So I have been married for 12 years, and I am unhappy I have been for years. My husband and I are pretty much roommates cause he never can show me love or caring he does not communicate with me it seems that if I need to talk to him I have to write a letter and when he reads it he never says anything.i do not even feel like a wife and he never makes me feel like one.i have told him that my love for him is gone over the years. I want out but can not afford to leave. We sleep in separate rooms cause he never gives me a reason to be in the same room, he just will not want to seem to change.how can I stay with someone who has no love or affection or caring for me. What should I do? I deserve happiness in my life, and right now, I am not as long as I stay.
Take the loss and leave. Life is too short to live like that.
I’m not married at all but can you stay there and kick him out?
Sit down and have the talk. Does he want to change and you to make it work or not? Go from there. Hope it works out for you hon
I love it how this person portrays it as though all the marital problems are due to the husband.
Get a full time job save up the money and move out. Personally if I was the bread winner and I was not getting any love from the other half I would go my separate way so be glad that he is providing a home for you while still having no physical relationship. I’m not sure how you both are but it sounds like you’re putting the full blame on him when it comes to affection and communication but it takes two
Sorry…but no matter how flat you make a pancake…it still has 2 sides. And if you are that miserable…then you need to get out…
Sounds like you can’t afford to stay. Get an attorney
Just leave, you will work it out. Life is too short to be unhappy.
I agree have the talk if you cant afford to leave…does he want to make it work or end it? If he does want to and you think it’s worth a shot I would say try counseling. I’m sure you have faults as well. What went wrong…and when…why? Etc. If you don’t want to try the best thing to do is leave…you’ll come up with the money if you are that unhappy
For better or worse not til I don’t want too if it’s been years you both have changed it’s not all on one relationships takes 2
Save up money & leave !
As someone who has been married twice I assure you that the problem isn’t just with your husband. Sometimes you have to look at yourself and recognize your own faults as well. With that being said it does sound like this marriage is over. And when a marriage is over whether it’s affordable or not it’s time to leave. Things will never get better for you if YOU don’t make it happen. Leaving a marriage or relationship of any kind is never easy. But it is a part of life and unfortunately needs to happen sometimes. If you have children that makes it more important to leave. Children know when they’re parents aren’t ok and it affects them too.
You have already answered your own question. Leave do yourselves both a favor. But remember making and breaking a marriage takes 2. Good luck
Honey, RUN!
I gave up millions to be free and happy. You can recuperate the loss of stuff.
But not your soul…
RUN. Heal, and love yourself.
Leave x you deserve to be much happier and so does he
For me is communicating is the key thing. As you he wants some to desire and want him as well. We can only be accountable for our own feeling so say to him I want you, I desire you I want to feel like the woman your passions over flow for. And if he gives nothing back then leave but first try.
I think you have answered your own question.
The part, he never gives me a reason to stay in the same room. Do you give him a reason? Sounds like this is a two way street and she’s blaming him for everything.
There’s always a way out. Dig deeper.
I love 3 years ago the part time job and 3 kids I did not have the money to leave either this is why I raided almost 18 years to leave my husband. I’ve been gone for almost 4 years and so making it barely but I did it just because you think you can’t do it get a full time job do what you have to do why stay with somebody that you are so not happy with because you can’t afford to leave.
I thought that too when my son was born I really wanted to leave 18 years later I found my did it
Reach out to family or friends and get out. You can get a job and try to save some money before you do . Life is too short to waste a second.
I’m sure you haven’t been a delight either…if it matters to you, find a way to make it work.
The question is why did they get married in the first place and what happened to have changed it.
You deserve happiness and only you can make that happen. The fact that you are asking means you know what to do you are just afraid of taking that step.
It sounds like he might have the same feelings. Talk it out see what’s going on & then figure out your next move!
Have a heart to heart come to Jesus convo and if you can’t reach an agreement to work on things productively Leave ! Don’t waste the rest of your time being unhappy … life is too short . Take it from a widow .
Counceling and not us
Sweetheart check with legal aid in your county they will help you
There are three sides of the story: His, Hers, and the truth.
It’s time to move on, it’s no point to stay in a unhappy marriage go get your happiness.
Once love is gone it’s very very hard to get back
Clearly, it’s a two way street. You’ve said you don’t love him and you’ve said he doesn’t seem to love you. So why are either of you there? And why have you been together for so long? What’s holding either one of you there? You didn’t mention children at all. Can’t afford to leave?? How can either of you afford to stay??
Bet it’s all about money can’t leave cuz of the money can’t get another life cuz of money money money money money
Don’t understand why people stay when love and trust is gone. J/s
Why does the guy always gotta change? I wanna hear his side. He hasn’t left yet even though you put him through all that. Your still there yourself. Money or not, leave if you’re that unhappy. It’s like that female asking what should she do after her cat scratched her eye and made it bleed. I thought it was funny as hell.
My husband and I have been together 28 years and we went threw the same stuff around 12- 14 year mark, between his work that took him away for a week sometimes longer and me being home with 5 kids at the time, he got used to sleeping in a bed to himself and so didn’t i, there was accusing of cheating on both parts me and him exspecially when I ended up pregnant with our 6 th child, he said the baby wasn’t his bc he was away for weeks at a time but I made it clear that when he did get home I never told him no, after our son was born and he looked and still does look exactly like him he felt like a piece of crap, anyways he realized what he did by accusing and I did too, and started repairing our relationship, it wasn’t just him but also me, I felt like the only thing I was, was a mother, cook ,maid…etc and he felt like threatened by the fact he wasn’t home back then. We repaired our relationship with communication and that’s my advice to you,ask him how he feels about you, try different things,get some alone time together and if you have to try counseling to work out the differences, and there is nothing wrong with separate bedrooms we have them and it’s all good because his is downstairs while mine is upstairs with the kids, and when we met in the middle no kids barge in on us and we can cuddle and watch TV without worrys.
Each person is responsible for their own happiness.
Why wait until after a marriage is over to dedicate yourself to finding your happy? Just do you, invite him to join on whatever adventures you set out on and you might be surprised at the changes.
Overthinking as well as poor communication distracts from the simplicity of human nature. We often feed off of each other’s energy. Accountability in that means taking action to change one’s own energy, habits and perspectives. Sometimes we have to find new ways to communicate, too, like avoiding the word “you” as much as possible.
I’m praying that you all give it to God. You stood before Him to repeat your vows… so kneel before Him in prayer. God sees all.
God bless you.
Father today is a new day. Today we pray for wisdom, direction, peace, and power. Father today we ask that You show us Your ways. We need You. We need You every minute and every second of every day. Thank You for allowing us to spend daily moments with You. Help us Father. Help us to see, to know, and to do Your will. Help us to live out our lives according to Your Word. Father where we are weak, we ask that You make us strong. Where there is lack, we ask that You bring forth the supply we have need of. Father where there is confusion, we ask that You give us peace and where there is sickness, we ask that You heal us. Father do in us, for us, and through us what only You can in Jesus name … Amen.
You also can’t afford to stay. It’s slowly eating you up.
leave. There is nothing worse than a loveless marriage. It will be hard in the beginning but it will be better for you. You deserve to move on and find someone who will love you.I know a couple just like you and I always ask her why ?? She has answers like I cant afford it, I love him, I have been with him all my life BUT what is the point ?? Everyone deserves to be loved and be happy. LIfe is short. Dont just throw it away.
Respect is number 1. Do you appreciate each other? The Little Things. Are there any thank you’s for working, cleaning house, making dinner, taking care of the kids, taking out the trash? Are there any compliments? You look nice today, dinner was geat, the yard looks nice? Do you accuse…You always… instead of saying…When this happens, it makes me feel. These are things that are easily done. Think about it. Can this be fixed? When someone starts feeling unappreciated and unimportant the intimacy leaves, the person becomes withdrawn. They feel like what does it matter, I can’t make them happy, nothing I do is good enough. My suggestion would be step back and take a good look at yourself, change the things that you can, work on the other things that might take longer. You married each other for a reason, you have invested a lot of time in each other. Don’t give up because it easier, unless it’s an abusive situation. Marriage takes a lot of time and work. What are you willing to put into it. Problems don’t fix themself because it’s ignored or because you say what’s the use, they’ll never change. If you have just “grown apart” you can grow back together.
Sometimes welfare is the better option to unhappiness. That what it is there for when you cannot afford anything. It will help you get over that hump and move on to bigger and better.
Two of you guys at fault.Not one of you trying to make it work…2years is a longtime!u will get more depress if you stay, just leave!
Read this book “5 love languages” Thank me later
Start not having a heart for him just do u and watch shit will turn around period
Yea dont put ur happiness in someone elses pocket
You learn to make your own decisions, you learn to make yourself bravo and strong that’s what you have to do. You can live separate lives under the same roof. And love yourself
I don’t mean to sound insensitive. I was in an unhappy marriage once and was not in a financial situation that would allow me to leave. I made a plan to better my financial situation, executed that plan, and left.
You can only change you .
Do you greet him at the door when he gets home
Do you make his supper do you show him love in his love language?
If you have gone to counseling and still nothing is making it better then it might be time to start saving some money to move out . Maybe find a job . Separate bank accounts . And go from there
Leave. Get your own space. Then worry about a divorce. It’s easier when you aren’t right there in each other’s faces. That way you can do you.
Sounds like this is a very passive/aggressive relationship. Time to put a stop to it. You say your unhappy. You say you don’t talk. You say he doesn’t respond to you. You say…So why do you stay??? Time to move, get yourself together. First, get yourself into therapy, start talking to a professional. There are lots of therapists who work on a sliding scale, or go to your Dr., or church for help. But don’t stay in this unhealthy situation!! It is eating you up. If you are so unhappy, don’t have feelings any more for him, don’t stay with him! Right now, neither of you can be friends, nor should you be roommates!! Think of your spiritual well-being. I think you do know what to do…but you’re choosing not to take the right path because you’ve allowed yourself, or you believe this is all you’re worth!!! Stand up, girl! You can do this!!
Watch the movie Fire proof and do the 40 day love challenge. Give yourselves a reason to fall back in love. Find one small good thing about him to focus on, and keep open mind and heart. Don’t focus on negative only positive things.
End ur misery! Divorce him! And have a life! Be brave just walk away! He won’t get better he will be worse! Find ur happiness u might think u can’t survive without him but there is a lot of help! U just need to do the first step and u will see how relieved u are! Been there and it’s the best thing I ever did to myself…
No children? No job? Give yourself something to care about. You can’t make him happy if you aren’t happy with yourself.
for better and for worse, you need to work things out, people are not supposed to get divorced after marriage, if they devorce they are not supposed to remarry.
I am in the exact same situation. We have been together for 16 years have 3 boys together. But it’s been over 2 years and we haven’t slept in the same room. No hand holding no kissing nothing. Even the kids ask why we stay "together " . At the moment it’s just easier financially for us to live together.
If you are choosing to stay because it’s financially easier then you are choosing to be unhappy so you shouldn’t expect people to feel sorry for you.
I was married for 15 years. And I did everything I could to make him happy and his family and I couldn’t give him children and that’s what he wanted more than anything so he treated me like a best friend instead of a wife. There is no worse feeling than that to not be validated for being a good wife. I left with not a penny to my name. and 3 years later I will tell you it may be a little lonely but it was the best thing I ever did for myself. I found who I was again. And honestly the first time you really realize that you’re free it’s a day you’ll never forget because you won’t have to put up with any more of his bad habits or his unhappiness with you. Let me tell you I beat my head against The Rock basically staying with him trying to please him every way I could and I never put myself first. It ate me alive to the point of suicidal. People call me crazy but then I had a conversation with god and I asked him what should I do he said to be in my heart let go of the things that hurt you because they’re hurting other people to you just can’t see it. There are reasons why marriages don’t work there reasons why love fizzles out. And only you know those true reasons so speak to your own heart and ask yourself if you’re worth more than what you getting any for you answer yourself yes that you are then take into consideration all that you sacrificed just to be his person. I’ll pray for you and I hope this helps there’s so many ways things go once you’re on your own but one way you will never go again if you make that choice is his way all those annoying habits are gone all those things that you used to do to please someone are gone the only person left is to please yourself and yes you feel bad about it but at the same time don’t you already feel bad right now? So what’s the worst that could happen?
Find a roommate share the place n job - save up
I’m sorry but it seems you’ve made the choice before even moving . You told him you’re love is gone that you want out but you can’t afford to leave so why would he talk to you ? He’s living with someone that doesn’t love him but has to stay cause she’s financially dependent, he’s looking after you by letting you stay and financially supporting you yet hes been told you don’t love him . I think you need to look in the mirror and admit that You both need to change . Sorry but it seems so narcissistic to me . He may have done his wrongs but so are you . And writing letters ? You need to take a stand or get a job and move out
Leave now! Get a job if you dont have one, go stay with a friend or family, and do whatever it takes to get back on your feet! DO NOT live like this for one more minute!!!
Pack your shit and step out on faith! Can’t be no worse than what you’re going thru!!!
If kids, stick it out til they are 18 and leave. If no kids; get the hell out of there. You need to be happy
You need to leave. I was in the same boat. Had a husband who gave no F’s about me, he cheated on me, and would cut me down to size and say I was the one who made him miserable. It will only get worst if you stay. Stay with family or friends?
You are codependent, he is most likely a narcissist. Somehow you’ve been brainwashed to think that you cannot make ends meet on your own without a man. If you care about your marriage take him to marriage counseling. If you’re just done then get some counseling yourself. Get a job get financially stable then you’ll be free to do as you please.
Go to counseling it can help if your both willing to change. N if u can get him to go. It helpt my marriage
Tell him your leaving it might be the nudge he needs
yes its so hard i know how you are feeling , maybe its time to just get up and go you will be ok , it will get worse and you wont have any controll over what happens , stay with a friend or family if you have any good luck cheers
Try to become independent and move on with your life unless you are signing up for another 12 years of misery
I cant tell u what to do.this is entirely your desicion what u have to do is weight out your.pros n cons and ask yourself how long can u live this way?? Its scary.yes to think I’ll be on my.own but your not alone.many.out there are.in the same boat.your.inyour have every right.to be happy only.you my.dear.can find that path follow your.mind not.your heart anymore be strong make up your own mind what.is going to make.u.happy good.luck my dear
First off, stop expecting someone else to make you happy or feel like a wife. That is on you and not them. No matter who you end up with in life, it gets boring in time unless you keep it going…that’s part of being an adult in a relationship. Stay single and unattached, life will never get boring (again wrong but less chance if you’re dating without commitment). Maybe he is showing you love but just not how YOU think he should. Stop the letters and TALK, if you can’t communicate your thoughts and wants, the other side won’t get it.
If there is nothing there walk away. If he won’t try to work on it and you said how you feel walk away you have a lot of love to give and you should be with somebody who can appreciate that and give you the love that you need back it’s not easy to be in a one-sided relationship. I hope you have the courage and the strength to do what you need to do to be happy
Married 22 years… I can tell you we get what we put in… If you have told him you have no love for him don’t be surprised by his lack of affection for you. Sometimes we wives get so caught up on what we think we need that we totally become blind to our partners needs as we tend to be very self centered sometimes… Hate to hear you sleep in separate rooms. That’s not right and doesn’t even allow either of you the opportunity to even try… If he truly is quiet about it all I can tell you that your letters must have hurt him deeply and he to feels just as hopeless. But the fact that he is quiet means he loves you more than you may know and is hoping you over come this troubled time. All long lasting marriages have ups and downs, but it takes two to make it last. And Most times we ladies are unhappy with ourself and we take it out on our relationships. I suggest you and he move back in the same bed and purposefully start having a date night. I assure you if not him you would eventually feel the same about some other fella. Everyone changes… No one has a perfect body or house… Learn how to love the woman you are and your reflection in the mirror… You will be surprised at just how much your thoughts of yourself reflect on your marriage. I have been in your shoes, and was given the same advice… Love who you are and it will make a difference. He can’t fix what’s broken in you… Only you can! I hope you both can work through it… And by all means stop writing those letters! The only letter he should read is you telling him how much you love him and miss him… Build him up, never tear him down… He is in this with you and not your enemy. Hope it works out!
I packed a case each for me and my son and left … be strong … I couldn’t be happier … xx
Seems like there is no love or marriage. Mkes no sense to stay and be unhappy. Best thing to do is mke a plan to save money and move. Finaces are not a reason to stay. Tht is a weak excuse. Your sanity and peace of mind is priceless.
Love shouldn’t fade, it should grow… Butterflies on the other hand do always fly… I read he is not willing to change. Are you? Usually expecting too much change from people doesn’t work. People are the way they are. If you cannot grow into accepting him the way he is and vice versa, you are obviously not compatible. Cannot afford to leave is an excuse for saying you are not ready to deal with the financial consequences of this kind of decision. I have the right to say so. I left and lost everything and was even homeless for a while… You first need to define what makes you happy. If you are sure you will never find happiness with this man and you are convinced your expectations are realistic, you need to decide how much your happiness is worth to you. If you value your happiness more than your house or financial security - which also bring happiness to a lot of people by the way - you need to leave whatever the cost… And you need to come with a plan to take your life in your own hands. Don’t wait for the prince on the white horse to come and save you. That stuff is for Disney movies.
He will not gallop his way into your life. However, if you should decide to leave, be prepared for some rough times with even more unhappiness at first… I still think it was worth it, but I really didn’t have any other option. Also you didn’t mention if there were any children in the game. If you have chosen to have children together, it is your responsibility as a parent to consider their well being first… If children are in the game you should put their happiness above yours because you chose to marry this man and they didn’t pick their parents. Not considering them would be selfish. Of course a divorce is difficult for everyone. I believe it is better that kids live in two separated happy loving families than in one where there’s a lot of fighting going on. That’s why I left… However, due to a series of unfortunate circumstances I lost my daughter too… A price that no parent should ever have to pay, but life is sometimes complicated and not fair. Anyway, whatever you decide, it looks like it is going to be difficult either way. I’m sorry for that. I wish I could tell you differently. I wish you the best of luck and strength and may you make the right decision for all people involved.
Separate. Get counseling.
When was the last time you gave him a good BJ? 12 years ago I bet.
Have an affair and save 
Easy. Get a job and move out. She said the love is gone. Trust me anyone willing can move. Get a roommate that you at least get along with. But move and let him be. Why should he tried if you already told him the love is gone.
You can leave…I did with 2 kids I managed fine …if you’ve tried to make it work to no avail…go …if you want it to work talk to the man he’s not a mind reader neither are you …it’s a shame your relationship should because of a severe lack of communication… good luck
& if you left him, I bet he’d claim he had no idea why you left or that you were even unhappy
Sounds like this relationship ended a long time ago. Start saving your money to get a new place.
It sounds more like you can’t afford to stay.
Have you tried councelling or do you just want to give up? (Not being rude, an honest question) if you feel the love you once had for eachother, the love that spurred you to get married is worth trying to get back, go to councelling, if you don’t, leave him.
You answered your own question…leave, you deserve happiness
What’s the problem, sounds like you two are mutually ignoring each othet, so just get out and steer libing!! Join a gym, join a church, find a group you’d be interested in!! If you’re waiting for permission, here it is go and grow!!
What are you asking Facebook for; GET OUT!!! ; OY VEY!
I’m not shaming, I get where your coming from I really do…But, If you’ve told him your love for him is gone over the years then there is no reason for him to invite you into the same room or treat you like a wife. If your roommates keep the roommates and stop anticipating him to win you back (wanted or not) it’s easier said than done but let it be over whether you stay or leave
You didn’t mention kids so if no kids its cut and dry leave on tbe best terms possible. If kids are involved then you have more work to do .
Start trying to save money. I’m sorry. I understand the feeling.
Well it sounds like it is time to start living for you. If you are unhappy change things. Tell your spouse you are not living alone. If the house is communle property put it up for sale or suggest that he by your half. You can live without him.
So your love for him is gone but not the love for his money … Sick .
Figure it out , get a job and leave …
If someone wants you in their life they show you. Simple as that. A man or woman would move mountains for someone they love. You both need to either smarten up and give it 
or move on
Do you work outside the home? Why can’t you afford to leave?
Have you tried giving him the affection you are wanting? And see if he responds to it? If he doesn’t respond to you getting in some kind of sexy negligee then it’s time to move on with your life
I know my advice is wrong, but if you can’t afford to leave then act like you’re single. Go out and start dating. Find a man who can talk and care and maybe fall in love. What’s the worse that can happen?
You know what you have to do. Divorce may be expensive, but Separation is free.
Do you show him love or affection? Do you try or just expect everything to come from him?