“Is it a woman’s job to cook and clean all day while their man is at work? My mother-in-law is constantly telling my husband that I am not “wife material” because I put caring for my kids and playing with them over doing the dishes or vacuuming. She thinks he should come home and not have to lift a finger, and everything should fall on my shoulders. He refuses to say anything to her because she is in her 60s and set in her ways, but it really bothers me. So is she right? I should make sure everything is done while my husband works? I am just tired of feeling like I am not good enough for this woman.”
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The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“If you’re staying home with your children. It is absolutely your responsibility to cook and clean and tend to the children. When Dad comes home, he should help more with kids to give you a break from the kids. On weekends, share responsibility. That’s not old school, that’s a logical split of responsibilities.”
“So many people seem to overlook look the mom in stay-at-home mom. The main priority is caring for your kids. If you’re able to clean & cook dinner too, great, if its a bad day & it doesn’t happen, that’s fine as long as your babies are being cared for. It’s a full-time job caring for infants & children! Anything more getting done is just a bonus & not an absolute given. Working spouses live in the home too & should help take care of it when needed without being asked. That’s called being an adult/grownup/partner! It shouldn’t all fall on one partner but rather be 50/50.”
“Honestly if your husband works all day you should be doing those things. Not saying he shouldn’t help here and there because a good man will. But you should want to take care of your husband, kids and household. It’s give and take.”
“Cooking and cleaning are BASIC LIFE SKILLS that are not exclusive to women and if that’s what she expects, then she was trying to raise her son to be dependant on someone else to look after him.”
“Partnership is 50/50. My partner never expects anything of me. However, because he is the main bread winner and works 13 plus hours a day I feel fine with cleaning cooking and minding the kids. It’s not a chore for me it’s a contribution to my relationship and household. I’m kind of been built this way though like I feel bothered if my house is unclean and stuff. But he still helps out where he can especially in weekends.”
“It just depends on how you were raised. But if he is taking care of the financial side it would be nice for you to help out with the up keeping of the home.”
“Was raised if the husband works and supports the family…and your staying home with the kids, house should be cleaned, and food should be cooked daily. But that’s just how I was raised …a man shouldn’t work everyday and come home to a filthy house.”
“I play with my kids, teach them, read to them then I tell them mommy has to do some stuff around the house for a minute. They play alone for a bit or during nap times. Yes my kids are first and dishes wait but all “my wifely duties” are pretty much done everyday. Some days the mopping doesnt get done or the dryer is full til tomorrow but my house and kids are taken care of and dinner is cooked. He works hard for me to stay home with our babies I work hard to keep the house something he wants to come home too. Dont worry about what mother in law says if you and husband and kids are happy that’s all that matters.”
“If one partner is the sole bread earner, the other should be taking care of the work at home. (Dishes/ laundry, cleaning) to, a fair level. If one works an eight or ten hour day out of the house, the person at home should be able to get a LOT done in that time.”
“It’s the responsibility of the person who stays home instead of going outside the home to work. I was a stay at home mom and you clean when the kid is sleeping.”
“Every home is different. It’s what works for you and your husband.”
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