Is he just using me?

Maybe communicate with him and ask if there’s something wrong.
The whole sex thing is out of order. You do not need to care for any man sexually, you care for him as a girlfriend as well as he should care for you as you’re boyfriend.
Don’t stand for it! To be honest, communicating won’t actually work becuase men like him need things for themselves. It’s called being selfish.
You do you. But I personally wouldn’t stand for it and I’d call him out.

Oh… No… None of those things should be happening with a man who loves you :unamused:

Oh honey. He need to go

Omg girl. Open your eyes and see he is very much a narcissist and he is using you. If your pregnant and the only one working the dam house should be spotless and he better have your meal ready when you get home. I’m not even playing. If he is this useless now, imagine what it will be like when the baby comes. If you choose to stay you are teaching your baby girl/boy how to be disrespectful/ or disrespected in a relationship.


So…you have told him that he is hurting you during sex and he hasn’t started being gentle or apologised and said he’s sorry or tried to find away to not make you sore after/during sex.

You doesn’t care about you. The fact that he knows he’s hurt you and then tried to say that it’s your fault. :triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post:

You should run like hell. Omg this is a leach. He will always be a leach.

From a mom of 4 who stayed way too long with a narcissistic leach. Get out now! Or kick him out now!


Are people actually blind

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Oh my gosh I am so sorry you are going through this. You deserve better

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Out the door with him…he is not going to change…only get worse.

So. He’s not working, puts up a fight about taking care of chores, and insists on having sex with you even tho it causes you pain?? No.

Acts worse than a child, get rid now!

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This sound like a child telling a story…on the first note! And sound like a real sicko…GET RID OF HIM READ YOUR OWN STORY


No offence but what sort of boy isn’t been a man and working and helping his pregnant missus financially as you are doing for him I’m sorry but it would be time to go you do enough for him and its embarrassing to you and what right does he have to say that your not been a proper woman to him deadset time to go sponge boy


The fact that you even feel this way is your actual god given intuition. Use that. A man should have purpose…the fact he is letting his pregnant girlfriend do all the damn work says it all. Find a man that actually respects and listens to you.

‘‘picky’’ about where to work? while his sick pregnant gf is picking up the slack? Giirll, cmon now. Fool is a child, not a man


Get rid of him and raise that child on your own.

He’s not going to work or help you with the baby if he’s that picky about getting a job knowing that your pregnant.

It only gets worse from here.

My kids dad was just like this you would be better off mentally/financially without him. It sounds like too much to do urself at 1st but hes basically a spoiled teenager that spends ur $$. FYI my kids dad is still mooching off other people 15 yrs later

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Girl you already no it’s time to go . Listen to your family they see it . When you tell him he will be filling you with all kinds of bs dont pay no mind pack his bags and send him back to his mommy hes got to go

I was in the same boat. It went from bad to worse. Please take care of yourself and that baby, get out of that relationship :heart:

Get him out of your mothers house and get ready to raise that baby with no help.

Might i suggest you look for a new boyfriend? Your babydaddy is probably using you, at least in part, as a crashpad and bank card.

Been right wher u r at he does not love u…run like he’ll if u stay his anger is going to get bad.belive me mark my words

Get out now and don’t look back…

I was in a relationship with a narcissist abuser for 8 year and had 2 kids with him. There were many times I had to carry us financially in the relationship because even though he was never without a job for more than a month max, he has a gambling addiction and did coke behind my back. We lived with my parents the entire 8 years we were together and I tried to save for a home many times for us. Our savings were always sabotaged by either him getting in legal trouble or his gambling & hidden drug problem. People tried to get me to leave him for years but I always thought I saw something great in him, something no one else could see and if I could just figure out the right way to love and support him, he would finally be able to reach that potential. It was so draining and hard to be with him and I often felt so overwhelmed and exhausted just between trying to keep him happy, shouldering ALL of the responsibility in the relationship, and constantly waiting for the next disaster he would start that I would have to clean up. What I didn’t realize then was that it was never my responsibility or job to help him reach that potential, he had to want it for himself otherwise it would never happen. I had thoughts throughout the years that he was using me, but everytime I said something to him about it he would seem to get better just long enough to give me hope that things could be happy again. I was so torn about leaving him because I was hopelessly in love with him and I didn’t want to break up our family and leave my 2 kids in a broken home. I knew that he would literally fall apart and get way worse without me there to make sure he was doing the right thing. It took me 8 long years to finally face the fact that I was in love with the POTENTIAL of who he could be and what our family could be… I finally had to face the fact that my kids were in no way better off with us staying together and seeing the ruthless mental and verbal abuse that he put their mother through… or seeing their Mom constantly crying and emotionally & physically drained by just trying to keep their father from setting the next fire… I didn’t want my son growing up and treating women the way his Father does or my daughter growing up and thinking that is what she deserves in a relationship. I left him 2.5 years ago the day after we moved into our very first home as a family and never looked back. I actually made him leave since I did 100% of the moving myself and paid for 80% of the deposit. The first 2 months I was DEVASTATED… I was depressed, lonely, trying to navigate being a single mother of 2 in my own home knowing I couldn’t afford it. There were many times that I wanted to tell him to come back just because I was lonely and could only manage to think of the good times, no matter how few and far between they were, but everytime those thoughts came into my head I forced myself to think of the worst times. The times where I felt so devastated and lost that I would have given anything to be done with him but wasn’t strong enough yet… I finally realized that I was right, even if he didn’t do it consciously, he was absolutely using me for many reasons. If you are having these thoughts and feelings, you’re likely right. Don’t let your love for him cloud your judgment. I loved my children’s father with all of my heart when I left him, and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I got through it and I once I was away long enough to see things clearly I realized how much more toxic things were than I eveb realized. Love is not enough to sustain a relationship. There has to be an equal partnership. There has to be a give and take, respect, & selflessness that it sounds like your partner does not possess. Idk how old your boyfriend is but someone once told me that if a man hasn’t changed by the time he is 30, he never will and I’ve found that to be accurate so far. Ask yourself if you’re in love with him? Or his potential? Do you love him? Or the idea of your happy family? Write down everything you bring to the relationship in one column and everything he brings to the relationship in another. If those lists aren’t pretty close to being even, you have your answer. You don’t have to be together for your child to have him in their life. Being a good Father and a good boyfriend are two completely different things. There are plenty of men out there can be Wonderful fathers but terrible partners. A healthy coparenting relationship between seperated parents is much healthier for a child than a toxic, abusive relationship with the parents together will ever be. I wish you lots of luck and congratulations on becoming a Mom!


I’d say it’s time for a separation, or “break.” I think once he’s out of the house and out of the picture a while you will realize what a jerk and a stressor he was and want to make the split permanent.

He will likely want to come back for the gravy train: no job, no rent, no responsibilities, sex whenever and however he wants it with your desires and feelings cast aside. Go no contact for at least three months. Do NOT let him back without AMPLE evidence he has gotten help, changed for the better, respects you, cheerfully picks up most of the housework and has been gainfully employed for months. In other words, it’s not bloody likely.

Is he stressed and depressed because he feels he can’t live up to being a responsible partner, helpmeet and father? Encourage him to get some counseling. There are some phone & group options designed just for men.

Did/does he even want this baby? Was this a planned pregnancy? What kind of father do you think he’d be?

Talk to YOUR therapist and a lawyer about how you want to handle the birth: would he even show up? Would he be helpful or a problem? Who do you trust to be your calm support and advocate at the hospital or birthing place? Or even at the birthing classes. Will he go with you for an ultrasound or to doctors appointments? Clearly he’s not doing anything else with his time. What does he do all day while you’re working anyway?

Will you even want him to be alone with your baby? If he’s not an enthusiastic dad, you might not want to put him on the birth certificate or if he doesn’t want to step up or abandons her/him you can ask him to relinquish his rights to the child. You won’t get child support, but you wouldn’t ever have to deal with him or take his views into consideration ever.

You may also want to specify supervised visits only: if he is this insulting, neglectful, unhelpful and nasty to you, chances are he’d be even worse with a crying baby or vulnerable child. And you may want to specify he can’t introduce other women to your child unless he’s been with them a minimum of six months.

At this point I can’t think of anything he’s adding to your life other than stress, pain and debt.

BTW, congratulations on your pregnancy! I pray that you and your baby will be healthy and happy.

Run! He’s got a baby on the way and it’s obvious he’s acting like a child. A real man would take any job to support his family!


He should have had a job the first week your pregnant! What’s wrong with him putting you under so much stress

Narcissist for sure… been there done that! The fact you are having to ask this question??? Is a red flag. You already know the answer but it’s hard to face. The question is…? Is how long are you going to put up with this because 5 years from now you’ll look back and nothing will have changed if you don’t decide to make a change now. Being a single mom is better than ignoring red flags and waking up one day years later and realizing all the time, tears, love and money you’ve wasted on a dysfunctional relationship #youdeservebetter. #believeinyourself. #SometimesLoveJustAintEnough


Yes. Get rid of him, he’s a user

He is picky about where he works? I am sorry he has a child on the way picky doesn’t come into it he needs to grab any job with both hands to offer support to you and his child to be. Don’t undervalue yourself!:hugs:


Umm bye :wave: You will be much better off without it. Partners are suppose to help each other. I had cancer a few yrs ago & my hubby (technically we’re not married but been together for 19 yrs & have 2 kids) totally stepped up. Helped more with the kids & all household stuff. 5 yrs cancer free now :pray: & he still does all that as it should be. Having a family should be 100 / 100 from both sides not anything else.


I would tell him to get out. He is not good to have around

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Run. you and the kid will be better off

Your family is right hun. And to me it sounds like you’re trying to save him or fix him. He’s definitely using you. It’s time to go.


How old are you guys?

Red flags galore. Seems like he is trying to make you loose the baby with such rough sex

Keep rereading your post underline all the narcissist words your will answer your own question.


Leave my daughters father was exactly like that and eventually he left cause he always wanted everything his way ; he gave up parental rights and that was the best thing to happen too us . It doesn’t get better it gets worse and yes your family is right on the narcissist part. If you are picky With jobs while you need to provide for your family you are not planning on providing at all

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I’m sorry you said he was a man but I’m not seeing that. What man leaves everything on his partner? What man degrades you as less than a woman bc you can’t handle rougher sex at the moment? Your family is right… he’s a moocher and needs to go. There are jobs available and when a baby is coming you do what you can to provide.

Nah. Picky where he works ? A man who’s trying for his family isn’t gonna care where he works . Long as he’s supporting in some type of way he will do it . A trying man is everything , your man isn’t trying and is using you.


Drop his ass in the garbage!!!

If u live with your mom that’s a good thing. Tell him he has to go. U deserve a man to treat u better. And appreciate you!


Red flags :triangular_flag_on_post: Run as fast as you can

He’s using you for a place to stay and for free stuff. And s€x should never hurt. Get rid of him.


Girl don’t walk away, RUN. You’re carrying his child it doesn’t matter if he’s picky, he needs to help provide for that child and respect the fact that you’re literally creating a person and there are health problems and all kinds of other things that go along with pregnancy. And as for the “taking care of his needs” if he NEEDS it that bad he has a hand. Fuck that. That’s about as disrespectful as you can get. He isn’t respecting your feelings and your needs so why respect his?

He sounds like he is just using you

When my now husband was between jobs because his life long job closed permanently during covid, I literally had to give him the choice of moving out or getting whatever job he could. He had a choice to step up as a man and my equal or simply leave ( he spent 6 months jobless and 2 months moved out before moving back in, we are now married) sometimes it takes doing what’s best for you and your child to make a man realize that he needs to be a man or step away and let you be the man as well. It’s tough but your children and you come first when it comes to things like this. We as women can not just let our men walk all over us and we have to stop accepting less. Our SO has to compliment our lives not compromise it.


Yeah red flags as a potential abuser…get rid of him


If he is a narcissist, you can leave but you now have a child with him. The ownership is real and it won’t be easy. If there is a chance , run and read up… prepare yourself for a fight.

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The phrase - no one falls faster in love than a narcissist with no place to stay “ comes to mind. Girl it won’t change and co parenting a narc will destroy you and your child. Your at your moms tell him to kick rocks.


Stay with Mom till you get on your feet, but get rid of him now!


RUN NOW!! Before it’s too late. Get. Out. Please. Don’t let it get worse than it is already….

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Slap a pull-up on that a-hole and kick it out the door.

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A MAN isn’t picky about a job that provides for his family. Sounds like your dating a child. You will be raising him and your kid if you don’t leave now!


Get it now before it gets worse!


He doesn’t sound like a good guy to me

If you live with your mom, stay there and he needs to go. So many red flags in your story hun. Please get out while you can. I’m still dealing with my ex who’s a narcissist and it’s not pretty. I’m here if you need to talk.


He doesn’t work and still complains about what he has to do to contribute? Imagine if he actually did work and had to contribute the bitching u would hear? Hell nah

You are pregnant. If it hurts when you have sex and his first thought is himself and not the baby or you that is a huge problem.

Generally, if you have to ask, you already know. Kick his ass to the curb. It will be harder to get rid of him once baby is here.

Get rid of the lazy dosser

It sounds like your family is right. He sounds like a lazy asshole.

Dump him and kick him out!

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Telling someone to stop and it hurts during sex, and them not stopping is assault. You’re being abused, and used. Kick him out and move on with your life. You and your child deserve so much better than this.

He doesn’t work, throws tantrums and hurts you during sex without regret. LEAVE.

get out make him leave he is a narcissist using u n ur mom for free place to live if he was a real man n not a boy he would get a job n help u he would be compassionate about ur condition n not be thinking about himself his wants n needs there are plenty of jobs out there for urself n ur child get out now before its to late


Get rid of him. You don’t need him just because you are pregnant. He isn’t loving you and providing for you, he isn’t working with you to be your partner. If he knows sex hurts you he should not be so aggressive. You will find better. Kick him out.

That entire thing was painful to read. He is treating you horribly. You should run now.


I personally would throw the whole man away!

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Get out now. It will only get worse.

He is lazy get a job step up and be a man

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That does not sound like the love you give or are worthy of. Best decisions I ever made was leaving my son’s dad who sounds like this dude. He has not changed, he would be passified, or on good behavior but the real him always always always made it my fault. Run…do your enternal work on why this dude hung the moon for you and grow. Think do you want this “denial” for the next 5+ years or be open to the opportunity to finding amazing love that has no strings, that equally you doing all the work and work. RUN. YOU DO NOT NEED TO SAVE HIM. HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DO THAT. and from what you wrote, his behavior does not match the words of trying. If intentions could make me rich…damn my assistant #5 would be writing this. Yours truly, single mom who is raising a man

Personally I would leave before its too late and as soon as you have the baby I would put him on child support and set up visitation I feel as a man he should work and be provider to his family and he is not doing that time to GO


If he hurts you physically during intimacy and doesn’t care he is :100: percent narcissist. He will use your love for him to manipulate you and make you think it’s all you. Leave as soon as possible. Prayers


You say you’re 4to5 months pregnant, how long have y’all known each other. If he’s not concerned about your pregnancy (sex,pain,sickness) then I’m pretty sure he will never be concerned. He should have already had a job a car a place, y’all living with your parents is not showing y’all’s relationship is going anywhere. The baby will be here before you know it. Have you two actually discussed what’s the life plan

Sounds like your family is right.

Time for him to go!!

Run very fast not going to get better

Get out now before it gets worse… If he’s hurting you and putting his needs before yours while you are carrying his child then, he’s a POS!!!


Why are you still with him? Exactly why do you love him? He doesn’t support you, he hurts you during sex, he doesn’t work but he complains about helping. Do you think it’s going to get better after the baby comes and is even more responsibility? Doesn’t sound very worthy to me.

Why is this even a question? Kick his assets to the road. :roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes:


Leave! Did 9 years with a Narc. Worst choice I ever made and me and my kids are still paying dearly for it.

You need some self love right there , leave him ……

“As a woman should” REALLY?! And while he’s hurting you during sex at the same time and he doesn’t even care when you voice that? Fuck that douchebag. He doesn’t deserve ANY woman. He gotta learn that you don’t get the sweets of a woman “taking care of you” if you don’t even know how to take care of her heart, or even care to.

Kick him out he should be supporting you and respect you as a women. When you having the baby who is going to bring in the money… Sounds more like a leach to me… He needs to earn his keep in your moms house… I’m sorry to say I don’t understand woman today… You can do so much better for yourself… Why do you have to sit up with that… That’s not love… God made man to love and respect their woman and take care of them…


first of all, you are saving for a house, not him, Second, there is nothing wrong with you living with your mom in the meantime, (be very grateful for that) Third, kick his ass to the curb, OH no, he is the love of your life, :slightly_frowning_face: Honey, if you stay with him, you will have nothing, including him. Ge trid of him, now

I’d kick him out and let him figure his own stuff out on his own time. If he does, great. If he doesn’t, that’s a him problem.

Runnnnnn! Get out before things get worse. Please for yourself and your baby. I know it is easier said than done but you got this.

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Run away fast!!! He will suck you dry! Emotionally, financially and all your self esteem.
Cut your losses now!

That last part! Run!

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I would like to know how long this couple has been together. Because I believe in love at first sight but it’s so risky dating/ marrying/ having children with someone you haven’t spent enough time around for them to show their true colors . like this is a narssasitic Moran . I’ve been in the sammeee situation. But I was a teenager and I had a baby no parents I had nothing my my 2 children from teen pregnancies. Thankful for where I am but don’t be surprised if this relationship gets super toxic or physicall . If he is being picky about work then he’ll never care about the future of your child . He’s SELFISH .


Wait, are you sure your not raising a kid?! Smdh girl leave him…trust me do it while your still pregnant 100 times easier…he is using you and will not change :roll_eyes:

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Listen, listen, every comment says kick his butt to the curb and lock the door. This loser will quickly get some other un suspected innocent girl.

If he truly cared about you and the baby’s well being he would take any job he could till he finds what he wants. Time to give an ultimatum. What’s going to happen when you have the baby and have to take off work for 2-3 mths?

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Girl kick him out. You deserve better. I can understand him being picky about a job TO A CERTAIN POINT but him making you feel bad about being intimate is ABSOLUTELY NOT TOLERABLE!! Know your worth :green_heart:

Sounds like the best thing you could do for you and your baby is leave. You’ll find someone who treats you the way you should. He sounds like a dick!

Oh honey. He’s hurting you while you’re pregnant. Under your mom’s roof. I can’t imagine how he’s going to treat you once you have a house and a baby together. Please, please reconsider this relationship. You’re already doing all of the work, you can do this without him.


You don’t see the BIG issue here because you love him. Time to change your right, put his ass out and move on.

He needs to go!! There is so many bad things happening to you in this story! He is not for you!!

So many things wrong with this.
Leave him now. Give him the boot.
You deserve better