it needs to be with someone else, has he can never give that to you. Since, it is not in his nature.

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Pretty sad he feels that way babies arenā€™t gross, I mean he was a baby once. Maybe he grew up in a house where kids werenā€™t special or wanted.

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One age doesnā€™t matter to put it out there. For two babies ARE gross but we love them through their grossness. Think about it for a minute. They vomit, they pee on you, squirt poop on you or up their back, when toddler they tend to reach in diaper if not taking it off and make poop art on the wall/themselves and the having to pick/suction their boogers. List goes on. I get that as any parent does. Now hearing what youā€™re going through it sounds deeper than just gross/messy. Sounds like he on one hand is going with social expectations but on the other, like my daughter, doesnā€™t want any. If he cannot bond with an elementary age child how will he act toward a baby? Could it be it is not his natural born or just in general? If yā€™all did have a baby would he help? Would you have to put in all the effort? Would he even stay with you after? Would you be willing to put yourself into any of those senerios knowing the no connecting with older child? Iā€™m not one to judge as I donā€™t know both sides but that is what you have to ask yourself. Life is complicated and sucks at times but you need to soul search and figure out if this person/life is for you FIRST, not him. I hope I made a lick of sense.

Addition: why has he not committed to you by way of engagement or promise? I would worry about that first before having a baby to be honest.

Run donā€™t walk !! Find you baby a real father figure not mom a BF

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Girl leave this man seriously! If he canā€™t bond with your child after 3 years then he doesnā€™t deserve to be around whatsoever. Focus on your child and yourself instead of a man seriously. If u chose to stay with him knowing he doesnā€™t have a bond with your daughter after 3 years then youā€™ll only focusing on yourself at this point n just wanting to be ā€œattachedā€ to someone even if it means putting your childā€™s happiness below yours. Wake up :woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming:

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If its been 3 years and he still hasnā€™t found a way to form a bond with your child, it is time to move on. Especially if you know you want more children and he canā€™t even find a basic friendship with your existing child. It may suck, but it will be better for everyone to go your own way with your kid.

Well babies/kids are gross (im 5 months pregnant with baby 4) but since he hasnā€™t formed a bond after a yr of living with you two thats a reason to not see where the relationship is going. My boyfriend bonded with my two older kids two yrs prior to getting into a relationship. We were friends and with different people when met. Im having his second in Jan 2022. Had his first Jan 2019ā€¦

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Kids are grossā€‹:rofl: never met one that wasnā€™t :joy: Iā€™d done cut it off when he has nothing to do with your daughter. Package deal

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You already know the answer!

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Forget the hypothetically baby.

Your daughter deserves a stepdad that CAN form a bond with her. Thatā€™s what you should be concerned about.

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I mean babies are ā€œgrossā€. (Though Iā€™d use a different choice of word). They are supposed to be. :woman_shrugging:t3: kids are learning, they tend to be messy, the poop(A lot), cry (ALOT), and get in to EVERYTHING! But, again, BABIES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE. This is how they learn, itā€™s natural.

Read what you just wroteā€¦only its written by your sister or bestie. Walk away. Period.

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Some are just not meant to be parents. Male or female. Nothing wrong with that. Iā€™d surely delve into his attitude deeper if you even sincerely believe heā€™s interested in children in the future.

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Forget about babies. Think about the fact that he canā€™t bond with your child. Move on

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You know what to do already, but if you need strangers to tell you ā€¦ Get rid of him.

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Sounds like a child saying that.
Frankly, if heā€™s not bonding with your child, or at least making an effortā€¦ heā€™s not worth your time. Your daughter deserves better.

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Itā€™s perfectly fine for him not to want children of his own, but the question is ā€“ Do you want to have another child?

Secondly, if heā€™s not making a solid attempt to connect with your daughter, you had better have a conversation with him. If youā€™re in a relationship thatā€™s going to lead to marriage, heā€™s going to have to step up. After all, youā€™re not just getting a husband, your daughter would be getting a step-dad. This man will set the standard for her future relationships with men, so youā€™ve got to make sure heā€™s the right role model for her.

Youā€™re a package deal ā€“ He needs to be all in, or all out. Thereā€™s no halfway.

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Something is wrong with this dude. Dump him. For your childā€™s sake.

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You know the answer. Why even ask?

He isnā€™t going to change his thoughts about babies and you will be stuck doing everything. Walk away while you can and find someone who will share your feelings.

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How many more red flags you need?

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He does come off as someone who would leave the entire burden of childcare/infantcare on youā€¦ so definitely toss him

He sounds like a lover that doesnā€™t wanna grow up

Maybe u should be asking him to see

Girl tell him heā€™s gross and walk away.

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He doesnā€™t want kidsšŸ¤· Lots of men and women donā€™t.

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It is fine if he doesnā€™t want kids. Some people donā€™t. But you have a kidā€¦ And if you want more, you already know the answer.

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Youā€™re worried about a baby you dont even haveā€¦ worry that he only does ā€œokā€ with the child you have now and that he wont create a bond with them. You know your answer. Put your child first.

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Human beings are gross in general - but to be so repulsed that it prevents a relationship from happening is something else.

My husband is more willing to take care of the gross stuff than I am! But he has also always wanted to be a dad, too. Not every dude does.

He sounds like the gross one

My fourth child is 25 and thinks babies and children in general are pretty gross. He has no interest i becoming a father himself

Which is a shame as kids love him :joy:

Babies are gross. So are kids :joy:

Kids are gross. Some of us can live with that and others canā€™t. If you even have a glimmer of a thought of wanting another one, heā€™s not for you babe. :woman_shrugging:

Babies, toddlers, kids, adults, all gross. I donā€™t see anything wrong with him being honest.

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My partner said children are gross until we had kids of our own, he puts up with them being gross cuz theyā€™re his own

You can still love your children and think theyā€™re absolutely grossssssss but I suppose there might be some underlying things that ring alarm bells for you. The internet canā€™t make your decisions for you love.

No itā€™s not bloody normal :roll_eyes::roll_eyes:

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Be a mother first!!! And u not!!! Gonna have any questions.

Yes they areā€¦ but on to your relationship. The fact that thereā€™s no bonding at all after all this time makes me think heā€™s not the guy for you guys.

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Some donā€™t want kids and thatā€™s fine.

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Babies are gross lol but sounds like you donā€™t really want to get back together with him so donā€™t.

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Babies ARE gross lol

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I wouldnā€™t worry about that comment. I have 3 kids and they can be grossšŸ˜‚. But itā€™s hard to say though, what tone did he use? What were you talking about that lead to him saying that? Did I seem nasty and hateful? To be honest I would be more worried about the relationship he has with your daughter and no bond for 3 years, says he has no interest in having one to me. Then it will only get worse if you had a baby with him as either, he will bond with his child and your daughter will notice sheā€™s treated differently or he wonā€™t care for either. I would walk away if I were you, seems like there is alot going on in general.

Oh trust me babies can be gross, but teenagers are more gross :joy: adults even worse :see_no_evil: I wouldnā€™t worry about the comment, I would concentrate on the non bonding aspect of things x

Sounds like there is a giant red flag flapping all around with like a tornado siren going off. What if you actually had a kid with this guy. Sounds like daddy issues in the making and years of resentment for yourself. Sure babies can be gross but its more his lack of any sort of paternal instinct that is worrisome.

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If he canā€™t bond with your daughter after 3 years ā€¦yikes! Might want to reconsider a baby with him.

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Grown men not pitting in effort to build a bond with a child they live with are gross. That would be a hard no. Just let him go.

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Kids are gross an I have 2 son an daughter my son very early age woke up from nap didnā€™t make noise so after a bit I checked ok him an he took his poopy dipper off an put on his head got everywhere then decided to draw pics on the walls so yes kids are very gross

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If he canā€™t really bond with your daughter then its time for him to goā€¦ that would be my 1st thing.

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You canā€™t force people to have the same opinion as you, express your concerns to him around bonding with your daughter, if you want more children in the future see where he stands and if you want different things, move on. Children are gross doesnā€™t mean you donā€™t want them or love them.

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Babies ARE gross. I have 4. But him having zero bond with your child is more concerning to me.

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If you have to ask. Listen to your gutt. Leave!

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I mean. Iā€™m 37 weeks pregnant & have worked with children my whole career & to be fair. Kids are gross. Babies? Babies are disgusting. But itā€™s just kindaā€¦ part of kids & babies, so you adapt & deal.

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Communication is important in Any relationship. Try having a heart to heart and see what his plans are for future children a n d where your relationship is headed

Heā€™s imature although heā€™s 31. If you were my daughter, I would tell you to get rid of him.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is it normal for men to think babies are gross? - Mamas Uncut

The fact that no bond was made with your child after 3 years says it all for meā€¦

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I feel kids are gross but I have 5 of themā€¦

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Red flags everywhere, go & donā€™t look back just go!

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All the warning signs are there FIND SOMEBODY ELSE.
why would you want somebody like that around your beautiful child .PLEASE FOCUS ON YOUR DAUGHTER AND NOT YOURSELF
I know we get lonely for a companion for the sexual relationship BUT my children are more precious and mean a lit more to me than any man ever will.At 29 you have years ahead ā€¦pray for a good man to come your way ā€¦Send this one away ā€¦there are loads of women who also think the same let him find his level there.
You do not need a man to be wholeā€¦Let your daughter be your companion ā€¦
Blessings

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When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM!! He hasnā€™t bonded with your child and he thinks babies are gross. His mind is clearly made up on the matter and if you think you can change him even after witnessing his behavior, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

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Honestly he may feel differently when itā€™s his own child but thereā€™s a chance he may not. Definitely something to think about if your wanting to have another child.

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