Is anyone else a former foster kid?

Is anyone else a former foster kid? I’m a former foster kid. I know the things I remember about my case (not everything, I was 5 when I was removed), and was recently given a case file of mine & my siblings (it’s complicated. I have 12 siblings but will only be referring to 2 of them & myself in this.) Our social worker had accidentally left it at my adopted parents house so they’ve kept it for almost 20 years in their basement.I do occasionally talk to my biological parents but I’m feeling a little let down. They’re the only ones who can answer the questions I have, but they’re either lying or trying to make it not seem as bad as it was.Although my past is hard, I’ve created a beautiful life for myself & family.I’m a little consumed with the whole thing & just want to hear some inspiring stories from other former foster kids like me


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum.

I’m a former foster child. What kind of input are you looking for?

Your lucky to have that. I have all the knowledge of why I was taken and it’s hard to figure out why my mother was like she was towards me cause in a family with 5 kids I was bouncing through the system.

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I’m not a foster kid but I was heavily abused as a child. As an adult I confronted my biological mother and I was gaslit. She tried to manipulate me to think things never happened. The best thing I can tell you is that people who love you will validate you. Your feelings, thoughts and memories are valid. I found a phenomenal therapist and worked through a lot. I’ve essentially reparented myself. I’ve had hurtful memories come up and I envision myself as the mother I wish I had. I give myself the love I wish I had. The scary nights, I picture myself there with my child self. Loving her, holding her and being her safety. That’s how I healed.

I did completely cut my mother out and that sent me further into the healing I needed. In my case, it’s what was best.

Just remember - everything you think and feel is valid. You are the inspiration you’re seeking.


My parents fostered kids, sadly whats in the file is what happened

I’m not a foster kid, but I’m the daughter of a foster kid :blue_heart:

I was in the system a year at 16. My brothers were 11 and 8. I was raped and my mom let it happen. My mom was and still is easy to manipulate and ibwas at that age where certain older crowd were perving on. My mom got us back and it was weird after. Foster care in general isn’t something I’d want to do again or let my own children be apart of. And my mom wouldn’t even apply for foodstamps or anything once she got us back because she wanted no part of the dhs again. I haven’t got my kids taken but the dhs has been in my life 3 years and it’s exhausting when you’re nit the reason they’re in your life but they’re constantly trying to take them away from me. I’ve been lied to and the paperwork from the dhs has been exaggerated or a complete lie.

I was a foster kid. I’m glad I was. Things I want through nobody should have. I’m grateful. I do not talk to my mother. I do talk to my foster mom now and again. I do have other siblings. We all Were put into foster care.


Life is hard for many foster kids. My favorite saying has become Swiss cheese. Among the truth given there are holes Celebrate your positive sides of life. Although I’ve known about negative foster homes, I have known fabulous foster parents. Be happy you have had a chance to have a good life


I am a former foster child myself. I am thankful for my foster family because without them I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I do know the reason I was taken. I did confront my mother and let her have a piece of my mind. She died in 2014 and I did talk to her right before she died and she was still in denial.


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Leave it be sound as if they do not want to connect with u

I’m a former foster child
Bio mom sucked
Bio dad sucked
Adoptive parents sucked
I have no family now
It’s now just me, my husband, and our kids


I was never a foster kid, but I did adopt 2 foster kids. There were 5 children in total, but only 4 were put into care, as 1 of them is deceased. I have adopted the 2 youngest. They are all technically 1/2 siblings. I have saved their reports, which are pretty much identical, because my son (the youngest), was taken into care at birth. From the reports we have, it seems pretty cut and dry, but every case is different. Fortunately for our situation, I actually know both of my kids biological fathers. Neither of my kids have relationships with them, but we’re not necessarily against it. They also weren’t the reason for the kids going into care. Neither father was involved in anything regarding the children. Their bio mom has mental health issues, which resulted in both abuse and neglect. My son has never asked, or shown any interest in knowing anything about his bio family. My daughter on the other hand, occasionally asks questions. It’s difficult trying to answer everything, because despite what’s written, I still don’t know all of the facts. As a mom, I’d love nothing more than to be able to truthfully answer my kid’s questions. I believe they should know, considering it’s part of their life. Foster kids are failed in so many ways. One of them, in my opinion, is not always being privy to their own information on how they came to be in that situation. I am very thankful to all of the social workers, adoption workers, attorneys, and family resource workers that worked with my family, and truly could not have asked for a better team. However, I find it unbelievably sad, that once your process is finished, you’re no longer able to have contact with them. Especially when you have questions that come up.I wish there were a directory of some sort within the system for when foster children become adults. On a voluntary basis. You could list your known siblings and leave an email address, or whatever means of communication you’re comfortable with. That way, if they’re looking for you, or you them, you have a way to do so. I’m sure your siblings may be able to answer some of your questions. I truly hope that you get the answers you’re looking for.


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Maybe social worker left your file behind for this reason my nephew was placed into my mums care from birth now 22 years later no file or his name on any f.a.c.s computer in nsw?

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I was a foster k7d for first 2 years. Went back n forth from lady who me to my Mom n Dad who finally adopted me at 2.5 years.

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Hello, I was a ward of the court and lived in foster care and group homes from 10 until I was 18. My step mom and dad had me and brother taken from my mother and 4 other siblings who got to stay with my mom(they have different dads). I was very upset with dad and step mom and basically acted out and ended up becoming a ward of the courts at 10. My mom is who I ever wanted to be with, she passed in 2016. My father and step mom is still around but we talk maybe once a month or less. I was moved around from foster care, to group homes, and children shelter the 8 years. At 33 years old and a mother to 1 child now, I can say I will never let my childhood define who I am today. I use it as motivation to do better than that life for my daughter. I am currently working on my last year of my BA in Social Work. I hope to be able to work with children/youth who are currently experiencing the life I once lived. I am sorry you are getting invalid answers from your biological mother, just know what is written in your files is most likely all accurate. :hugs::heart:


I’m a former foster kid. Please message me if you’d like to talk some. It would be nice to talk to someone who might have understanding of how it really is. I normally don’t even bring this topic up ever because people really don’t understand unless they have similar situation.

I’m a former foster kid was in and out since the age of 7. I would say leave it be bc u will never get truth from them. Same as my bio parents it’s everyone else’s fault but there n they never did anything wrong . Save urself the disappointment I wish I would’ve! And I am here if u ever want to talk

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I’m a former fosterkid.
I’ve cut everyone off, moved across the us, changed my number, and have been building my own loving family. Took me a while but I knew I had to let it all go for myself and my children.
Maybe that’s meant for you


I was an older foster kid, you can pm me if you’d like to chat more :slightly_smiling_face:

My bf is a former foster child that mostly grew up in group homes. He graduated from a group home that has a charter school on location that community students (non cps kids) and ranch students (cps kids) attended. We met years after he graduated and eventually I worked at the school he graduated from for 3 years. Foster children will always have a special place in my heart and I would love to foster once I’m in a place to do so.

As a mom (of “foster” kids and biological children) there are things that you simply do not need to know. Don’t forget, you physically have part of your bio parents in you. No one will want to disclose any bad that your bio parents did so you won’t feel connected to that. I don’t understand the reason digging deeper into the “why”. The hunt you’re on will not give you closure with your bio parents. Bio parents usually always play the victim and blame everyone else but themselves. If they lost numerous children, be comforted in knowing the state was trying to protect you. I hope there’s a way for you to let go of this huge boulder of stress that you have chosen to carry. Some things just need to be let go of. Try to stay positive. Maybe even spiritually grateful that you are where you are today because of your past. But you can’t stay in the past. Focus on all the great you have in your life. Sounds like it keeps getting better for you. :slightly_smiling_face:


Let go of the past and focus on your future

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I just want you to know that not all CPS cases can be trusted. Your parents may have fucked up big, I obviously don’t know. I just want YOU to know that it is EXTREMELY common for CPS to lie and overdramatize the situation.

Like when my sons arm was broken was he was 6 weeks old he was alone with his father. No one else was there to do it, and yet CPS didn’t press charges, and my mental health somehow became the focus because at the time I had a false bipolar diagnosis that has since been removed.

You can’t trust everyyyything CPS says. Just try to line the stories up the best you can, and try to move forward with both your families if that’s your wish.

I also encourage you to look into CPS/DHS corruption. So so so many social workers have come forward with the horror stories they were forced or asked to commit. :broken_heart:

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